How to respond when the person you have been dating since 4 years shows commitment issues but also occasionally talked about marriage stuff. At this point of life, I want only commitment, nothing else, no time pass things. All such hardness to control my emotions and setting boundaries is reflecting in my nature too. I'm becoming more cranky all the time and avoiding talking to people. Additionally, this biological clock pressure is always ticking in my mind. Please suggest.

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

• How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
• Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
• How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

Dear SB,

What are you? His emotional sponge?

One thing I want to appeal to you is: Self-respect is something that we are so ready to give up for just a little love and attention. And the way you treat yourself is how others will treat you.

You are in your early 20s and you have an entire life in front of you and you want to build your career.

With the current space that you are in, do you feel you are choosing wisely to fulfil what you want from life and for yourself?

Also, are there other ways in which you can bring this relationship together. Like sitting him down and talking; maybe an elder in the family can do this.

If nothing works, remember, your life, your choice, your terms…nothing and no one can mess with your peace of mind unless you give them the permission to do so.

You want to prosper, then think and act in a manner that will allow you to prosperity and think of losing all that is keeping from feeling this prosperity.

Step up, take charge of your life NOW. All the best.

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Dear SV,

I guess two people in love wanting two different things within the relationship?

Easy way is to talk about it.

Yes, she may feel hurt and may feel that you led her the wrong way etc, but it’s better to discuss this rather than let it grow any further.

I would not know if many men feel the way that you do (it’s your view of the situation) but let’s focus on what you feel.

You do not want to have that commitment where you play the householders’ identity all over again after going through it in a not so pleasant way the first time. Fair enough!

But, don’t you feel the lady who loves you now needs to know that.

Keep her trust in you alive and validate her feelings when you communicate this to her.

There may be emotional outbursts and you must be in the kindest space of mind. After all, she has known her dreams in a different way with you and now things are changing.

An alternate thought to this: What would happen if you actually allow yourself a second chance at being a married man?

A lot of men do go through a second marriage and things have worked out fine for them.

Is it that you are used to living independently as you believe or are you fearful of a repeat from your first marriage?

If it is a fear, then time to break it and move past as you are keeping yourself from a beautiful journey and marriage.

It might be worthwhile to assess your thoughts and then if you still feel that it’s not fear and that you want the independence, time to break it to the lady very kindly and gently and do not forget to apologise to her. It might be a huge shock.

So, please check with your mind first before taking any decision.

Best wishes!