Hi mam, I am a 19 years old girl.
In 2019, after my 10th boards, I came across a guy in FB. He was 9 years older than me.
He seemed to be a really nice and helping guy. And he also belonged from a prestigious university pursuing his research.
After my 10th, I started preparing for entrance exams. So, he used to motivate me, give me validation, encourage me to do better in my mocks.
It all happened online. I haven't even met this guy till date.
At that time, he showed me the dream of targeting the best college of India of which I hadn't even thought of before. And I was also so motivated that I started studying hard.
Besides, I started emotionally depending on him for validation. He is such a manipulating guy, that slowly I started falling in love with him.
He told me that we should wait and see what the time decides. But, slowly he showed his real colours.
He was just interested in 'friends with benefits' type of relationship with me.
I strongly disagreed on it. Then days and months passed, his validation, manipulation, toxic and provocative words made me stand before an existential crisis.
I used to cry out for the entire day.
By 2020, during the lockdown phase, staying back at home, dealing with these sh***y things and exam pressure pushed me into depression.
He made me insecure about every single thing... My academics, studies, results, my looks, my innocent nature, my previous success, my future.... every single thing.
I eventually came to know he was just interested in sharing his life stories, getting an emotional support in his life, a good timepass element, hoping to get intimate with me someday.
Moreover he was just interested in successful girls and ladies. So, all I thought at that period was that I have to succeed in my entrance exam at any cost and then everything will be alright.
Unfortunately, I could not make it. I failed to qualify in my first attempt.
I went into a severe depression, had to attend some online mental health rehab and counselling.
To add salt to my wounds, the guy disclosed that he has been in a relationship since the past 1 year. And he is very happy.
I broke down completely. For 5-6 months I could not study anything. I have an exam just round the corner.
How can I just forget whatever happened and focus on my work?
Please help and guide me... I am still having emotional breakdowns very frequently.