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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi there, I have been married for 15 years now and have a child who has Autism. Me and my wife live in USA and my mother had been living with us for an extended stay since 2020 until 2022 due to COVID 19 travel restrictions. Although my mother and my wife would get along ok, there would be a period in between when she would suddenly be angry at her and me for any random reason. Like we did not name our son in the way her friend did. This used to happen every few weeks and then become ok. In the meanwhile we were busy with therapies and treatments for my son. However, two years back she asked that my Mum (Over 75) leave immediately as she does not want her anymore. She took it to extreme by manipulating me to go against my mother, verbally abusing and shouting at her, accusing her of voo doo and saying that she wants her (my wife dead) and also not sparing my brother who lives in a different country. She refused counselling and asked for a divorce. There would be days when I would lock the door and sleep in a separate room. Eventually during a medical checkup she got diagnosed for cancer just after my mother went back to India. After a harrowing year and a half she is now cancer free but still her some side effects. I was thinking that this change of beaviour may have been due to the cancer but now that she is cured there is not much change except that the outbursts seem to have reduced. We are now back in India for a holiday since the past 2 months but live separately. She initially did not want to return to USA but now wants to go back. I am afraid the same issues as earlier would again start. She has clearly stated that she has no love or respect for me. I have been caring for my son and he is living with me while in India. I wonder what is the path forward

Ans: I understand that you're in a very difficult and confusing situation. Your wife's behavior, the separation, and the recent developments have undoubtedly created emotional strain and uncertainty. While I cannot offer personal advice or diagnose psychological issues, I can provide some insights and suggestions to help you navigate your path forward:

Understanding the Situation:

Your wife's behavior: It's impossible to definitively say what caused your wife's behavior without detailed information and professional expertise. However, her outbursts, accusations, and lack of love/respect could indicate various factors like stress, mental health issues, or unresolved personal conflicts.
Impact of cancer: While cancer and its treatment can affect mood and behavior, it's crucial to consider additional factors beyond the diagnosis.
Communication Breakdown: The lack of communication and refusal of counseling suggest deeper issues that need open and honest dialogue.
Moving Forward:

Prioritize your son's well-being: Ensure his needs are met in a stable and healthy environment. Seek professional guidance if needed.
Focus on your own well-being: Seek individual counseling or therapy to process your emotions, understand your options, and build resilience.
Open communication: If both of you are willing, consider couples therapy with a qualified professional to address communication issues, understand root causes of conflict, and work towards a future, whether together or separate.
Clear boundaries: If you choose to continue the relationship, set clear boundaries regarding acceptable behavior and communication.
Legal advice: Consult a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options regarding child custody, property division, and other legal matters.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu,Hope you are in fine health!This will take 4 minutes to read but I plead to you for help.I am a man of 40 years, an engineer working with a reputed MNC as a manager. My wife, 37 is also an engineer working with a global service firm as process lead.We have a son nearing 8 years. We got married in 2012 - an arranged marriage and welcomed our son in early 2014. Things were fine largely in the initial phase. She quit her job in 2013 (a collective decision) to be in London with me for 2 years till 2015. My mother passed away in 2014 so I suggested that we return to Mumbai for good as my dad was alone. She agreed (at least I think so). Upon return I feel her father intervened too much in our family life (coming to our house unwarranted to help my wife, when my father was at my sister's place after bypass surgery). For little things, my wife depended on them although I was always around. In some ways I always thought she wanted me to be like her father. A couple of showdowns and family discussions later, she walked out in 2016 with our 2 year-old son. It was a well orchestrated event with her father, sister, far-flung cousin picking her up with 8-9 bundles of belongings, including our marriage certificate and son's birth certificates (Indian and London). I viewed it as a betrayal but kept mum. I went to her place 4 times in the following month to meet my son but her mother threatened me with 498A in the last meeting. I feel they had ulterior motives to this entire episode -- I am an IT engineer so they knew I had money. My wife was unhappy that my dad's flat in a posh locality in Mumbai where we stayed would be split between me and my sister. She had said I and only I should be the inheritor.She put a condition that I can meet my son only at her father's residence, so I was denied access to my son. After a depressing wait of 2 years, I filed custody petition. I secured regular visitation rights to my son. He warmed up to me and I took him to Goa, Kerala, Mysore on separate visits. My belief was 'whatever happens to our relationship, my son should not feel the absence of his father ever' Thinking my wife would have warmed up, I filed restitution 1.5 years later. She fought both petitions tooth and nail, denying me even 30 mins extra visitation. I was supposed to pick my son and drop him from underneath her flat. Humiliation ensued but I stuck to being a good dutiful father which was appreciated and rewarded by the family court counsellor. I was paying his school fees and also nurtured him for 5 months in 2020 at my place when my wife and her family contracted COVID (which she claimed in court as unlawful detention of 'my' son). May be, sensing she is losing ground, all of a sudden she agreed to a mutual divorce in April 2021 with custody shared for 15-15 days every month. A day before the final signing of papers, she asked to meet and said, 'Can't we make this work for our son ? I am ready to come back' I was getting what I always wanted so I relented. Court gave us a trial period of 3 months which went fine. We were physical 5-6 days a week. I suggested a second kid but she used to evade the question by saying 1 kid is enough. She was gelling well with my family but I maintained a distance from her parents as I did not want a repeat. I did not step into her house which she resented. After 3 months, I told her I need 3 more months and she was shocked but went with it. The best thing that was happening was that our son was opening up and was much less anxious. After another 3 months, we were ready to continue as husband and wife and were ready to sign in court in Dec 2021 but got a date in Jan 2022 as judge was absent.NOW, on 29th Dec we got to know that we are expecting. She cried saying she does not want the baby while I feel we should go ahead. The gynaec said at 37 years, it was not too late given that we conceived naturally and she does not have any chronic issues (her reports showed possible onset of diabetes, low haemoglobin levels which doctor said can be treated). We fought again as she said she still wants to tour the world, has her hands full with the first kid and is not mentally and emotionally prepared. My father and I spoke to her. I called upon her father who sided with her. Finally on 5th Jan she conveyed that she was firm on abortion. I said I am not part of this decision as I still feel we can afford the baby and it will strengthen our bond. We have access to the best of doctors who can ensure a good pregnancy. But she was firm so I asked her to 'Do whatever you want. I will not participate'. I asked her to go and stay with her parents until her bleeding stops and come back to my son and me. But I warned her that this act could have consequences, however much we try not to.WHY? Because I feel cheated. Voiceless. Helpless. Powerless. Hurt. Aggrieved. Sad. Guilty. She took the decision independently and was completely detached emotionally from the 6-week baby so as to abort.I am scared to say 'We will continue as husband and wife' in our end-of-trial-period hearing next week. What if she continues to be as stubborn and backstab me each time. I could go into depression. I am seeing a pattern in her behaviour.She hasn't changed -- may be the first 6 months were a farce. She is cold-hearted, manipulative and stubborn. She leaves me when she wants, denies me access to my son in an arm-twisting tactic, makes amends when it suits her and aborts at will. I fear I am setting myself up for bigger betrayals ( last month, she and her parents showed me flats costing ~4 crores because she wants to own one.I bought one for 1.5 crore in 2019 where we are residing right now, in my and my father's name. I have begged that I won't be able to help her financially as I already have a loan; I have two housemaids in the house for food-utensils-mopping and they too complain that she does not get involved in any housework --- like even instructing them what to do. I have brought up sharing-of-expenses 2-3 times but stopped asking after seeing it was not heart-felt from her side) I am feeling like a doormat who is clinging to this relationship too tightly, at my own peril.Can you assist me with questions whose answers will guide me in taking a decision on marriage v/s divorce ? RegardsUnknown
Ans:

Dear Unknown,

<>I do empathise with whatever you have shared with me. As long as you are willing to offer your emotions to be played with, you will be ping-ponging from one end to the other.

I understand that you wanted to give your marriage a fair chance; and things started to get better in the three months.

But I do fail to understand why you wanted her to go through the pregnancy especially after health challenges that she might have faced. And to keep her away especially when she needs to be with you and the child, is not something that is going to work in anyone’s favour.

Firstly, figure out this: What are you punishing her for? Are you angry with her for walking out on you in 2016 and the treatment meted out to you then and is this anger now mounting on her not wanting the pregnancy?

They are two separate events and need to be looked at separately. To displace anger from one event and map it onto the other, doesn’t show emotional maturity; it will only make matters worse for you.

Things were getting back to normal; and do respect a woman’s choice of having the baby or not…after all, she has to carry the baby within her for 9 months and when it is telling on her health, why shouldn’t you support her as her husband?

You felt cheated the first time; this time it was a decision that needed none of the past feelings coming into it.

If you do want to continue the marriage, it will be a wise decision to live under the same roof, clear all the past unresolved issues and find a way to move ahead. And also, think of the implications this is having on your son who has already experienced so much.

Do the right thing; for you, for her and for the child.

All the best!

..Read more

Pooja

Pooja Khera  | Answer  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Relationship
I’m married for 14 years and have a 12 yr old son, both working. It was love marriage but before marriage explained me that leaving her ex from her college as it was not true love. After these 14 years, I came to know that they were having physical relation as well and the same hurt me very hard and couldn’t focus on anything and difficult to believe that with whom I spent 14 yr and still there is something can be hidden. Thats not all, on domestic issues whenever we have argument on household work/ expenses/ guiding son on studying etc, if she is not able to answer or didn’t like my response couldn’t control her anger, she tried to stangle me, beat me up, slapping, pour water/ hot tea on me, also not to mention abusing me in front of my son. Also many times she threatened to end her life by taking a knife in hand or by closing door to attempt hanging. That’s why bedroom & washroom door locks are broken in my house. Due to all these I left house twice in these years but due to her repeated apology and affection to my son I returned. Now I think all these are unbearable and need to take some step for resolution. Also as my son is old enough to understand all happenings don’t want ruin his life with all these nuisance. Humble request to advice as I’m under tremendous pain.
Ans: Violence in any form is unacceptable and alone th reason to walk out of the relationship. No one should ensure violence , disrespect or manipulation in any relationship and in your case there are all three of them. In my opinion, you should walk out of this marriage given your partner has proven there's no change at her end.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 49 years old feel defeated, decieted, deceived & deprived sometimes; unaware where I am currently in my life? Was I on fault? We are now living separately since 2019 on pretext that childs allergy & education; without any communication even though after my couple of fruitless efforts of reconciliation both family and my end; earlier in joint family. I am with my parents but she is not. She is financially stable and independent in comparison to me. But even before 2019; she stated that she is no more interested in me and wants divorce. Our social life was effected even the child was deliberately kept at distant from me, rarely allowed to go with me. And before at the time of social separation, she straight away said that search for another you are just a biological to __ child. There is not need to call me and neither she or child has ever got in touch even though when my mother was severe and hospitalised. Over the time, I have realized and bit intuition or rather skeptical about her past treatment to me and now; that she tries to spy and also tracks me indirectly. I belong to a middle minority section of the society. Please guide; For me it’s a breakeven point in my life cause im stuck - between and there are concerns related to my mothers’ health. Life seems to be nowhere. Regards Kannu ***Please hide the above stated matter wherever required.***
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is not much information to bring out a fact that all of this happened for a particular reason. So, let's assume that there could a number of reasons precipitated on both sides.
First step: Appeal to an elder member on either side of the family to mediate to erase any misunderstandings between you and your wife
Second step: If the first step does not work, request a private conversation with your wife and know where her mind is at. Suggest going to a couples therapy to try and rebuild the connection
Third step: If the above doesn't work, talk to your family to get their suggestions on this and seek a good lawyer who must be briefed on the happenings. Make sure you tell him/her that your wife is capable of keeping the children away from you. You are involving the lawyer so that you know you can retain your rights of a father over his child.
Be patient and go at this step by step and watch where this lead you to...

All the best!

..Read more

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |75 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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I am married for 17 years. Since ours was a arranged marriage we had many ups and downs but slowly we have settled all our matters. We have three kids. Elder one is 16yrs, 11yrs and 3yr. I am having a guilt feeling that we have not been a good parent to our 16yr old. When he was born I was young and inexperienced and was always settling my difference with my husband and was not taking good care of my son. Now he is in college he is not performing well in his studies. And has become very aggressive. I am very much worried about his future. Now I want to repair the damages I have done to him and I am very much feeling guilty and blaming myself that it was all because of me and my husband's misunderstanding his life is affected. My other two kids are doing good in everything they do. I cry every day that I have done mistake with my son and pray for his successful life. Now what can I do to improve my son's overall wellbeing. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Mom,

I can totally empathise with you...so here is what I am going to tell you out of my own experience and what I did to overcome this mom guilt and seeking forgiveness. It's good that you are have worked on your marriage and have 3 kids, pat yourself on the back for it. And it's normal in any marriage for these kind of ups and downs and then attaining peace and love, so good going for having found them!!And remember marriage is continuous work.

The solution I am going to give, I am going to divide it into two parts..

1. Forgiving yourself first..be kind to yourself, you were young, you were inexperienced, the mom you are to your 3 yr old is not the same person who brought up your first child, so quit being guilty! Every soul has a journey to take, your son chose you as a mother so that he could take that journey with you...you both had to take this journey together in order to evolve and grow into the people you are today. So, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND QUIT FEELING GUILTY, it's not easy but you have to start doing it. Be kind to the old you... and embrace the new you!! You are not the same person and so is your first born, this continuous evolving as a human being and becoming better is called life, rt?

2. Your SON is 16yrs old, the aggression that he has may not be because of what you did to him... it may be the changing hormones? When you are a guilty mother, you tend to blame yourself for all the wrongs that happen in your child's life, so quit being guilty.
Talk to him about how young you were when he was born and how guilty you feel about some things( be careful about what you say, kids are very resilient, they know how to protect themselves , so maybe how you remember things may not be the same way that he remembers), say sorry and seek his forgiveness. Check if you can have this conversation with him, don't give him the power to make you feel further more guilty. I leave this decision to you.

Don't cry dear mom, forgive yourself, heal and see what best you can do from now on with your first born...just move on from the past... be there for him, cherish him, love him and be there for him, help him navigate through life with compassion and understanding. It might take time, but it's all doable. Take care of him.. and a mother truly knows what is best for her child, trust your instincts, the mother's instincts are far too powerful, take back your power from the "guilty mother" and nourish your bond.

What "I do' and also advice all parents is to spend excusive time with each child, scheduling time with each child and doing something which they like takes the bond to new levels!! Try this out...

All the best... and wishing happy times ahead for you and your beautiful family!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, hope you’re doing well. My age is 33. I am investing 40K via SIP in MF in 5 different funds, 20K per month as EPF, 50K NPS annually, 28K EMI - 20 years for 2nd flat for investment, 1st flat home loan completed, 9K car loan for 5 years, also doing SIP 5K in momentum ETF on my own, health insurance from company side(5L) plus additional 5L but no term or life insurance yet. How am I doing financially? Scope of improvement? Please let me know
Ans: You are making commendable progress in financial planning at the age of 33. Your diversified investments and insurance indicate a proactive approach. Let us evaluate your situation and identify areas for improvement.

Current Financial Highlights
SIP in Mutual Funds (Rs. 40,000): This is a disciplined step towards wealth creation.

EPF Contribution (Rs. 20,000): Provides a stable retirement base.

NPS Contribution (Rs. 50,000 Annually): Strengthens retirement planning with tax benefits.

EMI for Second Flat (Rs. 28,000): Shows commitment to asset building.

Car Loan EMI (Rs. 9,000): Necessary, but car loans are liabilities, not assets.

Momentum ETF SIP (Rs. 5,000): Innovative but high-risk strategy.

Health Insurance (Rs. 10 Lakh): A good backup for emergencies.

No Term or Life Insurance: This is a critical gap that needs immediate attention.

Areas of Concern
1. High Loan Commitments
EMI for the second flat and car loan may strain cash flow.
The second flat as an investment can yield lower returns than mutual funds.
2. Lack of Term Insurance
Your dependents would face financial insecurity in your absence.
A term plan with at least 15 times your annual income is essential.
3. Momentum ETF Investment
ETFs are passive investments and lack active fund management benefits.
High volatility can lead to inconsistent returns.
4. Diversification of Investments
While your mutual fund SIPs are good, ensure they cover all categories: large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid.
Overconcentration in one type of fund or asset class can impact returns.
5. Insufficient Emergency Fund
Emergency savings for 6-12 months of expenses is crucial.
6. Tax Efficiency
Your investments and loan repayments must be optimised for tax savings.
Leverage Section 80C and 80D benefits effectively.
Recommendations for Improvement
1. Review Loan Strategy
Focus on prepaying the car loan as it carries no wealth-building advantage.
Reassess the investment potential of the second flat. If returns are poor, consider selling it and reinvesting in mutual funds.
2. Purchase Term Insurance
Opt for a term plan with Rs. 2 crore coverage.
Term insurance is cost-effective and ensures family security.
3. Optimise Mutual Fund Investments
Diversify across actively managed funds, avoiding over-reliance on ETFs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your portfolio.
4. Enhance Emergency Fund
Save Rs. 2-3 lakh in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Use this only for unforeseen expenses.
5. Increase Health Insurance
Add a top-up plan of Rs. 10-15 lakh for better coverage.
6. Avoid Momentum ETFs
ETFs do not benefit from active management.
Actively managed funds outperform in volatile markets.
7. Plan Tax Efficiency
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 lakh under Section 80C in ELSS funds.
Claim additional tax benefits under Section 80D for health insurance premiums.
Retirement Planning
Increase your NPS contribution to Rs. 1 lakh annually.
Diversify retirement planning by investing in hybrid funds for stability.
Children’s Education and Marriage
If you have or plan to have children, start early with SIPs in child-specific funds.
These investments should align with the time horizon for each goal.
Actionable Steps
Prepay the car loan at the earliest.
Reevaluate the second flat for potential sale and reinvestment.
Start a term insurance policy immediately.
Build a robust emergency fund.
Review and diversify your mutual fund portfolio with expert guidance.
Increase health insurance coverage for better security.
Avoid ETFs and shift focus to actively managed mutual funds.
Final Insights
You are on the right path but need adjustments for financial security and growth. Address the gaps in insurance and diversify your investments further. By following these steps, you can achieve financial freedom with better peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 10, 2024Hindi
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Money
My age is 47 and I have invested 7.75 lakh in multiple stock and its grow arround 10 lakh from the past 2.5 years. I have 5.5 lakh home loan remaining . Should I withdraw these money and repay the home loan first and after that increase the SIP of that amount of mf .my current mf sip amount is 30k pm. Please suggest
Ans: Your query reflects careful consideration of financial priorities. Let's analyse whether using your stock investments to repay the home loan is the right step.

Evaluate the Existing Stock Portfolio
Your stock portfolio has grown from Rs 7.75 lakhs to Rs 10 lakhs in 2.5 years.

This indicates a strong return of approximately 29%. If these stocks have long-term growth potential, continuing to hold them might be advantageous.

Consider whether these stocks align with your risk tolerance and long-term financial goals.

Impact of Repaying the Home Loan
Your remaining home loan is Rs 5.5 lakhs. Paying this off will eliminate your EMI burden.

Repaying the loan early saves on interest costs, but assess the prepayment charges, if any.

Compare the effective interest rate on your home loan with the expected annualised return from your stock portfolio.

Home loan interest rates are usually lower compared to stock market returns over the long term.

Increasing SIP After Loan Repayment
Repaying the loan frees up EMI money that can be channelled into mutual fund SIPs.

By increasing SIPs, you benefit from disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging.

Use the additional SIPs to diversify into funds aligned with your risk profile and financial goals.

Considerations for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, provide better diversification than direct stocks.

Your current SIP of Rs 30,000 per month is a good start. Increasing this amount post-loan repayment accelerates wealth creation.

Actively managed funds can outperform index funds through skilled fund management. Avoid direct funds unless you have deep knowledge and time to manage investments.

Evaluating Stock Liquidation
Selling your stocks could trigger capital gains tax. For gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, you will pay LTCG tax at 12.5%.

Factor in transaction costs and tax implications before selling.

Retain stocks that have strong fundamentals and growth prospects. Sell only non-performing or high-risk holdings.

Holistic Financial Planning
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses if you don’t already have one.

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for your family’s security.

Maintain a balanced portfolio with exposure to equity, debt, and alternative assets.

Monitor your investments regularly and rebalance them to align with changing goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
If your home loan interest is significantly higher than potential stock returns, repayment is wise.

Otherwise, consider maintaining the stock portfolio and continuing your SIPs.

A mix of both strategies—partial loan repayment and increased SIPs—may offer balanced benefits.

Engage a Certified Financial Planner for a tailored strategy that ensures long-term financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 38 years old and i wanted to take the retirement at the age of 45. I need to understand whether i have enough money to handle my monthly expenses after retirement. These are the details of my Assests :- a) Flat - 03 Cr. b) Flat where i am staying - 2.5 Cr. c) Working space - 40 Lakhs d) Ancestral Home - 2 Cr. e) Shop - 30 Lakhs f) FD - 50 Lakhs g) PF - 32 Lakhs h) MF = 10 Lakhs Expenses a) Health Insurance - 20Lakh (Premium around 35,000/year ) b) LIC Premium - 78,000 / Year (running for last 08 years) c) Monthly expenditure – maintenance , grocery , petrol , car insurance etc , school fees = 85,000 INR d) Monthly Electricity Bill , water , etc = 12000 INR e) Unforeseen expenditure = 10000 INR /Month h) SIP = 65,000 Per Month I) Foreign Trip – 02 times a year = 4.5 Lakhs Overall Expenses/Monthly = 35000+78000+85000*12+12000*12+10000*12+65000*12+450000 = 2,627,000 = 218,000 /Month Current Monthly Salary -03 Lakhs/month Keeping in mind that I need at least 70-80 Lakh for my daughter higher studies . Seeing the inflation of 7% -- Shall I ok to take the retirement at 45 and pursue my dream . If yes then please suggest whether i can sustain for my remaining life .
Ans: Your goal of retiring early at 45 is ambitious yet achievable with careful planning and realistic adjustments. Let us evaluate your situation step-by-step.

Key Highlights of Your Assets and Liabilities
Real Estate Portfolio:

Two flats (Rs 3 Cr + Rs 2.5 Cr = Rs 5.5 Cr).
Working space: Rs 40 Lakhs.
Ancestral home: Rs 2 Cr.
Shop: Rs 30 Lakhs.
Total Real Estate Value: Rs 8.2 Cr.
Financial Assets:

Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 50 Lakhs.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 32 Lakhs.
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 10 Lakhs.
Total Financial Assets: Rs 92 Lakhs.
Breakdown of Your Expenses
Annual Fixed Costs:

Health Insurance Premium: Rs 35,000.
LIC Premium: Rs 78,000.
Monthly Expenditures (groceries, utilities, etc.): Rs 1,07,000 x 12 = Rs 12,84,000.
SIP Contributions: Rs 65,000 x 12 = Rs 7,80,000.
Foreign Trips: Rs 4.5 Lakhs.
Total Annual Expenses: Rs 26,27,000.
Monthly Equivalent: Approximately Rs 2.18 Lakhs.

Future Commitments
Daughter’s Education: Rs 70-80 Lakhs (10-12 years away).
Inflation Impact: Annual expenses will grow at 7%.
Longevity Considerations: Plan for at least 40 years post-retirement.
Evaluation of Current Wealth vs Retirement Needs
Sustainability of Expenses:
Post-retirement, monthly expenses of Rs 2.18 Lakhs will rise significantly due to inflation. At 7%, expenses may double every 10 years.

Income from Assets:

Real estate offers limited liquidity unless sold or rented out.
FD, PF, and MF will serve as primary sources of income.
Relying only on Rs 92 Lakhs of liquid assets may not be sustainable for 40 years.
Suggestions for Financial Alignment
1. Liquidity Planning

Convert some real estate into liquid assets.
Sell non-productive properties like the shop or working space.
Invest proceeds in actively managed mutual funds for better inflation-adjusted growth.
2. Expense Management

Evaluate reducing foreign trips to once a year post-retirement.
Assess if LIC policies are yielding good returns. If not, surrender and redirect funds to mutual funds.
3. Investments for Inflation-Adjusted Growth

Increase investments in mutual funds.
Consider balanced and hybrid funds to balance growth and stability.
Allocate funds in a diversified manner across equity, debt, and international mutual funds.
4. Contingency and Health Coverage

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 12 months' expenses.
Review health insurance coverage to ensure it meets future medical needs.
5. Daughter’s Education Fund

Set up a dedicated portfolio with Rs 50-60 Lakhs for her education.
Invest in diversified equity mutual funds to achieve the target in 10-12 years.
Can You Retire at 45?
With your current savings and lifestyle, early retirement is challenging unless you:

Monetise part of your real estate portfolio.
Reduce discretionary expenses like frequent foreign trips.
Invest aggressively for inflation-adjusted returns.
Ensure a retirement corpus of at least Rs 8-10 Crores by 45.
What to Do Next?
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to design a personalised strategy.

Use a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) post-retirement for regular income.

Periodically review investments to ensure they are aligned with inflation and market dynamics.

Final Insights
Early retirement requires careful planning, disciplined investing, and realistic expense management. Your current assets are a strong foundation, but adjustments are needed for long-term sustainability. With proper strategy and prudent financial decisions, you can achieve your dream of retiring at 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Listen
Money
I was doing monthly SIP to Axis small cap fund and UTI Flexicap fund for last 4 years. But these 2 funds are not performing well. I want to switch to other funds of same category and I'm thinking of Quant Small cap and HDFC Flexicap. Are these good funds for long term (5-6 years)? Do you have any other fund in mind for suggestion?
Ans: Your decision to invest through SIPs is praiseworthy. It builds disciplined savings and offers rupee cost averaging. Your concern about performance shows an active approach towards wealth creation.

The Axis Small Cap Fund and UTI Flexicap Fund may not be delivering as expected. This could be due to market cycles, sectoral exposure, or fund management changes. Evaluating alternatives is a proactive step.

However, switching funds requires careful assessment to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Let’s explore this from multiple perspectives.

Evaluating Fund Performance
1. Small-Cap Funds:

Small-cap funds are highly volatile but can deliver excellent returns over time.
Quant Small Cap Fund has been a top performer in recent years.
However, it follows an aggressive strategy, which may not suit every investor.
2. Flexicap Funds:

Flexicap funds are versatile as they invest across market capitalisation.
HDFC Flexicap Fund is a consistent performer with experienced fund management.
It provides a balanced approach to growth and stability.
Challenges of Direct Plans
Direct funds save on distributor commissions but come with their challenges:

You need in-depth research to choose and monitor funds.
Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer professional guidance.
CFPs ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
It’s advisable to use a regular plan with the support of a CFP.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds outperform index funds in volatile markets.

Fund managers use insights to identify growth opportunities.
Active funds offer better returns during market corrections or specific sector trends.
Switching to actively managed funds is a sound decision.

Taxation Considerations
Switching funds involves redemption, triggering taxes.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Redeem strategically to optimise tax liability. Consult a CFP for effective tax planning.

Recommendations for a 360-Degree Solution
1. Assess Your Risk Appetite:

Small-cap funds are suitable for aggressive investors with a high risk tolerance.
Flexicap funds offer a safer option for moderate risk-takers.
2. Long-Term Perspective:

Ensure the selected funds align with your 5-6 years horizon.
Small-cap funds may need a longer timeframe to realise potential.
3. Diversify Investments:

Avoid concentrating in one category. Combine large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds.
Diversification reduces risk and ensures balanced growth.
4. Periodic Review:

Evaluate fund performance every six months.
Replace funds only when underperformance persists across multiple market cycles.
5. Consult a CFP:

A CFP will help you design a portfolio that matches your goals.
They offer personalised advice and save you from unnecessary churn.
Funds to Explore
Although specific fund suggestions are avoided, ensure these criteria when selecting:

Consistent performance over 3-5 years.
Low expense ratio in regular plans.
Experienced fund management and strong parentage.
Final Insights
Switching to Quant Small Cap and HDFC Flexicap can be considered. However, evaluate them alongside other funds with similar objectives. Maintain a diversified portfolio and consult a CFP for tailored guidance.

Remember, long-term investing is not about chasing returns but achieving your goals. Stay disciplined, and review your portfolio regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 years old). My & wife and I have combined income from a salary of 4 lakh post taxes. We are investing in the following funds & have an investment horizon of more than 15 years. Wife Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K JM Financial Mid Cap - 10K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Motila Oswal Business Cycle Fund - 10k My Self Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Kotak Special Opportunity Fund - 10K Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k Equity Market - 25K SGB - 10K LIC - 5.2K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 15+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment
Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates impressive discipline and diversification. Your strategy aligns well with your long-term goals. Let’s evaluate your investments from different perspectives to enhance your financial journey.

Income and Savings Allocation
You and your spouse have a combined post-tax income of Rs 4 lakh monthly. This indicates a healthy cash flow for both expenses and investments.

You are currently investing a significant portion of your income. It’s commendable and reflects your commitment to wealth creation.

Ensure you have adequate emergency funds in place. Ideally, maintain 6–12 months of household expenses in liquid assets like bank deposits or liquid funds.

Regularly increase your investments in line with your income growth. This will help mitigate inflation and maintain financial discipline.

Portfolio Diversification
Your portfolio includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds. Let’s analyse its structure:

Equity Funds: Your portfolio has a good mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. However, there may be an overlap in holdings due to multiple funds in similar categories.

Thematic and Sectoral Funds: These add potential for higher returns but come with higher risk. Maintain their allocation within 10–15% of your portfolio.

Direct Stocks (Equity Market): A Rs 25K monthly allocation here adds direct exposure. This is suitable if you have expertise and time to track individual stocks.

Debt and Gold: Investments in Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) and LIC provide stability. However, LIC policies may have lower returns compared to other instruments.

Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Reduce Fund Overlap
Multiple funds in similar categories can lead to duplication. Consolidate funds with similar investment styles.

For example, instead of holding several mid-cap funds, select one or two strong performers.

2. Evaluate LIC Policy
LIC is a low-return investment compared to equity funds. If you hold traditional LIC policies, consider surrendering them after a cost-benefit analysis.

Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better compounding over 15+ years.

3. Balance Asset Allocation
Equity investments dominate your portfolio, which is suitable for your time horizon.

Continue allocating 10–15% to debt and gold for stability. Use a debt mutual fund for better tax efficiency than LIC policies.

Keep reviewing asset allocation annually based on life events or market conditions.

4. Increase Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Amount
Increase SIPs by at least 10–15% annually to match income growth.

This disciplined approach ensures consistent wealth accumulation.

5. Review Fund Performance Regularly
Monitor fund performance every 6–12 months. Exit funds underperforming their category for over two years.

Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers with a proven track record.

6. Tax Efficiency
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. Keep this in mind while redeeming equity funds.

Use the tax-harvesting strategy by redeeming gains below Rs 1.25 lakh annually to minimise tax liability.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you and your spouse have adequate term insurance covering at least 10–15 times your annual income.

A health insurance policy for the family is crucial. Consider a super top-up policy for additional coverage.

Avoid investment-linked insurance products. Term insurance is cost-effective, and mutual funds provide better returns.

Child’s Future Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for your child’s education and marriage. Allocate funds in diversified equity schemes.

Goal-based investing helps in disciplined savings and keeps you on track.

Retirement Planning
Your target corpus of Rs 15+ crore by age 55 is realistic.

Focus on equity for growth. Add balanced funds or flexi-cap funds for moderate risk-adjusted returns.

Avoid early withdrawals to benefit from compounding over 15+ years.

Thematic Investments
Funds like business cycle or thematic funds are high-risk. Keep allocation limited to avoid concentration risks.

Evaluate the suitability of these funds every three years.

Risk Management
Your equity allocation indicates a high-risk appetite. Reassess your risk profile every 3–5 years.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility. Stay focused on long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline and long-term approach are excellent. Optimising your portfolio with fewer funds and higher SIP amounts will improve efficiency. Regular reviews and a clear focus on goals will ensure success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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