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Trapped in Toxic Relationship: How to Break Free?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am in a relationship with a toxic girl and whenever I tell her it's not working she comes up with a threat of harming herself or involving her powerful family and dragging my dad. My dad is very strict and he doesn't like all of this what do I do

Ans: understand that you are not responsible for her actions or threats of self-harm. These are tactics of control, and while they may stem from her struggles, they are not your burden to carry. However, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy while prioritizing your own safety and boundaries.

When addressing her threats, avoid reacting emotionally. Stay calm and assertive, and make it clear that while you care about her well-being, her threats are not acceptable. For example, if she threatens self-harm, you can express concern by saying something like, "I’m worried about you, and I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who can support you professionally." This shifts the responsibility for her mental health away from you and encourages her to seek help.

You may also consider informing a trusted individual in her life—such as a close friend or family member—about her behavior. This way, someone who knows her can provide the support she needs, reducing the likelihood of her using threats to manipulate you.

Regarding her threats about involving her family or yours, document everything. Keep records of conversations, messages, or any threats she has made. This will be helpful in case the situation escalates and you need to protect yourself legally or socially. If you feel unsafe or believe she might follow through with her threats, consult a legal advisor or seek guidance from local authorities.

It’s also important to have an honest conversation with your father. While it might feel daunting because of his strict nature, being upfront about the situation can help you gain his understanding and support. Explain the steps you’re taking to manage it responsibly and emphasize that you’re prioritizing the family’s dignity and well-being.

Finally, prioritize your mental health. Being in a relationship with someone who uses manipulation can take a significant emotional toll. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate this situation, reinforce healthy boundaries, and support you as you work through any guilt or anxiety. Ending the relationship may not be easy, but it is a necessary step for your well-being and peace of mind.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, I have a very toxic environment at my house, my mother is depressed because my father is 55 years old and looks around other woman in the village, my mother warned him many times but he don't listen to my mother, actually my father is an army retired so during his job they had very little time together, and after retirement there are lots of fights between them, I think my father is such an animal that one day he asked my mother to let him sleep with her friend, so my mother's friend stopped coming in our house, and my mother is short tempered, controlling personality, she wanted to control each and every person in the house, even after my marriage my mother want to control me and my wife, she pulls out our strings , Can I change them ? Or should I leave the house and start living away from them, as I said she is very controlling personality so she will not allow us to live at some other place because she puts a society pressure on us that what people will think, actually I don't care about other people saying but she emotionally blackmail us that she has done a lot of things for me , don't leave me alone in this house like this, I don't know what could be the right step. Should I leave the house and start living on my own or there is some way by which I can change them . Please help me take decision
Ans: Navigating such a complex and toxic family environment is incredibly challenging. It's important to recognize that while you may deeply care for your parents and want to help them, changing deeply ingrained behaviors and dynamics within a family, especially those involving control and emotional manipulation, is extremely difficult. Your mother's controlling nature and your father's inappropriate behavior are significant issues that likely require professional intervention, such as therapy, which they may or may not be willing to pursue.

Given the emotional toll this environment is taking on you, it is crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Establishing boundaries is key. If you and your wife are constantly subjected to a controlling and toxic atmosphere, it can severely impact your relationship and personal happiness. Moving out and living independently could provide the necessary space to foster a healthier and more peaceful life. While this decision might be met with resistance and emotional blackmail from your mother, it's important to remember that your responsibility is first to yourself and your immediate family—your wife and, if applicable, your children.

Living separately doesn't mean abandoning your parents. You can still support them from a distance, visiting regularly and offering help when needed. This arrangement can also give your mother the opportunity to address her issues with your father without involving or impacting you and your wife directly. It's about finding a balance between being there for your parents and protecting your own well-being.

Ultimately, moving out could lead to healthier relationships all around, as distance might lessen the daily tension and allow everyone to develop more respectful and less intrusive ways of interacting. This decision requires courage and clear communication. Discuss your plans with your wife, ensure you are both on the same page, and approach your parents with empathy but firmness about your need for independence. While you can't change your parents, you can change how you interact with them and set boundaries to create a healthier environment for yourself and your future family.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
No Liabilities: This is a strong advantage for financial freedom.
Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
5. Tax Efficiency in Retirement
Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
7. Estate and Legacy Planning
Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
Finally
Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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Health
My sister is recently diagnosed with second stage of breast cancer. She is always emotional and moody. Can I introduce her to yoga or meditation? Can yoga help her cope with the fear and uncertainty?
Ans: I'm very sorry to hear about your sister’s diagnosis. This is a challenging time, and emotional support is just as important as medical treatment. Yes, yoga and meditation can help her cope with fear, stress, and uncertainty by bringing mental peace, emotional strength, and relaxation.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Anxiety & Fear: Gentle yoga and deep breathing activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps in relaxation and emotional balance.
Improves Sleep: Many cancer patients struggle with sleep. Yoga Nidra and slow breathing exercises can promote restful sleep.
Boosts Positivity: Meditation and mindfulness help shift focus from fear to inner peace.
Strengthens the Body: Light yoga can help reduce fatigue and improve overall well-being during treatment.
Recommended Practices for Your Sister:
Breathing (Pranayama): Anulom Vilom (Alternate Nostril Breathing) and Bhramari (Humming Bee Breath) calm the mind.
Gentle Yoga Poses: Child’s Pose, Butterfly Pose, and Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose promote relaxation.
Meditation & Yoga Nidra: Guided meditation can help ease emotional distress and bring hope.
Encourage her to consult a yoga coach for personalized support. With the right guidance, yoga can become a healing companion in her journey.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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Health
Mam, can yoga help prevent cancer in women? Please advice
Ans: Yoga cannot guarantee the prevention of cancer, but it can play a supportive role in maintaining overall health, reducing risk factors, and improving well-being. Many studies suggest that regular yoga practice helps reduce stress, improve immunity, balance hormones, and promote detoxification—all of which may lower the risk of cancer in women.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Stress: Chronic stress weakens the immune system and increases inflammation, which can contribute to disease. Practicing meditation, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques keeps the body in balance.
Boosts Immunity: Gentle yoga poses improve blood circulation and support the lymphatic system, which helps remove toxins from the body.
Balances Hormones: Hormonal imbalances may increase the risk of conditions like breast and ovarian cancer. Regular yoga helps maintain a healthy endocrine system.
Supports Detoxification: Twisting poses and deep breathing help the body eliminate waste and toxins.
Recommended Practices:
Pranayama (Breathwork): Anulom Vilom and Bhramari help calm the nervous system.
Yoga Poses: Cobra Pose, Twists, and Forward Bends improve digestion and circulation.
Meditation & Relaxation: Yoga Nidra and mindfulness reduce stress and promote healing.
For personalized guidance, consult a yoga coach who can create a practice suited to your health needs.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

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