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45-Year-Old Woman in a Long-Distance Relationship with a Man Facing Financial and Health Challenges

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am a 45 year old female, iam single and now from last year involved with a guy of my age who is also single. We have a long distance relationship but somehow we like each other and are from the same sector. Iam financially stable and have and am doing good in my career and life. When i met him i thought may be i was longing for a male companionship and physical relationship which i was avoiding consciously. We both are from the same field but he is struggling financially and is very unstable right now. He is not physically healthy and is overweight. But he promised me 2 years back that everything will be alright. But nothing has changed, i asked him to make the relationship formal and then continue working towards his goals, but he says he needs more time, maybe one year more. Iam not happy with this, i want to be together. I have given him a ultimatum of this year December and otherwise i will not wait for him. I have also cleared him that i dont need any financial support from him only if works on his physical health it will be fine for me. Please suggest iam i right in asking this, should i give him more time or quit?

Ans: He has not changed since 2 years - you need to gauge from this data if the needle will move - it takes a lot of discipline to loose weight and more so as you grow older....
Asked on - Sep 23, 2024 | Answered on Sep 23, 2024
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Thanks Anu, i understand what you say, what do my giving ultimatum is right or should i give him more time. He says he has sincere feelings for me.
Ans: 1) I am not Anu. 2) you need to decide for yourself or speak to a life coach giving them a back story - all the best
Asked on - Sep 23, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thanks Shalini! Sorry for writing your name wrong.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Me and my boyfriend were in relationship for more than 1.5 years he is 29 and i am 23 He was getting alot proposals for marriage from his parents when i saw this i told him to talk about us and he said that he would take time for all this then i told him that its been more than 1.5 years and now also you need to take time He said yess and then i said him that if he won’t tell his parents i will go from his life he said i will ask by Saturday then now on Thursday night he is telling that his parents are planning to go to haj so thatswhy he can’t talk to his parents and asking for more time But i have seen in his mobile he was updating his biodata for marriage and everything and he is getting min 2 pictures everyday for marriage I am not sure what shall i do Shall I give hime more time or shall i walk off Coz if at this point i dont walk off i would be hurt from inside I even told him that we can end at a good note so that he can atleast see the proposals for marriage properly Because i loved him alot I can’t see him getting forced by me It’s just I can’t see him that he is getting proposals and he is just delaying for me I am not sure what to do please suggest me something
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you strongly believe that he is just keeping you hanging and he is interested in marrying by his parent's choice, then I too feel that your decision to part ways might be the right one. After all, your self-respect is the most important thing here. Please speak to him directly once and let him know that you are reconsidering the relationship and see how he reacts. You can decide after that.
Hope this helps.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4488 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
Sir , i got 67000crl rank and 20000obc rank in jee mains . I also got 18000 rank in vit. I am also going to write cusat, met and bitsat , i think i might not crack jee advance . i am hoping to pursue mechanical or electrical, Could sir kindly tell me its scope. From my current options which college should i choose among GFTI,s North east nits, VIT, MET, BITSAT for me to develop a good career
Ans: Rohan, considering your JEE performance, disregard BITSAT as it requires a minimum score of 250 out of 390 for admission into Mechanical Engineering or Electrical branches. Designate CUSAT as your primary selection if your Home State is Kerala and you qualify for OBC Category consideration. Compile a list of 4-5 esteemed colleges affiliated with CUSAT that possess commendable placement records. Secondly, prioritize GFTIs and North East NITs over alternatives such as VIT and MET. Regarding GFTIs and NITs, it is prudent to examine the placement records of the past three years and assess them prior to selecting preferences in JoSAA. Consider MET as your final alternative. Here is a step-by-step guide for predicting your chances of admission into NIT, IIIT, or GFTI following the JEE Main results.

Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories both Home State (HS) i.e. State you belong to & also Other State (OS).
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in, separately for HS & OS Categories for a quick reference.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4488 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
what are the college options i can look up to at 91.8% in jee and 1.21 lakh crl
Ans: Valerica, Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories both Home State (HS) i.e. State you belong to & also Other State (OS).
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in, separately for HS & OS Categories for a quick reference.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1603 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, as my son Inter bord got 91% but in Jee mains 1st attempt got 50% and 2nd attempt got 70%, but he was not eligible for Advance, and he was wrote other college exams as (IIIT Hyd + VIT+TSEAPCET) in that VIT got results as 1.20 Lakh rank and he was eligible for Round of Category of 5th for VIT-AP & VIT-Bhopal, and expecting results for IIIT Hyd and also waiting for other Exams as (COMEDK + MIT + BITS), he was sincerely trying the efforts private college entrance exams, but the results which is not satisfy for him, and getting disappoint, but I was giving the motivation for other exams and do the hard work and focus on, BITS & IIT-Hyd also very tuff and more competitive, as i need to think for the negative side, if he could not get any cut of marks, what is the next option....? I request you pls give any other alternate suggestions for which is alternate engineering university for the course of (CSE AI & ML), my son interested in CSE course only
Ans: Hello Rakesh
First and foremost, I would like to commend your son for his earnest efforts in preparing for a range of engineering entrance examinations. His dedication is commendable, even if the outcomes so far haven't aligned with expectations. As you’ve mentioned, he has not yet been able to meet the required cutoff, which understandably may lead to feelings of disappointment or frustration.
However, the journey isn't over. Significant opportunities still lie ahead with BITSAT and IIIT-Hyderabad, both of which are known to be less about difficulty and more about testing strategic thinking and conceptual clarity. It appears that your son may be facing challenges in effectively managing the vast syllabus or might not yet have identified the right approach to tackle these competitive exams. Understanding how to study smartly for such tests often makes all the difference.
It’s important to maintain a positive outlook and avoid negative assumptions at this stage. You haven’t mentioned your financial circumstances, but if your son is determined to pursue fields like Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence, or Machine Learning, and if merit-based options don’t materialize, admission through the management quota could be a viable alternative. This route is typically available in reputed private engineering colleges, though it comes with a higher financial commitment.
Before considering this option seriously, I would recommend waiting for the results of all the remaining entrance exams. At the same time, it would be wise to proactively visit a few reputed institutions to inquire about the availability of management quota seats, associated costs, and relevant terms and conditions. Many parents secure such seats early on, anticipating the challenges their child might face in clearing competitive cutoffs.
Stay optimistic, there are still several promising pathways ahead.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
Radheshyam

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |372 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on May 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2025
Career
can i get admission in NFSU through jee mains score only ? because i gone on NFSU admission portal link for B.Tech-M.Tech Integrated program in Computer Science and Engineering (Cyber Security) but they asking about NFAT exam
Ans: Hi,
I apologize for any confusion, but I want to clarify that when the government asked for our support of the ONE NATION ONE CARD system, we did not accept it. Similarly, everyone is required to open a savings account at a bank, and many of us expressed our discontent. However, we can see the positive changes happening in India. If we support the government, they will reciprocate by providing benefits to the citizens.

In terms of education, the government is attempting to implement a new education policy, which has proven to be quite difficult. The education system has changed significantly before and after the pandemic. Now, the government is working on new policies that align with those of developed countries.

Therefore, we cannot expect the ONE STUDENT ONE EXAM system from the government at this time, as it is not included in the current guidelines. Each council or organization has its own set of guidelines, and synchronizing them will take time. At this moment, it is simply not feasible.

The NFAT exam is different from the JEE. In the case of the JEE, they did not notify the aspirants that they are eligible to apply for NFSU, and similarly, NFSU did not mention that JEE rank holders could also apply. Therefore, if you want admission to NFSU, you need to register and appear for the NFTA.

In the near future, we can expect the ONE STUDENT ONE EXAM system from this BJP government for the benefit of younger generations. For the benefit of postgraduate aspirants (for all courses except a few professional ones), the NTA is organizing the PGCUET exam nationwide. In this exam, you can opt for up to four different courses based on your eligibility.

A similar exam pattern is needed for engineering and medical fields as well. As I mentioned, we can expect this change; however, we, as citizens, should offer moral support for the benefit of younger generations. Unfortunately, we often do not provide this support to the government. For example, in the NEET exam, many aspirants do not follow the guidelines even when appearing for the exams.
BEST WISHES

POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO.

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