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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |134 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I have been in a relationship from 5months. I really love him. But yesterday night I checked his phone and found he is chatting with others and meeting them. I don't want to loose him I'm ready to do a fresh start but he may be want to end this relationship. How should I save my relationship?

Ans: a two wheeler cannot run on one wheel - similarly a relationship cannot move ahead if both do not want it. The limited information shared shows there is trust issues. A relationship needs to be built on trust. It is best to let this go, heal yourself before you enter in a new relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1193 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

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Relationship
I am confused with my relationship. Im in relationship frm last 1 month . I met him via social media . Actually now a days i feel he is not serious with me . Im not getting the good vibes from him. Wht should i do now
Ans: Hello Priyanka.

It's understandable that you are feeling confused about your relationship, especially if you're not getting good vibes from your partner. Here are a few suggestions on what you can do:

Communicate your concerns: It's important to communicate with your partner and express your concerns. Talk about how you feel and ask them how they feel about the relationship. Honest communication can help clear up any misunderstandings or doubts you may have.

Evaluate the relationship: Take some time to reflect on your relationship and evaluate whether it's meeting your needs and expectations. If you feel like the relationship isn't fulfilling, it may be time to reconsider your options.

Take a step back: It's okay to take a step back and give yourself some space to think about the relationship. This can help you gain clarity and perspective on the situation.

Trust your instincts: If you feel like something isn't right, trust your instincts. Your intuition can often guide you towards making the right decision for yourself.

Remember, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness in any relationship. Don't hesitate to reach out to friends or a trusted confidante for support and advice.

PS. It's always advisable to do proper due diligence if things are virtual. You should know and figure out who your partner is in real life. We all know virtual world has its own drawbacks.

Best of luck.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Currently, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 months. He has been in love with me for the last 5 years and I have been aware about it. We had a love hate relationship for the last 5 years where I have also dated another guy. But after getting into a relationship with him, I came to know that he had gone out with other girls, while he had claimed that he was in love with me and could not be with anyone else. I am aware that since we were not together, he was allowed to hangout with other females and maybe get a bit physically close to them, but now I cannot wrap my mind around the fat that he did those. The thought of him with someone else disturbs me, and I have a pretty hard time trusting him. We have had discussions at length with him, but nothing seems to dissolve my uncomfortability towards it. I do love him a lot and want this to work out and he claims to love me a lot as well. What do I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous, It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that involves a mix of past history, trust issues, and conflicting emotions.Continue having open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and any insecurities you might have Reflect on the past and try to understand the context in which both of you had other relationships. Keep in mind that during that time, you weren't officially committed to each other. Understanding this might help you rationalize those experiences and move forward.Clearly communicate your expectations and establish boundaries for your current relationship. Discuss what is acceptable behavior for both of you and make sure you are on the same page regarding exclusivity and commitment.Trust is crucial in any relationship. It takes time to rebuild, but consistent actions, transparency, and open communication can help. If he's willing, he should be patient and understanding as you work through your feelings.Take some time for self-reflection. Understand your own insecurities and fears and work on building your own confidence. Sometimes, addressing personal issues can positively impact the relationship dynamics.If you're committed to making the relationship work, it's essential to find a way to forgive and let go of the past. Holding onto resentment can hinder the growth of the relationship.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and it's normal to face challenges. However, it's crucial for both partners to be committed to working through these challenges together. If the discomfort persists and affects your well-being, it's important to prioritize your own happiness and make decisions that are in your best interest.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |373 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2024Hindi
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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |373 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, My current age is 42. Our combined post tax salary is around 6.25 lakhs. We have around 50L in mutual funds, 80L in direct stocks, 14L in gold, 30L in NPS, 31L in PPF, 21L in SSY and 2.5cr in real estate. Our current household expenses are around 1.5L per month and we are contributing 1L/month to NPS, 2L/month to SIP, 20K/month to direct stocks,1.5L/yr to PPF, I.5L/yr to SSY. We have an EMI of 50000/month for next 5 years .Our kids are 12 years and 10 years. We want a corpus of 4 cr for their higher education and of 1cr for their marriage. We are living in a company provided accommodation and plan to live in it till requirement.We want a 4L monthly pension and don't have a home right now. If we are planning to retire at 55, how should we manage our finances?
Ans: Hello;

Since NPS will be available only after you reach 60 and no info. about any rental income from real estate investment hence both are kept out of our purview.

1.Higher education goals for children typically start after 12th so we have 6 to 8 years for kid's education financial goal(4 Cr) attainment.

I have split it in two tranches:
A. 2 Cr after 6 years
B. 2 Cr after 8 years

For achieving target A following will work:
Direct stocks corpus of 80 L will grow into a sum of 1.5 Cr after 6 years. (Moderate return of 11% assumed)

PPF corpus and contributions will grow into a sum of 50 L+ after 5 years block when you may withdraw this corpus towards this goal. (6.9% return considered)

So 1.5 + 0.5=2 Cr

For fulfilling target B following will work:
MF corpus of 50 L will grow into a sum of 1.15 Cr after 8 years. (11% return considered)

50% of SSY corpus eligible for withdrawal expected to be around 27.85 L. (8% return assumed)

Direct stock monthly sip of 20 K will grow into a sum of 30.85 L in 8 years.(11% return considered)

Gold corpus of 14 L will grow into a sum of 24.05 L. (7% growth assumed)

So 1.15+27.85+30.85+24.05~~2 Cr

2. Target for Marriage of offspring:
1 Cr.
3. Retirement pension: 4 L per month
13 years from now.
Investible surplus left after all monthly investments utilized for fulfilling above targets should be immediately redirected to monthly SIPs in mutual funds. That includes 20 K direct stock sip, 12.5 K/pm SSY investment after 8 years from now and 12.5 K/pm PPF investment 5 years from now.

Also the 50 K getting free from loan EMI after 5 years should be converted into a mutual fund SIP.

After accounting for monthly expenses and monthly investments, from the balance 80 K, I would suggest you to deploy 50 K into MF sip since it will help in target achievement.

So summarily 12.5 K/8 yr, 12.5 K/5 yr, 20 K/5 yr, 50 K/8 yr and 250 K/13 yr will yield you a comprehensive corpus of 9.89 Cr. Add balance 50% SSY corpus of 27.5 L to this and your total corpus comes to 10.16 Cr. (MF returns assumed at a modest 11%)

Earmark 1 Cr for offspring wedding as envisaged.

Net retirement corpus will be 9.16 Cr. An immediate annuity at 6% will yield you a monthly income of 4.58 L from the age of 55 as planned.

You may use commutable corpus of NPS(60%) to buy your house. While NPS annuity portion(40%) may yield you a delta per month so as to have post tax income of 4 L per month.

This looks achievable because you have managed your finances and investments outstandingly well.

I discourage people to take direct stocks exposure especially when they are nearing the retirement but if you have the knowledge and temperament you may dabble into it subject to some minimum amount earmarked as risk capital.

I am sure you have adequate insurance cover for life and health.

Kudos again to your meticulous fiscal planning and execution.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024
Relationship
Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married as the society will insult our parents. I am getting married in November only for my parents but I have already made up my mind that I'll divorce him after 1 year of mairrage and will live my life alone. Am I thinking right? What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not thinking right at all...This man is all RED FLAGS...
Are you actually thinking of spending one year with a person who physically abuses you? Seriously?
And then you expect him to agree to that divorce without any fuss? What world are you in? No compromises on your life please...
Be wise and protect yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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