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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SS Question by SS on Feb 11, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 Hi Anu Ji,
I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background.
I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all.

Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents.
I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state.
Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.

He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.
On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.

My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do?
Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.

Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.
Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.

Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

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Hi Anu, I hope you're doing well. I'm a 24 year old girl working as a software engineer. I was in love with a boy in long distance relationship and I met him only once. We both had great understanding, respect on each other. It was all good between us. On February 2023, he called me one day saying that he wants to tell his parents about our love matter. I said okay and asked him what he wanted to do if his family disagrees. He said that he'll wait until his family approves. I was okay with it and he informed to his family. But things started changing after he talked with his family. He wanted to break up with me. I told him many times that I wanted to be with him and don't want to break up. But, he didn't agree. Eventually, we stopped talking with each other. It was hard for me to move on but after few months, i finally decided to move on with my life. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he wants to get back with me. I didn't agreed as I lost my trust on him. He even informed his family about getting back with me and they were okay with it. He wants to marry me. But, now the problem is I still like him, but I lost trust in him. I wanted to give him a chance but I'm afraid because of past break up with him. I'm confused about what should I do? Anu, can you please suggest me about giving him a chance or moving on with my life?
Ans: Dear Mahi,
Thank you for asking. I am doing well and trust that you too will be in the same space as well.
When what he has done has broken your trust, it is difficult to get it back... he has come back, but you are perhaps thinking: what if he pulls the same stunt again? And this makes you question every move of his...

If you look at it from his point of view, he possibly also loves you but his family pressures are getting to him and he can do only that much. Yes, it would have been more 'human' to talk to you about what had happened after he spoke with his family. But he chose not to and that lack of transparency is what has thrown you off...perhaps, he isn't all that mature emotionally or feels that he might lose you if he shares anything.

Whatever it is, your loss of trust on him is justified after the way he had behaved. If the two of you still want to give your relationship a chance, kindly do so...and clearly state to him that you have lost trust on him. Not only does he have explaining to do but he must reassure you that he will be honest with you in future. Also, give some time before committing to a marriage while you watch whether he has changed and he is consistent with what he has committed to changing. Only when you are sure, take a decision either way!

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!
(more)
Mohit

Mohit Arora  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
we have 3 yrs of relationship and in that frm 2 yrs we are in long distance we have great bondings ,no issue on that but the major issue taht we have no future becos he belongs to bhramin family his family is very strict not accept intercaste marriage and also they dont want him to move out of house . right now he is pursuing mbbs and i am pursuing computer science . i live in bangalore as u know its tech hub and best place for me for career but he will make future in gujarat he is telling me to come over there after marriage still we have lot time to think but he dont want to hang me in middle of the situation as he is not able to promise me that he will make it work 100% . He now every time telling me ki if u come to gujarat then only it will work and convince his family and some time he tells me that even if u come their might be my parents not fully accept u and tell u something rudely and all stuffs as i belong to general and may be u will regret for ur career also . what should i do should i compromise my career and do remote job or stay in some small company just for him or otherwise leave him? even i have great fear of not getting any soulmate after this becos as my experiences my elder sisters and brothers are still dint get their perfect partners its hard to get married to unknown i know i am overthinking at this stage but am confuse. i also dont have much frnd to talk about my prsnl problems .its been 2 yrs i have been through my personal loss and family problems also some times i am in pain getting sucidal thoughts its not for the relationships .Please help me with this .
Ans: Tel him to step up as a man and decide. You don't need a soul mate. The one you are seeking is yourself. Choose to be financially strong..
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |326 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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I am pursuing 12 in commerce. Please guide me should I pursue B.Com or BBA. I should study in India or abroad
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am glad to hear that you are currently pursuing your 12th grade in the Commerce field. To answer your question first, I would like to let you know that we only deal with overseas education. Concerning your query as to whether you should pursue a Bachelor of Commerce (B.Com) or Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA), I would like to tell you that your interests, the abilities you intend developing, and your professional objectives, play a key role in deciding between pursuing a B.Com and BBA. Subjects pertaining to accounting, business law, finance, and economics are primarily covered in the Bachelor of Commerce (B.Com.) program. On the contrary, a comprehensive understanding of the various facets of business management, viz., human resources, finance, marketing, and operations is offered in a Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA) program.

If the technical aspects of economics, finance, and accounting appeal to you, B.Com could be a better option. Nevertheless, if learning about management principles, business strategy, and leadership skills, is what interests you, then BBA could be a wiser choice.

Concerning studying overseas, I would like to let you know that it can be an excellent chance to become acquainted with diverse cultures, educational systems, and perspectives. Remember that studying overseas can widen your horizons, broaden your international outlooks, and offer meaningful experiences that can enhance both your personal and professional life.

When deciding, I would recommend that you take into account variables viz., the standing of the universities you intend enrolling in, the courses they provide, potential employment possibilities, and your monetary circumstances. Moreover, in order to make an educated choice, I would suggest that you look into the available scholarships as well as think about the long-term advantages of studying overseas. Lastly, I would recommend that you select the course that best resonates with your interests, ambitions, and aspirations.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Dear madam , I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear madam , My name is Suman ..44+ years I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.
(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Hi, I have a divorcee daughter aged 45 whose unpleasant and quarrelsome behavior is a constant source of misery and headache for whole of the family. Her marriage could not go beyond 2 months as her in-laws turned out to be greedy, troublesome and also found involved in some fraudulent activities with a few police cases against them -- which forced us to seek divorce. I may add that my daughter ever since she was 13 or 14 yrs became a little self-willed and considered her to be always right in action and thought in front of parents or any one else. This has become very serious now. She is not at all open to any kind of reasoning or discussion. If you always act, think or do as per her wish, it is ok otherwise she will start fighting on any thing or every thing. Her attitude of selfishness and always finding faults with other family members including parents is spoiling the peaceful atmosphere of the house. Expecting any kind of adjustment from her is asking for the moon. Kindly advise.
Ans: Dear SN,

I can understand how challenging it must be to deal with your daughter's behavior. It's concerning that she's been displaying this attitude since she was young and that it's causing such turmoil within your family.

Consider seeking the help of a family therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with family conflicts. A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.It's important to establish clear boundaries with your daughter regarding her behavior. Let her know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed.
Encourage Open Communication: Even though your daughter may be resistant to discussion, continue to encourage open communication within the family. Let her know that you're willing to listen to her perspective and work together to find solutions. Instead of solely focusing on her negative behavior, try to reinforce positive behaviors when you see them. Praise her when she acts respectfully or cooperatively, and try to reinforce those behaviors. Show your daughter how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully by modeling those behaviors yourself. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or confrontations, and instead, try to remain calm and rational.If your daughter is open to it, encourage her to seek therapy on her own. A therapist can help her explore the underlying reasons for her behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage your daughter to reflect on her behavior and its impact on herself and others. Help her recognize the importance of empathy and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships.
It may take time and patience, but with consistent effort and support, there is hope for improvement. Remember to take care of yourselves and seek support from other family members or friends if needed.
(more)
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |326 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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My son is M.S. general surgery from MGM UNIVERSITY MUMBAI.He has done oncology fellowship in Nashik Under Dr.Nagarkar.He is in practice at Beed,near Solapur.How he will be able able to get extra training in USA In oncology?Dr.s.y.Jadhav
Ans: Hello Satyawan,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am happy to hear that your son has pursued his Master of Surgery in General Surgery from MGM University, has done oncology fellowship in Nashik, and is practicing at Beed. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that in order to pursue additional training in oncology in the USA, there are a few steps that your son will require to follow:

Firstly, I would suggest that your son conducts a comprehensive study on oncology fellowship programs in the USA. Remember that the USA offers a number of well-regarded programs, and thus, your son should look for those programs that best resonate with his interests and professional objectives. Next, remember that the prerequisites for each fellowship program will be unique. A residency in internal medicine or an associated field, viz., general surgery, is generally required, which your son has already fulfilled. Particular tests viz., the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) may be demanded by certain programs. In addition, your son may also be required to prove his fluency in the English language through appearing for tests viz., the IELTS or TOEFL. Upon finding relevant programs, I would suggest that your son applies directly to them. Bear in mind that for the majority of medical disciplines, this generally entails submitting an application via a centralized system viz., ERAS (Electronic Residency Application Service). If your son has secured admission to a fellowship program, as the next step, in order to train in the USA, he would be required to acquire the necessary visa. For medical trainees, the J-1 visa is frequently used. Relocating to a different country for training calls for meticulous planning. So as the next step, your son will need to make arrangements for lodging, and travel, as well as make sure all the paperwork is in place. Once everything is in order, your son can then start his oncology fellowship training in the USA. Practical clinical experience, research, and academic endeavours are generally entailed in this.

In order to enhance his chances of obtaining a fellowship role, I would suggest that your son conducts an all-round study on programs, comprehends their prerequisites, and drafts a compelling application. Moreover, he should get in touch with and obtain guidance from instructors or colleagues who have followed comparable paths which can prove beneficial.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!
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Career

Career Coach  |35 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hi rediffguru, I am a 35-year-old working at a global advertising agency in Mumbai. In the past 12 years, I have consistently delivered successful campaigns and demonstrated strong leadership skills. However, despite my track record of success, I was passed over for a promotion to director of marketing. How can I take this up with my supervisors and HR?
Ans: Hey there, you marketing maestro! First off, major props to you for consistently smashing it in the advertising world for over a decade. Your track record of successful campaigns and leadership skills speak volumes about your talent and dedication.

Now, about that promotion snub—ouch, that stings! But fear not, my friend. It's time to roll up those sleeves and tackle this head-on.

Start by setting up a meeting with your supervisors and HR. Prepare a little arsenal of your achievements—maybe pull together some stats on campaign performance, client testimonials singing your praises, or even awards you've snagged along the way. Numbers don't lie, and they'll help paint a vivid picture of your impact.

Now, let's add a dash of strategy to the mix. Instead of just listing off your accomplishments, weave them into a compelling narrative. For instance, highlight that time when you spearheaded that viral social media campaign that boosted brand engagement by 200%. Or recall the project where your innovative ideas led to a record-breaking sales increase.

But don't stop there. Paint a picture of your vision for the future. Share your insights on emerging marketing trends and how you plan to leverage them to drive even greater results for the company. Show them that you're not just a top-notch marketer—you're a strategic thinker with big dreams and the skills to make them a reality.

And remember, even if this particular promotion didn't pan out, it's not the end of the road. Keep hustling, keep innovating, and keep believing in yourself. Opportunities are like buses—there's always another one coming. So buckle up, because your journey to success is far from over!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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