My Husband Is Always on WhatsApp Talking to His Ex: What Should I Do?

Ans:

Dear LK,
Some people are absolutely finicky when it comes to their privacy.

They love protecting and guarding their space and allow no one into it.

I am sure this causes you to think that there might be more to it and that’s why it has begun to bother you.

If you have been complaining about this, he mostly likely will retract and become defensive and not even offer an explanation to it.

Instead have you tried, being softer, yet assertive in a way that you make him realise that it bothers you. Also, an assurance that you are not out to stalk him or spy on his movements but give him that space where he can be free around you.

It might take time for him to release the old behaviour and form a new one, and you can simply support that change by reiterating that you are part of his journey and that it is okay for him to take a call with you and that you will not judge him for anything.

If he still doesn’t want to, I think you might consider respecting his privacy unless there is reason for you not to.
All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband seems to have been in a series on relationships...This could be a pattern; a habit, something that needs intervention.
What is your stand in all of this? Are you fine with knowing about all this after marriage?
What is the reason that he hid this from you?
How are you sure that he is not in a relationship with someone else right now?
This is not to frighten you but for you to start taking note of how this could affect your life.

As for the woman who keeps calling you about your husband; you were not a part of their relationship, they did not consult with you before having the child...why should you be involved in that? Tell her to contact him and leave you alone.
I would also caution you that this woman could also be lying as your husband possibly could have ignored her BUT what makes me suspect him is the fact that he kept all this hidden from you.

So, it's time that your husband came clean...Ask and do not rest till you get your answers! You will save yourself from a lot of pain and agony...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s perfectly normal to feel uneasy and even hurt by your wife's behavior. When someone we care deeply about maintains contact with an ex in a hidden manner, it can shake our sense of security and trust. Your emotions are valid, and they deserve thoughtful consideration.

To navigate this, it’s essential to approach the situation with a focus on open communication rather than confrontation. Start by reflecting on what exactly bothers you about her communication with her ex. Is it the secrecy, the content of their conversations, or how often they’re in touch? Understanding your emotions clearly can help you articulate them better when the time comes to talk.

Choose a calm, private moment to have this conversation with your wife. It’s best to avoid bringing it up in the heat of the moment or when either of you is stressed. A peaceful setting will help you both engage more constructively. When you speak to her, try to express your feelings calmly and use “I” statements. For example, you might say, “I feel uncomfortable and uneasy when I see you being secretive with your phone because it makes me feel excluded and anxious.” This way, you’re sharing your emotions without sounding accusatory, which can help her understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

After you’ve shared your feelings, give her a chance to explain her side. There might be reasons for her behavior that you haven’t considered. Listening to her perspective can provide valuable insights and help you understand her actions better. It's crucial to approach this conversation with an open mind and a willingness to understand her viewpoint.

Discussing your boundaries and expectations regarding interactions with ex-partners can be helpful. Every relationship has different comfort levels when it comes to staying in touch with past relationships. Finding a balance that respects both of your feelings and fosters trust is important. If she acknowledges your discomfort and agrees to limit or end contact with her ex, you can work together to rebuild trust. This might involve more open communication, sharing more about each other’s day, or finding ways to reconnect emotionally.

If the issue persists or if you find it challenging to navigate this on your own, seeking help from a relationship counselor can be very beneficial. A professional can provide a neutral space to explore your concerns and work on solutions together. They can offer strategies to improve your communication and help both of you feel heard and understood.

Remember, the goal is not to control your wife’s actions but to address your discomfort and work towards a solution that strengthens your relationship. Trust and transparency are key components of a healthy partnership, and addressing these issues openly can help you both grow closer. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to listen and compromise, you can navigate this challenge together and come out stronger on the other side.

Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.