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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 19, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I had an arrange marriage and married for 1.5 years, after marriage I came to know my wife is not virgin, she never told about her past relationship during our pre-wedding meetings for knowing each other and fixing marriage when I had asked her if she had any past relationship as I had told her I was never involved in a relationship. She was even in touch with him after marriage and had even invited him to our wedding though he did not come. Sometimes she said she had physical relationship out of curiosity, then changed her statement to that she loved him and then said that he used to force her to have physical relation. When confronted she deleted all contacts with him but I still not able to trust her though she says she loves me. I wanted to speak to her parents but my mother asked me to stay quiet. I have lost trust in her because she was never honest from the first day, what should I do, please guide me, this feeling is just killing me! Had she told about it to me in our meetings, I would have rejected thus alliance. Please guide me Anu, I need your help!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What seems to bother you more?
The fact that she is not a virgin or the fact that she hid it from you.
Why I ask this question is because it will help you evaluate your feelings stemming from which of the two it is...
I do understand that you feel cheated and there is significant amount of trust lost...
Also, I gather from you that you have strong feelings about chastity, purity etc and this is fair in your world as it is part of your core beliefs.
Now let's see things for what they are...she possibly didn't tell you because she knew that you might reject the proposal OR that she wanted to start afresh and many more OR she was forced into this marriage...But the fact that it has begun to eat at your peace of mind suggests that you must speak with her about it. Tell her exactly how you have felt being lied to.
Ask her if she still is interested in being in the marriage and ask yourself the same question. If there is any scope of reconciliation and putting this scene behind you, then it maybe worthwhile to rebuild the marriage from scratch. But if your belief comes in the way and you are unable to make peace with the fact that she hid this fact, everyday will be torturous.
Whatever the decision, I suggest talking it through together without blame games as this will only lead to anger and more conflict rather than leading to a decision point.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

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Relationship
I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated
Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |399 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

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Relationship
Hey!! Recently married, on 1st night she accepted she had already had physical relationship with her ex but she got cheated now she don't like him at all but they had 4 years of toxic relationship. I am not able to digest that she is not virgin.she always shared different stories and lied me about her relationship she have different stories for the same partner age broke my trust by lying to me.should I trust her ?
Ans: Dear Ramesh,

I understand your concerns. While your feelings are valid, that doesn't necessarily make her the villain here. Virginity was important to you and she should've told you about her past, but you cannot push someone to open up if they are not ready. A lot of people are not comfortable sharing such sensitive details, even with their spouses. And the different stories can just be a way to cover it up because you were asking and she wasn't comfortable revealing the truth; maybe she thought she would be judged. I suggest you have an open discussion with her where you let your wife know that you are not judging her, but you felt bad that she didn't tell you the trust.

From your question, I assume that your partner's physical intimacy history matters to you, but let me give you one quick advice- the past is in the past. Your beliefs and preferences are yours, and no judgments on that, but right now you are married and the best course of action would be to have a discussion and then try to keep the past where it belongs and focus on building a better future. The past can hurt your relationship only if you let it.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |399 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024
Relationship
Hi Sir, I met my wife in a matrimonial website.Our parents discussed our profiles and then we exchanged our numbers.We met once and then remained in contact for almost 9-10 months and during this period we became friends and met 3-4 times in public places.After that we both realised that we should see each other and get married.Then our courtship period started and I told her about my past and also told her that i had sex with my sex girlfriend.She also told me that she had 2 boyfriends and never had sex with anyone.I believed her and we met couples of times during our courtship period in cafes and hotels but never had sex.We discussed almost everything during that period and she confirmed that she is a virgin.After 6 months courtship period we got married and things were going good.After 10 months of marriage I found a chat backup on her phone and it was with her ex.They were discussing sex and with those messages it was clear that they had sex multiple times and she even took an Ipill due to unprotected sex... When i confronted her she again lied and denied the allegations.When i showed her the messages she confessed that they had sex thrice. I am broke now and this lie is taking all my peace and I am overthinking about this which is impacting my work as well.Though i am trying to be normal with her but somewhere in my conscious mind i keep on thinking this.The problem is that she lied not about the virginity. One fact that from the day we decided she never cheated on me and even i am very much loyal to her. need your help sir!!!!please suggest what to do now....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad you found your person. I understand that it is difficult for you to accept that she hid something that was important for you to know, especially when you shared your past experiences honestly. Your feelings are valid. But let's just take a second to think of this from a woman's perspective- it can be difficult for women to share certain details of their lives because of how easily society will judge them harshly for the same thing that they will ignore if a man does. I suppose she was afraid you would judge her too. Nevertheless, it was not right.

There are a few things to do now- first, focus on the positives. As you mentioned, she has been very loyal and loving to you- focus on that. Let the past be in the past; it can't be changed, but it can ruin your present and future if you let it. Second, if this revelation is causing extreme turmoil in your relationship, please consider seeing a marriage counselor together, or you can also see a therapist alone. They are professionals and can help you navigate your feelings in a more structured way.

Best wishes

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6993 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Money
Hello Sir, I am now 45+ now and investing through sip since last 5 yrs in 1) 3k in sbi small cap, 2) 4k in axis small cap, 3) 3k in nippon small cap, 4) 4k in mirea asset emerging bluechip, 5) 6k in hdfc mid cap, 6) 4k in kotak flexi cap, 7) 6k in parag parikh flexi cap, 8) 4k in icici pru value discovery. Risk high and tenure 15-20 yrs for asset allocation. Sir is it necessary to change any fund?
Ans: you have built a diverse SIP portfolio with various equity funds. Your disciplined investment over the last five years shows commitment to wealth building. With a high-risk tolerance and a long-term goal of 15-20 years, let’s take an in-depth look at your fund choices. I’ll provide insights to help you optimise this portfolio further.

Strengths of Your Current Portfolio
Good Diversification: Your portfolio includes funds from small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and value categories. This spread across segments is a strong approach to capture growth across the market.

Discipline in SIPs: Regular SIP contributions show a systematic approach that will help in rupee-cost averaging. It’s a proven method for long-term investors like you.

High-Risk Appetite: You are investing with a long horizon and high risk tolerance. This aligns well with your fund choices, especially in high-risk categories like small-cap and mid-cap.

Reviewing Small-Cap Fund Exposure
Current Allocation: Your portfolio allocates Rs 10,000 per month to small-cap funds. These funds often offer high growth potential but also come with significant volatility.

Growth Potential: Small-cap funds are beneficial in long-term portfolios due to their high potential for growth. Over 15-20 years, they can contribute significantly to wealth creation.

Suggested Changes: With three small-cap funds, there may be a lot of overlap. You might consider consolidating into one or two well-performing small-cap funds. This will simplify tracking and reduce redundancy.

Examining Mid-Cap and Flexi-Cap Fund Allocation
Mid-Cap Fund Benefits: Mid-cap funds bring a blend of growth and moderate stability. Your allocation here balances the aggressive small-cap investments.

Flexi-Cap Fund Role: Flexi-cap funds invest across large-, mid-, and small-cap stocks. This flexibility allows these funds to adjust according to market conditions, adding a layer of adaptability to your portfolio.

Suggested Changes: Your portfolio has multiple flexi-cap funds, which can lead to overlapping investments. It may be beneficial to reduce your holdings to one high-performing flexi-cap fund for better portfolio efficiency.

Value-Oriented Fund’s Contribution
Role in Stability: The value fund in your portfolio targets undervalued stocks, which tend to be more resilient in market downturns. This can provide balance and act as a buffer against volatility.

Long-Term Benefits: A value-oriented fund adds stability, which is essential as your portfolio matures. The approach of investing in undervalued companies often pays off well over time.

Suggested Changes: Keep this fund as it provides a different investment strategy, enhancing overall diversification.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Higher Potential Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by selecting high-potential stocks and avoiding weaker sectors.

Limitations of Index Funds: Index funds track the market and have limited potential for excess returns. They cannot adjust to economic shifts like active funds can.

Benefit of Advisor Guidance: Regular funds managed with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) add value. A CFP can guide you on fund selection and rebalancing, which index funds do not offer.

Advantages of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice: A CFP can help you fine-tune your portfolio to better match your goals, risk profile, and timeline. Direct funds lack this support, making regular funds a better choice for most investors.

Portfolio Monitoring: Regular funds with CFP assistance offer ongoing review and monitoring. This is important for a long-term investment strategy.

Support for Future Adjustments: Market conditions and personal goals evolve over time. Having a CFP ensures you have guidance to adjust your investments accordingly.

Tax Implications on Your Equity Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Consider planning your withdrawals in a tax-efficient way. For a long-term horizon, tax efficiency will contribute significantly to your net returns.

Impact of New Tax Rules: Understanding tax implications can help you plan more efficiently for your post-retirement withdrawals, minimising tax impact on your returns.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization
Reduce Fund Overlap: Your portfolio has multiple funds in similar categories. Streamlining these will make the portfolio easier to manage and reduce redundancies.

Consider Asset Rebalancing: Review your portfolio’s asset allocation every two to three years. As you near retirement, adding some low-risk debt or balanced funds could provide stability without sacrificing growth.

Explore the Benefits of Balanced Funds: Over time, a small allocation to balanced funds could help mitigate volatility as you approach retirement age. These funds offer a mix of debt and equity, which balances risk and growth.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to SIPs and fund selection shows a strong foundation for future growth. Simplifying your fund categories and reducing overlap can improve efficiency and returns. Working closely with a CFP will ensure that your portfolio remains aligned with your goals over time, providing you with the guidance needed for adjustments as markets evolve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6993 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Money
Sir please review my mutual fund sip portfolio * Axis Mid Cap Fund - Direct Growth = 1000 * ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF - Direct Plan = 1000 * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth = 1000 * SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth = 2000 * SBI PSU direct plan growth = 1000 My age is 27 . Looking a long term investment with higher return. Shall I continue this portfolio or any changes required? Kindly give your valuable suggestions . Thank you
Ans: Your portfolio looks well-constructed, with a strong foundation in mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. Each fund you've chosen reflects a strategic approach for growth. Let's evaluate each category and make any necessary suggestions to ensure you achieve the best potential returns over the long term.

Overview of Your Current Portfolio
You’ve diversified well across categories, with each fund serving a unique role. Let’s analyze the strengths and potential improvements in each area of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds, like the one in your portfolio, focus on companies with substantial growth potential but higher risk compared to large-cap companies. Over the long term, these funds often outperform due to their growth-focused nature.

However, consider monitoring this fund periodically. Mid-cap stocks can face higher volatility, which may impact returns if held solely without re-evaluation.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds are growth-oriented, targeting smaller companies with significant room for expansion. You’ve allocated well to this category, focusing on funds with robust track records.

Due to their volatile nature, however, they can experience sharp swings. A Certified Financial Planner can offer guidance to rebalance if necessary, which could enhance returns and help you avoid undue risk over the long term.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds have the flexibility to invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies, making them versatile. This allocation ensures that you have exposure to high-growth stocks while benefiting from the stability of large-cap stocks.

This type of fund aligns well with your long-term goal as it can balance risk across market cycles. Continue with this allocation for stable yet high-growth potential.

Sectoral Funds (Public Sector & PSU Funds)
Sectoral funds focused on PSUs add a thematic angle to your portfolio, providing exposure to government-linked companies. Such funds may perform well during economic growth phases or government-led initiatives but might also experience phases of underperformance.

For long-term investors like you, relying heavily on sectoral funds can add cyclical risk. A diversified equity fund may offer higher long-term growth with less risk than sector-specific investments.

Evaluation of Direct Fund Plans
Sir, investing through direct plans saves on expense ratios, which may seem beneficial at first. However, there are significant drawbacks:

Lack of Advisory Support: Direct plans don't offer professional guidance. Over time, tracking and rebalancing become crucial, and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) credential ensures optimal management.

Market Cycles and Rebalancing: Without expert oversight, you could miss critical adjustments during volatile market phases, affecting returns. A CFP helps in such rebalancing for better performance.

Tax Implications and Withdrawals: Selling or withdrawing from mutual funds, especially equity funds, incurs tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% for gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, while short-term gains (STCG) incur 20%. A regular plan with an MFD provides ongoing tax-efficient strategies.

Opting for regular plans via an MFD with a CFP credential will enable you to maximize returns while accessing insights that make a difference long term.

Suggested Modifications for Higher Returns and Stability
Focus on Balanced Funds Over Sectoral Exposure

To limit risks tied to sectoral funds, consider allocating a portion to balanced or diversified funds. These funds balance equity with stable instruments like debt, reducing volatility and sustaining growth.

Revisit Small and Mid-Cap Allocations

With multiple small-cap and mid-cap funds, consider focusing on one fund in each category. Over-diversification in these can dilute returns and increase tracking requirements. A strategic reallocation could yield more focused, consistent growth.

Consider SIP Step-Up for Long-Term Compounding

An annual SIP step-up, even a small amount, could enhance long-term wealth creation significantly. This adjustment boosts your corpus over time and aligns with your long-term goal of maximizing returns.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner

Having a CFP manage your portfolio brings personalized insight into market trends, rebalancing, and tax-efficient strategies. A CFP ensures you capitalize on growth while maintaining balance and tax efficiency.

Key Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Sir, I noticed you are not invested in index funds, which is beneficial for your growth objective. Actively managed funds outperform index funds, especially in dynamic market conditions. Here’s why:

Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed funds provide the flexibility to capitalize on changing market opportunities, which index funds lack due to their passive structure.

Adaptive Strategy: Fund managers of actively managed funds adjust to market shifts, providing growth and safety in a fluctuating market.

Downside Protection: During bear markets, actively managed funds can adjust exposure, while index funds simply follow the market downturn. Active management can minimize losses, giving a steadier performance over time.

Final Insights
Sir, you have built a promising portfolio with well-selected funds across categories. A few modifications could ensure a more balanced, growth-oriented, and tax-efficient portfolio. The following adjustments will help you achieve higher returns with sustained stability:

Consider balanced or diversified funds for steadier growth.

Limit mid-cap and small-cap fund overlaps to reduce portfolio complexity.

Use the expertise of a CFP to handle rebalancing, tax efficiency, and market cycle adaptations.

Continue focusing on actively managed funds over index funds, as these provide better long-term value.

Through these steps, you can optimize your portfolio for maximum growth and stability, setting a strong foundation for your long-term investment goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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