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Stuck on Memories of Ex-Husband After 8 Years - How Can I Move On?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sangeeta Question by Sangeeta on Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I was married for 4 yrs but broke up after an year.Now he has married someone else but m still single...Every now n then I remember him...I just want to erase all the memories of him but all in vain...please guide me in a right way so that I can move forward happily...

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Heartbreaks are never easy BUT with a few tweaks, things start to get better over time.
A few tips:
1. Put away things in the house that remind you of him and the marriage
2. Set goals that constantly push you to do more and out of your comfort zone
3. Set up a system where you can reach out to a friend the day you feel yourself slipping back
4. Hit the gym or go for a run as this helps you focus on yourself
5. Bring back a hobby that you have kept away for a long time
6. Most importantly, remind yourself that you are your most important person

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on. This was during the pre-social media era. However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced. Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me. I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory. I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much. It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?
Ans:

IK 

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

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hello mam i had a breakup a year ago and i still havent moved on from him. i am trying to push myself and have given myself enough time. But the core memory i share with him still hurts me. Then like this i get many days to get myself back. he is always on my mind 24*7 and due to this i cannot concentrate on my studies. i am stuck in this position and i dont wanna go back because ik he will never come. I have peak time of my career and i dont wanna regret this. My heart keeps wrenching and it pains a hell lotttttttt with the thought that its over and that one day he will be married too and i will have to see him with someone. idk what should i do?
Ans: Dear Hazel,
Losing someone when in love causes grief. So, go through the pain and don't be in a hurry to heal as when you allow yourself to feel the pain, you are actually stepping into the healing process and healing one day at a time.
It's a suggestion if you can actually keep the gifts given by him etc away during this time. It can torment you more.
And while you are healing and when you feel like the world crashing on you, you need to distract yourself by:
- Physical activity/exercise helps displacing the stuck feelings giving a good release
- Join communities with larger than life causes as this helps looking beyond oneself

Life can dynamically change; what we can do is navigate through these and step into your own life.
Ask yourself: What is it that I can do now that I am single again? How can I make best use of this time?
Easier said than done; but believe that things do get better BUT take that first step towards your healing journey.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

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Dr Nagarajan J S K   |445 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on May 25, 2025

Career
1- At present and in the coming 4 years, after completing graduation in pharmacy, how correct will it be to compare graduation with engineering, 2- In which field a pharmacist has immense potential and 3- If one completes Master in Pharmacy from an institute like NIPER, then what are the prospects in future, please explain in detail, thank you
Ans: Hi Prem,

There will always be a demand for health-related courses. Engineering, on the other hand, can undergo drastic changes over time. The health sector remains relatively stable in comparison.

Every human being has two eyes, two legs, and two hands. Any changes or issues related to these aspects are addressed by professionals in the health sector. Therefore, the pharmacy field is unlikely to be negatively affected in the future. While technology may bring some changes, they won't be as significant as those in engineering. So, you can confidently pursue a career in pharmacy for a better future without worrying about job security.

Regarding your second query: Pharmacy offers ten different fields to explore:
1. Pharmaceutical formulation (manufacturing)
2. Quality control and quality assurance (analytical R&D)
3. Herbal research
4. Animal testing
5. Microbiology (QC, R&D for vaccines)
6. Hospital/community/clinical pharmacy
7. Marketing
8. Academics
9. Regulatory affairs
10. Entrepreneurship

Whichever field you choose, it’s essential to acquire knowledge and expertise in that area to succeed. The choice is ultimately yours.

As for your third query about NIPER: As you know, it is a central government institution, and the government is investing around1,000 crores in each campus. If you have the opportunity to gain admission to NIPER, don't miss it. More NIPER campuses are expected to open in the near future, including NIPER Madurai, which has been long awaited. I hope the central government (BJP) will make an announcement regarding this soon.

In addition to conventional courses, there are new branches being introduced at NIPER, which promise a lot of development opportunities.

I think i have answered your query.

If you need any further details, post it in rediffguru.

BEST WISHES.
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |445 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on May 25, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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