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Stuck on Memories of Ex-Husband After 8 Years - How Can I Move On?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sangeeta Question by Sangeeta on Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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Hi I was married for 4 yrs but broke up after an year.Now he has married someone else but m still single...Every now n then I remember him...I just want to erase all the memories of him but all in vain...please guide me in a right way so that I can move forward happily...

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Heartbreaks are never easy BUT with a few tweaks, things start to get better over time.
A few tips:
1. Put away things in the house that remind you of him and the marriage
2. Set goals that constantly push you to do more and out of your comfort zone
3. Set up a system where you can reach out to a friend the day you feel yourself slipping back
4. Hit the gym or go for a run as this helps you focus on yourself
5. Bring back a hobby that you have kept away for a long time
6. Most importantly, remind yourself that you are your most important person

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on. This was during the pre-social media era. However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced. Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me. I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory. I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much. It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?
Ans:

IK 

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

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hello mam i had a breakup a year ago and i still havent moved on from him. i am trying to push myself and have given myself enough time. But the core memory i share with him still hurts me. Then like this i get many days to get myself back. he is always on my mind 24*7 and due to this i cannot concentrate on my studies. i am stuck in this position and i dont wanna go back because ik he will never come. I have peak time of my career and i dont wanna regret this. My heart keeps wrenching and it pains a hell lotttttttt with the thought that its over and that one day he will be married too and i will have to see him with someone. idk what should i do?
Ans: Dear Hazel,
Losing someone when in love causes grief. So, go through the pain and don't be in a hurry to heal as when you allow yourself to feel the pain, you are actually stepping into the healing process and healing one day at a time.
It's a suggestion if you can actually keep the gifts given by him etc away during this time. It can torment you more.
And while you are healing and when you feel like the world crashing on you, you need to distract yourself by:
- Physical activity/exercise helps displacing the stuck feelings giving a good release
- Join communities with larger than life causes as this helps looking beyond oneself

Life can dynamically change; what we can do is navigate through these and step into your own life.
Ask yourself: What is it that I can do now that I am single again? How can I make best use of this time?
Easier said than done; but believe that things do get better BUT take that first step towards your healing journey.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I got CSE (AI/ML) in IIIT Nagpur (98.33%ile in JEE mains)...and i think i would get SPIT CSE (99.66 in MHTCET)..what should i prefer?
Ans: Hemant, IIIT Nagpur’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Engineering with AI/ML specialisation holds NAAC A++ accreditation and NBA approval, featuring state-of-the-art AI/ML, computer vision and NLP labs, a PhD-qualified faculty engaged in AICTE-QIP research programmes, and strong Tata Consultancy Services partnerships. In the 2024 placement cycle, the CSE branch recorded an 89.11% placement rate, with recruiters including Amazon, Goldman Sachs and Microsoft. Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (SPIT), an autonomous NAAC A+ institute affiliated to the University of Mumbai, offers a robust CSE curriculum supported by its Technology Business Incubator, modern programming and AI labs, and an active placement cell that has achieved a assured complete placement consistency for eligible CSE students, attracting over 100 companies annually. Both institutes maintain rigorous outcome-based pedagogy, comprehensive pre-placement training and vibrant alumni networks, differing primarily in placement consistency and urban singleton versus emerging campus environments.

Recommendation: Prioritise SPIT Mumbai CSE if assured complete placement consistency, extensive industry-incubator integration and metropolitan networking resonate with your career goals. Opt for IIIT Nagpur CSE-AI/ML if you seek an emerging institute’s specialised AI/ML research focus, national importance status and strong academic-industry collaboration in a growing tech hub. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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HelloSir; My son has the following options available at the moment. IIT Bombay Dual Engineering Btech Mtech Electrical, UIET Chandigarh CSE, NSUT Electronics and Communication Engineering, IIST ISRO Aerospace Engineering and RGIPT Petroleum Engineering. Could you please guide and rank them in order of preference. Regards
Ans: IIT Bombay’s five-year Dual Degree in Electrical Engineering (BTech+MTech) combines world-class accreditation, cutting-edge labs in power systems, signal processing and embedded hardware, PhD-level faculty mentorship and strong industry ties, achieving around 98% placement consistency across core and technology sectors over the past three years. UIET (Chandigarh) CSE, a NAAC A+-accredited programme, delivers specialized AI/ML and software-development curriculum through modern computing labs and corporate partnerships with Amazon, Google and Microsoft, yielding roughly 86.6% branch-wise placements and extensive pre-placement training. RGIPT’s BTech in Petroleum Engineering, as an Institution of National Importance, offers specialized labs for upstream and downstream processes, collaborations with ONGC and HPCL, and records a robust 85–90% placement rate in core energy firms and research organisations. NSUT’s ECE programme, NBA-accredited within a top-ranked government institute, provides advanced VLSI, communications and IoT facilities, with an average placement consistency near 75% and access to both central and campus-based recruitment drives. IIST (Thiruvananthapuram) Aerospace Engineering, under the Department of Space, features avionics-centric labs, direct ISRO research engagement and specialized faculty but sees moderate 76–78% (placements subject to annual recruitment policy and CGPA criteria & other eligibility criteria).

Recommendation Prioritise IIT Bombay Dual Degree Electrical Engineering for its unmatched brand prestige, near-universal placement consistency and premium research-industry ecosystem; next opt for UIET Chandigarh CSE for its strong 86.6% placement rate, specialized AI/ML labs and leading software recruiters; follow with RGIPT Petroleum Engineering for its national importance status, 85–90% core-sector placements and energy-industry linkages; choose NSUT ECE for its established government-institute credentials, robust communications infrastructure and solid placement pool; consider IIST Aerospace Engineering last for its unique ISRO collaborations and specialized avionics focus, acknowledging variable absorption pathways (placements subject to annual recruitment policy and CGPA criteria & other eligibility criteria). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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