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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Anirban Question by Anirban on Apr 23, 2023Hindi
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Hi, my age is 19 years and I’m in a relationship for a couple of months. It’s too good in the beginning. We used to share everything about our pasts, family, and all and we’re still doing so. I know that her family is not good. She has lost her mother 2 years ago. She lives with her father, sister, granny and grandpa. Few months ago, she shared something with me. She told that one of her close relatives were trying to talk with her completely alone and he instructed her not to tell anyone about their conversation. That person told her many things about intimacy, lust and also tried to indicate that he wants her in the bed or something else, we don’t know. He told; “If you open yourself, I’ll open myself to the extreme”, “I have many investment planning on you”, “ you can’t control your hormones in this age” etc. But, after that incident, I became too protective. I’m always having a fear that somebody will hurt her or she is in danger. And during all this, I repeatedly kept telling her to wear dresses rightly, giving poses rightly like “you should not attract anyone with your eyes or show yourself desirable”. And She gets hurt and deleted the all of her photos available on social media. And also I have hurt sometimes emotionally by not trusting her. I don’t want to cage her but a fear is always running within me. Now, I’m having a fear that if she leaves me. It’s all my fault. I’m feeling that she is ignoring me sometimes but that’s not true as she cleared that she wants to stay with me. But I’m not getting over from that fear.

Ans: Dear Anirban,
It's sweet and nice of you to care for her and want to protect her only if she also wants it.
She has possibly started feeling that your actions are controlling and she seems to want to be free of that. So, anything you try even if it is for her own good will be misinterpreted.
Also, this statement as protective as it seems: “you should not attract anyone with your eyes or show yourself desirable”...it's not a very nice thing to say. You are suggesting that she is responsible for attracting unwanted male attention and that is something that she or any girl would not have liked to hear from you at all.
Kindly step aside and know that she can take care of herself. If she needs your help and assistance, she will call out to you...until then please let her decide for herself what she wants to do.
It's not that she doesn't know what's appropriate and not; so stop caging her with your thoughts and action.
If she appreciates what you are doing for her, she will reach out to you and till then also know that times have changed and it is not the fault of the woman for a man to behave the way he is...So, correct your mindset too and care for her from a distance for a while.

All the best

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Hello. I want this to be anonymous. I'm 25 year old and I have been in a relationship for the last 4-5 yrs with my childhood friend . According to me she is a complete attention seeker and dosent care about my emotions. Like she used to text boys who proposed her and delete the messages which she replied but used to keep the messages which they did and send me that they are flirting with me I never used to ask for those screenshots anyway she herself would send me those says that only they are messaging her even thought she isnt responding once she fogot to delete one message where I caught her and we had a huge fight regarding and then she claimed i have i deleted the messages and I promised she will not repeat it again but she totally did it multiple times and I caught her doing that multiple times and she used to flirt with people who proposed her and once we were have lunch in a restaurant and one person who has intrest in her came to the same place and was sitting behind us and she suddenly stood up and sat infront of me where she could see him or vice-versa like how can she do that when I'm around and there are many other fights she has a best friend she shares with him everything last year I broke up with her due to all these reasons and we pathed up after 2 months , after getting back her friend asked her if she is talking to me or not she simply replied shes not talking to me even though we are fine and happy and just last month one of my cousins was flirting with me and I showed her the messages and was being open to her but never crossed a line but she went behind my back and talked to my cousins elder brother who is my own sister's husband that his sister is flirting with me even thought i myself made it clear there's nothing going on, after all this she is calling me to get back with her and she promises that she won't repeat the mistake never again which she already did n number of times what should I do I'm not fine and I think I'm depressed I'm spoiling my career thinking about this.
Ans:

Looks like this leopard isn't going to change her spots in a hurry, my friend!

She's full of lies and false promises and let me tell you, people rarely change. You have to accept them for who they are.

So, if I were you, I'd end this relationship. She doesn't sound like anyone worth wasting anymore time over.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, and you'll never be able to trust her.

She's driving you nuts already; it's just time to call it a day with this relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

 

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |439 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am currently in relationship of almost 7 years but after the COVID there was some conflict or no contact with my partner just because of a scenario. I always used to order some food for her at his flat. Let me clear one things we were in a long term relationship that time. So I ordered food and she got the order then called me in the night with a different voice tone, I said yes then It felt odd. Then she said someone is here I will call you back. Then she didn't so I called her after 2 hour she rejected and after sometime messaged me on whatsapp that deleted everything our chats and conversation because she caught by his brother (who is 10 years older than her), she told me to not contact her she will call or message only. I got scared I deleted all chats because her brother is so rude and arrogant. After 10 days she called me and said we are not going further with this relationship now on we will not be in touch, I was devastated by listening these things so I tried my best to make her understand that I will talk to your parents or brother but she denied NO and said I will again talk with bro. After these scenario she tried not to contact me and I kept trying to reach out to her via messanger because she has blocked me from everywhere. I cried alot in first 2 month then I started to link all those things that she said and try to find out the matter ( note - she got lot of friends) so I found that she in her flat then I got the tickets and go there to see what is happening I waited for the whole day then in the evening I go upstairs and open the doors, she got scared h and stunned by seeing me and I saw a guy in the flat they having hookah then I said give me my stuff and ask her to talk for the final tine 10 min downstairs. She said not now then didn't came. I took my stuff nd leave the next day I tried to over come this situation nd reaching out to his bro but didn't get connected. She also called me the next day nd her frnd but I was not able to talk. After we got disconnected for sometime. And I am a person who always wanted to know the truth behind the things because I can't live with these traumas in my mind so I tried contacting her asked lot of time why did you do that nd all but kept denying that he is just a friend. After sometime on day she came with sone massages nd saying my mom is not good nd there is nothing going well in my house plss sorry nd all so I took it normally but after sometime we got attracted again little bit then realise that we can try atleast once to be together. I know she loves me but I don't like her priorities she always put his frnds over me. Idk what to do pls tell me the way to cop up with this thing. Also I still have in mind that she has something to tell me about that boy but not telling me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it must be for you; I get that you are considering giving it another shot, but please be careful. If there is any doubt, anything at all, do address that right now before you are knee-deep in the relationship again. I suggest you tell your partner to first sit and clear out everything that happened before you two broke up and explain how you need a clean slate and for that, you have to know the truth.

If you suspect cheating in the past breakup, be cautious about getting back together and thinking it through. Do you want to patch things up because you love her or is the idea of being together again more comfortable than the idea of having to move on? We go back to the same person, even if it's toxic for us because there's comfort in familiarity, not because it's the best choice. It's time for introspection. Also, don't feel guilty about saying no to getting back together if it's not the right decision for you. Whether it was family issues or infidelity, she chose what seemed best for her at the time, and it's okay for you to do the same.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, sir I am a an 30 year old (single) engineer working with a MNC in Chennai, unfortunately till this day i haven't had any savings at all for my future (retirement, other short term or long term goals). Currently my take home salary after EPF and parental insurance is 53k ( EPF is about 4900/month - employee+employer) i haven't opted for Corporate NPS but is provided by the company without any additional contribution from company. I have company health insurance policy and have planned to take my own health insurance and term insurance plan. Adding to above I have zero emergency fund with me. How should I proceed with my investments?
Ans: You have taken the first step by recognising the need to plan. It’s essential to appreciate your intention to secure your financial future. Let’s look at how you can proceed to achieve your short-term and long-term goals.

Your current take-home salary is Rs 53,000, and your EPF contribution is Rs 4,900. However, you lack savings, investments, and an emergency fund. Here's a step-by-step strategy:

Build an Emergency Fund
Set aside funds to cover at least six months' expenses.

Start by saving 10-15% of your salary monthly into a high-interest savings account.

Use Recurring Deposits or Liquid Mutual Funds to maintain this fund for emergencies.

Secure Yourself with Insurance
Health insurance: Maintain your company health policy but add a personal health policy. Choose a policy offering a sum insured of Rs 10-15 lakh.

Term insurance: Buy a term plan covering 10-15 times your annual income. Keep the policy simple and avoid investment-linked insurance.

Budget Your Income
Allocate your income carefully for expenses, savings, and investments.

Use the 50-30-20 rule: 50% for needs, 30% for wants, and 20% for savings and investments.

Avoid unnecessary expenses to increase your saving capacity.

Start Investing Gradually
Short-term goals (1-5 years): Invest in debt funds or recurring deposits. Debt mutual funds are good for stable returns.

Long-term goals (5+ years): Invest in equity mutual funds for higher returns. Choose actively managed funds with consistent performance.

Avoid index funds. Actively managed funds have a better potential for higher returns through professional fund management.

Retirement Planning
Utilise the EPF for retirement. Your current contribution will grow over time with compounding.

Consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds for additional retirement savings.

Corporate NPS: You can explore NPS for its tax-saving benefits. However, don’t rely solely on it for retirement.

Tax-Saving Investments
Use Section 80C to save taxes up to Rs 1.5 lakh.

EPF, PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and life insurance premiums can qualify under this section.

Opt for ELSS funds for tax saving and wealth creation.

Review Existing Expenses
Evaluate and minimise unnecessary expenditures.

Avoid loans for discretionary spending like vacations or gadgets.

Advantages of Using a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help you plan holistically and ensure you stick to your goals.

They provide tailored strategies, ensuring proper fund allocation and monitoring.

Invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credentials to access professional advice.

Key Steps for Discipline
Automate investments through SIPs in mutual funds.

Track your monthly budget and investment progress regularly.

Avoid direct funds. Regular funds offer professional guidance and fund distributor support.

Tax Implications
For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh attracts 12.5% tax.

STCG on equity funds is taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consider these while investing.

Final Insights
You are in the right direction by seeking advice now. Build a solid foundation with savings, insurance, and investments. Take small steps toward financial independence.

Remain consistent with your investments, and review your financial plan annually.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1940 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

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Career
Hello, i really have a serious issue regarding my studies as i am 24 yrs now and gave NEET 4times and i am still preparing for nxt year 2025 but at the back of my mind i am really tensed what if the same thing repeats in the neet 2025 also like paper leak and all, So now i am confused that should i take a full drop or partial drop. The mental pressure is really hitting hard and also its almost been 4years that i am still 12th pass only and my classmates have already completed their college and some are flight attendant and earning well, So this all things just hits so hard and also the hope in parents eyes as my father is already proud that i studied science so i would definitely become doctor. I wasted a lot of money in pg and coaching (fastrack) and this all things are hitting so hard that i really feel sad and have no ways to go.
Ans: Hi Bhima
I must say you have got perseverance & I appreciate your parent's trust in you. You have already appeared multiple times and you are going to appear again in 2025. By the time you will be 25 years old. They say there is no age to learn. But after getting admission you need another 10 years to practice as a qualified specialist. Make sure you take admission in the next session.

If higher cutoff & high fees of private colleges are an issue for you, then try exploring the MBBS abroad option, I can help with that too. Since NEXT is compulsory for Indian & Foreign graduates too it won't make a difference if you study in India or Abroad.

For time forget all the societal pressure and give your 100% and make your parents proud.

...Read more

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