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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Rajan Question by Rajan on Apr 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi i am 34 old guy well settled i married a girl who cheated me and left me after a month only .After talking a year i got married but she left me in a sec ,feels very cheated .Now talks are getting on to get settlement done .She is just after money money property even after knowing this i still love her a lot .I cry alot for her may be she is practical and cheater and i am not . Marriage for me was something which is to be done once in a life will get over after over dead only but really not able to over come i think 24/7 about her only . Despite knowing everything my minds think about her .I have done alot of things to be busy but I can't concentrate on my life

Ans: It's understandable that you are feeling hurt and betrayed after being left by someone you loved and trusted. It's important to remember that healing from this kind of emotional pain takes time, and it's okay to give yourself the space and time you need to work through your emotions.

One thing you could do is to focus on your own well-being and self-care. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy or a sense of fulfillment, such as hobbies or exercise. You could also consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

It's also important to consider the practical aspects of the situation, such as the settlement. It can be helpful to work with a legal professional who can help you navigate the process and ensure that your rights and interests are protected.

When it comes to your feelings for your ex-partner, it's important to recognize that these feelings may take time to fade. However, it's also important to remember that your well-being and happiness should always come first. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship did not work out and to focus on the future possibilities for happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what steps you need to take to move forward and heal from this experience. Remember to be gentle with yourself, take things one step at a time, and prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1153 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Relationship
Hi I have been married to my college mate for more than 11 years now with a girl child of 8+ years.Wife and I were good friend for 2 years followed by live in for 4 years before we got married. We got into marriage unprepared financially and mentally.My wife is a great responsible caring person -- way more mature than I am. I am a bit childish and emotional, very talkative and expressive person.When I travelled to another city after 5 years of marriage for higher studies, I got involved with another girl. We were very much alike in terms of personalities. We could talk endlessly and were very compatible in all sense. We even got physical and felt like we’d never had this experience before. The thing is she too was recently married to another person quite like my wife.We tried to get separated from our previous relationships but the girl’s family couldn't bear the family pressure and her husband though good otherwise took this on his ego.I waited for 3 years for her to come out.In the mean time I was almost on the verge of breaking my marriage because whatever connection I had with my wife had almost come down to negligible.That girl too had to be in that forcible relationship with no connection at all and had to adopt a child to survive the dead relationship.I got into a messy situation too -- a marriage with no connection but a lovely child.I have a connection with that girl but without living together.I don’t know if I can start a new life and if I do, how much I will be involved with it. Absolutely messed up emotionally and physically. Although my wife and I are financially stable as both of us are officers.That girl too is a medical practitioner but I have no idea if she will ever be able to come out. Plz tell me what to do.I prayed a lot, read lots of books, tried meditation, counselling, still I am in the middle of nowhere.
Ans:

Dear HK,

Why exactly did you feel the need to get into a relationship with another person?

Did your current relationship lack anything that the other relationship was fulfilling you with?

How exactly did the relationship with your wife deteriorate? Did the two of you make efforts to communicate enough in that long distance relationship?

How do you say your marriage is one without connection? How did you lose that connection?

Now, do you plan on continuing in your marriage or move on? If you have decided to move on, isn’t it time for you to come out to your wife and share what has happened?

These questions are possibly ones that are very difficult to face and answer as they bring out the truth; but they will help you get a better grasp of the situation.

It’s nice to live an alternate reality life for some time and relish the goodness but coming back to your real life that holds the ‘real you’ and your responsibilities isn’t something that can be ignored any longer. So, as much as you feel that you are in the middle of nowhere, I see no mention of what your wife must be feeling right at this very moment.

It would help to put things in perspective and talk this out as adults, (and yes, you do owe her that) so that both of you can come to an amicable decision to live more peacefully.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1153 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

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Relationship
I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated
Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |4 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Guru - Answered on Sep 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 16 and I want to invest in mutual funds. I get pocket money of Rs 3000 per month. After cutting costs, I save about Rs 1200-1500 per month. Can I invest this in SIPs? My goal is to buy a Yamaha bike In December 2025 for my 18th birthday which costs Rs 1.5 lakh. I have already saved Rs 40,000. Where can I invest so that I can double my savings by next year? Please advice
Ans: Dear
It’s awesome that you’re thinking about investing at such a young age! Your goal of buying a Yamaha bike for your 18th birthday is achievable with the right investment strategy. Let’s break it down:
1. SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) for Your Monthly Savings you can absolutely invest your savings in SIPs. With Rs 1200-1500 available per month, SIPs are a great way to start investing in mutual funds. They allow you to invest small amounts regularly, and over time, you can benefit from compounding and rupee-cost averaging, which means your money can grow steadily. However, since your goal is just over a year away (December 2025), you’ll need to invest in something that balances growth with moderate risk, because mutual funds, especially equity ones, can be volatile in the short term.
2. How Much You Need to Save - Your target is Rs 1.5 lakh, and you’ve already saved Rs 40,000.- So, you need Rs 1.1 lakh more by December 2025. - You have roughly 15 months left, meaning you need to save or grow your savings by about Rs 7333 per month to meet your goal.
3. Investment Options - Given your short time frame, here are a few options to consider: - Hybrid or Balanced Mutual Funds: These funds invest in both stocks (equity) and bonds (debt), providing moderate growth with relatively lower risk than pure equity funds. While they might not double your savings in a year, they can give you better returns than a bank savings account. On average, you could expect returns of 8-10% per year. - Debt Mutual Funds: These are safer compared to equity mutual funds but offer lower returns, typically 6-8% per year. Debt funds might be a good option if you want to minimize risk, though they won't give huge returns in a short time. - Recurring Deposits (RDs): If you’re looking for safety and guaranteed returns, an RD in a bank might be a safer option, though the returns will be around 5-6%. This won’t help double your money, but it’s secure.
4. Doubling Your Money in a Year- While it’s tempting to look for ways to double your money quickly, it’s important to understand that high returns usually come with high risk. Investing in high-risk options like **stock trading** or **cryptocurrencies** could lead to losses, especially over such a short period.
Unfortunately, doubling your money in just over a year is not realistic without taking on significant risk. A better approach is to aim for stable growth and possibly adjust your bike budget or timeframe if necessary.
5. Action Plan - Start a SIP in a **balanced or hybrid mutual fund** with your monthly savings of Rs 1200-1500.
- Continue saving as much as possible to reach your target.
- Be cautious of high-risk investments, as they could hurt your savings in the short term.
So the Conclusion that by investing in SIPs and sticking to a disciplined savings plan, you should be able to get close to your goal. While doubling your money may not happen within a year, steady growth will help you build towards your dream bike.
If you need more personalized advice, consider speaking to a financial advisor to find the best funds for your situation.

Best regards,
Nitin Narkhede
Founder & MD, Prosperity Lifestyle Hub https://Nitinnarkhede.com
Free Webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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