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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Apr 07, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I was in a relationship for a few years. Our parting was mutual and amicable and we are friends now.
My wedding has been fixed through an arranged match. It will take place in May.
I don’t know my fiance that well. He knows about my past relationship but does not know it was physical. I have been battling with myself if I should tell him or if I tell him this might break or that I will give my marriage a bad start.
What do you advise?
AK

Ans:

You say he already knows about your past relationship. Has he been accepting of it? If so, then there’s no need to go into the nitty gritty details, is there?

People in relationships are obviously physical with each other; only a fool would assume otherwise.

And what about his past? Has he told you about it?

Yes, I do think you should be honest with your partner if it’s weighing on you or bothering you. If not, and suffice to say he knows of your past relationship and hasn’t asked for further details, then leave it alone.

But I will say this: if you do tell him, you’ll know the kind of man you’re marrying.

If he’s fine with it and accepts that everyone has a history and it is to be accepted as part of them, that’s fine.

If not, then, well, I would call off the marriage if I were in your place, forget him doing so! Who wants to be married to an old-fashioned chauvinist?

 

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Hi, I am struck in a morally complicated situation right now. Kindly guide me . I'm a modern woman yet who believes in culture. I am 24years old female from South India. Currently arrange marriage alliance process is going on and it is almost about to be finalized if i say yes. I have had a 3 serious relationship s in my past and the last one i was physically involved because i believed we would end up together. Even our families were involved we were about to get engaged. everything went fine until one day we had a huge fight and later as a result he didn't want to continue it anymore. He broke it off. This happened 1.5 years back and I loved him too much that I wanted him to comeback. Deep down i know he was not right guy for me yet i wanted him. About 2 months back I had a sudden realisation that hit me very bad I realised I need to move on and mentally I was able to disconnect myself from him, not completely but yeah i did. Now in the current situation the guy who is my potential fiance, I want to be transparent with him but I am not sure how well he will take it as we barely know each other. I met him only twice. He seems interested to marry me. I do not want to ruin his trust or feelings. The problem is I am not sure if he is open minded enough to accept my past. I'm willing to put in my efforts to make things work in marriage and keep my past behind me. If I tell him about my past and he is not interested to proceed and reject us my family will be upset ( they liked this match cuz the guy was nice and decent, his family and everything was convenient to them). I am totally stressed out as my family is waiting for my response to proceed further. The guy doesn't seem to be very particular about anything. I don't know what to do and how to do it.
Ans: I totally understand your concern. My advise is not to get into arrange marriage in the first place. Because that's a very transactional relationship. Go out, meet more guys and then see if you find someone you love. You are too young to give into the pressure of arrange marriage. However if you still want to proceed, then whether you tell him or not doesn't really matter. It depends on his mindset and value system which i have no idea about and probably you too. So even if you don't tell him, it doesn't matter. If you want to be honest which is a good thing, then you embrace that uncertainty of his reaction to it.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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I met my this guy through my father in the arranged marriage setup. We developed a great rapport and a week ago,we got engaged.My fiancé is a really sweet guy! He has asked about my love life in the past,which i denied of having one. Even though he shared of a girl proposing him.Actually, i can share if the need arises but i am little afraid to share now,because when i shared my past with my former partner,he continued to taunt me throughout our relationship and never let me breath easily despite proving my innocence. I dont know what to do regarding my fiance? Should i tell him or just liet it be?
Ans: It's understandable to feel hesitant about sharing your past given your previous experience. Trust and transparency are important in a relationship, but timing and context matter as well. Since your fiancé has already shared some of his past with you, this indicates he values openness. However, your past experiences have taught you to be cautious. It might be helpful to observe and build trust in your current relationship before disclosing your past. If your fiancé continues to show understanding and kindness, it could create a safe space for you to share more about yourself. When you do decide to share, frame it as a way to build deeper trust and intimacy, emphasizing that past experiences have shaped who you are today. If he truly respects and cares for you, he will appreciate your honesty and the strength it took to share your story. Remember, the right partner will support and accept all parts of your journey.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2024Hindi
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I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend since 1.5 years. Before meeting him I had a relationship of around1.3 years(he cheated on me) and my mother got to know about it when she saw me crying and i end up telling her about my relationship(now ex). So I just need advice, should I tell my current boyfriend that my mother know about my ex? Now My mother somehow almost got to know about my current relationship also and i have told about this to my boyfriend but should I tell him that she knows about my past also.? Would he be okay with it or he will get upset about it that i haven't told him about this prior?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How will it matter if your boyfriend knows about your mother being in the know about your past relationship?
Why will he be bothered by it? I just don't understand why this is an issue of you or anyone?

Your words:
i have told about this to my boyfriend but should I tell him that she knows about my past also.
My thoughts:
What will this do if you tell him that she knows about your past?

Your words:
Would he be okay with it or he will get upset about it that i haven't told him about this prior?
My thoughts:
Maybe you should tell him about your past and not worry that he should know that your mother knows about your past

I still feel what you actually want to ask me is not very clear to you; be honest with yourself so that when you ask your question you will be able to get better guidance from me...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I need some advice that’s a bit out of the ordinary. I’ve been married for 8 years, and my wife and I have recently been discussing investing in property together. The twist is, we have very different ideas on what to do with it. I’ve always been more of a numbers person—thinking about it as a solid financial investment. I want to buy something that will increase in value over time and add to our financial security. On the other hand, my wife sees it more as a home. She’s emotionally attached to the idea of a cozy, dream house, somewhere we can raise our family and enjoy life together. So, we’ve been butting heads a bit, as I’m leaning more towards an investment property in a growing area, while she’s looking for something more in line with what we want to live in now. It’s getting a little tense between us because I feel like she’s not seeing the financial side of things, and she thinks I’m too focused on money and not on our happiness. Is there a middle ground where we can both be happy?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's dream v/s practicality, yeah?
When you get to a stalemate situation like the one you and your wife are in, the best way is to go back to the Square A.
Start where you began when you married...list down what's important to each of you and somewhere in your case, it will lead not just to her wants and yours, but it will go back to money and financial prudence. When you hit this, come to an understanding as to how you will overcome this; it has to be mutually agreed upon. Then bring your current home buying issue and solve it just like the way you sorted your differences over finances. Try it...it will work...

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7332 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 24, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 47 yr old IT Professional. I have diversified my porfolio across MF - 60L , Direct Equity - 15 L, Gold (SGB - 20L, Physical - 50L) , Real Estate - 2 CR(Flat), Independent home (2.5CR) which fetching 30K Monthly Rental. EPF - 90L, NPS - 20 L, FD - 90L, Sukanya Samridhi for 2 Daughters - 14L Each till date. I am contributing upto 1.5 L monthly into NPS, Equity MF. My MF is diversified into Flexi, mid and small cap fund (Total 8 Funds in portfolio). I am looking to build retirement corpus of 8 Cr based on my current monthly expenses.
Ans: You have a well-diversified portfolio. It includes real estate, mutual funds, equity, gold, EPF, NPS, and FDs. This balance reflects thoughtful planning.

Your rental income of Rs. 30,000 adds stability. Contributions to Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana secure your daughters’ futures.

Your focus on NPS and diversified mutual funds is commendable. These build long-term wealth efficiently.

You aim for Rs. 8 crore as a retirement corpus. With careful adjustments, this is achievable.

Key Areas to Strengthen
1. Portfolio Consolidation

Your portfolio has eight mutual funds. This may lead to overlap and inefficiency.

Review these funds with a Certified Financial Planner. Ensure no duplication across asset categories.

Consider consolidating into 3–5 actively managed funds. This maintains diversification while improving focus.

2. Asset Allocation

Your portfolio is heavy in real estate and gold. These are illiquid investments.

Aim to rebalance toward financial assets like equity mutual funds. These provide liquidity and growth potential.

A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimal asset reallocation.

3. Emergency Fund

Ensure liquid funds for 6–12 months of expenses.

This fund should not overlap with FDs or long-term investments.

Maintain this emergency fund in a liquid fund or savings account.

4. Mutual Fund Taxation

When selling mutual funds, consider capital gains tax:

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan withdrawals with this tax implication in mind.

Actionable Strategies
1. Increase Equity Exposure

Your diversified mutual funds are strong.

Consider increasing equity mutual fund SIPs for long-term wealth.

Focus on flexi-cap, large-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.

Small-cap funds are volatile; limit exposure to 10–15%.

2. Optimise NPS Contributions

NPS is excellent for retirement. Its tax benefits under Sections 80C and 80CCD are helpful.

Invest up to Rs. 50,000 annually for additional tax savings.

However, review NPS as it locks in funds till retirement. Maintain flexibility elsewhere.

3. Rationalise FD Holdings

FDs are safe but offer low post-tax returns.

Shift a portion to debt funds for better returns and tax efficiency.

Debt funds balance portfolio risk without sacrificing liquidity.

4. Review Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana

Your contributions here are thoughtful. They offer assured returns for your daughters’ education.

Continue until the full maturity period. This ensures maximum benefit.

Retirement Planning
1. Expense Mapping

List all post-retirement expenses. Account for inflation at 6–7% annually.

Break these into essentials (medical, household) and discretionary (travel, hobbies).

Use this as a guide to calculate your future income requirement.

2. Corpus Building

Your current investments, including EPF and NPS, are solid.

Increase your mutual fund SIPs marginally to stay on track for Rs. 8 crore.

Continue Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly contributions strategically across financial instruments.

3. Health Coverage

Health insurance is critical post-retirement.

Review coverage for yourself and family. Ensure at least Rs. 50 lakh in coverage.

Consider adding a top-up plan for unforeseen medical costs.

Gold Portfolio Insights
Your gold portfolio is significant at Rs. 70 lakh.

SGBs are excellent for regular interest income and long-term growth.

However, physical gold is less efficient. Selling may involve lower liquidity and higher costs.

Convert a portion of physical gold into SGBs or financial assets.

Final Insights
You have made strong financial decisions so far.

Focus on reducing portfolio complexity and enhancing liquidity.

Rebalance your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures alignment with goals.

Stick to disciplined contributions toward NPS and mutual funds. This will help you reach Rs. 8 crore comfortably.

Ensure diversification without overextending into illiquid assets.

With this strategy, your retirement goals are well within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |795 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 24, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello i am almost 30 now I have invested around 40 lakhs in Market (mutual funds plus equity) 6 lakhs ppf maybe 2 lakhs pf I have parental property of combining around 2.5cr I have my parents helath insurance from a private insurance company, also covered by cghs health scheme,so no major worries about health expenses, for me i have 10lakhs health insurance Apart from this we have family pension also. As of now overall i have a monthly income of around 2-2.25 lakhs. I have a car a bike a scooty all valid for next 8-10 years What should be my goal amount for the retirement, i want it as early as possible As per the current scenario i am assuming i will live max till 75 years age. As of now i can invest 80-90k per month Yet to be married i assume i need atleast Lakhs per month as of now What should be the ideal amount with which i can retire
Ans: Hello;

Hope you have adequate term life insurance for yourself.

You may start a monthly sip of 90 K in a combination of pure equity mutual funds.

After 10 years your sip and lumpsum investment will grow into sums of 2.09 and 1.24 Cr respectively.

This adds upto 3.33 Cr. If you add your ppf and EPF corpus then this should add upto a sum of around 4 Cr.

If you invest this corpus in a conservative hybrid debt fund and do a SWP at the rate of 3.5%, you may expect a post tax monthly income of
1 L+.

As you get married your expenses will rise as also the need to plan for various other goals.

Therefore the decision to retire from regular 9-6 job should be backed up with alternate business plan or such other plan to monetize your hobbies that may yield income over atleast next 10-15 years.

Best wishes;

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