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My girlfriend's traumatized past and her ex: Should I react?

Kanchan Rai |552 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by The on Jan 20, 2025Hindi

I am in a relationship with a girl who has traumatized past from her childhood. She said that her ex was also toxic and used to abuse her physically. She just said after 2 months of dating . I am very much glad she trusted me and Im taking care of her . She is also happy with me . But she gets panic attacks about the past I'll always be there for her . But her ex is in the same college. I see him like randomly. Should I react about that and go to him ??. Like I'm feeling very bad for the things she said

Ans: Your girlfriend has already endured trauma, and she’s finding comfort in the safe space you’re creating for her. The most important thing for her healing is stability, security, and knowing that she has someone who supports her emotionally. If you go to her ex, it could potentially trigger her, cause unnecessary stress, or even make her feel guilty—she might worry that she’s responsible for bringing conflict into your life.

Instead of reacting impulsively, focus on what she truly needs. When she has panic attacks or feels overwhelmed by her past, reassure her that she’s safe with you. Encourage her to seek professional help if she’s open to it, as therapy could help her process her trauma in a healthier way.

If her ex ever tries to approach her, harass her, or make her feel unsafe, then absolutely step in and support her in setting clear boundaries, whether that means standing by her side, helping her avoid situations where she might run into him, or even reporting any concerning behavior. But if he’s simply existing in the same space, then your energy is better spent on helping her heal rather than giving him any attention.

Right now, the best thing you can do is continue being the safe, loving presence that she trusts. Let your actions show her that she doesn’t have to relive the past, because with you, she is valued, respected, and truly cared for.

Asked on - Feb 17, 2025 | Answered on Feb 17, 2025

I recently came to know that he has her sensitive pictures how should I approach him

Ans: This is a serious situation, and it's crucial to handle it carefully to protect her privacy and well-being. Do not approach him directly, as it could escalate the matter and potentially put her at more risk. Instead, discuss this with her first. Let her know that you’re there to support her and help her take control of the situation. Encourage her to take legal action, as sharing or threatening to share sensitive pictures without consent is illegal in many places and can be addressed through cybercrime laws. If she feels comfortable, she can report this to the authorities or the college administration, who can take appropriate action. If needed, help her gather evidence (like messages or threats) to strengthen her case. The priority is to keep her safe and ensure that her privacy is protected.