Can't Avoid Past Trauma: Overthinking and Doubt in New Relationship

Ans: I understand your perspective. However, you can't force anyone to marry you. If he isn't ready, find someone else if marriage is your priority.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is Balance? When there are two equal weights placed on either side of a weighing scale, they balance each other perfectly. So, in life, other than housework and taking care of others (one side), you have forgotten to place the same weight on the other side which is self-care.
Do what it takes to keep yourself happy, so that this happiness can fuel what you do on the other side for others. Makes sense?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Forgiving yourself might feel like a tall order right now, but think of it as an act of self-compassion rather than erasing the past. You don’t have to pretend nothing went wrong, but you do deserve to free yourself from the narrative that you were entirely to blame. Sometimes, when we feel stuck in the past, it’s because we haven’t fully acknowledged our emotions or allowed ourselves to grieve—not just for the relationship, but for the version of ourselves we wish we’d been. It’s okay to feel sadness or anger or regret. Letting yourself sit with those feelings—without judgment—can help loosen their grip over time.

A fresh start begins with allowing yourself to be imperfect and to acknowledge your growth. Seven years is a long time, and you are not the same person you were back then. The lessons you’ve learned from this heartbreak have likely shaped you in ways you don’t even realize. If you can, try focusing on who you want to become rather than on who you were. What kind of relationships do you want to create in the future? What kind of kindness can you extend to yourself right now?

You’re not letting anyone down by wanting to heal. In fact, letting go of that guilt might be the greatest way to honor both yourself and the love you shared back then. You deserve happiness and connection, not in spite of your past, but because of it—it’s part of your journey, not the end of it.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can keep thinking and still won't get a satisfactory answer to your whats and whys.
The key to stop overthinking is to actually STOP it. The 3 year gap and a possible fact of seeing your age group women already having settled down may have put you on an alert mode that tells you: Make sure that you don't goof it up!

When you tell yourself not to goof it up, invariable you will focus on what can and might go wrong and that's enough to exhaust you. Instead enjoy the dating process and go with that flow; things may go fine or not; just be in that moment...be aware of what's important to you and where you will draw boundaries. This check point will make sure that you put yourself out there and yet will keep you reined in without ruining your peace of mind. Enjoy the process...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello mam..i hope you are in the best spirits of your health. Mam, overthinking is a very common thing these days and it really affects one's life. As you said that you are having this habit of overthinking and it is affecting your life and your relationships too. There are lot of ups and downs in any relationship, and overthinking worsens it. Here are some tips that you can follow for overthinking.

01. Acceptance: Accept and label that you are overthinking and say it loud. Then give yourself a 5 min timeline to overthink. That's all. After that no overthinking. Soon your mind will get trained.

02. Practice Mindfulness: Ask your mind to comeback in present the very moment you feel that you are overthinking. Shift your focus on practical things like your phone charging, changing tv channel, doing hobby or activity which interests you.

03. Journaling: Shift your thoughts on a paper. It really helps to de-fog your mind and then thinking will be more logical and clear.

04. Box breathing - On the count of 4 inhale, on the count for 4 hold your breath and on the count of 4 exhale.

Don't take everything to your heart. Have confidence in yourself. Don't think that you have done anything wrong. Overthinking can happen to anyone but important is how to control that.

I hope this helps you. Have a great day..Thank you !