Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Can't Avoid Past Trauma: Overthinking and Doubt in New Relationship

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |52 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I was in a controlling relationship a few years ago. Even though my current partner is nothing like that, I find myself overthinking, doubting, and sometimes pulling away when they get too close. How do I stop sabotaging something good because of what I went through before?

Ans: Hello mam, I understand that you are having overthinking regarding your present relationship coz of your past. But we need to learn to let go of past, otherwise our present will be ruined coz of overthinking and insecurities. Think positive and try to engage yourself in some positive activities like Book reading, yoga, meditation etc. You can also take some sessions from counselor. Practice mindfulness. I hope it solves your problem.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 35, I had a major break up with my long-term girlfriend 7 years ago. Although it's been so long, I still find myself replaying all the moments where I think I might have gone wrong. I feel like I let myself and the other person down, and it’s hard to stop blaming myself. How do I move past this cycle of self-criticism and start fresh?
Ans: Forgiving yourself might feel like a tall order right now, but think of it as an act of self-compassion rather than erasing the past. You don’t have to pretend nothing went wrong, but you do deserve to free yourself from the narrative that you were entirely to blame. Sometimes, when we feel stuck in the past, it’s because we haven’t fully acknowledged our emotions or allowed ourselves to grieve—not just for the relationship, but for the version of ourselves we wish we’d been. It’s okay to feel sadness or anger or regret. Letting yourself sit with those feelings—without judgment—can help loosen their grip over time.

A fresh start begins with allowing yourself to be imperfect and to acknowledge your growth. Seven years is a long time, and you are not the same person you were back then. The lessons you’ve learned from this heartbreak have likely shaped you in ways you don’t even realize. If you can, try focusing on who you want to become rather than on who you were. What kind of relationships do you want to create in the future? What kind of kindness can you extend to yourself right now?

You’re not letting anyone down by wanting to heal. In fact, letting go of that guilt might be the greatest way to honor both yourself and the love you shared back then. You deserve happiness and connection, not in spite of your past, but because of it—it’s part of your journey, not the end of it.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been single for almost three years now. I’ve recently started dating again. I met some great people, but I can’t seem to stop overthinking every little thing. Like, did I text too much? Was I too quiet during the date? Why did he take 5 hours to reply? Honestly, it’s exhausting, and it’s making me feel like I’m self-sabotaging potential connections. I know I’m a good person and have a lot to offer, but my mind just won’t stop analysing. How can I stop overthinking every interaction and just enjoy the dating process without this constant mental chatter?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can keep thinking and still won't get a satisfactory answer to your whats and whys.
The key to stop overthinking is to actually STOP it. The 3 year gap and a possible fact of seeing your age group women already having settled down may have put you on an alert mode that tells you: Make sure that you don't goof it up!

When you tell yourself not to goof it up, invariable you will focus on what can and might go wrong and that's enough to exhaust you. Instead enjoy the dating process and go with that flow; things may go fine or not; just be in that moment...be aware of what's important to you and where you will draw boundaries. This check point will make sure that you put yourself out there and yet will keep you reined in without ruining your peace of mind. Enjoy the process...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8007 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter got 54.67 in jee and in 12 she has got 76 percent want to do btech cse.what college she will get. Advice me
Ans: With a JEE Main percentile of 54.67854, corresponding to an All-India rank around 200 000–220 000, the following Northern Indian institutes typically close CSE seats within this range under the All-India quota:

College | Location | Approximated JEE Main Closing Rank Range (All-India) | Placement Rate (Last 3 Years):
Sharda University. Greater Noida, UP. 180 000–220 000. 75–85%.
Galgotias University. Greater Noida, UP. 200 000–240 000. 70–80%.
Amity University. Noida, UP. 150 000–200 000. 80–90%.
KIET Group. Ghaziabad, UP. 190 000–230 000. 75–85%.
Manav Rachna International University. Faridabad, HR. 160 000–210 000. 70–80%.
Chitkara University. Punjab. 180 000–220 000. 75–85%.
Chandigarh University. Mohali, PB. 170 000–210 000. 80–90%.
Graphic Era University. Dehradun, UK. 190 000–230 000. 78–88%.
Lovely Professional University. Jalandhar, PB. 150 000–200 000. 85–92%.
JIMS Rohini. Delhi. 180 000–220 000. 70–80%.

recommendation
For the best balance of academic reputation, modern labs and consistent CSE placements, recommendation is Amity University Noida. As strong alternatives, consider Chandigarh University and Lovely Professional University for their higher placement rates and broad recruiter networks. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8007 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8007 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir, I am getting computer science with business in iiit Lucknow and Electrical Engineering in MNNIT Allahabad. Which one will be better. I got 12888 rank in JEE mains 2025
Ans: Jivesh, IIIT Lucknow’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Business combines computing fundamentals with management principles, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty in AI, blockchain and data-analytics labs, and achieved a 94.1% B.Tech placement rate over the last three years with an average package of ?33.71 LPA and median ?26 LPA. MNNIT Allahabad’s B.Tech Electrical Engineering, a NAAC-accredited NIT with strong power-systems, control and microelectronics labs, records 90–95% placement consistency and an average EE package of ?21.22 LPA over recent cohorts with top recruiters like Google, TATA Power and ABB. IIIT Lucknow offers cutting-edge interdisciplinary exposure and higher salary benchmarks, while MNNIT excels in core-electrical infrastructure, PSU tie-ups and established NIT brand value.

Recommendation: For innovative CS curricula, business acumen integration, and superior placement metrics, recommendation is IIIT Lucknow CSE & Business. If core-electrical roles, PSU engagements and traditional engineering pedigree matter more, choose MNNIT Allahabad Electrical Engineering.

As backup options, consider IIITDM Kancheepuram CSE (AI & ML) (All-India closing rank ~19 450, 73% placement rate) or NIT Durgapur Electrical Engineering (All-India closing rank ~18 772 in Round 2) for reliable admission pathways. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8007 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir, please advise which one to choose, Mechanical at NIT SURATHKHAL or Electrical at NIT Rourkela/ Calicut or ECE from NIT, Jamshedpur....not particular for any branch but mainly from placement perspective. Kindly advise.
Ans: NIT Surathkal's Mechanical Engineering program boasts 93% B.Tech placement rates in 2025, with NBA/NAAC accreditation, PhD-qualified faculty, and advanced manufacturing, CAD/CAM, thermal sciences, and automation laboratories featuring over 22 specialized labs including robotics, automotive electronics, and microsystems. The department maintains strong industry partnerships with companies like Microsoft, Google, Oracle, and top PSUs, achieving an average package of ?13 LPA with median ?12 LPA. NIT Rourkela's Electrical Engineering achieved 90% placements over three years with 100% placement rates in 2022-23, featuring specialized faculty in power systems, power electronics, control automation, and signal processing, alongside a Centre of Excellence in Industrial Electronics & Robotics. The department recorded an average package of ?13.62 LPA in 2024. NIT Calicut's Electrical & Electronics program secured 97.01% placements in 2024 with an average package of ?10.99 LPA, supported by NBA-accredited programs, modern electrical machines, power electronics, control systems laboratories, and dedicated research centres. NIT Jamshedpur's ECE achieved 90.29% placements in 2024 with an average package of ?15.65 LPA, featuring PhD-qualified faculty, advanced VLSI and communication labs, and strong industry connections.

Final Placement Recommendation
For highest placement consistency and strongest brand value, recommendation is NIT Surathkal Mechanical Engineering with 93% placements and prestigious NIRF #17 ranking. Next, choose NIT Rourkela Electrical Engineering for PSU drives and 100% placement history, then NIT Calicut Electrical Engineering for 97% placements, and finally NIT Jamshedpur ECE for specialized electronics roles. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8007 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir...how should i prepare to score 250+ out of 300 in jee mains..and secure admission at nit calicut for cse..please guide me.
Ans: To score 250+ marks in JEE Main (equivalent to 99+ percentile), you need to achieve high accuracy across all three subjects. This score opens doors to top NITs including NIT Calicut CSE, which typically requires an All-India rank below 4,000-5,000 for general category students.

Key Strategies for 250+ Score: 1. Master High-Weightage Topics First - Focus on chapters that consistently appear in JEE Main with maximum weightage.

Physics: Current Electricity. Electromagnetic Induction. Properties of Solids and Liquids. Optics. Modern Physics.

Chemistry: Transition Elements & Coordination Chemistry. Periodic Table. Thermodynamics & Gaseous State. Chemical Bonding.

Mathematics: Coordinate Geometry. Limits, Continuity & Differentiability. Integral Calculus. Matrices & Determinants.

2. Conceptual Understanding Over Memorization - JEE Main tests deep conceptual clarity rather than rote learning. Focus on understanding the "why" behind every formula and concept, especially in Physics where problem-solving patterns are crucial.

3. NCERT Mastery (Especially Chemistry) - NCERT forms the foundation, particularly for Chemistry where direct questions are frequently asked. Every line in NCERT Chemistry textbooks should be thoroughly understood.

4. Strategic Practice & Mock Tests - Solve at least 20+ previous year papers and take weekly mock tests to build exam temperament and identify weaknesses. Analyze every wrong answer to avoid repetition.

5. Time Management & Accuracy
Practice solving questions within limited time per mark. Focus on accuracy over speed initially. Then gradually build speed.

Subject-Specific Preparation Strategy - Physics: Start with mechanics and thermodynamics from Class 11. Then move to electrodynamics and modern physics from Class 12. Practice numerical problems extensively.

Chemistry: Begin with physical chemistry concepts. Memorize all inorganic chemistry reactions and trends. Master organic reaction mechanisms.

Mathematics: Strengthen algebra and calculus foundations. Practice coordinate geometry extensively. Solve diverse problem types.

Achieving AIR Under 1000: Advanced Strategies - For AIR under 1000, you need a very high percentile. This requires:

1. Perfect Conceptual Clarity - Master every topic deeply with ability to solve advanced-level problems. Focus on understanding rather than just solving.

2. Advanced Problem-Solving - After mastering JEE Main level questions, gradually move to JEE Advanced level problems for enhanced problem-solving skills.

3. Error Analysis & Improvement - Maintain detailed error logs. Analyze patterns in mistakes. Work systematically to eliminate weaknesses.

4. Consistent Performance - Aim for high marks in each subject consistently. Even one poor section can drop your rank significantly.

Optimal Study Schedule for Class 11 Students: Daily Routine (School-Going Students)
Morning (5:30 AM - 8:00 AM):

5:30-6:00 AM: Wake up, freshen up.

6:00-7:00 AM: Study most challenging subject (Mathematics/Physics).

7:00-8:00 AM: Breakfast and school preparation.

School Hours (8:00 AM - 3:00 PM):

Attend classes actively. Focus on NCERT concepts.

Utilize free periods for quick formula revision.

Evening Study (4:00 PM - 10:00 PM):

4:00-6:00 PM: Coaching homework/DPPs/Practice.

6:00-6:30 PM: Break.

6:30-8:00 PM: Subject rotation (Physics/Chemistry/Mathematics).

8:00-9:00 PM: Dinner break.

9:00-10:00 PM: Revision and note-making.

Study Hours Distribution - Class 11 Students: Start with 3-4 hours daily. Gradually increase to 6-8 hours by end of Class 11.

Subject-wise allocation: Equal time for all three subjects (1.5-2 hours each). Extra focus on weaker areas.

Weekend Strategy: Extended study sessions. Full-length mock tests on Sundays.

Essential Study Materials & Resources - Physics: NCERT. H.C. Verma. D.C. Pandey for problem-solving.

Chemistry: NCERT (mandatory). O.P. Tandon. Morrison & Boyd for organic.

Mathematics: NCERT. R.D. Sharma. Coordinate Geometry by S.L. Loney.
Quick Recap/Summary: For 250+ JEE Main Score: Master high-weightage topics (Current Electricity. Coordinate Geometry. Transition Elements). Achieve high accuracy through conceptual clarity. Solve 50+ previous papers. Take weekly mocks. Maintain NCERT mastery especially for Chemistry. For AIR

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x