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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi there, I have been married for 15 years now and have a child who has Autism. Me and my wife live in USA and my mother had been living with us for an extended stay since 2020 until 2022 due to COVID 19 travel restrictions. Although my mother and my wife would get along ok, there would be a period in between when she would suddenly be angry at her and me for any random reason. Like we did not name our son in the way her friend did. This used to happen every few weeks and then become ok. In the meanwhile we were busy with therapies and treatments for my son. However, two years back she asked that my Mum (Over 75) leave immediately as she does not want her anymore. She took it to extreme by manipulating me to go against my mother, verbally abusing and shouting at her, accusing her of voo doo and saying that she wants her (my wife dead) and also not sparing my brother who lives in a different country. She refused counselling and asked for a divorce. There would be days when I would lock the door and sleep in a separate room. Eventually during a medical checkup she got diagnosed for cancer just after my mother went back to India. After a harrowing year and a half she is now cancer free but still her some side effects. I was thinking that this change of beaviour may have been due to the cancer but now that she is cured there is not much change except that the outbursts seem to have reduced. We are now back in India for a holiday since the past 2 months but live separately. She initially did not want to return to USA but now wants to go back. I am afraid the same issues as earlier would again start. She has clearly stated that she has no love or respect for me. I have been caring for my son and he is living with me while in India. I wonder what is the path forward

Ans: I understand that you're in a very difficult and confusing situation. Your wife's behavior, the separation, and the recent developments have undoubtedly created emotional strain and uncertainty. While I cannot offer personal advice or diagnose psychological issues, I can provide some insights and suggestions to help you navigate your path forward:

Understanding the Situation:

Your wife's behavior: It's impossible to definitively say what caused your wife's behavior without detailed information and professional expertise. However, her outbursts, accusations, and lack of love/respect could indicate various factors like stress, mental health issues, or unresolved personal conflicts.
Impact of cancer: While cancer and its treatment can affect mood and behavior, it's crucial to consider additional factors beyond the diagnosis.
Communication Breakdown: The lack of communication and refusal of counseling suggest deeper issues that need open and honest dialogue.
Moving Forward:

Prioritize your son's well-being: Ensure his needs are met in a stable and healthy environment. Seek professional guidance if needed.
Focus on your own well-being: Seek individual counseling or therapy to process your emotions, understand your options, and build resilience.
Open communication: If both of you are willing, consider couples therapy with a qualified professional to address communication issues, understand root causes of conflict, and work towards a future, whether together or separate.
Clear boundaries: If you choose to continue the relationship, set clear boundaries regarding acceptable behavior and communication.
Legal advice: Consult a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options regarding child custody, property division, and other legal matters.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1822 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu,Hope you are in fine health!This will take 4 minutes to read but I plead to you for help.I am a man of 40 years, an engineer working with a reputed MNC as a manager. My wife, 37 is also an engineer working with a global service firm as process lead.We have a son nearing 8 years. We got married in 2012 - an arranged marriage and welcomed our son in early 2014. Things were fine largely in the initial phase. She quit her job in 2013 (a collective decision) to be in London with me for 2 years till 2015. My mother passed away in 2014 so I suggested that we return to Mumbai for good as my dad was alone. She agreed (at least I think so). Upon return I feel her father intervened too much in our family life (coming to our house unwarranted to help my wife, when my father was at my sister's place after bypass surgery). For little things, my wife depended on them although I was always around. In some ways I always thought she wanted me to be like her father. A couple of showdowns and family discussions later, she walked out in 2016 with our 2 year-old son. It was a well orchestrated event with her father, sister, far-flung cousin picking her up with 8-9 bundles of belongings, including our marriage certificate and son's birth certificates (Indian and London). I viewed it as a betrayal but kept mum. I went to her place 4 times in the following month to meet my son but her mother threatened me with 498A in the last meeting. I feel they had ulterior motives to this entire episode -- I am an IT engineer so they knew I had money. My wife was unhappy that my dad's flat in a posh locality in Mumbai where we stayed would be split between me and my sister. She had said I and only I should be the inheritor.She put a condition that I can meet my son only at her father's residence, so I was denied access to my son. After a depressing wait of 2 years, I filed custody petition. I secured regular visitation rights to my son. He warmed up to me and I took him to Goa, Kerala, Mysore on separate visits. My belief was 'whatever happens to our relationship, my son should not feel the absence of his father ever' Thinking my wife would have warmed up, I filed restitution 1.5 years later. She fought both petitions tooth and nail, denying me even 30 mins extra visitation. I was supposed to pick my son and drop him from underneath her flat. Humiliation ensued but I stuck to being a good dutiful father which was appreciated and rewarded by the family court counsellor. I was paying his school fees and also nurtured him for 5 months in 2020 at my place when my wife and her family contracted COVID (which she claimed in court as unlawful detention of 'my' son). May be, sensing she is losing ground, all of a sudden she agreed to a mutual divorce in April 2021 with custody shared for 15-15 days every month. A day before the final signing of papers, she asked to meet and said, 'Can't we make this work for our son ? I am ready to come back' I was getting what I always wanted so I relented. Court gave us a trial period of 3 months which went fine. We were physical 5-6 days a week. I suggested a second kid but she used to evade the question by saying 1 kid is enough. She was gelling well with my family but I maintained a distance from her parents as I did not want a repeat. I did not step into her house which she resented. After 3 months, I told her I need 3 more months and she was shocked but went with it. The best thing that was happening was that our son was opening up and was much less anxious. After another 3 months, we were ready to continue as husband and wife and were ready to sign in court in Dec 2021 but got a date in Jan 2022 as judge was absent.NOW, on 29th Dec we got to know that we are expecting. She cried saying she does not want the baby while I feel we should go ahead. The gynaec said at 37 years, it was not too late given that we conceived naturally and she does not have any chronic issues (her reports showed possible onset of diabetes, low haemoglobin levels which doctor said can be treated). We fought again as she said she still wants to tour the world, has her hands full with the first kid and is not mentally and emotionally prepared. My father and I spoke to her. I called upon her father who sided with her. Finally on 5th Jan she conveyed that she was firm on abortion. I said I am not part of this decision as I still feel we can afford the baby and it will strengthen our bond. We have access to the best of doctors who can ensure a good pregnancy. But she was firm so I asked her to 'Do whatever you want. I will not participate'. I asked her to go and stay with her parents until her bleeding stops and come back to my son and me. But I warned her that this act could have consequences, however much we try not to.WHY? Because I feel cheated. Voiceless. Helpless. Powerless. Hurt. Aggrieved. Sad. Guilty. She took the decision independently and was completely detached emotionally from the 6-week baby so as to abort.I am scared to say 'We will continue as husband and wife' in our end-of-trial-period hearing next week. What if she continues to be as stubborn and backstab me each time. I could go into depression. I am seeing a pattern in her behaviour.She hasn't changed -- may be the first 6 months were a farce. She is cold-hearted, manipulative and stubborn. She leaves me when she wants, denies me access to my son in an arm-twisting tactic, makes amends when it suits her and aborts at will. I fear I am setting myself up for bigger betrayals ( last month, she and her parents showed me flats costing ~4 crores because she wants to own one.I bought one for 1.5 crore in 2019 where we are residing right now, in my and my father's name. I have begged that I won't be able to help her financially as I already have a loan; I have two housemaids in the house for food-utensils-mopping and they too complain that she does not get involved in any housework --- like even instructing them what to do. I have brought up sharing-of-expenses 2-3 times but stopped asking after seeing it was not heart-felt from her side) I am feeling like a doormat who is clinging to this relationship too tightly, at my own peril.Can you assist me with questions whose answers will guide me in taking a decision on marriage v/s divorce ? RegardsUnknown
Ans:

Dear Unknown,

<>I do empathise with whatever you have shared with me. As long as you are willing to offer your emotions to be played with, you will be ping-ponging from one end to the other.

I understand that you wanted to give your marriage a fair chance; and things started to get better in the three months.

But I do fail to understand why you wanted her to go through the pregnancy especially after health challenges that she might have faced. And to keep her away especially when she needs to be with you and the child, is not something that is going to work in anyone’s favour.

Firstly, figure out this: What are you punishing her for? Are you angry with her for walking out on you in 2016 and the treatment meted out to you then and is this anger now mounting on her not wanting the pregnancy?

They are two separate events and need to be looked at separately. To displace anger from one event and map it onto the other, doesn’t show emotional maturity; it will only make matters worse for you.

Things were getting back to normal; and do respect a woman’s choice of having the baby or not…after all, she has to carry the baby within her for 9 months and when it is telling on her health, why shouldn’t you support her as her husband?

You felt cheated the first time; this time it was a decision that needed none of the past feelings coming into it.

If you do want to continue the marriage, it will be a wise decision to live under the same roof, clear all the past unresolved issues and find a way to move ahead. And also, think of the implications this is having on your son who has already experienced so much.

Do the right thing; for you, for her and for the child.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1822 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I got happily married in 2006 and since 2007 there where small quarrels between my wife and my mother. We were a joint business and my mother always made her feel insecure financially and socially (this I know now after my wife explained the facts).We separated from our parents in 2012 and have 2 kids 13 yrs and 9 years. My wife is unable to forget her past tramuna and after 17 yrs for marriage if any issue comes where I am seen giving sympathy to my parents I am being questioned and argued. She is suffering from Cervical spondylosis and now she has been diagnosed with Dystonia which on emotional grounds have made our life worst. She just wants to quarrel with me right from morning 5.30am there is hue and cry everywhere and does not end anytime. When I am at office she call and ask me to come back urgently and when I am at home she ask to move off as she does not want to see me. I read these symptoms occur in Dystonia but she isn’t ready to meet any psychiatrist. What can be done from my end as I have 2 kids and one is at the faq end of her schooling.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Any physical ailments that hit suddenly can cause a massive disruption to life. Especially, for the caregiver. I can only imagine how unsettled the marriage might feel; but she needs all the support that you can offer.
She possibly is in a state of denial or anger at the way things are at this moment and displaces the disappointment on you. Not fair, I know!
This also causes her to argue with you on things from the past like when you support your parents. But the real challenge I can only assume is her health that is causing her distress.
She needs a change in perspective by accepting things for what they are right now; but not willing to see a mental health expert puts you in a spot. Maybe you can fill in, in a manner that you can by using the weekends to take time off with her. Spend quality time together and also by yourself to find your peace as well.
Ask the children to pitch in when they can; they are old enough to run little chores in the home. At the same time, do not make your wife feel that is incapable of managing things (this could become a huge dependecny which will spoil her mental state further).
Also, I suggest run back home only in case of an emergency else, you will spread yourself thin by allowing yourself to give into her every demand of raising an alarm. This will become a pattern of dependence on you again.
Enable her to care for herself as much as she can and when she can. This can strengthen her mind state and help in her healing. (since I am unaware of the severity of her symptoms). Enable her...

All the best!

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Pooja

Pooja Khera  | Answer  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Relationship
I’m married for 14 years and have a 12 yr old son, both working. It was love marriage but before marriage explained me that leaving her ex from her college as it was not true love. After these 14 years, I came to know that they were having physical relation as well and the same hurt me very hard and couldn’t focus on anything and difficult to believe that with whom I spent 14 yr and still there is something can be hidden. Thats not all, on domestic issues whenever we have argument on household work/ expenses/ guiding son on studying etc, if she is not able to answer or didn’t like my response couldn’t control her anger, she tried to stangle me, beat me up, slapping, pour water/ hot tea on me, also not to mention abusing me in front of my son. Also many times she threatened to end her life by taking a knife in hand or by closing door to attempt hanging. That’s why bedroom & washroom door locks are broken in my house. Due to all these I left house twice in these years but due to her repeated apology and affection to my son I returned. Now I think all these are unbearable and need to take some step for resolution. Also as my son is old enough to understand all happenings don’t want ruin his life with all these nuisance. Humble request to advice as I’m under tremendous pain.
Ans: Violence in any form is unacceptable and alone th reason to walk out of the relationship. No one should ensure violence , disrespect or manipulation in any relationship and in your case there are all three of them. In my opinion, you should walk out of this marriage given your partner has proven there's no change at her end.

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Latest Questions
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2026
Career
I have taken a 12th-grade drop year, and this year I have to take admission. But my parents are not supporting me. Last year also, because of all these issues, my admission got delayed, and this year again, no one in my family is taking it seriously. They don't allow me to meet anyone or even go outside the house. They don't even let me go to the terrace. They keep saying, "Whatever you want to achieve, do it from home. People who really want to succeed can do it from anywhere." I don't have any problem studying from home. In fact, after my drop year, I started preparing for CA, and everything was going well initially. But after a few months, my mother started taking away my phone. She wouldn't let me talk to anyone, go outside, or even step onto the terrace. Along with that, there was a lot of mental and emotional abuse. My mother uses extremely abusive and degrading language toward me, and it has become very difficult for me to handle. Because of the constant verbal abuse and emotional stress, I often can't concentrate on my studies. Whenever I study peacefully for two days, the same traumatic cycle starts all over again the next day. This only happens to me in my family. I am the only daughter after my two elder brothers. I can't even share these things with anyone because none of my friends have to go through anything like this. Sometimes, if I simply go to the terrace, my mother starts shouting at me and uses extremely abusive language. Even if I use my phone only for studying, I am not allowed to keep it. I can't even talk to someone to refresh my mind or reduce stress, and I'm not allowed to meet my friends or go outside either. Sometimes, it becomes so overwhelming that I feel like I don't want to live in this house anymore. I feel trapped, emotionally exhausted, and completely isolated. All I want is a peaceful environment where I can study, focus on my future, and live with basic freedom and dignity.
Ans: Hi!!

I want you to understand that your desire to study, build a career and have some basic freedom is absolutely justified. You are not asking for too much. You are asking for an environment where you can concentrate on your studies, take decisions about your future and live with dignity.

From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not your ability to study or your willingness to work hard. You have already proved that you can prepare for CA and stay focused when things are going well. The real concern here is the environment in which you are expected to study.

You really need to understand that a peaceful mind is essential for effective learning. When you are constantly exposed to shouting, abusive language and emotional stress, it becomes difficult to concentrate, regardless of how determined you are to succeed. So please don't blame yourself for struggling with your studies. You are trying to focus on your future while simultaneously dealing with a very distressing situation at home.
Having said that, I would like you to think about something important. Your education and your future cannot remain on hold because of the circumstances you are facing today. You have already lost valuable time because of delays in admission, and I don't want you to lose another year waiting for things to improve on their own.
You need support, and you need to take practical steps towards securing your future.
First, identify a trusted adult who can understand your situation and help you. It could be a relative, a teacher, a former school counsellor or another responsible person you feel comfortable approaching. Please don't assume that nobody will understand you simply because your friends may not be experiencing the same difficulties. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Second, make your admission a priority. Find out the courses available to you, the eligibility requirements, the deadlines and the documents you need. If you cannot manage the process independently, seek help from a trusted adult who can guide you. You need a concrete plan rather than being caught in the same cycle of conflict and uncertainty.

Third, please understand that respecting your parents does not mean accepting abusive behaviour as something you deserve. You can love your family and still recognise that certain words and behaviours are hurting you. You don't have to fight or argue with your mother to prove your point. When things become heated, try to avoid escalating the situation and prioritise your emotional and physical safety.

And finally, please don't isolate yourself emotionally. You need someone with whom you can talk openly, someone who can listen without judging you. If the situation at home continues to feel unbearable, a counsellor or a trusted adult outside the family can help you work through it and explore safe options.

Remember, this difficult phase of your life does not define your future. You have ambitions, you want to study, and you want to become independent. Hold on to those goals, but don't feel that you have to achieve everything through sheer willpower while dealing with this distress alone.

Your future matters. Your mental well-being matters. And you deserve to live with dignity.

I would like to ask you two important questions -
* First, are you physically safe at home, or has the abuse ever become physical?
*Second, is there any trusted relative, teacher or other adult who could help you with your admission process?
I am asking because I want you to have advice that is practical for your situation, not just words of encouragement

Tc ! Best wishes always..

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2026
Career
I studied in an English-medium school, but during school and college most of my friends and even teachers were more comfortable speaking Hindi, so that became my natural communication language. Now after many years, I work in an office where English is used much more regularly. I can understand English and I can write basic things, but when I have to speak suddenly, I sometimes struggle to find the right words. Even for a simple question to a colleague, I first rehearse the sentence in my mind two or three times before saying it. If someone suddenly asks me something in English, I sometimes fumble even though I know what I want to say. I also depend quite a lot on ChatGPT to help me frame emails, messages and sometimes even replies because I worry about making grammar mistakes or sounding less professional. Recently, a new girl joined our office who speaks very confidently in English and seems more comfortable talking to people who are also very fluent or part of what feels like an ‘elite’ group. She does speak with us, but not as much, and sometimes I become more conscious about my own English when I see how naturally she communicates. I know everyone has a different communication style, but this has made me wonder whether my lack of fluency is affecting how people perceive me at work. How can I improve my spoken English and workplace communication so that I can speak spontaneously and confidently without mentally preparing every sentence first?
Ans: Hi!!!
First of all, you need to understand that being fluent in English does not necessarily mean being a good communicator. Communication is about how effectively you express your thoughts, ideas and feelings, and not merely about the language you speak.
From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not that you don't know English, but that you have become conscious of your English. The more you worry about making grammatical mistakes or using the wrong words, the more you hold yourself back. And the more you hold yourself back, the less opportunity you give yourself to become fluent.
You really need to ask yourself this question: Am I more concerned about communicating my thoughts, or about how people will judge my English? The moment you start worrying about the latter, you shift your focus from what you want to say to how you should say it. That is where the hesitation begins.
Remember, you don't have to speak perfect English to communicate confidently. You need to be clear, comfortable and willing to express yourself. Even people who speak English very fluently make grammatical mistakes, fumble for words and struggle to articulate their thoughts at times. It is perfectly normal!
So, what do you need to do?
Start speaking in English more often, even when you know your sentences may not be perfect. Don't rehearse every sentence in your mind before speaking. Allow yourself to think and speak at the same time. Initially, you may fumble, pause or use simpler words, but that is absolutely fine. Fluency comes with practice, not with the constant fear of making mistakes.
Make English a part of your everyday life. Speak to your colleagues in English, participate in conversations, share your opinions in meetings and practise expressing your thoughts aloud. Read aloud, listen to good English speakers and try summarising what you have read or heard in your own words. These small, consistent efforts will help you develop greater spontaneity and confidence.
And about using ChatGPT to frame your emails and messages — there is absolutely nothing wrong with using a tool to improve your communication. However, don't let the tool become a substitute for your own ability to think and express yourself. Try drafting your message first, and then use ChatGPT to refine it. Observe the changes, understand why they were made and gradually incorporate those learnings into your own communication.
As far as the new girl in your office is concerned, please don't allow her fluency to become a yardstick against which you Hi!!!
First of all, you need to understand that being fluent in English does not necessarily mean being a good communicator. Communication is about how effectively you express your thoughts, ideas and feelings, and not merely about the language you speak.
From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not that you don't know English, but that you have become conscious of your English. The more you worry about making grammatical mistakes or using the wrong words, the more you hold yourself back. And the more you hold yourself back, the less opportunity you give yourself to become fluent.
You really need to ask yourself this question: Am I more concerned about communicating my thoughts, or about how people will judge my English? The moment you start worrying about the latter, you shift your focus from what you want to say to how you should say it. That is where the hesitation begins.
Remember, you don't have to speak perfect English to communicate confidently. You need to be clear, comfortable and willing to express yourself. Even people who speak English very fluently make grammatical mistakes, fumble for words and struggle to articulate their thoughts at times. It is perfectly normal!
So, what do you need to do?
Start speaking in English more often, even when you know your sentences may not be perfect. Don't rehearse every sentence in your mind before speaking. Allow yourself to think and speak at the same time. Initially, you may fumble, pause or use simpler words, but that is absolutely fine. Fluency comes with practice, not with the constant fear of making mistakes.
Make English a part of your everyday life. Speak to your colleagues in English, participate in conversations, share your opinions in meetings and practise expressing your thoughts aloud. Read aloud, listen to good English speakers and try summarising what you have read or heard in your own words. These small, consistent efforts will help you develop greater spontaneity and confidence.
And about using ChatGPT to frame your emails and messages — there is absolutely nothing wrong with using a tool to improve your communication. However, don't let the tool become a substitute for your own ability to think and express yourself. Try drafting your message first, and then use ChatGPT to refine it. Observe the changes, understand why they were made and gradually incorporate those learnings into your own communication.
As far as the new girl in your office is concerned, please don't allow her fluency to become a yardstick against which you measure yourself. She may be more comfortable speaking English, but that does not make her more intelligent, more capable or a better professional than you. Everyone has a different background, different experiences and a different starting point.
Stop comparing, start practising and, most importantly, stop underestimating yourself.
You have already identified what you need to improve, and that is the first step towards change. Now, give yourself the opportunity to work on it without being overly critical of yourself.
Remember, the objective is not to impress people with your English. It is to express yourself with confidence, clarity and conviction.
When you stop trying to speak perfect English and start focusing on communicating effectively, you will gradually find your voice!

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2026
Career
I recently received feedback at work that I should be more assertive. The strange part is that I don’t consider myself shy - I speak when I have something to say and I’m quite comfortable with my colleagues. But the problem comes when I have a different opinion from someone senior. For example, last week during a team meeting, my manager suggested doing something in a particular way. I could clearly see one issue with the approach and had a different suggestion in mind, but when it was my turn to speak, I said something like, ‘Yes, that should be okay, maybe we can try it,’ instead of clearly explaining what I actually felt. Later, I discussed the same point with a colleague and realised I had actually been right about the concern, but by then the decision was already made. This happens with me quite often - I don’t want to sound argumentative or disrespectful, so I automatically soften my words and sometimes end up agreeing even when I genuinely have another opinion. How can I become more assertive in these situations, speak confidently to senior people and put forward a different viewpoint without coming across as rude, aggressive or overconfident?
Ans: Hi!!

*Being assertive does not mean being aggressive or disrespectful* It means expressing your thoughts and feelings confidently and respectfully!

If you hesitate to disagree, consider whether you fear judgment, offending the person, or challenging their authority! Identifying the cause can help you address it. Respecting someone’s position does not require agreeing with every opinion; your perspective may reveal something they have overlooked.

When you have a concern, pause, organise your thoughts, and state them clearly. For example: *“I understand your approach\. However, I have a concern we may want to consider before proceeding.”” You can be polite without being apologetic and respectful without being submissive.

Practise expressing your views in smaller situations. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but confidence will grow with experience.Trust your judgement and speak up when your input matters. You can disagree with someone without disrespecting them—that is true assertiveness!

Remember assertiveness is about respecting yourself and the other person equally! Understanding that you have as much right to express your opinion as the other person .

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2026
Relationship
I’m facing a small but recurring issue with my wife when it comes to money. I’m naturally more of a saving person—I like keeping some money aside for future expenses, emergencies, children’s needs and other things that may come up unexpectedly. My wife, on the other hand, feels that if we can comfortably afford something now, there is no point in always postponing it just to save more. It’s not that either of us is irresponsible with money, and thankfully we don’t have any major financial problems, but this difference in our thinking keeps coming up every few weeks. Sometimes it starts with something as simple as buying something for the house or planning a holiday and then turns into a discussion about our overall spending habits. I don’t want her to feel that I’m controlling how she spends her money, and at the same time, I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting to save. How can couples with very different financial habits find a middle ground and decide together how much to spend, save and keep aside for the future without making money become a regular source of tension in the marriage?
Ans: Hello sir. I hope you are in good health. Coming to your question, financial management remains a little sensitive topic specially when both members are earning.
You both have different habits and different thinking in terms of financial management and I think both are correct. The only thing with which the things can be sorted out is that you both sit and discuss and mutually come to a specific percentage of income which should be saved and which should be kept aside for holidays or for home fund. This way you both will clearly know and then you will not have problem in spending or saving.
I hope this solves your problem.
All the best..take care !!

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2026
Relationship
I’m a little confused about how I should handle situations involving my husband and his parents. Whenever they have an argument or disagreement, I usually prefer to stay quiet because I feel that if I get involved, the situation could become even more complicated. I don’t want his parents to feel that I’m trying to create a distance between them, and I also don’t want to say something in the heat of the moment that I may regret later. But after the argument is over, my husband sometimes tells me that he expected me to support him because I’m his wife. From my point of view, supporting him doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with him or taking his side every time, especially when I don’t know the complete context of their disagreement. At the same time, I can understand why he may feel hurt if he thinks I’m simply standing by and watching when he needs me. How should to handle these situations when disagreements with in-laws keep creating tension in the marriage? Is there a healthy way for a spouse to show support without automatically taking sides or disrespecting the other family members?
Ans: Hello mam. I hope you are in good health.
Well, coming to your question, you can definitely take your partner's side by understanding the things on which the disagreements happen. For example you disagree with your partner at a specific point of time, in public you should try to calm the situation and take his side if possible but after that in private you can share your opinion and correct him if he is wrong somewhere. This way he ll feel that yes you support him but on the other hand he ll also realize that where he went wrong. Probably the situations will get better with this.
I really appreciate your nature that you don't want to disrespect other family members. Its very good and shows your upbringing and your intent of maintaining relationships.
Keep it up...take care !!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11482 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2026

Money
Hi ..I have registered a app called finsolalgo They told I got allocation for ipo which I kept 1 lac prev but they asked I need to pay 6lac ...which I couldn't pay...now they blocked my one lac saying as I didn't pay full allocation my amount blocked for 3 months but am not getting fater 3 months who will release my funds and all am feeling bad to believe them...now wat should I do ...finsolalgo is this company registered with sebi when I asked they told s we registered we have ruled and regulations ...that's y blocked like that ..wat should I do now
Ans: It is good that you have stopped and are checking this before paying another Rs.6 lakh.

Based on what you have described, I would be very cautious. The process you were told about does not look like the normal IPO application process.

» How a genuine IPO application normally works

In a normal IPO, the application money is blocked in your own bank account through ASBA or an approved UPI mandate.

If shares are allotted, the required amount is debited.

The remaining blocked amount is released after the allotment process. SEBI describes this process clearly.

A company or app normally cannot simply say:

– You paid Rs.1 lakh.

– You received an allocation of Rs.7 lakh.

– You must arrange another Rs.6 lakh.

– Otherwise your original Rs.1 lakh will remain blocked for 3 months.

That is a major point requiring verification.

» About the Rs.1 lakh being blocked

First check where exactly the Rs.1 lakh is blocked.

If it is genuinely blocked in your own bank account under an IPO ASBA/UPI mandate, contact your bank immediately and ask:

– Who has placed the mandate?

– What is the IPO name?

– Who is the sponsor bank?

– What is the application number?

– What is the registrar's name?

– What is the UPI mandate reference?

Do not depend only on what the FinsolAlgo app or its representatives are telling you.

If the money was actually transferred to a bank account controlled by the app/company/person, the situation is more serious. Do not send the additional Rs.6 lakh merely to release the earlier Rs.1 lakh.

» Is FinsolAlgo SEBI registered?

I checked the SEBI recognised-intermediary information available currently.

I could not verify a SEBI registration under the name "FinsolAlgo" from the information available to me.

This does not by itself prove that the entity is fraudulent. The legal entity name may be different from the app or trade name.

So ask them for:

– Exact legal company name.

– SEBI registration number.

– Category of SEBI registration.

– Registered office address.

– Name of the stock broker/intermediary handling the IPO application.

Then independently verify these details on SEBI's recognised intermediary records. SEBI maintains a searchable list of registered intermediaries.

Do not accept a statement such as "we are SEBI registered and we have our own rules" as proof.

» What you should do now

I would suggest these steps in this order:

– Do NOT pay the additional Rs.6 lakh.

– Do NOT pay any "release fee", "penalty", "tax", "processing charge" or similar amount.

– Do NOT share your OTP, UPI PIN, bank password or other banking credentials.

– Take screenshots of the entire conversation with FinsolAlgo.

– Save the payment receipt for the Rs.1 lakh.

– Save the IPO allocation message and all documents they provided.

– Contact your bank directly through its official customer-care channel.

– Ask the bank whether there is actually an IPO-related ASBA/UPI block on your Rs.1 lakh.

– If the bank confirms that no genuine IPO mandate exists, immediately inform the bank that you suspect an unauthorised or potentially fraudulent transaction.

– If money has already gone to another bank account, inform your bank immediately and ask about the appropriate fraud-reporting process.

» Do not wait for three months

I would not simply wait for three months based on their verbal assurance.

If this is a genuine IPO, there should be proper documentation and an identifiable IPO process.

There should also be a recognised intermediary, sponsor bank, registrar and application details.

The normal IPO process does not depend merely on an app telling you that your money will be released after three months. SEBI's own explanation says that funds are blocked for the IPO process and are subsequently debited or unblocked based on allotment.

» My assessment

The requirement to arrange another Rs.6 lakh after supposedly getting a Rs.7 lakh allocation is the biggest concern here.

Please do not try to recover the Rs.1 lakh by paying another Rs.6 lakh.

That can increase your exposure substantially.

Your immediate priority should be to establish where the Rs.1 lakh actually sits and whether there is a genuine IPO mandate.

If you share the exact message received from FinsolAlgo about the Rs.7 lakh allocation and the Rs.6 lakh payment, I can examine the wording and tell you which parts look normal and which parts are red flags.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |3317 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Oct 08, 2026

Career
I am a student and NEET aspirant. I appeared for Class 10 in 2024 and passed Class 10 in 2024. I completed and passed Class 12 in 2026. I also appeared for NEET (UG) 2026, including the re-examination, but unfortunately I could not qualify for admission. My Class 12 marks are relatively low, although I have successfully passed Class 12 in 2026. Therefore, I am considering appearing for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027 to improve my marks. I would like to kindly ask for clarification regarding the following: Since I have already passed Class 12 in 2026, am I eligible to appear for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027? If I improve my Class 12 marks in 2027, will I remain eligible to appear for NEET (UG) 2027? Will appearing for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027 create any issue during NEET counselling or MBBS admission if I qualify NEET 2027? Will my one-year gap after Class 12 (2026–2027), due to preparing for NEET, cause any problem in NEET eligibility or during MBBS admission? If improvement is permitted, which Class 12 marks/marksheet would be considered for NEET 2027 eligibility and admission?
Ans: HI ALAM,
GREETINGS FROM THE REDIFFGURUS!
The Advantages of NEET:

* NO UPPER AGE LIMIT
* UNLIMITED ATTEMPTS for HSC
* UNLIMITED ATTEMPTS FOR NEET
* A MINIMUM AGGREGATE PERCENTAGE OF 50% (varying by category) IS SUFFICIENT TO QUALIFY FOR NEET (except for AIIMS)
* ASPIRANTS CAN PRESENT DIFFERENT BOARD EXAM MARK SHEETS.

Due to these factors, the number of NEET aspirants is higher compared to other exams.

If you have the required marks to appear for NEET, you can proceed with your preparation. As you mentioned that your HSC marks are low (specifics not disclosed), focus on strengthening your weak subjects to help you achieve your goal. Simply aiming for improvement is not enough; you need to make significant progress.

You are planning to take the improvement exam for your marks. While preparing for this, it is essential to enhance your understanding of the subjects that are also relevant for NEET. There is a possibility that you might achieve the same level of marks you previously obtained in HSC if you do not make substantial improvements. Therefore, concentrate on honing the subjects necessary for NEET as well.

BEST WISHES.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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