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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
LK Question by LK on May 05, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for more than 4 years now. But till date my husband never speaks over the phone in front of me. He always goes out of the house or moves farther away when we are out some shopping or anything like that.
He has two mobiles and never shares his mobile unlock pin or pattern. Whenever he goes out to talk over phone, I feel stressed. He doesn't even talk to his parents or sister in front of me or when I'm near or around him.
Whenever I try to talk to him about this issue, he yells at me asking why is it a problem for me if he talks over the phone?
It always ends up in an argument or fight.

How do I handle this issue? Please suggest.
Thanks and regards

Ans:

Dear LK,
Some people are absolutely finicky when it comes to their privacy.

They love protecting and guarding their space and allow no one into it.

I am sure this causes you to think that there might be more to it and that’s why it has begun to bother you.

If you have been complaining about this, he mostly likely will retract and become defensive and not even offer an explanation to it.

Instead have you tried, being softer, yet assertive in a way that you make him realise that it bothers you. Also, an assurance that you are not out to stalk him or spy on his movements but give him that space where he can be free around you.

It might take time for him to release the old behaviour and form a new one, and you can simply support that change by reiterating that you are part of his journey and that it is okay for him to take a call with you and that you will not judge him for anything.

If he still doesn’t want to, I think you might consider respecting his privacy unless there is reason for you not to.
All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Dr. I am 27 year women with a 5 year old girl and 7 months pregnant. I was married 9 years ago. We faced many ups and downs in our life. Three years back , I went to dubai where my husband was working, to spend with him. But as a mobile addict , most of the time he will be on mobile when he was at home or sleeping. We spend little quality time . That too on my or my daughter's insist. Later I got job there as a teacher @ school . I worked there about two years when I got pregnant I return back to my home country. As he was resigned in search of better opportunity, even he is also with me in India now. He is short tempered and whenever he talks he raises his voice. For every single thing he is worried and shouting at me . It makes me feel sad. He is not bothered about my health and if I ask something like fruits to buy he will get angry saying that I am the one who is to manage the expenses and he can't afford buying things for me. He blames me for single thing. I need to ask permission for spending my money. He is in charge of taking care of my money. Main thing that I can't digest from his side is that he demands me to obey him like a slave. He says that how we are to the God , likewise you should obey and bear what ever from his side. Till that my love towards him isn't completed that is what he says. He never ever gives me a chance to explain or communicate my issues. Now I feel emotionally mentally very distant from him. I am staying at my home . Though his house is nearby mine, he rarely find time to visit me or call me. What should I do?
Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |21 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 46 years old residing in a B Town in India. I have 2 daughters one 16 years old and second 7 years old. I have Savings of 25 Lakh in my account as emergency find. I have FD of 65 Lakhs. PF, PPF and NPS of 25 Lakhs, Mutual Fund and Shares of 25 Lakhs, Lic policies worth 25 Lakhs, Gold around 1.2 Crores. I have a medical insurance of 20 Lakhs for me and my family, Term insurance of 1Cr. As properties. I own 2 independent houses, 2 flats and 2 plots in Bangalore which has a current value of about 4.5 Cr. In my home town i have 2 Houses, 1 apartment and plots which has a current value of 2.75 Cr. Currently i am drawing a monthly salary of 2 Lakh rupees and get a rent of 30K/ month. I donot have any emi's and my monthly expenses is currently 75K. I am planning to retire at the age of 50. Is my financial condition stable to retire at the age of 50? Thanks for your suggestion in advance.
Ans: Hi,

Lets understand the value of your current Investments at the time of retirement. Below is the list with its current value and (expected rate of return).
Emergency Fund - 25 lakhs (3.5%)
Fixed Deposits - 65 lakhs (7%)
PF/PPF/NPS - 25 lakhs (8%)
MF/Stocks - 25 lakhs (10%)
LIC Policies - 25 lakhs (no change)
Your current investments listed above will achieve a value of 3.5 crore at the time of retirement 4 years from now.

Apart from this you have mentioned properties worth 7.25 Cr. Assuming you will only use/liquidate them if required, so excluding them from consideration for now.

You total income is 2.30 lakhs per month (includes rent) and expenses are 75k per month. So there is potential to add to the above investments for the next 4 years.

I will assume your current expenses are sufficient for the lifestyle you want to continue post retirement.
You will require a corpus on retirement after 4 years to sustain your expenses adjusted with inflation of 6% which will be close to 1 lakh per month (at the time of retirement).
With this starting point, and adjusting for inflation of 6% each year, and life expectancy of 30 years post retirement you need a corpus of approx. 2.5 crore - again assumed this will earn a return of 8% for the 30 years.
If you can invest wisely and generate a slightly higher return of say 10%, the corpus requirement will be 2 crore.

Your current investments at the time of retirement with value of 3.5 crore is sufficient to cover your expenses for the next 30 years inflation adjusted at 6%.
And this is excluding the properties you own and additional investments you can make for the next 4 years.

Summary - You are more than stable as far as your financial state is concerned. You have a strong base to meet your retirement needs and also a potential to create wealth for the generations ahead.

I want to highlight/recommend few points -
1. Increase the medical Insurance for yourself and family to 1Crore as medical expenses will only increase in future.
2. Stop the Term Life Insurance and save the premium for investment. As you have no liabilities and net-worth is high enough to cover any outcomes in life ahead, this premium is a lost cause considering your strong financial state.
3. Revisit the LIC Policies you have and consider surrendering/stopping them if they are not nearing their maturity. They are not giving you enough cover and providing below par returns. So do discuss with a trusted licensed advisor and evaluate them. If they will mature in the next 4 years, ignore this point.
4. Post retirement period is a long duration of 30 years, so do consider getting a good advisor - a Certified Financial Planner who can guide you to plan your retirement well and help you design a portfolio for additional wealth creation as a legacy for your children/dependents.


Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have the following funds part of my SIP and the last 4 funds are my one time lump sum of 35K each and invested sometime in November last year. Are these good to hold (lump sum) and rest as SIP for another 5 years. 1 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Reg Gr 2 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Dir Gr 3 Tata Multi Asset Opp Dir Gr 4 TATA Nifty 50 Index Dir Pl 5 Technology Plan - Direct - Growth 6 Bandhan Sterling Value Fund-(Reg PIn) -Gr 7 Nifty Smallcap250 Quality 50 Index Fund - Dir - G 8 | HDFC Dividend Yield Direct Growth 9 Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 10 Quant Multi Asset Fund Direct Growth 11 Groww Nifty Non Cyclical Consumer Index Fund Direct Growth 12 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: You have invested in multiple funds through SIP and lump sum. Holding them for the next 5 years is a good approach. However, it is important to check if your portfolio is diversified, aligned with your goals, and tax-efficient.

Overlap Between Funds
Your portfolio has multiple funds from the same category.

Too many similar funds do not improve returns but make tracking difficult.

Checking fund overlap can help avoid duplication.

Actively Managed vs Index Funds
You have index funds in your portfolio.

Index funds do not offer downside protection in market corrections.

Actively managed funds can outperform the index in volatile markets.

Switching from index funds to actively managed funds can improve growth.

Direct vs Regular Funds
You have invested in direct funds.

Direct funds may seem cheaper, but they lack expert guidance.

Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials ensures better selection and tracking.

Regular funds provide better decision-making support over time.

Sector-Specific and Thematic Funds
You hold a technology fund.

Sector funds are high-risk, as they depend on one industry’s performance.

If the sector underperforms, returns may be negative for years.

A diversified approach reduces risk compared to sector-based investing.

Smallcap and Midcap Allocation
You have smallcap and midcap funds.

These funds can be highly volatile in the short term.

Holding them for 5+ years is necessary to reduce risk.

Ensure you rebalance if the portfolio gets too aggressive.

Multi-Asset and Dividend Yield Funds
Multi-asset funds provide stability during market corrections.

Dividend yield funds are suitable for conservative investors.

These funds help in balancing the portfolio between risk and return.

Final Insights
Reduce overlapping funds and focus on fewer, well-performing funds.

Exit index funds and shift to actively managed funds for better growth.

Consider switching from direct funds to regular funds for expert tracking.

Keep sector funds below 10% of your portfolio to avoid concentration risk.

Continue SIPs in high-quality diversified funds for long-term wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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Money
Can I run my family with 15 k exp and 20k retirement income
Ans: You have a monthly retirement income of Rs 20,000 and expect monthly expenses of Rs 15,000. On paper, this looks manageable, but there are important financial factors to consider. Let us analyse whether this income will be sufficient for the long term.

Cost of Living and Inflation Impact
Expenses will increase over time due to inflation.

If inflation is 6% per year, your Rs 15,000 monthly expenses may double in 12 years.

If income remains Rs 20,000, the gap between income and expenses will widen.

Healthcare and Medical Costs
Medical expenses increase with age.

Even with health insurance, out-of-pocket medical costs can rise.

If a medical emergency arises, your savings could be depleted quickly.

Emergency Fund Requirement
A sudden family emergency can strain finances.

Having at least 2–3 years' worth of expenses in a liquid fund is necessary.

If you do not have an emergency fund, your retirement income may not be sufficient.

Unplanned Expenses and Lifestyle Changes
New financial needs may arise, such as helping family members or home repairs.

You may want to travel, pursue hobbies, or engage in social activities.

A fixed retirement income can make such expenses challenging.

Investment Strategy for Long-Term Security
To beat inflation, invest a portion of savings in growth-oriented assets.

A mix of equity and debt funds will help generate better returns.

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds can provide a higher monthly income.

Alternative Income Sources
Consider part-time work, freelancing, or consulting if possible.

Rental income or dividends from investments can support retirement cash flow.

Final Insights
Rs 20,000 may be enough now, but inflation and rising costs can make it insufficient later.

A combination of investments, emergency funds, and alternate income sources will provide financial security.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to sustain your retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I have about 28 lakhs invested in different MF. Now i want a SWP of 35000 per month from that total fund. Looking at the current market situation I was either thinking if dividing the fund between debt 30% and equity 70%. But instead of investing a lumpsum amounts will it make more sense to park all my funds in a dynamic debt fund and then every month do SIP of maybe one lakh each to equity fund or balanced fund. Also i would like to know what difference will it make in my investment returns between sip and lumpsum except ofcourse averageing the market volatility in case of SIP and getting more UNITS if done lumpsum.
Ans: You have Rs 28 lakh invested in mutual funds and want to withdraw Rs 35,000 per month through a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). You are considering whether to invest the corpus as a lump sum in a 70% equity – 30% debt allocation or to park the full amount in a debt fund and do an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity.

Your goal should be to generate stable withdrawals while preserving your capital and ensuring growth. Below is a structured approach to managing your funds wisely.

Understanding SWP and Its Impact on Your Corpus
SWP is a cash flow strategy, allowing regular withdrawals while the remaining corpus continues to grow.

The key challenge is to balance withdrawals and growth so that the corpus does not deplete too soon.

Investing in a mix of debt and equity will ensure stability while benefiting from market growth.

Option 1: Investing 70% in Equity and 30% in Debt
This allocation is suitable for long-term growth. Equity provides growth, while debt ensures stability.

A balanced portfolio helps manage volatility and ensures a steady SWP.

The downside is that a lump sum investment in equity exposes you to market fluctuations.

If the market falls after investing, the SWP may lead to selling equity at a lower value, reducing corpus longevity.

Option 2: Parking in a Debt Fund and Doing Monthly SIPs
This reduces market timing risk by investing gradually.

Debt funds provide low but steady returns, protecting the corpus while equity exposure increases.

SIPs spread the risk over time, ensuring better price averaging.

The downside is that debt funds provide lower returns, which may impact the final corpus.

SIP vs Lump Sum: Key Differences
SIP helps in market averaging, reducing the impact of volatility.

Lump sum investment can generate higher returns if the market performs well.

SIP is better for those worried about market crashes, while lump sum works well for long-term investors willing to take higher risks.

Best Strategy for You
A hybrid approach will work best:

Step 1: Park Rs 28 lakh in a low-duration or dynamic debt fund.

Step 2: Start an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity for 24–28 months.

Step 3: Withdraw Rs 35,000 per month from the debt fund until equity allocation builds up.

Step 4: After 2–3 years, rebalance to maintain a 60% equity – 40% debt allocation for stability.

Tax Implications of SWP
Withdrawals from equity funds held for over 1 year attract 12.5% tax on LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh.

Withdrawals before 1 year attract 20% STCG tax.

Withdrawals from debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Final Insights
A mix of debt and equity will ensure growth and stability in your SWP plan.

Parking the corpus in a debt fund first and then gradually shifting to equity is a safer approach.

Rebalancing every 2–3 years will help manage risk and sustain withdrawals.

Keep track of taxation to optimise post-tax returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 12, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I am 46. Unemployed due to health reasons. I have 28 lakhs i want to invest in SWP . I need 35000 monthly. How long do I have before my fund runs out? How should I invest to make the most of it? I want my funds to appreciate as well to be atleast propionate to my need of 35000. Given- if i invest in lumpsum than I get higher number of units and if i take the SIP route it can negate the market volatility. Looking at the current market scanerio i believe it may take couple of years to see proper returns. I was also thinking of pooling the entire corpus in Aggressive debt funds and then do a SIP to an actively managed equity fund. Under these circumstances please provide fund names also. Thanks in advance.
Ans: You are 46 and unemployed due to health reasons. You need Rs 35,000 per month from your investments. Your goal is to make your funds last longer while allowing growth.

Let us analyse your options and create a plan.

Assessing Your Requirement
You need Rs 4.2 lakh per year (Rs 35,000 x 12 months).

Your corpus is Rs 28 lakh.

If you withdraw Rs 4.2 lakh annually without growth, your funds will last less than 7 years.

You need growth to sustain withdrawals for a longer period.

Challenges with a High SWP Rate
A SWP of 15% per year (Rs 4.2 lakh from Rs 28 lakh) is too high.

Safe withdrawal rates are usually 4-6% per year.

A high withdrawal rate will deplete your corpus fast.

Investment Strategy for SWP
You need a mix of equity and debt to balance growth and stability.

Step 1: Allocate Corpus Wisely
Equity (50%): Invest for growth.
Debt (50%): Keep funds for the next 5-6 years of withdrawals.
This approach helps maintain stability while allowing long-term appreciation.

Step 2: SWP from Debt Funds
Start your SWP from debt funds to avoid withdrawing from volatile equity investments.

Debt funds provide stability and minimise short-term risk.

This ensures your equity investments have time to grow.

Step 3: Systematic Transfer to Equity
Keep your equity allocation in a flexi-cap or multi-cap fund for diversification.

Invest in a systematic transfer plan (STP) from a debt fund to an equity fund.

This reduces market timing risk and balances volatility.

Expected Corpus Longevity
If your portfolio grows at 8-10% annually, your funds may last 10-12 years.

If the market performs well, your funds may last longer.

A lower withdrawal rate will further extend sustainability.

Alternative Options to Sustain Your Corpus
Reduce withdrawals: If possible, lower monthly expenses to Rs 25,000-30,000.

Part-time income: If health permits, explore work-from-home or passive income options.

Medical emergency fund: Keep at least Rs 2 lakh aside for medical needs.

Review investments: Rebalance every year to maintain growth and stability.

Final Insights
Your current withdrawal rate is high.

A balanced equity-debt approach can extend the longevity of your corpus.

Use SWP from debt funds and STP to equity for better returns.

Monitor the portfolio regularly to ensure sustainability.

If possible, reduce withdrawals slightly to make the corpus last longer.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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