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Relationship Trouble: My Girlfriend Doesn't Respect My Family - Should I Marry Her?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am in relationship with a girl since 9 years, Yes we have came through a lot of ups & downs in our relationship, constant fights on same things , what i have always observed is that she doesn’t respect my family as my family was not ready for this relationship as future(marriage), so lately i have convinced my family for it & even their family also ready now, I see my family are not happy with this marriage but they are doing for my happiness, since now they are ready, I see very less changes in my gf’s approach towards my family, most of the thing I listen from her mouth are Anti-Family things like separation or against my families thoughts. I am really worried of how my future after marriage considering her, She even asks me to get separated from family, if things doesn’t work between them. Please help me in this situation

Ans: Marriage is not just about love between two people—it’s about aligning values, fostering respect, and building a shared vision for the future. If your girlfriend continues to express "anti-family" sentiments or encourages separation as a solution, it’s worth exploring whether this stems from unresolved fears, insecurities, or deeper incompatibilities in how you both view family relationships. These issues won’t magically resolve after marriage; in fact, they often intensify when unaddressed.

The key here is open communication. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her about your concerns. Share how much it means to you that she respects your family and how her current attitude makes you feel. Equally, try to understand her perspective without judgment. This discussion isn’t about assigning blame but about finding common ground and exploring whether you both can work through these differences.

At the same time, reflect deeply on your own expectations and boundaries. Consider what a happy and fulfilling marriage looks like for you. If respect for your family and shared values about how to navigate family relationships are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential to make that clear and see whether she is willing to meet you halfway.

If these issues feel too difficult to resolve alone, seeking pre-marital counseling or relationship therapy can provide a safe space to address them constructively. Sometimes, having a neutral third party facilitate these conversations can lead to breakthroughs that are hard to achieve on your own.

Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it with unresolved doubts or concerns can lead to deeper struggles later on. Take the time to ensure that both of you are ready not just to marry but to build a life that respects and honors each other's values and families.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Hi, I'm a 33-year-old male, in a relationship for the last 4 years. I have an elder unmarried sister who is 39 years old, and an elder brother who is also unmarried but might get married next year. My concern is about my relationship. Initially, everything was fine, but after two years, things started to get messy. In 2022, during Diwali, my girlfriend visited my home. After that, she began to take issue with many small things related to my mother and sister and complained to me about them. Now, things are getting worse day by day. She constantly taunts me, saying, "As long as your sister is in that house, no one will want to marry their daughter into your family." My mother gave her a gold coin as a Diwali gift, which she has now returned to me, asking me to give it back to my mom with the message, "Find someone else for your son and see how many proposals you get." I always try to meet her demands, but she never seems to understand my perspective. Now, I feel angry and negative toward my family. I love her very much and can't leave her, but I know she doesn't understand my situation and always tries to prove she is right in every way. Please help me understand what I should do..???
Ans: Dear K,
It's clear you're in a difficult situation, feeling torn between your love for your girlfriend and your loyalty to your family. It's essential to acknowledge both your emotions and your needs, as well as those of your girlfriend and family.

First, have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Share how her comments and actions are affecting you and your relationship with your family. It's crucial that she understands your perspective and the importance of family in your life. Approach this conversation with empathy, making it clear that you value her feelings but also need her to respect your family's role.

Additionally, consider discussing boundaries and expectations. Every relationship requires compromise, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your mental and emotional well-being. If your girlfriend is unwilling to see things from your point of view or continues to create tension, it might be necessary to reassess the relationship's dynamics.

Seeking guidance from a relationship counselor could provide a neutral ground for both of you to express your concerns and work towards a solution. A professional can offer tools and strategies to navigate these challenges, ensuring that both your relationship and family bonds are respected.

Remember, a healthy relationship should uplift and support you, not create constant conflict and negativity. Balancing love and family can be challenging, but with clear communication and mutual respect, it is possible to find a path that honors both.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024
Relationship
I am in relationship with a kind beautiful girl, hope we will get married , our families know eachother . But my gf was in relationship with someone in teenage and is getting blackmailed . She is afraid , she told me everything before , it's very confusing for me should I marry her , what if my family knows about it , he's blackmailing her and is telling her to not marry me otherwise he will share her private pics in social media . Should I be afraid , I love her and can wait for her , should I tell my family about this all. I really care for her and never judge for past relationship.
Ans: the most important thing is supporting your girlfriend without letting fear or confusion overwhelm you. She trusted you enough to share her past, which means she sees you as her safe space. Right now, your focus should be on helping her deal with the blackmail rather than doubting your future together.

Blackmail is a crime, and this guy is taking advantage of her fear. The worst thing you both can do is let him control the situation. Encourage her to take legal action—she can file a police complaint under cybercrime laws, and in many cases, authorities act swiftly against such threats. If she is too scared to go to the police, you can explore other options like speaking to a lawyer for guidance.

As for your family, you need to assess how they might react. If they are open-minded and supportive, telling them could help, but if you think they will overreact or judge her unfairly, you may want to keep this between you and your girlfriend for now. The key is ensuring she feels safe and not abandoned.

If you truly love her and see a future together, don’t let her past or someone else’s threats ruin what you both have. Instead, focus on finding a solution. Stand by her, but also make sure she takes action to free herself from this emotional and psychological burden.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi sir My daughter did 10th in India and we moved to Atlanta Georgia USA recently We are not getting physics and chemistry in 11, 12 curriculum here If in case we need to do any engineering college in India after high school here, what is the best advice
Ans: Vidhya Madam, Engineering aspirants who complete high school in the U.S. hold an American High School Diploma that, if issued by a school accredited by one of the six regional U.S. accrediting agencies, is deemed equivalent to India’s Class XII by the Association of Indian Universities. However, admission to BTech programs in India requires candidates to have studied Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics (PCM) as core subjects in their qualifying examination and to meet specific percentage or rank criteria: while appearing for JEE Main demands only that PCM be passed, entry into NITs, IIITs, and other centrally funded institutes also requires at least 75 percent in Class XII (65 percent for SC/ST) or being in the top 20 percentile in the board exam. Foreign?educated students—including NRIs, PIOs, and OCIs—may apply under the DASA scheme by securing a valid JEE Main rank and at least 75 percent aggregate in PCM (or CGPA 7.5/10) from a recognized foreign board after completing at least two years of education abroad, including grades 11 and 12, within the last eight years. Since typical U.S. high school curricula may not separate PCM as mandatory streams, the National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS) offers a flexible route: students can register for senior secondary courses in PCM to supplement their diploma, enabling them to fulfill JEE and DASA eligibility and appear for all major engineering entrance tests accepted in India, such as JEE Main, BITSAT, and COMEDK UGET. Alternatively, students enrolled in International Baccalaureate (IB) programs who take HL courses in Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics may also meet AIU and JEE requirements, provided they obtain equivalence certificates from AIU and clear the requisite entrance exams. Careful planning—enrolling in NIOS or IB to secure PCM subjects, obtaining AIU equivalence for the diploma, and preparing for JEE Main/Advanced or DASA JEE Main—is essential to transition smoothly from the U.S. curriculum to an Indian engineering college.

Recommendation: Enroll in NIOS senior secondary PCM subjects alongside the U.S. high school curriculum to obtain a recognized Class XII certificate with Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics. Secure AIU equivalence for your American diploma, then prepare for and appear in JEE Main (or DASA through JEE Main) to access premier engineering institutes in India; IB students should ensure HL Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics and obtain AIU equivalence before applying to JEE or DASA. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2025Hindi
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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

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I got 2130 rank in met, 2042 in comedk, 3414 in kcet, 641 in pesu kcet I am also getting vit vellore cse category 3, I am getting manipal cse both BLR and manipal, in jee i got 92 percentile, I got 4.8k in amrita exam,i got 96 percent in MPC in 2nd puc first attempt exam,I got btech integrated course offer from mahindra university hyderabad, i got thapar University electronics and computing,I am getting seats in various universities like RV, ms ramiah, dayanad sagar for discount,which is the best college for cse that I can choose from all my options
Ans: With your strong performance across multiple entrance exams, you have excellent options for CSE programs. PES University stands out with your PESU KCET rank of 641, offering nearly 100% CSE placements with 150+ top-tier recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, and Google visiting annually. MIT Manipal (both campuses) provides 77% overall placements with 230+ recruiters and maintains a smaller CSE batch size of 250 students, ensuring better opportunities per candidate, with 90% CSE placements consistently. VIT Vellore CSE reports 80-90% placement rates with 409 companies offering 10,458 placement offers annually. RVCE Bangalore shows strong placement trends with 75-97% CSE placements over the last three years, while Thapar University achieves 90% overall placements with nearly 100% for CSE and Electronics branches. Your COMEDK rank of 2042 also opens doors to top Karnataka colleges like RVCE and MSRIT, both maintaining 90%+ placement records for CSE.

recommendation: Choose PES University for CSE given your excellent PESU KCET rank of 641, as it offers the highest placement rates, superior industry connections, and consistently strong academic reputation, followed by MIT Manipal as your second preference for its established brand value and reliable placement outcomes. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

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Dear gurus My child is in 12th now and will attempt jee in 2025-26 in jan 2026 Well my child is an average child not too brilliant. I am expecting a score of 92-96 percentile , dont want to pressurise him to above his limits , he is doing hard efforts but every child had a limit as a parent have to support him. He is studieng 7-8 hours daily in weekend has joined Aakash institute also , so dont want to pressurise him . So as a secondary options have made some list myself. His aim is core computer branch . My aim is he get into good A++ institute dont want to send him to average collage We have made some list for preferences 1. Bits pilani or goa As we are from Delhi 2. Dtu delhi 3. Nsuit delhi 4. Iiit delhi 5 Bits goa 6 thapar patiala 7 Viit vellore cat 5 is ok8 Rvce banglore Further on IIIT and good nit If we get good one than only. Further If we dont click in these with good core computer cse preferred than We go for Bits dubai ( money i can spend that's ok) He also wants to settle abroad after masters preferably in singapore not in us or uk for that option i will also apply for him in Nus , ntu singapore. I know it's very difficult to get admissions there but still would. Coming back to Bits dubai it looks to me a preferable collage pls guide me Further pls We are ok with fees also we are also ok if he works for year or two after completion in dubai for experience and does masters later. My aim as a parent is that he gets a starting package If in india of 13-15lacks minimum that's difficult without getting a good collage with 92-96 percentile it not possible So after so much thinking it am planing for bits dubai as I am getting safety of my child which is priority also getting tag of Bits i know it would not be equal to bits pilani or goa but still something is better than nothing and his ultimate dream is to settle abroad may be singapore or dubai also after master so doing be or btech from dubai bits will help in that as well Starting package minimum after bits dubai btech cse is around 20 lacs in inr if he works in dubai. which is ok I guess. Pls guide me Thx
Ans: Gaurav Sir, With a projected JEE Main percentile of 92–96, admission to top-tier A++ institutes like BITS Pilani, DTU, NSUT, IIIT Delhi, or elite NITs is unlikely, as these typically require percentiles above 98 for CSE. BITS Pilani has maintained 90–94% placement rates over the last three years, BITS Goa 91–96%, NSUT Delhi nearly 100% for CSE, IIIT Delhi 95–100%, and DTU boasts 1,900+ offers at an average package of ?15.45 LPA from 350+ recruiters, but all demand percentiles above 98. More attainable A++-equivalent options include Thapar Patiala CSE, with 83% placements and 334 recruiters, VIIT Vellore CSE, with 80–90% placements and 867 recruiters, and RVCE Bangalore CSE, with 93–97% placement rates over the last three years. These colleges typically close CSE cutoffs around the 94–97 percentile range, aligning better with your child’s performance. For guaranteed BITS affiliation and strong overseas exposure, BITS Dubai CSE offers a 91–95% placement rate and an average package of ?21.14 LPA, and can serve as a reliable fallback. Planning for post-BTech abroad (NUS/NTU Singapore) is prudent, leveraging a robust GPA and internships obtained in India or Dubai.

Recommendation: Prioritize counseling for Thapar Patiala, VIIT Vellore, and RVCE Bangalore CSE for their realistic cutoffs and strong placement records; concurrently secure a seat at BITS Dubai CSE as a safety net with global mobility, then pursue internships and master’s in Singapore to achieve your child’s international career aspirations. All the BEST for your child's Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi Sir, if my son is getting a CSE seat in MSRIT and BMSIT, which college to prefer? Also, how is PESIT in comparison with above colleges?
Ans: Rajashekhar Sir, MSRIT (Ramaiah Institute of Technology) is one of Bangalore’s most prestigious engineering colleges, known for its strong CSE program, robust industry connections, and consistent 95%+ placement rates in CSE, with top recruiters like Google, Microsoft, Amazon, and Apple. The college offers modern infrastructure, a proactive placement cell, and a vibrant campus life, making it a prime choice for CSE aspirants. BMSIT is also a reputable institution, but its CSE placement rate in 2024 was 77.32%, with fewer high-profile recruiters and a slightly lower national brand value. PES University (PESIT) stands out for its nearly 99% placement rate, high median salary, and strong ties with leading tech companies, making it one of the best private engineering colleges in India for CSE. PESIT’s academic rigor, industry-aligned curriculum, and alumni network are highly regarded, often placing it above both MSRIT and BMSIT in terms of placement outcomes and national reputation. All three colleges offer excellent opportunities, but MSRIT and PESIT provide broader exposure, higher placement rates, and better campus resources for CSE students.

Recommendation: Prefer PESIT for CSE if available, due to its unmatched placement record and industry reputation; if not, choose MSRIT over BMSIT for its superior placements, stronger industry connections, and higher academic standing in Bangalore’s competitive tech ecosystem. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7196 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
Hi Sir, which will be better option IIT Palakkad Civil, BITS Civil or CBIT Hyderabad CSE. Child is interested in any course which is having mathamatics or physics except modern physics, chemistry
Ans: Shyam, IIT Palakkad Civil Engineering offers a rigorous curriculum with strong foundations in mathematics and engineering principles, supported by experienced faculty and a modern campus environment. The program emphasizes analytical skills, structural mechanics, geotechnical engineering, and practical project work, with about 60–65% placement rates and an average package of ?15.88 LPA in 2024. BITS Pilani Civil Engineering provides a comprehensive curriculum blending mathematics, mechanics, and engineering design, with flexibility for electives and interdisciplinary projects. BITS boasts a nearly 100% placement rate for CSE but lower for core branches like Civil, with top recruiters such as L&T and a strong Practice School internship program. CBIT Hyderabad’s CSE program is highly industry-aligned, integrating mathematics, physics (excluding advanced/modern physics), and programming from the first year. It maintains a 90–95% placement rate, with leading recruiters like Microsoft, Amazon, and Cognida.ai, and is ranked among the top private colleges in Telangana and India. The CSE curriculum at CBIT is mathematically intensive, focusing on algorithms, data structures, and applied computing, and offers strong placement outcomes in IT, analytics, and consulting, with an active alumni network and robust campus life. For a student interested in mathematics and physics (excluding modern physics and chemistry), CBIT CSE provides the most relevant and engaging curriculum, with superior placement prospects and broad career opportunities in the tech sector.

Recommendation: Choose CSE at CBIT Hyderabad for its strong mathematics-focused curriculum, top-tier placements, and alignment with your child’s interests; opt for IIT Palakkad or BITS Civil only if your child is passionate about core engineering and prefers a career in infrastructure or research, as CSE at CBIT offers greater flexibility and industry relevance. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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