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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |189 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
javid Question by javid on May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for 3 years and it was arrange marriage, but before marriage I met my Ex, but had not any contact or messaged her, but however I liked the post of Ex in the first year of marriage but after that unfollowed her on social media. But one day my wife went through my phone and had fight why i had liked her photo and made her hurt. I apologized for it, but became more worse and she kept on going through my phone and got information on my debts which i was handling perfectly. But she said, she does not trust me. What should I do?

Ans: Hello Javid,
it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about her concerns and feelings. Listen to her perspective without becoming defensive, and try to understand where her mistrust is coming from. Reassure her of your commitment to the marriage and your desire to work through these issues together.

Transparency and communication are key in rebuilding trust. Consider discussing boundaries around privacy and social media use to help alleviate her concerns. For example, you might agree to keep each other informed about your social media interactions or agree on guidelines for accessing each other's phones.

It may also be helpful to seek couples therapy or counseling to work through trust issues and improve communication in your relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your concerns and work on finding solutions together.

Finally, be patient and understanding with each other as you navigate this process. Rebuilding trust takes time, but with effort and commitment from both partners, it is possible to strengthen your relationship.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |194 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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Relationship
My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anuji, I am 52 and wifey at 49. In Jan 20, my wife admitted that she is in contact with her college friend since three years and she has ended it. Her college friend's wife found these contacts and threatened my wife for further consequences. Due to that threat, my terrified wife admitted on her own about her wrongdoings and asked me to forgive. It was shocking and mentally disturbing for me as I was trusting her 100% with all freedom one should give to loving spouse, but she failed. I tried to find the truth and level of that relationship. I have burned almost one year to come out of this shock. I forgive her one time for the sake of future of my children. Currently, though things are running smoothly, I do not dare to trust her 100% again. If I don't trust my wife, is there any future in my marriage? If yes, what should I do to secure my marriage even if I don't trust my wife fully?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is definitely difficult to trust again when the trust has been broken in the first place.
So, you need to make that call...if you want to rebuild your relationship and the reason is for the sake of the children, it might not last long. Make a decision of getting back together to first put your relationship with her in place; the children will anyway benefit from that. Having said that, this requires you to trust her...
Is it possible? Yes, though you will be continually filled with doubts and test her every move and that will not be healthy...
So, the key is that if you have decided to get back together, you must put full faith and trust back into it as hard as it may seem...But do it a 100%...give it your full...You either trust or you don't...there's no in between state here...
What might help is to have a clear conversation with your wife before you make any decision. Express how this has hurt you and how difficult you find it trusting her again. Allow her to do the talking on what she wants, what efforts she is going to put to reconcile and how things seem in the near future to her.
Gauge if there is any inadequacy that she has felt within the marriage so that this can be addressed as well.

The conversation is only a guide to the way forward and not a BEAT each other up game.

So, start your new journey knowing if you can trust, if you want to trust again...It will open up a sea of challenges and lessons to learn from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am married for 10yrs with 2 kids. Suddenly I discovered my wife is having a relation with another man. I was devastated but rather than revealing I am aware I rather recalled all the good moments we had. She decided to part ways with another man still I wanted to know what prompted her so went into an open discussion with my wife knowing she already parted ways. She was shocked to know that I am aware but then she revealed she was emotionally down for last 6months and I was occupied with work. As I am emotionally attached with my kids and wife I decided to carry on and rather our love went more intense since the incident. Every now and then I still doubt and fail to maintain the same level of trust which I should. Please guide how I can maintain more stronger trust.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, incidents like these can make you lose trust especially now when you will start to doubt her every move, every action or inaction.
You seem to be a person who has chosen to see the goodness (that's amazing) in your relationship and wants to continue in the marriage. But for this to happen effectively, the trust has to be rebuilt all over again. As a couple, talk about this...share with your wife when you have bouts of doubts BUT don't ever get into the mode where she needs to explain or prove herself every single day.

If she has realized what has been missing in the marriage that made her step outside of it, then the two of you can spend time bringing life back into the marriage.
Ask her: How can I connect with you emotionally where you feel safe and secure?
Do a lot of activities together that will help the two of you reconnect!

Either you trust OR you don't...there's no in-between...so if you two have decided to give your relationship another chance, focus on how to rebuild the connection and how to care for one another even more than before!

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2479 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Money
Am 34 yr old, I hav 60k income monthly & EPF 4k monthly. Am investing in PPF 2k, maxlife insurance Savings plan - 5k, UTI flexi cap fund - 2k, SBI contra- 0.5k & nippan India small cap- 0.5k since from year. Pls suggest any changes are required or else can i continue
Ans: You are on the right track by investing regularly and diversifying your portfolio. Your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. Let’s assess your current investments and suggest any necessary changes.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
PPF Contribution: Investing ?2,000 monthly in PPF is a good choice for stable, tax-free returns. PPF is a safe investment with government backing.

EPF Contribution: Your EPF contribution of ?4,000 per month is a secure and tax-efficient way to build a retirement corpus.

Max Life Insurance Savings Plan: The ?5,000 investment in a savings plan combines insurance and savings. However, the returns on such plans are often lower compared to pure investment products. Ensure you have adequate life cover through term insurance.

UTI Flexi Cap Fund: Investing ?2,000 in a flexi cap fund offers good diversification across large, mid, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced risk-reward ratio.

SBI Contra Fund: The ?500 investment in a contra fund can be beneficial as it follows a contrarian investment strategy, buying stocks that are currently out of favour but have growth potential.

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Small cap funds, though risky, can offer high returns over the long term. Your ?500 investment here adds to your growth potential.

Suggested Changes for Optimal Growth
Review Insurance Plan: Consider whether the Max Life Savings Plan meets your financial goals. Pure term insurance combined with higher returns from mutual funds might be more efficient. Term plans offer high coverage at a lower premium.

Increase SIP in Diversified Funds: You might consider increasing your SIP amount in diversified funds like the UTI Flexi Cap Fund. This fund balances risk and return by investing across different market capitalisations.

Balanced Asset Allocation: Ensure your portfolio has a good mix of equity and debt. You may consider investing in a balanced or hybrid fund, which provides exposure to both equities and debt, offering growth with reduced risk.

Regular Monitoring: Review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances can change, necessitating adjustments.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and can be kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Additional Recommendations
Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. This protects your savings from unforeseen medical expenses.

Retirement Planning: Given your age, consider long-term retirement planning. Increase contributions to retirement-specific investments like PPF and EPF. You could also look at the National Pension System (NPS) for additional retirement savings.

Tax Planning: Maximise your tax-saving investments under Section 80C and other relevant sections. This optimises your tax liabilities and increases your disposable income.

Final Thoughts
Your current investment strategy shows a good start, but a few adjustments can optimise your portfolio for better returns and reduced risk. Consider reviewing your insurance plans, increasing SIPs in diversified funds, and maintaining a balanced asset allocation. Regularly monitor your investments and seek professional advice to stay on track with your financial goals. Your disciplined approach will help you achieve financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2479 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Money
Hello sir.. I am 23 Years old i have started SIP in Quant Small Cap fun for 5 years as 1000 per month..! How much return should expect.?
Ans: Starting Early is Commendable
You are off to a great start by investing in a SIP at the age of 23. Starting early gives you a significant advantage. Compounding will work in your favour over time.

Understanding Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. These companies can provide substantial returns, but they come with higher risk. The returns can vary based on market conditions and company performance.

Expected Returns
It’s difficult to predict exact returns for small cap funds. Historically, small cap funds have provided higher returns compared to large cap funds. However, they also have higher volatility. Over five years, you can expect higher returns, but there will be ups and downs.

Risk and Reward
Small cap funds can offer impressive returns, but they also carry significant risk. Market fluctuations can impact small cap stocks more than large cap ones. It’s essential to be prepared for market volatility.

Importance of Diversification
Investing only in small cap funds can be risky. Diversify your portfolio to spread risk. Include a mix of large cap, mid cap, and debt funds to balance your investment.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds provide professional management. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This can potentially lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Regular funds might have higher costs than direct funds, but they offer valuable benefits. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner gives you access to expert advice. They help in monitoring and adjusting your portfolio as needed.

Long-Term Perspective
Investing is a long-term journey. While five years is a good start, extending your investment horizon can yield better results. Consider increasing your SIP amount as your income grows.

Consistent Monitoring
Regularly monitor your investments. Markets change, and so do your financial goals. Reviewing your portfolio ensures it stays aligned with your objectives.

Staying Informed
Educate yourself about market trends and investment strategies. Staying informed helps you make better investment decisions. Reading financial news and attending seminars can be beneficial.

Seek Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can help tailor your investment strategy to your goals and risk tolerance. Professional guidance ensures your investments are on the right track.

Final Thoughts
Starting SIPs at a young age is a smart move. While small cap funds can offer high returns, they come with higher risks. Diversify your investments, monitor regularly, and consider seeking professional advice. Your disciplined approach will pay off in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2479 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi.. I am 47 years old. Combined cash savings with spouse is 3 crores. I have 2 flats worth 1.4 crores both. I earn net 4 lakhs per month. We don’t have kids. Am I doing poorly in terms of retirement planning?
Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Position
You have done well saving ?3 crores and owning property worth ?1.4 crores. Your net monthly income of ?4 lakhs is commendable. This shows disciplined saving and good financial habits.

Assessing Retirement Preparedness
Let us delve into your retirement planning. At 47, you have approximately 13-18 years until retirement. Without children, your expenses in retirement might be lower than a family with dependents. However, considering healthcare and lifestyle needs is crucial.

Understanding Investment Strategy
You should diversify investments beyond savings and property. Relying heavily on real estate can be risky. Explore other asset classes like equities and fixed income. Equities provide growth potential, while fixed income ensures stability.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds have low fees, they mirror the market and lack flexibility. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, adapt to market conditions and seek better returns. A Certified Financial Planner can help choose funds that match your goals and risk tolerance.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds may seem attractive due to lower costs. However, regular funds through a CFP offer professional guidance, performance monitoring, and rebalancing. This expertise often outweighs the cost difference, ensuring your investments align with your financial plan.

Creating a Comprehensive Plan
To ensure a comfortable retirement, a comprehensive financial plan is essential. This should include a mix of growth and income-generating investments. Consider the impact of inflation and ensure your savings grow in real terms.

Importance of Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance to cover medical expenses. Life insurance is less critical without dependents, but a health policy is non-negotiable. It protects your savings from unexpected healthcare costs.

Estate Planning
Even without children, estate planning is important. Decide how you want your assets distributed and make a will. This ensures your wishes are followed and reduces legal complications for your spouse.

Regular Financial Review
Regularly review your financial plan. Markets change, and so do personal circumstances. Regular reviews ensure your plan remains relevant and aligned with your goals.

Final Thoughts
You have a solid foundation with your savings and property. With a structured financial plan, diversified investments, and regular reviews, you can secure a comfortable retirement. Your disciplined approach so far is commendable, and with minor adjustments, you can further enhance your financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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