Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Mohit Arora  |26 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Translate

My Name is Krishna, I got married at 25 but I got cheated by the girl whom I married now I got Divorce at 29,Iam in Anxiety and Depression but I expect a good Understanding to want to get married but I am very low to trust is there any therapy for this to trust a new girl and start new life.

Ans: I understand your concern. This requires introspection. Did she cheat because she wasn't into you? Or you don't seem to attract any girl? Or she cheated just coz. Don't rush got marriage. Meet new girls, date them and then see.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |96 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Hi i am 34 old guy well settled i married a girl who cheated me and left me after a month only .After talking a year i got married but she left me in a sec ,feels very cheated .Now talks are getting on to get settlement done .She is just after money money property even after knowing this i still love her a lot .I cry alot for her may be she is practical and cheater and i am not . Marriage for me was something which is to be done once in a life will get over after over dead only but really not able to over come i think 24/7 about her only . Despite knowing everything my minds think about her .I have done alot of things to be busy but I can't concentrate on my life
Ans: It's understandable that you are feeling hurt and betrayed after being left by someone you loved and trusted. It's important to remember that healing from this kind of emotional pain takes time, and it's okay to give yourself the space and time you need to work through your emotions.

One thing you could do is to focus on your own well-being and self-care. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy or a sense of fulfillment, such as hobbies or exercise. You could also consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

It's also important to consider the practical aspects of the situation, such as the settlement. It can be helpful to work with a legal professional who can help you navigate the process and ensure that your rights and interests are protected.

When it comes to your feelings for your ex-partner, it's important to recognize that these feelings may take time to fade. However, it's also important to remember that your well-being and happiness should always come first. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship did not work out and to focus on the future possibilities for happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what steps you need to take to move forward and heal from this experience. Remember to be gentle with yourself, take things one step at a time, and prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 19, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2023Translate
I had an arrange marriage and married for 1.5 years, after marriage I came to know my wife is not virgin, she never told about her past relationship during our pre-wedding meetings for knowing each other and fixing marriage when I had asked her if she had any past relationship as I had told her I was never involved in a relationship. She was even in touch with him after marriage and had even invited him to our wedding though he did not come. Sometimes she said she had physical relationship out of curiosity, then changed her statement to that she loved him and then said that he used to force her to have physical relation. When confronted she deleted all contacts with him but I still not able to trust her though she says she loves me. I wanted to speak to her parents but my mother asked me to stay quiet. I have lost trust in her because she was never honest from the first day, what should I do, please guide me, this feeling is just killing me! Had she told about it to me in our meetings, I would have rejected thus alliance. Please guide me Anu, I need your help!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What seems to bother you more?
The fact that she is not a virgin or the fact that she hid it from you.
Why I ask this question is because it will help you evaluate your feelings stemming from which of the two it is...
I do understand that you feel cheated and there is significant amount of trust lost...
Also, I gather from you that you have strong feelings about chastity, purity etc and this is fair in your world as it is part of your core beliefs.
Now let's see things for what they are...she possibly didn't tell you because she knew that you might reject the proposal OR that she wanted to start afresh and many more OR she was forced into this marriage...But the fact that it has begun to eat at your peace of mind suggests that you must speak with her about it. Tell her exactly how you have felt being lied to.
Ask her if she still is interested in being in the marriage and ask yourself the same question. If there is any scope of reconciliation and putting this scene behind you, then it maybe worthwhile to rebuild the marriage from scratch. But if your belief comes in the way and you are unable to make peace with the fact that she hid this fact, everyday will be torturous.
Whatever the decision, I suggest talking it through together without blame games as this will only lead to anger and more conflict rather than leading to a decision point.

All the best!

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2023Translate
Hello Anuji, I am 52 and wifey at 49. In Jan 20, my wife admitted that she is in contact with her college friend since three years and she has ended it. Her college friend's wife found these contacts and threatened my wife for further consequences. Due to that threat, my terrified wife admitted on her own about her wrongdoings and asked me to forgive. It was shocking and mentally disturbing for me as I was trusting her 100% with all freedom one should give to loving spouse, but she failed. I tried to find the truth and level of that relationship. I have burned almost one year to come out of this shock. I forgive her one time for the sake of future of my children. Currently, though things are running smoothly, I do not dare to trust her 100% again. If I don't trust my wife, is there any future in my marriage? If yes, what should I do to secure my marriage even if I don't trust my wife fully?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is definitely difficult to trust again when the trust has been broken in the first place.
So, you need to make that call...if you want to rebuild your relationship and the reason is for the sake of the children, it might not last long. Make a decision of getting back together to first put your relationship with her in place; the children will anyway benefit from that. Having said that, this requires you to trust her...
Is it possible? Yes, though you will be continually filled with doubts and test her every move and that will not be healthy...
So, the key is that if you have decided to get back together, you must put full faith and trust back into it as hard as it may seem...But do it a 100%...give it your full...You either trust or you don't...there's no in between state here...
What might help is to have a clear conversation with your wife before you make any decision. Express how this has hurt you and how difficult you find it trusting her again. Allow her to do the talking on what she wants, what efforts she is going to put to reconcile and how things seem in the near future to her.
Gauge if there is any inadequacy that she has felt within the marriage so that this can be addressed as well.

The conversation is only a guide to the way forward and not a BEAT each other up game.

So, start your new journey knowing if you can trust, if you want to trust again...It will open up a sea of challenges and lessons to learn from.

All the best!

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2023Translate
Hi, I am married for 10yrs with 2 kids. Suddenly I discovered my wife is having a relation with another man. I was devastated but rather than revealing I am aware I rather recalled all the good moments we had. She decided to part ways with another man still I wanted to know what prompted her so went into an open discussion with my wife knowing she already parted ways. She was shocked to know that I am aware but then she revealed she was emotionally down for last 6months and I was occupied with work. As I am emotionally attached with my kids and wife I decided to carry on and rather our love went more intense since the incident. Every now and then I still doubt and fail to maintain the same level of trust which I should. Please guide how I can maintain more stronger trust.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, incidents like these can make you lose trust especially now when you will start to doubt her every move, every action or inaction.
You seem to be a person who has chosen to see the goodness (that's amazing) in your relationship and wants to continue in the marriage. But for this to happen effectively, the trust has to be rebuilt all over again. As a couple, talk about this...share with your wife when you have bouts of doubts BUT don't ever get into the mode where she needs to explain or prove herself every single day.

If she has realized what has been missing in the marriage that made her step outside of it, then the two of you can spend time bringing life back into the marriage.
Ask her: How can I connect with you emotionally where you feel safe and secure?
Do a lot of activities together that will help the two of you reconnect!

Either you trust OR you don't...there's no in-between...so if you two have decided to give your relationship another chance, focus on how to rebuild the connection and how to care for one another even more than before!

All the best!
Latest Questions

Moneywize   |58 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2024Translate
What are balanced advantage funds and would you recommend how I should go about investing in such funds?
Ans: Balanced Advantage Funds are a type of mutual fund that dynamically manages the allocation between equity and debt instruments based on market conditions. These funds aim to provide investors with a balance between growth (through equity exposure) and stability (through debt exposure). The allocation between equity and debt is adjusted by fund managers based on various factors such as market valuations, interest rates, and economic indicators.

Here's a breakdown of the key features and considerations for investing in Balanced Advantage Funds:

1. Dynamic Asset Allocation: These funds have the flexibility to shift allocation between equity and debt depending on market conditions. When equity markets are expensive or overvalued, the fund manager may reduce equity exposure and increase allocation to debt instruments, and vice versa.

2. Risk Management: Balanced Advantage Funds tend to offer lower volatility compared to pure equity funds due to their ability to switch between asset classes based on market conditions. This can potentially reduce downside risk during market downturns.

3. Goal-based Investing: They can be suitable for investors with medium to long-term investment horizons who seek a balance between capital appreciation and capital preservation. These funds are often used for goals like retirement planning or wealth creation with a moderate risk profile.

4. Professional Management: Investors benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who actively manage the asset allocation and investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis.

5. Tax Implications: From a taxation perspective, gains from equity investments held for more than one year are taxed at a lower rate (long-term capital gains tax), whereas gains from debt investments held for more than three years are taxed as per the investor's income tax slab. Balanced Advantage Funds may offer tax efficiency due to their equity exposure.

6. Expense Ratio: Investors should consider the expense ratio of the fund, which represents the annual fees charged by the fund house for managing the fund. Lower expense ratios can enhance returns over the long term.

As for whether you should invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, it depends on your investment objectives, risk tolerance, and financial goals.

If you're seeking a balanced approach with the potential for higher returns than pure debt funds but with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds, then these funds could be suitable for you. However, it's essential to consult with a financial advisor who can assess your individual circumstances and recommend the most appropriate investment strategy.

If you decide to invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, you can do so through various platforms such as mutual fund distributors, online investment platforms, or directly through the fund house's website. Here's a general guide on how to invest:

1. Research: Understand the different Balanced Advantage Funds available in the market, their investment objectives, performance track record, and expense ratios.

2. Select a Fund: Choose a fund that aligns with your investment goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

3. KYC Compliance: Complete the Know Your Customer (KYC) process as required by regulatory guidelines. This typically involves providing identity and address proof documents.

4. Investment Process: Decide on the mode of investment, whether lump sum or systematic investment plan (SIP), based on your convenience and investment strategy.

5. Online Platform or Distributor: If investing through an online platform, create an account and follow the instructions to invest in your chosen Balanced Advantage Fund. If using a mutual fund distributor, approach them with your investment decision, and they will assist you with the investment process.

6. Monitor and Review: Keep track of your investments periodically and review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Remember that all investments carry some level of risk, including the potential loss of capital. Diversification and a long-term investment approach are generally recommended to mitigate risk and achieve your financial objectives.

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2024Translate
Good Morning, We are married for almost 27 years and at various stages of my wife like, beginning days when Girls had dream of her happy married life beginning, honeymoon, pregnancy, fostering the child, mid-age crisis and now Menopause I have been very unfair & sometime very cruel to my wife. I am tryint to please her in my possible ways but whenever I am planning something exciting & pleasurable for her it turn out to be flop show & nightmare. I want her to be happy but don't know why it gets spoiled due to one or other reason. Despite of all this she is always giving me chance and prepare herself for new beginning. But now I fear & feel gradually I will become a big liability on her, health wise as I am diabetic and even after taking high dose of medicines it doesn't get controlled. I am worried that though the beginning was not good our end should be Peaceful & graceful. Need your guidance
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No point revisiting what has already happened. It seems like your wife wants a new beginning; then why not actually plan on how you want your life together to be from now on? What are the things that you have missed out on earlier, bring it all back and slowly start experiencing what life could be living in that harmony...
As for diabetes, getting the right medicine and taking it in the right dosage is important to see a change. Also, exercise, attempt to keep stress levels low and eat right...these help in keeping your blood sugar levels low...
Don't talk about the END when there is a NEW beginning in sight...

All the best!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds