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Shalini Singh |148 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 17, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi

I am in a long distance relationship. We haven't met each other . It's been 6 months ,but the guy does not talk about marriage. He keeps telling we will decide about it after meeting each other. I am getting attached to him emotionally and i am constantly anxious about future . I tried to stop talking to him various times,but he keeps coming back . He keeps telling me he loves me ,but his actions do not match his words . Shall i give him time untill we met and keep in touch with him or shall i stop this here .Please guide . I am getting emotionally unstable day by day.

Ans: What will you tell your friend if they are in a similar situation? If a friend of mine shared as you did this is what I would tell her (1) six months, in the same country and neither have made efforts to meet - its a red flag (2) you wish to marry a man you have not seen or spent time with, is something you need to STOP wishing. This is not a movie, get real and stop having these thoughts. (3) I will ask her to invest her positive emotions in something she can feel, touch, hear vs on someone she has no idea about. I would suggest to send him one message saying that, its been wonderful knowing you, look forward to seeing you, let me know when can you make that happen and leave it there, if he write back to engage on topics that do not talk about his plans to meet, then to BLOCK him and simultaneously look to know and meet other men.

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Anu Krishna | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Question by DJ - May 16, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.

Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

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Anu Krishna | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

Question by SS - Feb 11, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu Ji,I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background. I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all. Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents. I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state. Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do? Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.

Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

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