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Kanchan Rai  |287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Manjur Question by Manjur on Jun 18, 2024Hindi

Hi, myself Manjur Rahman from Assam India. I work as a Telecommunication engineer in Radio Frequency and optimisation test, my yearly net worth is 252000 only , recently I have been through a relationship... which now possibly became a part of my life, after thousands of search i finally found my love of my life which is for real, its been just 9month till today, i found her in my life, we planned to be open infront of our parents and families, and so our parents met and they fixed our marriage, yet date not fixed but we took 7more months, now the thing is that , we both became more sentimental and stubborn , being rude and i feel like after all this our love and care which is really too much but now little bit of it is missing from both , qnd now after a fight we don't talk to each other for more then 5days , slowly2 days were increased, where we can't stay more than 1hr after a argue, before...and she use to say all the time even after a small argument..i don't want to stay with you, lets break this relationship even i do agree at the time of ...you know what i mean..! Where earlier we both use to say if one can say for leaving then obviously he she can leave because one day definitely he she will leave if being in a good relationship if one can say the word 'leave you / break up'. Now we are doing it..and also much More .. Her name is Rasmina Begum, also from same district but 50km distance from me... please let me know if there is any good things so we could do together for making our relationship perfect more than before and letting it till last breath ????...

Ans: Manjur.
Navigating the ups and downs of a relationship, especially as you move towards marriage, can be challenging but deeply rewarding. It’s clear you and Rasmina care deeply for each other.

Start with better communication. Listening actively to each other without planning your response is crucial. When Rasmina shares her feelings, focus entirely on understanding her perspective. This shows respect and helps in reducing misunderstandings. Additionally, express your emotions calmly using "I feel" statements. For example, say "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always...". This shifts the conversation from blame to sharing feelings, making it easier to connect and respond with empathy.

Conflicts are natural, but how you handle them makes all the difference. If arguments get heated, taking a short break can help you both cool down and revisit the discussion with a clearer mind. After an argument, it's important to reconnect with simple gestures of kindness or a reassuring word, reaffirming your commitment to each other and healing any emotional rift.
Healthy relationships thrive on both shared experiences and personal growth. Encourage each other to pursue individual interests, which keeps you both energized and brings fresh perspectives into the relationship. At the same time, find activities you enjoy doing together to build positive memories and deepen your bond.

Finally, regularly remind yourselves of why you fell in love and the future you’re building together. Reflect on your shared dreams and celebrate your journey. This helps keep your connection strong and resilient through challenging times.

By focusing on these aspects—improved communication, constructive conflict resolution, balancing individuality with togetherness, and reaffirming your commitment—you and Rasmina can strengthen your relationship and look forward to a fulfilling life together.

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Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.

Dear GP,

A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.

Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.

You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.

How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.

Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.

She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.

Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.

Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.

So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.

Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.

So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2021

I am in a relationship since nine years, including four years of marriage. Since the day of marriage, I am having regular fights with my wife concerning my mother and sisters. Of late, I am feeling like I have lost the love between the two of us. We have stopped talking and are not even getting a chance to spend some time together. Whenever we do, we end up arguing about past mistakes and all. We never talk about the future. During the second wave of the pandemic, we came to our native place. After spending some good days, she went to her home for some days and now she is not willing to come back. We recently had a fight over phone and stopped talking. Then I started calling her and talking to her but she does not seem to be in a mood to talk. Now, I have stopped talking to her. I am bit worried as I feel like I am left alone. Despite so many efforts towards her and her family , she finds a reason to get pissed about me. I am not sure anymore what to do. If I try to make her understand, then this is again the same situation happening since four years. If I don’t, then I know she won’t be taking any initiative from her side. Please suggest.

You have left out one very important piece of information. Do you and your wife live with your mother and sisters?

I know in-laws are a bone of contention in most households at some point, but it comes to such an extreme only when people are forced to cohabitate with them. And if this is the case, you need to change the living arrangements pronto.

Never mind whether your wife is right or your family is right; if you want to save your marriage and improve relations between your family and your wife, move out. Immediately.

I’d like you to write in again and tell me exactly what’s going on. And this is for both of you -- if you don’t let go of the past and forgive each other’s past mistakes, you’ll never move forward.

The idea is not to repeat them and fall into old patterns of behaviour.

You need to make a promise to each other that, when having a discussion, neither will rake up past fights unless they have an extreme bearing on the current scenario.

..Read more


Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2024

Ok ma'am...thanks..I am really observing her as she is in my office .day to day the face comes in front..but the thing is that she says that my parents are looking someone which they want and they wish ahe could marry with the person which they decide..but when she came in my life she told me that I am totally alone we can plan our future from here..but suddenly how can just a miracle happen??I was always planning for life with her...but now she is working in my office but she says we can't come in our relationship in future..so I am so much confused what to do ..I am executing the changes which I have promised her.but still I am not getting the clue whether to continue with her or not .she is totally on the closing...plz guide me
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Hasn't she told you that 'we can't come in our relationship in future'?
Which part of this sentence do you not understand? What more do you want her to say that will convince you that she is not interested in you?
That's why I had suggested that you become unavailable to her. If she has feelings, your absence may possibly make her want this relationship and it will be her turn to make things work...
But I get this feeling that you are in desperate space and want to hear that All is Well...No, it isn't for now...
Either with the space that you make will get her back in an appreciative way OR you will realize your own worth...either way, you will be better than what and where you are now...Hope this helps you get on the right path...

All the best!

..Read more


Mohit Arora  |67 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
Is unrated safe to invest Sbi advantage Icici pru opportunities????
Ans: Unrated funds, like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities, lack official ratings from agencies. This doesn't necessarily mean they are bad options. It simply means they haven't been evaluated by rating agencies yet. This could be due to the funds being relatively new or less popular.

Risks and Considerations
Higher Risk
Unrated funds come with higher uncertainty. They do not have a track record to assess their performance and risk profile. This makes it challenging to predict their future performance.

Potential Rewards
Despite the higher risk, unrated funds can offer potential rewards. New funds often aim to attract investors by performing well initially. However, this is not guaranteed and requires careful consideration.

Investing in Funds with Better Track Records
Proven Performance
It is advisable to invest in funds with a proven track record. These funds have historical data showing how they perform in different market conditions. This provides more confidence in their future performance.

Stability and Reliability
Funds with better track records have demonstrated their ability to manage market volatility. They offer more stability and reliability, which is crucial for long-term investment goals.

Active vs. Index Funds
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market. Skilled fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This can lead to higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
Advantages of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides professional guidance. CFPs help with fund selection and portfolio management. This ensures your investments align with your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing in unrated funds like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities carries higher risk due to the lack of track record. It is generally safer to invest in funds with proven performance and a stable track record. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help you make informed decisions and build a diversified portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
I am 30, married 2 years back. I earn around 1.08 lacs and wife earns around 70k. House rent is 30k. Car rent is 18k pending for 4 years more.Have almost no savings just emergency fund of 3L. Invest only in MF 18k pm and LIC 5k per month. Give 30-40k to parents monthly. Possible to generate 2 cr in 15 years? If yes then pls suggest
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You and your wife have a combined monthly income of Rs. 1.78 lakhs. Your monthly expenses include house rent of Rs. 30,000 and car rent of Rs. 18,000 for the next four years. You have an emergency fund of Rs. 3 lakhs and invest Rs. 18,000 per month in mutual funds and Rs. 5,000 per month in LIC. Additionally, you provide Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000 to your parents monthly.

Goal Assessment

You aim to generate Rs. 2 crores in 15 years. This is achievable with disciplined savings and strategic investments.

Income and Expenses Analysis

Your combined income is Rs. 1.78 lakhs per month. After deducting rent (Rs. 48,000) and parental support (Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000), you have around Rs. 1 lakh left for other expenses, savings, and investments.

Current Investments

Mutual Funds: Rs. 18,000 per month
LIC: Rs. 5,000 per month
Investment Strategy Recommendations

Increase Monthly Savings

Try to increase your savings rate. Even a small increase in monthly savings can significantly impact your long-term goals.

Maximise Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with your mutual fund investments. Consider increasing the amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, can offer higher returns over the long term.

Review LIC Policy

Review your LIC policy. If it is not yielding good returns, consider surrendering it. Reinvest the amount in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner before making any decisions.

Emergency Fund

Maintain your emergency fund. Ensure it covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid or easily accessible account.

Debt Management

Car rent will continue for four more years. Once completed, redirect this amount to your savings and investments. Reducing debt will free up more funds for investments.

Retirement and Contingency Planning

Consider investing in a mix of equity and debt funds for a balanced portfolio. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor this mix to your risk tolerance and goals.

Action Plan to Achieve Rs. 2 Crores

Increase Mutual Fund SIPs: Gradually increase your monthly SIPs in mutual funds. Aim to invest a higher portion of your surplus income.

Review Insurance Needs: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Review and adjust your policies as needed.

Long-term Investments: Focus on long-term equity investments. These can provide higher returns compared to other instruments.

Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Lifestyle Adjustments

Control Discretionary Spending: Reduce unnecessary expenses. This will help you save more.

Joint Planning with Spouse: Work together with your spouse on financial planning. Joint efforts can amplify your savings and investments.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs. 2 crores in 15 years is possible. Increase your savings and strategic investments. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
I am 41 years old , with In-hand salary of 1.26L , Wife salary 79K , Home loan remaining 22 Laks for 11 years , Started Saving recently in Mutual Funds with Target of 40-50K investment per month , Invested 40K in HDFC small cap fund direct , Quant Focused 30K , Quant infrastructure 35K , quant small cap 60K , 50K in Quant ELss. Please suggest the Investment proportion and suggestive investment amount for comfortable retirement and Child Higher education
Ans: Overview of Current Financial Situation
You are 41 years old with an in-hand salary of Rs. 1.26 lakhs and your wife earns Rs. 79,000. You have a home loan balance of Rs. 22 lakhs for 11 years. You have recently started investing in mutual funds with a target of Rs. 40-50k per month. Your current investments are:

Rs. 40k in a small cap fund
Rs. 30k in a focused fund
Rs. 35k in an infrastructure fund
Rs. 60k in a small cap fund
Rs. 50k in an ELSS fund
Investment Proportion Analysis
Your portfolio is heavily skewed towards small cap and sector-specific funds. This strategy can be risky. Diversification is essential to balance risks and returns. Consider a mix of large cap, mid cap, and hybrid funds. This approach provides stability and growth.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds. Fund managers use expertise to navigate market conditions. This advantage can outweigh the typically higher expense ratios.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has benefits. CFPs offer professional advice, ongoing support, and portfolio adjustments. This guidance can help you achieve your financial goals effectively. Direct funds lack this personalized service and can be challenging to manage alone.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds provide stability. Allocate 25-30% of your monthly investment here. They are less volatile and offer steady returns over time.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. Allocate 20-25% here. They have the potential for higher growth compared to large caps.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds combine equity and debt. They provide a cushion against market volatility. Allocate 15-20% of your investments in hybrid funds.

Small Cap and Sectoral Funds
Limit your exposure to small cap and sectoral funds to 20-25%. They can be volatile and should be balanced with more stable investments.

ELSS Funds
ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. They also provide growth opportunities. Allocate 10-15% here, considering your tax-saving needs.

Monthly Investment Plan
Given your target of Rs. 40-50k per month, here is a suggested allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 10-12k
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 8-10k
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Small Cap and Sectoral Funds: Rs. 8-10k
ELSS Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Planning for Retirement and Child's Education
Retirement Planning
Estimate your retirement corpus based on your current lifestyle. Aim for a corpus that can sustain you comfortably. Consider inflation and rising expenses. Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in diversified funds. Regular reviews with a CFP can keep your plan on track.

Child's Higher Education
Calculate the future cost of education. Consider inflation and rising fees. Start an SIP in diversified funds focused on education goals. ULIPs or other insurance-linked investments may not be ideal. Mutual funds offer better returns and flexibility.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is aggressive. Balancing it with large cap and hybrid funds will reduce risk. Investing regularly and reviewing your portfolio periodically is crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. This ensures your goals of comfortable retirement and child's education are met.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Hello Sir I am Naveen and i am 31 years old, I am planning to retire at the age of 50 with 5 Cr and monthly income 1 L My Investment is PPF 400000 ULIP 250000 FD 100000 EPF 300000 NPS 200000(every year 50000 ) Stock 800000 MF 700000 Child plan Own house, taken Health insurance 20 L and Term insurance 1 Cr . Please advise me how much i need to increase my investment for my better retirement
Ans: Assessment of Current Financial Situation

You have diversified your investments across various financial instruments. Your goal to retire at 50 with Rs. 5 crore and a monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh is achievable with proper planning.

Current Investments

PPF: Rs. 4,00,000
ULIP: Rs. 2,50,000
FD: Rs. 1,00,000
EPF: Rs. 3,00,000
NPS: Rs. 2,00,000 (Rs. 50,000 yearly)
Stock: Rs. 8,00,000
Mutual Funds: Rs. 7,00,000
Child Plan: Amount not specified
Own House
Health Insurance: Rs. 20 lakh
Term Insurance: Rs. 1 crore
Financial Goals Analysis

Your goal requires disciplined saving and strategic investments. Let’s evaluate each aspect:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a safe investment. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. However, its limit restricts the amount you can invest yearly.

Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP)

ULIP combines insurance and investment. It may not be the best for high returns. Consider reviewing its performance and charges.

Fixed Deposit (FD)

FDs provide security but lower returns. Inflation can erode their value. Consider keeping only a portion in FDs.

Employees' Provident Fund (EPF)

EPF is a stable option for long-term savings. It provides decent returns and tax benefits. Continue contributing.

National Pension System (NPS)

NPS is beneficial for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and tax benefits. Your current contribution of Rs. 50,000 yearly is good.

Stock Market

Stocks can yield high returns but come with risks. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Diversify to mitigate risks.

Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are good for wealth creation. Choose funds based on your risk appetite. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for advice on fund selection.

Child Plan

Ensure the plan meets your child’s future education needs. Evaluate its performance and adjust if necessary.

Health and Term Insurance

You have sufficient coverage. Ensure to review and increase if needed with inflation.

Additional Investment Recommendations

To achieve your retirement goal, you need to increase investments. Here’s how:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Mutual funds offer potential for high returns. Increase SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to choose the best funds.

Review and Adjust ULIP

Evaluate the charges and performance of ULIPs. If returns are low, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for advice.

Maximize NPS Contributions

Increase your NPS contributions. It will enhance your retirement corpus and provide tax benefits.

Invest in Stocks Wisely

Continue investing in stocks. Diversify across sectors and regularly review. Stay updated with market trends.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund. Ensure it’s 6-12 months of your expenses. Park it in liquid funds for easy access.

Retirement Corpus Calculation

Without specific calculations, aim to increase your investments by 10-15% annually. This will help you reach your Rs. 5 crore goal.

Final Insights

Your current investment strategy is strong. However, regular review and adjustments are crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Stay disciplined and focused on your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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