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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1557 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SS Question by SS on Feb 11, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 Hi Anu Ji,
I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background.
I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all.

Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents.
I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state.
Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.

He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.
On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.

My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do?
Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.

Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.
Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.

Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |546 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |546 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
hi sir/maam I am 22 yrs old and my boyfriend is 28 yrs old. We both are in the same office right now and his home is very near from that. At this point, we've been in a relationship for 8 months. He is very emotional and understanding and always there for me. Nobody knows about us, only my friends do. I am not that serious but confused if i lose someone who had loved me this much. He asks about marriage but it would be intercaste so i say that parents would not approve this. My friends advice me to break up. I try to disconnect with him but as soon as I talk to him I fail to do. I feel like talking to him console him. The thing is I'll talk to my parents 2 yrs later but he asking for commitment as he is getting other marriage proposals and its the right time for him to get settle but for me, he's saying he's ready to wait only if i give commitment. My father has said once that study and become independent but never risk my self respect in this society. Should i risk my boyfriend's life by giving the commitment ? I'm confused because i think at this point im kind of girl that will adjust somehow atleast im getting a person who loves me alot, i also love him but he's more into this feeling. What should i do? Recently he's got a marriage proposal and his family is seriously asking for his answer but he was asking what i want? i asked him to consider that and directly said it will not be possible for me to commit but im still in dilemma- im losing sth imp, should i go for him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your dilemma. All I can say is that neither one of you is wrong here. He wants commitment before he decides to wait for you, and you want some more time. Both your requirements make perfect sense. My suggestion is that if you really think that you can't commit, you should clear that to him right away, and let him decide whether or not he is okay to go on like that. It's not fair to keep him hanging nor will it be right to make a decision for him. Give him clarity of the situation and let him decide.

In case you guys decide to break up, let him move on. I understand the urge to comfort him, but doing so, you are only going to stall his moving on process.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

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My age is 25 years and my boyfriend age is 29 years. I have boyfriend and we are dating for around 2 years, we are thinking about marriage. My family members love him and his family members love me. But the situation is like this that, my elder sister is getting divorce so it will take time atleast 4 years. But we can't wait for 4 years because my boyfriend is from gujarat. So in Gujarat, families dont wait for long but in my case my boyfriend and his family members waited for 2 years. Because my family members are saying when my elder sister will get married then after my marriage will come. and my family members are brain washing me and my boyfriend saying that first elder sister should get married if it takes times 6 years still u have to wait. My family members are pressurizing me alot. Infact I discuss and my boyfriend discuss with my family members about the situation but my family is not understanding and they are just pressurizing me alot and making my life hell. Even my elder sister is saying to me that my colleagues are not getting married why u have to get married soon. But my point is that I m not kid I m 25 years old and because of her I m suffering alot because if she cant get married I cant get married this wrong. And because of taht me and boyfriend are arguing alot in this. Like If i waited for my elder sister divorce plus her marriage it will take around 4 years. But I dont think so this is right because of my elder sister I m facing issues and thats wrong. Because i dont know whether after divorce she will get married or not. So because of her I m suffering alot. And the divorce procedure will take 4 - 6 years. Because we dont know that how much time will it take for my elder sisters divorce because she is not doing normal one she has cased a file against jiju so thats why it huge procedure. So that's why we think that we will do court marriage in next month. We both have a support from his family members. His family members are saying that do court marriage without knowing any ones relatives and once your family agrees within this year then its fine but if not then you come here next year and we will do marriage for both of you. So this is right?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need to make a decision for yourself after looking at all the pros and cons. How are you going to be able to handle your parents once you make the decision to go ahead with the marriage?
Also, on your part, you are right in asking, how long do you need to wait?
Before making a decision, always think far ahead as to how your environment will react and how you are going to handle all of it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1557 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Mam, My parents are not agreeing for the marriage with my boyfriend cause it's an interfaith relation. I tried convincing them but they keep on saying foul words to me, saying that they would kill themselves if I don't leave him. I had seen my family from childhood and I don't want to be in a similar situation as they are, my mother had a relationship with someone else after marriage, my sister is not the biological child of my father, I am aware of all those but I haven't blamed them for that cause I felt if that's what is making them happy let them be, I haven't even confronted them. Now they say all the good stuff that me and your father were very great to each other you should learn those things and all. I am struck in a situation now. I have a job and my boyfriend also has one, could you please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Judging your parents and their choices is not going to anyway help you in your context. So, why even go there?
Instead focus on your situation and how you can make things happen for yourself.
- Are you financially independent and will you be able to manage the discomfort that will emerge once you choose to be on your own?
- Will your boyfriend support your decision and will he stand by you when you go against your family?
- What does his side of the family have to say about all of this?
If you notice the questions above, none of them are set to 'convince' your family. It is almost impossible to convince someone who does not want to be convinced. These questions will give you an idea and enable to handle your situation by stepping up for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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