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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Iam also Married Person since last 12 yrs pass no any child that also a problem in family lots of time became angry on wife and mother so give some suggestion of it Sanjay Makwana married dt 12/02/2012

Ans: Hello Sanjay Makwana,

It sounds like you're facing challenges in your marriage and family life. It's important to approach these situations with understanding and patience. While I can offer some general guidance, please keep in mind that I am not a licensed therapist or counselor. Here are some suggestions that might help you navigate these issues:

1. Open Communication:
Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Make an effort to have open and honest conversations with your wife and family members about your feelings, concerns, and frustrations. Encourage them to share their thoughts as well. Avoid blaming or criticizing and instead focus on expressing your emotions constructively.

2. Seek Professional Help:
If your anger is affecting your relationships and well-being, it might be beneficial to seek guidance from a professional therapist or counselor. They can help you understand the underlying causes of your anger and provide strategies to manage it effectively.

3. Practice Empathy:
Try to put yourself in the shoes of your wife and family members. Understand that everyone has their struggles and challenges. Empathy can help create a more supportive and understanding environment at home.

4. Stress Management:
Anger can sometimes be a result of accumulated stress. Engage in stress-relief activities such as exercise, meditation, deep breathing, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Managing stress can contribute to a more peaceful mindset.

5. Quality Time:
Spend quality time with your wife and family. Engage in activities you all enjoy, and make an effort to create positive memories together. This can strengthen your bond and reduce tension.

6. Patience and Understanding:
Marriage and family life come with their own set of challenges. It's important to remember that relationships require effort, understanding, and patience. Be prepared to work through difficulties together.

7. Focus on Solutions:
Instead of dwelling on the problems, focus on finding solutions. Collaborate with your wife and family members to come up with strategies that address the challenges you're facing.

8. Apologize and Forgive:
If you've had moments of anger or conflicts, don't hesitate to apologize when needed. Apologizing shows that you value the relationship. Similarly, practice forgiveness when others make mistakes. Holding onto grudges can exacerbate tensions.

9. Seek Joyful Moments:
Look for moments of joy and positivity in your daily life. Focusing on the positives can help shift your mindset and contribute to a more harmonious environment at home.

10. Be Patient Regarding Parenthood:
If you and your wife are facing challenges with having children, consider seeking medical advice if you haven't already. Parenthood is a journey that takes time for some couples. It's important to support each other and explore all available options.

Remember, building strong relationships requires effort from all parties involved. If you find that the challenges are overwhelming, seeking professional help is a wise step to take. A licensed therapist or counselor can provide tailored guidance based on your specific circumstances.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

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HI MY NAME SRINITHI AM DIVORCE PERSON I HAVE ONE D/O 9 YR OLD .. AM STAY WITH SINGLE BUT MY MIND CHANGED . I NEED MARRIAGE FOR MIND
Ans: Hello Srinithi, it's understandable that your feelings and priorities can change over time. If you're considering marriage again for companionship and emotional fulfillment, here are some suggestions to navigate this process:

Reflect on Your Needs:

Take some time to reflect on what you're looking for in a partner and in a marriage. Consider your values, priorities, and the qualities you find important in a potential spouse.
Communicate with Your Child:

If you haven't already, have an open and honest conversation with your 9-year-old daughter about your feelings and intentions. Ensure she feels comfortable and secure with the idea of you entering into a new relationship.
Build a Support System:

Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate the process of seeking a new relationship.
Take It Slow:

When you feel ready to explore the possibility of a new relationship, take things at a comfortable pace. Get to know potential partners gradually and allow relationships to develop naturally.
Be Honest About Your Past:

When entering into a new relationship, be open and honest about your past, including your divorce. Clear communication is crucial for building trust and understanding.
Consider Professional Support:

If you find it challenging to navigate these emotions on your own, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist who can help you explore your feelings and guide you through the process.
Set Boundaries:

Clearly define your boundaries and priorities in a new relationship. Understand what you're looking for and what you're willing to compromise on. This will help you make decisions that align with your values.
Stay True to Yourself:

Remember to stay true to your own needs and desires. Don't feel pressured to enter into a new relationship unless it feels right for you.
It's important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your child as you consider a new chapter in your life. Taking things step by step, being open in communication, and seeking support can help you navigate this journey more smoothly.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

...Read more

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