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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Oct 07, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear love guru,
Hope u are doing well. 
This story starts in 2018 when I was in my 12th. I had a huge crush on this junior girl. This girl is very intelligent and she used to get very high marks. So I took that as an inspiration and started working very hard on my academics. I started to read like a maniac and that worked and I got seat in a very prestigious college hoping she would get the seat in the same college but unfortunately she got seat in other state. I was disappointed. I was shy and never talked to her in my 12th and thought I lost my chance of talking to her ever again. But fortunately after a year, I found her insta and mustered my courage to chat with her. 
Although it was awkward initially, we became good friends (I guess so) and used to chat almost daily. She is really a charmer and she chats so nicely. She is a great friend but I never had courage to say about my feelings. She used to talk about her friends, her new college and her cats and so many things about herself and as I am her senior, I used to guide her and talk about my daily experiences. We had great time talking to each other on insta, WhatsApp and even snapchat. Heck we have a Spotify playlist Collab and she even included me in her private Instagram account as a close friend (u know that girls do have spam accounts for close friends) and I was wondering whether I'm just another friend or close friend or anything more. 
This continued like for many months and we chatted very well in the lockdown. I never met her or called her, we just chatted( I'm a shy guy and not so good at talking to girls). Feelings aside, she became a really good friend to me and I don't have many friends. I never said her about my feelings, fearing it would destroy this great friendship I was having.
But recently she was not responding properly to my chats( I never misbehaved in the chat ). I do believe she is seeing a guy whom she met recently but I don't know whether that is a relationship or just friendship. 
I was disappointed but hey it's her life and I was u know just continuing my life feeling sad sometimes or just trying to forget about her. And recently she completely avoided my messages and I was so hurt(I do have some self-respect right). U could say this as a one side love story. But this is so hard. After all she is my first love and this started affecting my academics. Should I move on or should I just continue trying to talk to her so that hopefully she will talk to me like she used to before. I don't have any problem continuing but sometimes I feel what's the purpose since it is going nowhere. 
Please give me any valuable suggestion. Sorry for the long story
Thank you  

Ans:

You've enjoyed a mainly online relationship; there's a lot more to things than that.

There is definitely a reason why she's not responding to your messages anymore and it could be anything -- maybe you came on too strong, maybe she's met someone else, maybe her new boyfriend is from the Stone Age and doesn't like her interacting with other male friends.

I would suggest writing her one last message to the effect that you miss your friend, you don't know why she has begun avoiding you and, at the very least, if she wants to discontinue contact she should have the courtesy of letting you know that, along with the reason why.

See if she responds.

If she doesn't, take that as a very strong and clear signal in itself that she wants nothing to do with you anymore and doesn't have manners either. In which case I would strongly suggest you cease all contact as well.

If she does show some courtesy and reply, see if what she has to say can be addressed.

And all things considered, don't be too heartbroken about this. There are many great girls out there for you to start anew with -- in person perhaps, this time around!

 

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

Relationship
Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. She knew that I cannot initiate contact from my end, since she only should do whenever she able to do. Day by day, I am losing interest on my Life. I left the job. Now I’m alone with her thoughts and words spoken by her. My family n circle knew all this drama what’s going on. They hate me for losing self-respect for a girl. But I have never seen that girl as a girl. I am addicted to alcohol, day ‘n’ night drinking and surviving. I knew she won’t come back if I ruin my life like this by drinking ‘n’ all. But I just can’t control myself over her. The promises which she made me were gone... But still I stand for her, for what I promised. I begged the girl like anything not to leave me alone. I just can’t digest that she won’t be no more for me. N number of the times I used to tell her that You are my first priority over all in my life, like family, siblings, money, career and what not. Most of the times I told her that I’ll commit suicide for you if I come to know that you are not there for me. It doesn’t mean that I am an emotional fool who does not know how to live or unable to get another girl. But you have such significance in my life. I elaborated as much as I can. But she never listened me. I am just wonder where was her sweet words ‘n’ promises, what’s the reality now? I am upset with me -- where was original me and who I am now without self-respect. My parents ‘n’ siblings are forcing me to give up on her. As per them, she is just a golddigger and cheater without love and trust... My mind n heart never ever forgets her. Don’t know the future. But many times I pray God to kill me in sleep itself without pain so I can reach Venkateshwara... Entire world is against that girl, but I am defending her at every passing moment. Human beings invented many amazing things. My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

..Read more

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2025Hindi
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Career
Hello, I’m a teacher in Chennai, and over the years, I’ve built a solid reputation among my students and colleagues. However, despite the satisfaction I get from teaching, my current pay is not enough to meet my financial goals or to support my long-term plans. I’ve been considering transitioning into corporate training because I’ve heard that it can be more financially rewarding, but I’m not sure how to take this forward. I’m thinking of investing in online courses that specialise in corporate training, but I’m hesitant. I’m not sure if it’s worth the time, money, and effort, especially since I’ve already put a lot into my teaching career. How do I evaluate if making this switch is a good decision? Would my experience as a teacher actually help me in corporate training, or will I have to start from scratch? Should I look for a mentor in this field before making the leap? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Ans: Hi!!
It is so heartening to see this statement of yours," solid reputation among my students and colleagues". I feel that you need to build a solid foundation on all the set skills that you currently have. Not everyone can earn the respect of students ...especially in today's world. Consolidate on this... put in a psychology course/ degree and anything else that can solidify your existing skills!
People are ready to invest in their children, always remember this.....If financial goals is an issue, you can switch to a school where the salary is good, good teachers are in great demand. Collect a lot of testimonials from parents and students before you switch. Demand the salary that you deserve. For earning extra income you can start classes, one of my friends earns in crores just by lending extra help to students .As a teacher you know where the gap exists in our educational system, see if you can fill this gap, see what you can offer and make money.
I am investing a lot of time on this aspect of you because you said that you are actually good at it and that you enjoy doing it, not everyone can say this about their work. It is a matter of time you monetize what you love doing ....groom yourself well, look like a powerful person and demand the salary you think you deserve. Learn to invest your money well and let money work for you. Think of opening your own school.

I am a personal coach as well as a corporate trainer, it a crowded place here too, your experience as a teacher will definitely come in handy ,but you will require additional training for becoming a corporate trainer no doubt about it, it builds credibility. It is hard work, it takes time, energy, certification and constant learning in order to be sought after corporate trainer and demand that kind of money. If you are a go getter, smart, well groomed, confident in your verbal communication and in planning your sessions well, then go for it...else..you said it, "I've already put a lot into my teaching career", consolidate on this!! Lots of schools are investing in training teachers as well as students, go for that or you can come to me we can have chat together and then you can take the leap forward in whatever direction you feel like taking. Whatever you decide it has to be a well thought out decision!

Hope this helps...may wisdom be on your side..TC!

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Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
As a prospective investor, I’m trying to balance these factors: does the flat sequential growth reflect a temporary phase that might correct itself in subsequent quarters, or could it point to broader challenges within the IT industry that might persist? Additionally, with IT stocks typically being sensitive to global economic trends and client spending patterns, would it be wiser to invest now, leveraging the strong order book as a growth indicator, or should I wait for clearer signals of sustained performance and recovery in discretionary spending?
Ans: It's great that you're carefully considering these factors before making an investment decision. Let's break down each aspect:

Flat Sequential Growth
Flat sequential growth in the IT sector could be due to a variety of factors, including macroeconomic challenges, cuts in discretionary spending, and delays in decision-making. While some analysts believe this could be a temporary phase with a potential rebound in subsequent quarters, others caution that it might reflect broader, more persistent challenges.

Global Economic Trends and Client Spending Patterns
IT stocks are indeed sensitive to global economic trends and client spending patterns. A strong order book can be a positive indicator, but it's essential to consider the broader economic environment. If global economic conditions improve and client spending increases, IT stocks could see significant growth.

Invest Now or Wait?
Investing now with a strong order book as a growth indicator could be a good move if you believe in the sector's resilience and potential for recovery. However, if you prefer to wait for clearer signals of sustained performance and recovery in discretionary spending, it might be wise to hold off until there's more certainty.

Ultimately, the decision depends on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. If you're comfortable with some level of uncertainty and believe in the sector's long-term potential, investing now could be beneficial. If you prefer a more cautious approach, waiting for clearer signals might be the better choice.

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Prof Suvasish

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2025Hindi
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Career
What career opportunities are available for someone specializing in Hindi literature, and how can higher studies in this field help secure academic or professional roles?
Ans: First let me know your qualification, then I will be able to guide you. Best og luck. Just follow me. May God Bless You. Professor....................................................:)

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025
Relationship
Hello Anu, the wife of my best friend is frustrated in her marriage and is having an affair with a colleague. She confided about it to me a few months ago. I presumed it was because she wanted to unburden herself a bit. She said my friend had a self esteem issue and got very toxic at times. Also that their sex life was non existent & he doesn't want to do anything about it. Hence the affair. I told her that cheating on my friend was still unfair & that it would be better to separate and go their own ways and then start afresh but also assured her I would not divulge this to my friend as no third person can be the judge & it is only for her to come clean whenever. After the first few discussions, we have been chatting on and off but of late she has been sharing some intimate details of her affair including how the colleague who is also married, seduced her and what all they do when they are together. I find this very weird and am starting to wonder if there are subtle hints that she is interesed in me. Should I divulge all this to my friend at all at some point in time?? I think they need to divorce.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly move far away from her and this situation. You cannot become the stop-gap or band-aid for the lady's marital discord. Someone who has begun to discuss their intimate moments with an outsider, needs a hard check on themselves. If she isn't able to sort out her issues and is now directing her attention onto you, it can be for your attention and validation. It's not a great space for you to be in as nothing you do will ever be enough and to top all that, imagine what it can do your friend...
So, stay away...safer...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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