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40-Year-Old Man Engaged to Woman with Strange Behavior: Seek Unbiased Advice

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1208 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi im a 40 year old man engaged. We have dated for 1.6 months and then got engaged its been 3 months now. My fiance sometimes acts very weird. I am left on unread on whtsapp quite often. She has another phone that she uses where she gives out her number to guys that supposedly force her too. She says she has a difficulty saying no. I have caught her previously deleating texts and calls. She avoid all types of physical contact with me as much as she can. She use to say that she is not sure if im useing her for sex. Now i have proposed and we are engaged. Both our families know about us and are ok. Now that were engaged she says the actual reason "i dont like anything physical with you is because uou are a smoker amd your mouth smells." She spends the weekeends at my house. But there is nothing physical beween us. When we go out she acts like were a couple madly in love. When its just us shes busy on social media scrolling etc. when ever she goes out for wedding or functions i have found pictures with guys that she has tried to deleate from her phone with their arm around her waist . She blames me that i am insecure. I ask her why is she letting some random guy get so close to her. She says she is part of the brides team N thats how it is. She has been slected to be a bridesmaid a few times. Am i being paranoid or is something off. I have tried talking to her about all these and other issues Some how its always my fault or there is a reason that i dont understand. Please help i want an unbiased opinion on wht shld i do ? Talking is not helping And im scared since she is not from a well to do family she is only looking at me as somekind of finacial security

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
RED FLAG! If she acts different when you are alone and when you are outside, surely she is trying to pretend to be someone in either place, there's surely something that she may want to hide or show a side that she wants people to see...
If you are uncomfortable or in doubt, act wise and get to the bottom of it before proceeding any further. If she does not wish to talk about it, that does not mean you need to give in and compromise...
So, take a call on whether you want to live with a person who keeps secrets from you; you will have to spend most of the time playing guessing games!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Love Guru, I am 50 years divorced man in relation with a 42 years divorced women. We have known to each other for the last 7 years, but only for the 8/9 months we have committed to each other. We intend to marry. But she insists for 40 lakh money and 1 flat in her name. Then only will see agree to marry. She says if not given she will marry another guy who will meet her requirements. I am so much in love that I am thinking of giving her demands and marry her.  But the real problem is, she has many male friends with whom she regularly chats over watsup and messanger. She also goes for dinner with some friends.  Secondly, whenever we go to any group parties (her known) she flirt around with male friends, like taking pictures holding each other, dancing closely together etc. I after ask her dance with me or take snaps with me, she just avoids. I have seen many male friends of her touching her bump or cheeks or holding her waists, she never objects. But when I try to do the same, she objects saying what people will think etc. She tries to stay away from me during the parties. I constantly remind her to stay with me, she says not to be so possessive and allow her some space.  Previously we had sex once a month for 5/6 months, but for the last 3 months she has totally stopped having sex, she says will do it only after marriage. Whenever we had sex, she didnt seems to participate, she just tells me to finish off fast.  Again, I am only one who telephones her every night for talking. She never calls me. Throughout the day she never calls and rarely chats with me. After I propose or insists, we meet once in 10 days. she always prefers to meet in group of friends. With me she talks quite ok, but in group she becomes very lively and active. I am confused whether to proceed for marriage by fulfilling her demands. What if after marriage she repeats the same flirteous nature and not so committed towards me. Please advice and help. Regards.
Ans:

You're confused? There's nothing confusing about the situation -- this woman wants nothing from you except an apartment and money.

She doesn't call you, she doesn't hang out with you, she doesn't like acknowledging you in public, she doesn't like having sex with you and she'll marry someone else if you don't fork over the moolah.

Stop considering how to ruin your life and find someone who's happy with you even minus the Rs 40 lakhs and the flat!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6673 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I m 43 years old. I have received about 80 lacs from a property sale. I also have a home loan of remaining 35 lacs for next 15 years. Can you suggest if I should payoff my loan amount or I should invest 80 lacs in Mutual fund and do a SWP of 50000, to pay EMI.
Ans: You have received Rs 80 lakhs from a property sale, and you also have a home loan with Rs 35 lakhs outstanding. You are considering whether to pay off the loan or invest in mutual funds and use a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) of Rs 50,000 to cover your monthly EMI.

Let us evaluate both options and discuss which could be more beneficial for you in the long run.

Paying Off the Loan
Paying off your home loan can provide psychological relief. You won’t have the burden of debt hanging over you. However, it is important to weigh this decision against the potential opportunity cost.

Debt-Free Comfort: Paying off the loan would make you debt-free and provide mental peace. This is important, especially as you age and your income sources might become less certain.

Interest Savings: Home loans come with an interest cost, which can add up significantly over time. If the interest rate on your home loan is high, paying it off could save you a substantial amount in interest payments.

Guaranteed Return: By paying off the loan, you are essentially earning a guaranteed return equivalent to the home loan interest rate. For example, if your home loan interest rate is 8%, paying off the loan provides a risk-free 8% return.

However, paying off the loan entirely might limit your future growth opportunities. Let's explore the option of investing in mutual funds instead.

Investing in Mutual Funds and SWP
Investing Rs 80 lakhs in mutual funds and using an SWP to pay your EMI is another approach. This could allow your investment to grow over time while also providing liquidity for loan payments.

Potential for Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential to offer higher returns over the long term compared to the interest rate on your home loan. Over a period of 10–15 years, equity mutual funds have historically delivered returns ranging from 10-12% per annum.

Tax Efficiency: When you withdraw money through an SWP, only the gains are taxed, not the principal. With long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%, and short-term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%, this can be a tax-efficient way of generating income for your EMI payments.

Liquidity: By keeping your Rs 80 lakhs invested in mutual funds, you retain liquidity. If an unexpected financial need arises, you can access your funds easily. This flexibility is not available if you choose to pay off your home loan entirely.

Assessing the Risks of Mutual Fund Investment
While investing in mutual funds offers growth potential, it also comes with risks. You need to be aware of market volatility, especially in equity investments.

Market Risk: Mutual funds are subject to market risks, and your returns are not guaranteed. In a down market, the value of your investment may decline, affecting your ability to withdraw enough to cover your EMI.

Discipline in Withdrawal: Withdrawing Rs 50,000 per month might erode your capital if your investments do not grow as expected. It is crucial to regularly monitor your portfolio’s performance and adjust your SWP accordingly.

Interest Rate vs. Expected Mutual Fund Returns
It is essential to compare the interest rate on your home loan with the expected returns from mutual funds. If your home loan interest rate is low (around 6-7%), the returns from mutual funds, especially in equity, may justify not paying off the loan early.

On the other hand, if your home loan interest rate is high (8% or more), paying off the loan might offer a guaranteed return that exceeds the potential returns from mutual funds, after accounting for market risks and taxes.

Debt Reduction vs. Wealth Creation
Paying Off the Loan: This provides a guaranteed return and makes you debt-free. It may also offer peace of mind as you no longer have to worry about EMI payments.

Investing the Rs 80 Lakhs: This gives your money the potential to grow over time, possibly offering higher returns than the home loan interest rate. You can maintain liquidity and generate a monthly income through an SWP to cover the EMI.

Certified Financial Planner's Suggestion
Given your situation, a balanced approach might work best. Consider splitting your Rs 80 lakhs into two parts:

Part Payment of the Loan: You could pay off Rs 35 lakhs of your home loan to reduce your debt. This would eliminate the interest burden on this portion of the loan.

Invest the Remaining Rs 45 Lakhs: By investing the remaining Rs 45 lakhs in mutual funds, you can still benefit from the growth potential of the equity market. You could set up an SWP from this investment to cover your remaining EMI payments, which will now be lower due to the partial loan repayment.

This approach allows you to reduce your debt while also giving your money the opportunity to grow in the market.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While index funds have gained popularity, actively managed mutual funds may offer better opportunities for growth, especially over the long term. Let’s understand why actively managed funds could be a better option in your case:

Higher Return Potential: Active fund managers have the flexibility to select stocks that can outperform the broader market. This can potentially provide you with higher returns than a passive index fund, which merely replicates the performance of an index.

Downside Protection: In volatile or bearish market conditions, actively managed funds can adjust their portfolio to reduce exposure to riskier assets. This flexibility can help protect your capital, something index funds cannot offer.

Expertise: Actively managed funds rely on the expertise of fund managers, who actively monitor the market and make adjustments to the portfolio based on market conditions. This hands-on approach can make a significant difference to your overall returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds come with their own set of disadvantages. While they have lower expense ratios, they lack the flexibility and expertise of actively managed funds.

No Opportunity to Outperform: Index funds are designed to replicate the performance of an index, such as the Nifty 50 or Sensex. This means that your returns are capped by the performance of the index. If the market is down, index funds will also underperform, with no opportunity for active management to mitigate the losses.

Limited Downside Protection: Index funds must follow the composition of the index, regardless of market conditions. In a falling market, this lack of flexibility can lead to significant losses, as the fund cannot switch to safer assets or sectors.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through a CFP
There are distinct advantages to investing in mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) rather than opting for direct funds.

Professional Guidance: A CFP brings expertise and experience in managing portfolios. They can help you create a customized investment strategy based on your goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation.

Rebalancing and Adjustments: A CFP regularly reviews your portfolio and makes necessary adjustments to keep it aligned with your goals. This ongoing management ensures that your investments remain on track even during market fluctuations.

Tax-Efficient Strategies: A CFP can help you manage your investments in a tax-efficient manner. By planning withdrawals, redemptions, and asset allocation, they can help minimize the tax impact on your returns.

Comprehensive Financial Planning: A CFP provides more than just investment advice. They offer a holistic approach to your financial well-being, considering your long-term goals, tax planning, insurance needs, and retirement planning.

Final Insights
In your case, the choice between paying off your home loan and investing in mutual funds depends on your risk tolerance, financial goals, and the interest rate on your loan. A combination of part payment of the loan and investment in mutual funds offers a balanced approach, providing both debt reduction and potential for wealth creation.

Opting for actively managed mutual funds over index funds could give you better growth potential and downside protection. Additionally, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will provide you with the expertise and guidance needed to maximize your returns while minimizing risk.

It’s important to continuously monitor your investments and adjust them based on changing market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1208 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ma'am , I am 35 + yr and married. We have been married for almost 3 yrs now and we do not have any kids . My wife she was my GF and we had a relationship of almost 6 yrs before we got married. In this 6 yrs we broke up and then we patched up as well. Almost around the time we were supposed to get married,I knew that she was not right for me as I am very emotional,and seek someone who understands me. She is clearly not an emotional person and she is very mean and rude. Somehow I got convinced to get married to her.Now she is completely an unmanageable person.She says things I cannot bear at all and I see that these things come from her family as her mother never respected her father and it's an absolute chao in her family with sister behaving 10 times more worse with her parents. Right from starting of the marriage I knew that this would not work and anyhow we went on and on and now we purchased a property as well on both our names. The problem is she humiliates me like nothing and she does not trust me at all. From my side there is no love remaining towards her and everything single time I just think of separation. I lost both my parents and I have an elder brother who is also dependent on me. He stays apart from me. Now if I get separated then how can manage the property which we both together and also I will be absolutely alone. Deep down I am not happy at all. Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If there is no scope for reconciliation, what other way out do you have?
Separation maybe hard initially but at least you are not dealing with something on your face on a daily basis. Now, what happens to the property in the event of separation will be determined as to in whose name the property was registered. Of course, this is my understanding. You may want to speak with someone who has knowledge about the legal angle on this.
If you are not happy, then do and act accordingly so that you are moving into a happy zone and in no means what is happening is happy. So, ACT NOW...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6673 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi. I am 42 year male. I have a steady secure job. I have invested 2 Cr in commercial real estate which I will never sell, is giving me 70,000/- per month passive income. I stay with my parents. My MF portfolio has 60 Lakhs already invested in Predominantly Small caps (which I will withdraw after 20 years). I have medical insurance and emergency funds. I can sustain my family and kids expenses, with my salary. But can't do any more investment now. Am I going on right path for massive wealth creation?
Ans: You are in a stable position with your job, passive income from real estate, and a long-term investment strategy in mutual funds. You have already invested Rs 2 crore in commercial real estate, generating Rs 70,000 per month in passive income, which is a healthy contribution towards your financial stability.

Additionally, you have Rs 60 lakh invested in small-cap mutual funds, which you plan to hold for 20 years. Your medical insurance, emergency fund, and ability to cover family expenses with your salary are strong foundations for wealth creation. However, the question is whether this approach aligns with your long-term goal of “massive wealth creation.” Let's break it down.

Passive Income from Real Estate
Your commercial real estate investment provides a stable passive income. You have no intention to sell this property, which makes it a permanent part of your financial plan.

Advantages:

Provides a consistent income of Rs 70,000 per month.

Offers long-term financial security without needing to liquidate assets.

Income from commercial property tends to appreciate over time.

Points to Consider:

Commercial real estate lacks liquidity. If at any point you need to access the capital, it won’t be easily available.

Income is subject to taxation based on your slab rate, which reduces the net inflow.

While real estate does contribute to a secure financial future, it should not be your sole focus for wealth creation. Diversification in liquid assets is essential.

Mutual Fund Investment in Small Caps
Your investment of Rs 60 lakh in small-cap funds shows that you’re aiming for long-term growth. Small-cap funds have high growth potential but come with high risks as well.

Advantages:

Small caps can generate higher returns in the long term, as you are looking at a 20-year horizon.

Historically, small caps outperform large caps in the long run.

Staying invested for 20 years reduces short-term volatility.

Points to Consider:

Small-cap funds can be volatile, especially during economic downturns.

It’s important to ensure that your portfolio isn't overly concentrated in one asset class. Right now, small caps form a significant portion of your portfolio, and this could expose you to higher risks.

Review and rebalance periodically. Small-cap funds might perform well, but reviewing the performance every few years is important to ensure they align with your goals.

If your objective is wealth creation, small-cap funds are a good vehicle, but you might want to diversify further to reduce risks.

No Additional Investments for Now
You mentioned that you cannot make any more investments currently, which is understandable given your family responsibilities and expenses.

Advantages:

You are financially secure, as your salary covers your day-to-day and family expenses.

Your current investments are already substantial, giving you peace of mind.

Points to Consider:

While it’s good that your salary covers your expenses, future opportunities to invest more should be explored when your financial situation allows. More capital invested earlier could compound significantly over the years.

Consider automated increases in investments. As your salary grows, you can set up an automated increase in SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) to keep contributing without feeling an immediate financial pinch.

Insurance and Emergency Fund
You have a medical insurance policy and an emergency fund in place, which is essential for financial stability.

Advantages:

This ensures that any medical emergencies or sudden expenses don’t derail your long-term financial plans.

With adequate coverage, your focus on wealth creation remains unaffected by unexpected financial burdens.

Points to Consider:

Ensure that your insurance coverage is adequate for future needs, especially as medical costs rise.

Keep your emergency fund separate and only use it for unforeseen situations. It should ideally cover 6–12 months of living expenses.

Diversification for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Massive wealth creation comes from a balance between high-growth assets like small caps and more stable, diversified investments. Although your current investment strategy has potential, focusing solely on real estate and small caps may not be the best approach for building a massive corpus.

Suggestions:

Increase Diversification: Over time, you might want to add mid-cap and large-cap mutual funds to your portfolio. This will help reduce risk while ensuring reasonable returns.

Tax-Efficient Investments: Consider tax-efficient avenues for investment that can help reduce the tax burden on your passive income and investment returns.

Avoid Over-Concentration: While small caps have the potential for higher returns, avoid putting all your long-term savings into one category. If possible, when your financial situation allows, diversify across other types of funds like balanced funds or even debt funds.

Taxation Considerations
Your commercial real estate income and capital gains from mutual funds are taxable. Keep in mind the taxation on mutual funds:

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

For debt mutual funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

To maximise your post-tax returns, consider discussing tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Can You Achieve Massive Wealth Creation?
Based on your current investments, you are on the right path to financial stability, but achieving massive wealth creation will require careful planning and some adjustments in the future.

Your Strengths:

Real estate provides passive income that adds to your financial security.

You have invested in small caps, which have high growth potential over 20 years.

Your income can sustain your current lifestyle and family expenses.

Areas to Improve:

Your investments are currently heavily concentrated in small caps and real estate. Adding mid-cap and large-cap funds will help reduce risk.

You may want to gradually increase your investment amount over time as your financial situation improves.

Keep tax implications in mind to maximise your wealth.

Final Insights
You are on a steady financial path, and your investments have good growth potential. However, massive wealth creation requires a more diversified approach. You have the foundation to build upon, and with some adjustments in your portfolio and future investment strategy, you can aim for significant wealth over time.

When your financial situation allows, consider diversifying across various mutual fund categories and look into tax-efficient investment strategies. Additionally, regular reviews of your portfolio will ensure that you stay on track to meet your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |4 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

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Money
Respected Sir, I did invest in Quant Mutual Fund lumpsum in Large & Mid Cap , Flexi cap and Infra. I did invest on 7-8 June 2024. But These funds are performing very poorly since then as compared to their peers. May I request you to please guide me if I shall stay invested for long period or reddem?
Ans: Hi Neeraj,

Mutual Funds are a good option for investment. The investment horizon/timeline is very important when you consider equity mutual funds, they need to be invested for the long period (7+ years).

You have only recently started in June 2024, so keeping patience with your investment is important. You can track the progress of your investment but don't get influenced by day to day fluctuation in its NAV. Decisions should be taken based on many factors but do consider 1-2 years duration to see if fund performance is steady, improving or below par compared to your expectation and its peers and the market.

Now coming to the funds you have provided - Quant Large and Midcap and Quant Flexicap are good funds and I think you should be patient. Note - both are actively managed funds and you can expected to see fluctuations in the short term. Stay invested in these 2 funds as they are well diversified and long term prospects look good.
Quant Infrastructure fund is a Sectoral fund and the fluctuations will be high. If your risk profile is very high, then you can continue. There will be a period of time when the sector loses favor in the market and thus the returns will be impacted and during good times it will provide good returns.
Alternately if you decide to exit then include a fund from another fund house which is well diversified and aligns to your risk profile. Some good options to consider - an Index fund based on Nifty 500 (passive) or a multicap fund (active) - to get a a well diversified exposure to Large-Mid-Small cap.
Note- Redemption at this time may attract exit load apart from tax implications for short term.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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