Dear Love Guru,
I am 50 years divorced man in relation with a 42 years divorced women.
We have known to each other for the last 7 years, but only for the 8/9 months we have committed to each other. We intend to marry. But she insists for 40 lakh money and 1 flat in her name. Then only will see agree to marry.
She says if not given she will marry another guy who will meet her requirements. I am so much in love that I am thinking of giving her demands and marry her.  But the real problem is, she has many male friends with whom she regularly chats over watsup and messanger. She also goes for dinner with some friends. 
Secondly, whenever we go to any group parties (her known) she flirt around with male friends, like taking pictures holding each other, dancing closely together etc. I after ask her dance with me or take snaps with me, she just avoids.
I have seen many male friends of her touching her bump or cheeks or holding her waists, she never objects. But when I try to do the same, she objects saying what people will think etc.
She tries to stay away from me during the parties. I constantly remind her to stay with me, she says not to be so possessive and allow her some space. 
Previously we had sex once a month for 5/6 months, but for the last 3 months she has totally stopped having sex, she says will do it only after marriage. Whenever we had sex, she didnt seems to participate, she just tells me to finish off fast. 
Again, I am only one who telephones her every night for talking. She never calls me. Throughout the day she never calls and rarely chats with me.
After I propose or insists, we meet once in 10 days. she always prefers to meet in group of friends. With me she talks quite ok, but in group she becomes very lively and active.
I am confused whether to proceed for marriage by fulfilling her demands. What if after marriage she repeats the same flirteous nature and not so committed towards me.
Please advice and help.
Regards.

Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.