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Kanchan Rai |600 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi

Hi to the life/relationship coach, I'm a 25yr old lady working in an MNC earning 24lpa. I'm from a lower middle class south indian family, my parents taught me value of money, i hardly spent on anything till my studies. Coming to my studies, i (I pushed myself too hard to achieve well but never felt negative in those years in life &came out of an NIT with ppo)studied from my 8th standard too hard without any distraction or other knowledge about life till I got job. Ever since i've started working(staying alone in a 1bhk and keeping myself occupied with home chores), i am not sure if it's because I'm living better compared to before without any money/time boundaries(I've got the freedom for everything yet feels lost) or it's bcoz my brain is exhausted, all I do is just work most of my day and rest of time, stay in traffic, i am feeling lost, not able to have any goals or look at life with positivity. my brain is feeling succumbed to daily job routine and not being enthusiastic about anything. (I do workout, meet friends, go to walks and temples , but nothing adventurous or too much out of my comfort zone. Anyway, nothings making me feel better(when I was studying, i did nothing but read, yet I was satisfied to go to sleep peacefully). My parents are telling me to get married so that I'll get better clarity with a partner beside me. But I'm not interested in relationship yet, want to resolve problems with myself first, may be will search for groom after an year or so. Please provide your advice to how to bring my enthusiasm which i lost after I got the job i m doing presently (the present job is a wonderful opportunity with lot of growth for me in career but I m working with half the productivity due to losing the interest in everything, but getting promoted on time till now, not sure how I long I can survive the corporate world without a purpose). I want to look at life positively in all aspects, but unable to due to feeling lost or having no goal. Should I try to remember my childhood interests before my 8th standard or should I try to find my interest in life from scratch? I've tried setting goals about health and career, but I m doing things like a robot but not enthusiastic. I might not get out of comfort zone if I keep going like this.

Ans: It sounds like you’re at a point where, after years of relentless focus on your studies and now your career, you’re experiencing a sense of aimlessness and burnout. This is not uncommon, especially for someone who has been driven by external goals for so long without taking much time for personal exploration and self-care.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the significant achievements you’ve made. Coming from a lower middle-class background and earning a position in an MNC with a substantial salary is no small feat. Recognizing this can help provide a sense of pride and accomplishment, which can be a foundation for building your next steps.

You mentioned that you feel like your brain is exhausted, which suggests that burnout might be a factor. Years of intense focus and hard work without much variety or relaxation can lead to this feeling. It’s essential to give yourself permission to rest and recuperate. This doesn’t just mean taking time off work, but also engaging in activities that truly relax and rejuvenate you.

Reflecting on your journey might help clarify why you’re feeling this way. During your studies, you had a clear goal and a structured path. Now, with more freedom and less immediate pressure, it’s natural to feel a bit lost. Your current routine seems monotonous and unfulfilling, which could be contributing to your sense of aimlessness.

Exploring your interests can be a fruitful way to reignite your enthusiasm for life. Think back to your childhood before the intense focus on studies began. What activities or hobbies did you enjoy? Revisiting these can help reconnect you with your passions. Alternatively, you might want to explore new interests. This could involve taking up a new hobby, joining clubs or groups, or even traveling. Stepping out of your comfort zone, even in small ways, can open up new perspectives and opportunities.

It’s commendable that you want to address your personal issues before considering a relationship. This self-awareness will serve you well. Setting personal goals can be helpful, but it’s important that these goals are meaningful to you and not just tasks to complete. Goals related to health, personal growth, or even learning new skills can provide a sense of purpose. However, ensure these goals are flexible and enjoyable, rather than adding more pressure to your life.

Your parents’ suggestion to get married might be well-intentioned, but it’s important to follow your own timeline. If you feel that taking more time to understand yourself will benefit you in the long run, then that’s a valid and important choice.

Lastly, professional support can be incredibly valuable. A therapist or life coach can provide you with strategies to manage your feelings of burnout and help you rediscover your enthusiasm. They can also assist in exploring your interests and setting meaningful goals.

In summary, taking time to rest, exploring your interests, setting meaningful goals, and possibly seeking professional support can help you navigate this phase of your life. By doing so, you can regain your sense of purpose and enthusiasm, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.