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45-Year-Old Woman in a Long-Distance Relationship with a Man Facing Financial and Health Challenges

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |134 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am a 45 year old female, iam single and now from last year involved with a guy of my age who is also single. We have a long distance relationship but somehow we like each other and are from the same sector. Iam financially stable and have and am doing good in my career and life. When i met him i thought may be i was longing for a male companionship and physical relationship which i was avoiding consciously. We both are from the same field but he is struggling financially and is very unstable right now. He is not physically healthy and is overweight. But he promised me 2 years back that everything will be alright. But nothing has changed, i asked him to make the relationship formal and then continue working towards his goals, but he says he needs more time, maybe one year more. Iam not happy with this, i want to be together. I have given him a ultimatum of this year December and otherwise i will not wait for him. I have also cleared him that i dont need any financial support from him only if works on his physical health it will be fine for me. Please suggest iam i right in asking this, should i give him more time or quit?

Ans: He has not changed since 2 years - you need to gauge from this data if the needle will move - it takes a lot of discipline to loose weight and more so as you grow older....
Asked on - Sep 23, 2024 | Answered on Sep 23, 2024
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Thanks Anu, i understand what you say, what do my giving ultimatum is right or should i give him more time. He says he has sincere feelings for me.
Ans: 1) I am not Anu. 2) you need to decide for yourself or speak to a life coach giving them a back story - all the best
Asked on - Sep 23, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thanks Shalini! Sorry for writing your name wrong.

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Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out
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Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Avenues for BSc Honors Botany 3rd year
Ans: Lakshmi, Some of the options for you choose from:

Higher Education and Specialization:
• MSc in Botany or Plant Sciences: Deepens expertise in botany.
• MSc in Environmental Science or Ecology: Expands study to ecosystems, conservation, and biodiversity.
• MSc in Biotechnology or Microbiology: Opens up industrial, research, and healthcare opportunities.
• MBA in Agribusiness or Environmental Management: Combines botany with business skills.
• MSc in Horticulture or Forestry: Specialized programs focused on plant cultivation, forest conservation.

Government Jobs:
• Botanist or Environmental Scientist: Positions in government research bodies.
• Agriculture Officer or Horticulture Officer: Roles in the Department of Agriculture or Horticulture.

Research and Academia:
• Junior Research Fellowships (JRF): Offers stipends to work in research labs, universities, and government projects.
• Teaching in Schools or Colleges: With a Master’s degree, qualified for assistant professor roles or school teaching jobs.
• PhD in Botany or Related Fields: Essential for research-focused careers, teaching in universities, and leading scientific projects.

Industry and Corporate Jobs:
• Biotechnology and Pharmaceutical Companies: Roles in R&D, quality control, and product development.
• Agriculture and Agrochemicals: Roles in research, product development, and quality testing of seeds, pesticides, and fertilizers.
• Environmental Consulting Firms: Roles in environmental impact analysis, pollution control, and biodiversity assessments.

Certificates and Short Courses
• You can consider for Remote Sensing & GIS, Ethnobotany, Plant Tissue Culture, Agriculture Technology, or Bioinformatics.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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