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Stuck on Memories of Ex-Husband After 8 Years - How Can I Move On?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1549 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sangeeta Question by Sangeeta on Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I was married for 4 yrs but broke up after an year.Now he has married someone else but m still single...Every now n then I remember him...I just want to erase all the memories of him but all in vain...please guide me in a right way so that I can move forward happily...

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Heartbreaks are never easy BUT with a few tweaks, things start to get better over time.
A few tips:
1. Put away things in the house that remind you of him and the marriage
2. Set goals that constantly push you to do more and out of your comfort zone
3. Set up a system where you can reach out to a friend the day you feel yourself slipping back
4. Hit the gym or go for a run as this helps you focus on yourself
5. Bring back a hobby that you have kept away for a long time
6. Most importantly, remind yourself that you are your most important person

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1549 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Relationship
Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on. This was during the pre-social media era. However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced. Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me. I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory. I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much. It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?
Ans:

IK 

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1549 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

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Relationship
hello mam i had a breakup a year ago and i still havent moved on from him. i am trying to push myself and have given myself enough time. But the core memory i share with him still hurts me. Then like this i get many days to get myself back. he is always on my mind 24*7 and due to this i cannot concentrate on my studies. i am stuck in this position and i dont wanna go back because ik he will never come. I have peak time of my career and i dont wanna regret this. My heart keeps wrenching and it pains a hell lotttttttt with the thought that its over and that one day he will be married too and i will have to see him with someone. idk what should i do?
Ans: Dear Hazel,
Losing someone when in love causes grief. So, go through the pain and don't be in a hurry to heal as when you allow yourself to feel the pain, you are actually stepping into the healing process and healing one day at a time.
It's a suggestion if you can actually keep the gifts given by him etc away during this time. It can torment you more.
And while you are healing and when you feel like the world crashing on you, you need to distract yourself by:
- Physical activity/exercise helps displacing the stuck feelings giving a good release
- Join communities with larger than life causes as this helps looking beyond oneself

Life can dynamically change; what we can do is navigate through these and step into your own life.
Ask yourself: What is it that I can do now that I am single again? How can I make best use of this time?
Easier said than done; but believe that things do get better BUT take that first step towards your healing journey.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2025Hindi
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I AM THINKING OF TAKING A LOAN OF 5,00,000 AGAINST MY CURRENT MUTUAL FUND MOTILAL OSWAL SMALL CAP FUND AND REINVEST IT IN SAME FUND FOR NEXT 3 YEARS. I DON'T WANT LIQUIDITY FOR NEXT 3-4 YEARS. SEEING THE MARKET IS LOW RIGHT NOW CAN I EXPECT A REURN? SHOULD I CONSIDER THIS OPTION?
Ans: Taking a loan against your mutual funds and reinvesting in the same fund may seem like an opportunity to maximise gains. However, this strategy carries significant risks.

Key Risks to Consider
1. Market Uncertainty
Small-cap funds are highly volatile.
A temporary market correction doesn’t guarantee strong returns in the next 3 years.
If the fund underperforms, you could face both a loan repayment burden and lower returns.
2. Interest Cost vs. Expected Returns
Loan interest rates on mutual fund pledges typically range from 9-12% per annum.
Your small-cap fund must generate higher returns than the loan rate to make this strategy profitable.
If the fund returns below 12% CAGR, your effective gains will be negligible or negative.
3. Forced Liquidation Risk
If the market corrects further, your lender may sell your pledged mutual fund units to recover the loan.
This could happen at a loss, forcing you to exit at a lower NAV.
4. Overexposure to a Single Fund
Investing additional money into the same small-cap fund increases concentration risk.
Instead, diversification across flexi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds is better.
Alternative Approaches
Instead of taking a loan, consider:

SIP Investment Strategy

Continue SIPs in a staggered manner rather than a lump-sum reinvestment.
This reduces the risk of investing at an unfavourable price.
Diversified Portfolio Allocation

If markets recover, large-caps and flexi-caps may rebound earlier than small-caps.
Diversifying into these categories will balance returns and risk.
Rebalancing Your Current Portfolio

If you have underperforming funds, consider shifting money to stronger funds.
This avoids borrowing costs and interest rate risks.
Final Insights
Taking a loan against your mutual fund for reinvestment is not advisable due to the high risk of market downturns, interest costs, and forced liquidation. Instead, a disciplined SIP approach in diversified funds will offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |963 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Mar 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2025Hindi
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Career
Greetings to Gurus, I am student from Kolkata,West Bengal. I have completed my ISC in year 2020 from Commerce stream without maths. I am from Lower Middle Class Family, finance is big issue for me. After ISC I enrolled in B.COM(Hons) course from a college under Calcutta University. I was ambitious of being Chef from childhood. But during Covid times and finance problem, I haven't pursued. During my college life, My first three semesters completed online in Covid period, after the lockdown period, my fourth semester got offline and I just passed in one paper out of 4 and then my 5th semester exam got cleared after that I appeared for rest 3 papers of sem 4 and cleared 2 papers and in sixth semester cleared 3 paper out of 4. Again in 2024, I appeared for 6th sem 1 backlog paper and cleared it but don't able to clear 4th sem one backlog paper. So, I have started my UG in year 2020 but not able to clear it till 2024 because of 1 paper(Taxation) and I have last option to reappear in 2025 examination. I want to earn good in my life, suggest me some opportunities and a way to get out from this loop. Mentally getting depress also.
Ans: Hello! First of all, I really appreciate that you're sharing your situation openly. I understand that you're going through a tough time, but I want to assure you that there are always ways to move forward. You are not stuck, and there are opportunities for you to earn well and build a good career.
Step 1: Clear Your B.Com Degree (Important)
You have only one backlog paper (Taxation) left. Make it your #1 priority to clear this in 2025 because having a degree will open more opportunities.
You already passed all other subjects, so just focus on this one. If needed, get help from a tutor or YouTube courses on Taxation.
ccounting & Taxation (?25,000 - ?60,000 per month)
Since you already studied B.Com, this is a natural career path.
Learn Tally, GST Filing, Income Tax Filing.
Free courses: Government’s NPTEL, YouTube (Search “GST Filing Course India”)
I believe in you. Take the first step today! Your situation will improve within 1 year.

...Read more

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