Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Nikita Question by Nikita on Apr 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello sir!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. It is never okay for someone to disrespect you or your values, regardless of their frustration in life. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

It sounds like you have already made the decision to leave the relationship, which is a brave and important step towards taking care of yourself. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision, and to focus on your own values and needs.

If you are still feeling hurt and uncertain about the situation, it may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and provide guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you have the power to make choices that are best for you and your well-being. Trust yourself and prioritize your own needs and happiness.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1033 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out
Ans:

Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hello mam!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well
Ans: My Dear Nikita,

It sounds like you have been in a challenging situation for some time, where you have been sacrificing your values and thoughts for your partner, and he has been disrespecting you with his words and behavior. It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect in a relationship.

It's understandable that it hurts to think about leaving the relationship, especially after investing so much time and effort into it. However, you need to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, and it seems like this relationship is not fulfilling that for you.

It's important to have a clear and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that his behavior has been hurtful, and that you cannot accept his condition of not working after marriage. It's important to communicate your boundaries and what you need from the relationship.

If he is not willing to respect your boundaries and make changes to improve the relationship, it may be time to consider ending it. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, valued, and your needs are met. It may be difficult, but prioritizing your own well-being is important for your long-term happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1033 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Listen
Hello mam!! I was in a relationship for 7 years and supported my partner in every ways. In starting it was not that good but ya we have the mindset to make this relationship worth it. I don't know i just changed drastically like even I didn't know how. I started to follow each and every instructions of her it's not like he was forcing it's like i was accepting whichni was not even agree before. But things started to change as he was going through lot of struggles in life and i was trying to be with him. But like every interval of time he started disrespecting me in out of his frustration so like lastly i took a stand for me and leave. He also not want to allow me for work after marriage but i want it. But he comes and said this all things is normal in relationship and nothing like self respect exists so don't overreact in this but i am not convinced. I never disrespect him by words or actions never but take everything from him and feeling empty right now.
Ans: Dear Nikita,
Good that you decided to leave the relationship. He comes across as controlling and demanding. Why would you want to lead a life with someone like that? Freedom in every sense is what relationships grow on and when there is someone instructing you in one way or the other; you know he/she is not the right person for you.
When he normalizes his behaviour, he's in his own way making you feel guilty about you moving away. DO NOT give into this as this is toxic behaviour on his part to get what he wants!
When he is ready to break your self-respect, make sure you draw a boundary around you and be glad that you decided to leave. MOVE ON...focus on your life for now and someone who respects you for YOU will come along...till then know that your self-respect is yours to guard!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1523 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x