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Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 09, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by santosh on Nov 09, 2021Hindi

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Dear Love Guru,
I have fallen in love with my English teacher.
I am 18 years of age.
I am a good student and write well and am the teacher’s pet.
My love for her is very distracting.
I don’t think she returns it.
But maybe she knows.
She is young.
Maybe early 20s.
She looks very pretty and dresses very attractively.
She is a good teacher.
I can sit in her class all day.
I want to tell her about my feelings, but it might be wrong.
I am very confused.
What can I do?
Please tell me.
Santosh

Ans:

Santosh, you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last young man enamoured of his teacher.

But you're a teenager, she's a young adult and your teacher to boot!

My advice is to please leave this at what it is -- a college crush. In a few years' time you will look back at this period in your life fondly and smile.

Don't make things awkward by trying to pursue her. You said yourself she's not romantically interested in you. Plus it would be a risk to her job and career.

If you feel like you absolutely must declare your feelings of affection, at the very least I'd recommend you wait till the end of her tenure teaching you; that way you won't have to face her every day in class if things go downhill, which most likely they will.

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Question by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2022Hindi

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Dear love guru, Hope u are doing well. This story starts in 2018 when I was in my 12th. I had a huge crush on this junior girl. This girl is very intelligent and she used to get very high marks. So I took that as an inspiration and started working very hard on my academics. I started to read like a maniac and that worked and I got seat in a very prestigious college hoping she would get the seat in the same college but unfortunately she got seat in other state. I was disappointed. I was shy and never talked to her in my 12th and thought I lost my chance of talking to her ever again. But fortunately after a year, I found her insta and mustered my courage to chat with her. Although it was awkward initially, we became good friends (I guess so) and used to chat almost daily. She is really a charmer and she chats so nicely. She is a great friend but I never had courage to say about my feelings. She used to talk about her friends, her new college and her cats and so many things about herself and as I am her senior, I used to guide her and talk about my daily experiences. We had great time talking to each other on insta, WhatsApp and even snapchat. Heck we have a Spotify playlist Collab and she even included me in her private Instagram account as a close friend (u know that girls do have spam accounts for close friends) and I was wondering whether I'm just another friend or close friend or anything more.  This continued like for many months and we chatted very well in the lockdown. I never met her or called her, we just chatted( I'm a shy guy and not so good at talking to girls). Feelings aside, she became a really good friend to me and I don't have many friends. I never said her about my feelings, fearing it would destroy this great friendship I was having. But recently she was not responding properly to my chats( I never misbehaved in the chat ). I do believe she is seeing a guy whom she met recently but I don't know whether that is a relationship or just friendship. I was disappointed but hey it's her life and I was u know just continuing my life feeling sad sometimes or just trying to forget about her. And recently she completely avoided my messages and I was so hurt(I do have some self-respect right). U could say this as a one side love story. But this is so hard. After all she is my first love and this started affecting my academics. Should I move on or should I just continue trying to talk to her so that hopefully she will talk to me like she used to before. I don't have any problem continuing but sometimes I feel what's the purpose since it is going nowhere.  Please give me any valuable suggestion. Sorry for the long story Thank you 

Ans:

You've enjoyed a mainly online relationship; there's a lot more to things than that.

There is definitely a reason why she's not responding to your messages anymore and it could be anything -- maybe you came on too strong, maybe she's met someone else, maybe her new boyfriend is from the Stone Age and doesn't like her interacting with other male friends.

I would suggest writing her one last message to the effect that you miss your friend, you don't know why she has begun avoiding you and, at the very least, if she wants to discontinue contact she should have the courtesy of letting you know that, along with the reason why.

See if she responds.

If she doesn't, take that as a very strong and clear signal in itself that she wants nothing to do with you anymore and doesn't have manners either. In which case I would strongly suggest you cease all contact as well.

If she does show some courtesy and reply, see if what she has to say can be addressed.

And all things considered, don't be too heartbroken about this. There are many great girls out there for you to start anew with -- in person perhaps, this time around!

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