Dear Anu, I'm studying BTech final year. My love and I were in a relationship since 5 years. Things were fine till our diploma.
I got a seat in another college which was far from our place. At the same time, he moved to his hometown for house construction. There he met a girl. She is 34.
He used to talk a lot to her and got attached to her. He tells everything to me. He even said that people were spreading wrong rumours about them.
I told him to stay away till things got better. Since then he has stopped telling me much.
There was a recent fight in his hometown relating to both of them which annoyed him. He continues to say there is nothing wrong between both of us.
He used to love me a lot. Whenever I felt insecure or if there was any mood swings he used to make me calm and relaxed.
Now-a-days he always tells me ‘Wait. Don't call me.’ If I call him more, he just scolds me.
There are no sweet talks or setting time aside for a call, and all. He even says ‘I promised that I'll be with her at any time in any problem and now because everyone is spreading rumours I can't break my promise to her.’
What about me? Didn't you promise to make me happy? I feel betrayed.
I got angry and told him that my parents are seeing matches for me.
His reply shook me. He said: 'Go, get married.’
I was like ‘you aren't the same.’
I don't understand what to do or how to set things right.
My mental health is getting worse.

Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.

Hi Anu, Nice to contact you. I came across many of your conversations online and I would like to share my life situation. If you could help in any way it would be a great support. I am married since 4 and half years now but we have stayed together only for 1 and half years. Rest of it was purely long-distance relationship. It was an arranged marriage and I entered it with great hope and dreams. I still believe I have had only bare minimum expectations from my partner as that of any young woman. After the marriage got fixed I had to leave my job and stay at my hometown. He works in a distant state. We were all hoping that after marriage, I’d go and live with him so will search for a job later. Even during prewedding discussions the talk was that he will shift to a new home before marriage and after marriage he will take me along with him. But two weeks after our wedding he left to work leaving me at his home with his parents in our hometown. He didn’t explain or give any reasons. It broke me. Those 2 weeks were wonderful and the best time of our marriage life. He came after 2 months, rented a new house and took me with him. It was good although small and silly arguments would happen. He loved me and I stayed there for a month. We returned to hometown after a month. He left me there and returned to work in 1 week’s time. I stayed with his parents (in between his mother met with an accident and I stayed with her for like 2 months). He took me back to his place for 3 months. When financial circumstances got bad, he changed. He stopped expressing love in any form other than getting me variety of food items. There was no romance, small talks or travelling outside. He sent me back to my parents’ place for 7 months. It made me really mad and we started to fight over the phone making us more distant. He was facing financial crisis, I wanted to be supportive but he never shared his feelings or plans with me. I never felt involved. Without a job I went into depression. To sort things, I stayed with him for 9 months looking for a job. He never showed any interest. I stayed at home for all those months feeling depressive and insecure. There was no romance, emotional or physical.He is perfect in his words and promises but never in his actions. I believed and waited for 3 years. Then my in laws suggested a job but it was at my native place. As it suited my educational qualifications I showed interest and he said okay. I applied and got the job. Since then I have not visited him at his work place. It’s been 2 years now and I stay with his parents. Due to covid he didn’t come for home for a 1 and half. A few months ago he came and stayed for a week. When people see us it’s 4 and 1/2 years of marriage but for us it’s not. Since we don’t have kids people are suspecting a lot. I don’t blame them.Clearly not everything is alright.My husband is a lovely person and he cares so much but I feel he is controlling me. May be because of his lack of emotional availability. But many things have bothered me a lot since our wedding.My husband and I have never visited or travelled a place alone, ever. We never had a honeymoon.My husband has never introduced me to any of his friends.I know nothing of him through a third person, all I know is what he has told me.These days he hardly calls me. I tend to get more frustrated and cry sometimes by sharing my feelings with him if he called very late at night. So he stopped calling me. When I asked he replied “when I call at night you are complaining, fighting and crying so I don’t call” He is running away from situations. I replied to him “you know that I will cry and there is a reason for that. Instead to solving the situation and not to make me cry, you would rather prefer not to call”. He said “Yes”. So he refrains from anything that upsets him. Long time ago due to some misunderstandings I refused to be physically romantic with him and he did the same to me for months and years which is also why we don’t have kids. But I cant explain or share this with anyone. I doubt about my future as I am scared that I will never be blessed with a life with shared love and romance.I miss myself being in love and happy.I miss my own very smile.I don’t put all the blame on him because I know am not perfect. But am not that evil to be punished like this in my life. I do deserve some happiness. He hasn’t abused me but absence of abuse doesn’t mean a healthy relationship. I have always felt lonely. Rather than love I have felt more judged for my actions and thoughts.There is not a single day in life where I do not think about leaving this relationship but it has become very difficult to picture a happy healthy future with him.It has become hard to have a simple conversation with him now.I hope for a healthy relationship in which my partner and I could be vulnerable to one and other.Am I expecting too much from him? Is it that am not good enough for him?Will this too pass? I am worried.I would like to stay anonymous.

Hi. I am in a relationship since five years. My BF was very gentle and caring initially but after his financial downfall he became cold and restless. And I had to change cities due to work. I love him and he tells me he loves me too, which I feel he does. But he is very ambitious and struggling in his life and is busy planning most days. Which I understand, but it irritates me that we have zero conversations that he starts or takes interest in. We do discuss decisions and official things a lot, but I am talking about meaningful conversations and couple time. It’s been several years now and I have to wait for ages to discuss any simple, emotional thing with him. He is constantly on an unending chase. He lives in another city. I understand and wanna support him but it upsets me anyway because it’s been such long time of chasing simple conversations. I feel like I can’t hold on to the relation anymore because I tried to discuss this hundreds of time with him but he could never make time to even let me complete. In fact, he promises me time and conveniently forgets while I wait eagerly. He is always sleepy or tired by the time I begin anything and then it’s impossible for me to begin, which I feel is disgusting. We have started having ugly fights and I can’t resist being angry at things now. Now he has started acting rude and inconsiderate towards me. Though he is not mean to me, he always calls me impatient and kiddish to not understand his situation. He often tells me that he is not spending his time partying. He is making plans for both of us. He just has one answer that I should trust him and give him some time he will set everything. But I feel overly sensitive and depressed and in continuous chase which is very derogatory and bothers my self-worth. I always am ready for him in every way but here I am feeling choked and he is just not getting it. What should I do? How do I tell him that it is high time? Or am I overreacting? Please help. A person in need

My boyfriend of last 2.5 years who is 25 years old and has a 11 years age gap with me has decided to get married to someone else as per families choice. I am writing to understand few things: we started of casually where i proposed to him. He initially hesitated and after thinking for few days, also wanted to start the relationship. Later time went by we became involved at deeper levels. We spent majority of the times together, have shared goals, we lookout for each other. He doesn't state his feelings very often. He takes care, enjoys spending time, we planned tris together, we know our families but not that we are involved. He takes care of many things and it was almost like a live-in. Now and then he used to come up and tell we should stop, I'll be like give us time when rhe thing about marriage comes we will see. Now the thing is initially when he wanted to leave he was telling we are like Radha and Krishna, now when i am standing my ground that i can't see him with another girl, he is telling i was never in love with you. He never tells i love you and i have accepted it that way. Now he is telling me that it was my thoughts that we are in love but he was never in love. Im a person well established in my field and holding 3 degrees , pursuing further Higher Education. He needed me during his studies, ive told it to him multiple times that you needed me when you had work. Ive inspired him to do things he never thought of. But now it is firing back. I was a mentor, a friend, a girlfriend, a cook, an everything. Where did i go wrong to think that it is love? What do i do? I feel jealous to see him with anyone. Please guide