Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52.
He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him.
I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp.
When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021.
Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough.
I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek.
He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans: Dear VG,
It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.
Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.
What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.
When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.
Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.
Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.
If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.
So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.
All the best!
