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Should I go against family to save a 10-year relationship from after my 12th?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |325 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I was in a relationship for 10 years with my boyfriend since after my 12th standard. And when we asked at our homes for marriage, my parents didn't agree although theirs did agree. I have tried convincing for few months but they were so adamant because this relation is not in my best interest. And as I did not expect the situations to escalate this much, now I don't want to stress my parents and make them more sad than they are. So, I have asked for break-up with my boyfriend but he's very sad and is asking continuously for convincing my parents. I feel guilty but I don't think staying in the relationship still is a wrong choice when even I did not want to anymore.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it is to let go of a long-term relationship because your parents are not agreeing to it. If we look at this situation from your partner's perspective, his feelings are valid. But, you choosing your parents over him can also not be challenged. After all, it's your life. The decision should be ultimately yours.

Your feelings matter too. You mentioned your unwillingness to continue the relationship. This is important because your happiness matters and it should come first to you. If you have started feeling that you have outgrown the relationship, it is okay to walk away. I know it hurts, both of you, but sometimes, it's better to leave than force yourself to stay together in a relationship that has no future.

Your partner feeling sad is natural and so is your guilt feeling. But that does not mean you must stay in this relationship. Ending a relationship that you are not fully committed to is much better than dragging it to its eventual and more bitter end. Let him know that you are sorry and that his feelings are valid. Your decision is hurting him and that's the least and the most you can do in this situation.

Remember guilt can cloud your judgment. While it is a necessary emotion, don't let it decide for you. The breakup doesn't have to be right or wrong at all times. Whether it aligns with your future is also important.

Your parents' opinions weigh heavily on you and it might be a good thing to consider why they are convinced that he isn't a good match for you. Do what makes you happy but do with while being kind to all the parties involved.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.
Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship from last 2 years. We are very happy together. But when my parents came to know about us they apposed it as we both belong to different castes different social backgrounds i am from a upper middle class family and he is from lower middle class family. He made his career from scratch. I Don't want to hurt my parents by going against them. They always told me how much they care for me what they have done for me and all that i will ruin there reputation by getting married to him. On the other hand i love him so much , he is a very nice person he cares for me a lot and i know i will never be happy without him. What should i do.. nowadays i Don't feel like talking to anyone and my family thinks i dont love them and i am ignoring them which is not the case i just don't feel like talking. What should i do to convince them for us...?
Ans: Navigating this situation requires sensitivity and careful communication. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Explain your feelings and how much this relationship means to you. Emphasize the qualities that make your partner a good match for you, such as his care and commitment.

Acknowledge their concerns and express gratitude for their care and the sacrifices they've made for you. Reassure them that your love for them hasn't changed and that you value their opinions. Try to understand their perspective and address their worries about social status and reputation.

You might also consider arranging a meeting between your parents and your partner. This can help them see his positive attributes and understand why you love him. Show them how he has built his career from scratch, demonstrating his determination and resilience.

It's important to remain patient and give your parents time to adjust to the idea. Meanwhile, continue to express your love and respect for them, reinforcing that your decision is based on your happiness and future well-being.

Balancing your love for your partner and respect for your parents is difficult, but with open communication and patience, you can work towards finding a middle ground that respects everyone's feelings.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |325 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |268 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

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Money
I am 46 year old woman.My current salary is 60000 per month. I have invested few amount in shares and ipo around 60000 . please suggest how to do make better plan for future.My son also in 11 th STD
Ans: Hello;

The value of your current income as after 14 years will be 1.36 L considering 6% inflation over 14 years by the time you are 60 years of age.

If you feel that your expenses may be reduced then and you would need say 70% of the income after 60 age so 70% of 1.36 L gives us a monthly income requirement of around 95 K.

To achieve this target I recommend you to start a monthly sip of 25 K into a combination of pure equity type mutual funds.

You need to top-up the sip amount by minimum 10% each year.

Also I would suggest you not to dabble in direct stocks and reinvest the 60 K sum lumpsum into above referred type of mutual funds.

The sip corpus will grow into a sum of around 1.96 Cr. The lumpsum invested will grow into a sum of around 4 L after 14 years considering a modest return of 13%.

Therefore your comprehensive corpus will be 2 Cr.

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus then considering annuity rate of 5.75% you can expect to receive monthly payout of around 95 K.

For your son's education funding you may utilise EPF corpus or seek an education loan.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |161 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m 38 working in Bengaluru with my son, aged 6. I’ve been investing Rs 30,000 per month in mutual funds for the past 3 years. I plan to increase my SIPs. What fund categories should I focus on to secure my son’s education and our future retirement?
Ans: At 38, with a 6-year-old son and a stable monthly SIP of Rs 30,000 in mutual funds, you’ve built a strong foundation for securing both your son’s education and your retirement. Increasing your SIPs is a wise decision, but choosing the right categories of funds is critical for achieving these goals effectively. Here's a breakdown of how you can structure your investments:

1. Understanding Your Financial Goals

You have two primary objectives: your son’s education and your retirement. Each has distinct time frames and risk tolerance levels.

• Son’s Education: Assuming you’ll need the funds in 10-12 years, this is a medium-term goal. The corpus required for education can be significant, especially with inflation in education costs.
• Retirement: With a horizon of 20+ years, you have the advantage of time, allowing you to take slightly more risk to grow your retirement corpus.

2. Fund Categories to Focus On

a) Equity Mutual Funds (60-70% of Your Portfolio)

Since you have long-term goals, equity mutual funds should be the core of your portfolio. These funds generally deliver superior returns over a long period (7-10 years and beyond), which helps counter inflation and build substantial wealth.

• Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a proven track record of stability. They are less volatile compared to mid or small caps. Allocating around 20-25% of your SIPs in large-cap funds will provide a stable foundation. Examples include the SBI Bluechip Fund or ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund.
• Mid-Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential but come with slightly more risk. However, with a 10+ year horizon for your son’s education and 20 years for retirement, you can afford to take some mid-cap exposure. Allocate around 15-20% of your SIPs in these funds, such as DSP Midcap Fund or Kotak Emerging Equity Fund.
• Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks, giving the fund manager flexibility based on market conditions. Flexi-cap funds strike a balance between risk and reward, making them a good choice for both education and retirement. Consider allocating 15-20% of your SIPs here. Funds like Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund and HDFC Flexi Cap Fund are good options.

b) Balanced Advantage or Hybrid Funds (20% of Your Portfolio)

These funds balance equity and debt exposure, adjusting based on market conditions. They help in reducing volatility while offering moderate returns. Given your need for a medium-term goal like education, hybrid funds can ensure you don’t face large drawdowns when you approach the time to withdraw the funds. Around 20% of your portfolio in hybrid funds like the HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund or ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund will work well.

c) Debt Mutual Funds (10-15% of Your Portfolio)

To secure funds for your son’s education, consider adding some allocation to debt funds. These funds offer more stability and lower risk compared to equity funds. Over the next 10-12 years, having debt funds in your portfolio can ensure you have access to funds with lower volatility, especially as you near the time to pay for educational expenses. Consider investing 10-15% in debt funds such as HDFC Short Term Debt Fund or ICICI Prudential Corporate Bond Fund.

d) Index Funds (10% of Your Portfolio)

Low-cost index funds that replicate broader indices such as the Nifty 50 or Sensex provide diversified exposure to the overall stock market and help in keeping costs down while still delivering steady growth. Allocate around 10% of your SIPs in index funds like the UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund or HDFC Index Fund - Nifty 50.

3. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Education

As your son approaches higher education, start shifting a portion of the equity investments to safer instruments (such as debt funds) using a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). This will help in reducing volatility and ensure you have access to funds without worrying about market timing.

4. Increase in SIPs

Since you plan to increase your SIP amount, consider the following strategy:

Allocate the additional SIPs to mid-cap, flexi-cap, and index funds, as these categories typically deliver higher returns over the long term, aligning with both your goals.

Ensure that every year or two, you review your SIP amounts and increase them by 10-15% to account for inflation.

5. Risk and Review

Ensure you regularly review your portfolio (annually or bi-annually) to adjust your asset allocation based on your progress toward each goal. As you approach retirement and your son’s higher education expenses, gradually shift more funds into debt or hybrid categories to reduce risk.

Conclusion

By maintaining a diversified portfolio with a focus on equity for growth and debt for stability, you can efficiently achieve both your son’s education and retirement goals. Regularly increasing your SIPs and reviewing your portfolio will ensure you stay on track for the future.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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