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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Nikita Question by Nikita on Apr 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. It is never okay for someone to disrespect you or your values, regardless of their frustration in life. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

It sounds like you have already made the decision to leave the relationship, which is a brave and important step towards taking care of yourself. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision, and to focus on your own values and needs.

If you are still feeling hurt and uncertain about the situation, it may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and provide guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you have the power to make choices that are best for you and your well-being. Trust yourself and prioritize your own needs and happiness.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out
Ans:

Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Relationship
Hello mam!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well
Ans: My Dear Nikita,

It sounds like you have been in a challenging situation for some time, where you have been sacrificing your values and thoughts for your partner, and he has been disrespecting you with his words and behavior. It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect in a relationship.

It's understandable that it hurts to think about leaving the relationship, especially after investing so much time and effort into it. However, you need to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, and it seems like this relationship is not fulfilling that for you.

It's important to have a clear and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that his behavior has been hurtful, and that you cannot accept his condition of not working after marriage. It's important to communicate your boundaries and what you need from the relationship.

If he is not willing to respect your boundaries and make changes to improve the relationship, it may be time to consider ending it. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, valued, and your needs are met. It may be difficult, but prioritizing your own well-being is important for your long-term happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello mam!! I was in a relationship for 7 years and supported my partner in every ways. In starting it was not that good but ya we have the mindset to make this relationship worth it. I don't know i just changed drastically like even I didn't know how. I started to follow each and every instructions of her it's not like he was forcing it's like i was accepting whichni was not even agree before. But things started to change as he was going through lot of struggles in life and i was trying to be with him. But like every interval of time he started disrespecting me in out of his frustration so like lastly i took a stand for me and leave. He also not want to allow me for work after marriage but i want it. But he comes and said this all things is normal in relationship and nothing like self respect exists so don't overreact in this but i am not convinced. I never disrespect him by words or actions never but take everything from him and feeling empty right now.
Ans: Dear Nikita,
Good that you decided to leave the relationship. He comes across as controlling and demanding. Why would you want to lead a life with someone like that? Freedom in every sense is what relationships grow on and when there is someone instructing you in one way or the other; you know he/she is not the right person for you.
When he normalizes his behaviour, he's in his own way making you feel guilty about you moving away. DO NOT give into this as this is toxic behaviour on his part to get what he wants!
When he is ready to break your self-respect, make sure you draw a boundary around you and be glad that you decided to leave. MOVE ON...focus on your life for now and someone who respects you for YOU will come along...till then know that your self-respect is yours to guard!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 27, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2026Hindi
Money
I am a corporate IT employee working as a senior development lead in an MNC with 17 years of experience. I am 40 years old with 6 years old son. My current portfolio includes the following. 1. PF balance is 26 lakhs 2. company shares worth 19lakhs. 3. mutual funds worth 1.4 crores. 4. I have life insurance policy worth 20 lakhs as asset 5. NPS corpus 14 lakhs 6. Home worth 1 crores I have a home loan outstanding of rupees 63 lakhs for 12 years and EMI of which is 68000 rupees with 8.5 percent ROI. My gross salary is 3.75 lakhs and in-hand salary is Rs 221000. I get a bonus of 15 percent of my gross salary and a annual raise of 7 percent. My basic salary is Rs. 128000. I do mutual fund SIP of 1 lakh a month. Other savings in each month includes or deducted are Pf 31k, NPS 17k and company share 16k. . I want to retire in 3/5 years. Also keep in mind that : 1. My current Monthly expenses of 50k is excluding loan emi. 2. I will keep SIP 1 lakhs and will not prepay home loan till I retire or suggest should I prepay or grow my Mutual fund instead. 3. The retirement expenses should rise as per inflation and a bit more for lifestyle upgrade. 4.Also I have a term insurance of 50lakhs which I will continue post retirement aswell. 5. I am planning to settle my home loan outstanding with my gratuity, company share and full and final settlement when I leave company. Assuming my monthly current expenses as 50k and can be increased with inflation and lifestyle upgrade and having own home, Suggest if I can retire in 3 or 5 years taking into consideration of my loan outstanding liability and 1 kid of 6 years old's future expenses like study and marriage and my retirement expenses ?
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base at 40. Your savings rate is excellent. Your discipline in SIP, PF, NPS and equity exposure shows maturity. Very few people at your age reach this level of corpus. That is a big positive.

Now let us evaluate this calmly and practically.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Mutual Funds: Rs 1.4 crore
– PF: Rs 26 lakhs
– NPS: Rs 14 lakhs
– Company Shares: Rs 19 lakhs
– Home Value: Rs 1 crore
– Outstanding Loan: Rs 63 lakhs
– Monthly Expense (excluding EMI): Rs 50,000
– EMI: Rs 68,000

Your total financial assets are strong. But retirement decision depends on cash flow sustainability, not just asset size.

» Retirement in 3 Years – Is It Practical?

If you retire at 43:

– Your son will be only 9 years old.
– You will have at least 40+ years of post-retirement life.
– Education costs will rise sharply after 5–10 years.
– Inflation will steadily increase your lifestyle expenses.

Today expense is Rs 50k. In 10–12 years it can easily double or more. Also lifestyle upgrade is expected, as you rightly mentioned.

Even if you clear the home loan using gratuity, shares and settlement:

– Your investible corpus will reduce.
– You will depend fully on investments for income.
– No salary cushion.
– Child education peak years not yet started.

Retiring in 3 years looks aggressive and financially tight.

» Retirement in 5 Years – More Realistic?

If you work till 45:

– Your MF corpus may grow significantly with continued Rs 1 lakh SIP.
– PF and NPS will also grow.
– Bonus and annual increment will add strength.
– You will reduce risk of sequence of return shock.

By 45, if your corpus grows meaningfully and loan is closed, early retirement becomes more realistic.

Even then, you must evaluate whether corpus can generate inflation-adjusted income for 40+ years without erosion.

» Home Loan – Prepay or Continue?

Current loan rate: 8.5%

You are investing heavily in equity mutual funds.

Long-term equity returns historically beat 8.5%. So from a pure mathematical view, continuing SIP instead of prepaying makes sense.

But retirement planning is not only maths. It is about risk comfort.

If your plan is to close loan using:

– Gratuity
– Company shares
– Final settlement

That is a reasonable strategy. It preserves compounding now and gives mental freedom at retirement.

I would not suggest aggressive prepayment now if retirement corpus growth is priority.

» Child Education & Marriage Planning

Your son is 6.

– Higher education likely in 12 years.
– Marriage maybe 20+ years later.

Education cost inflation is higher than normal inflation.

You must mentally earmark a separate corpus within your mutual funds for:

– Graduation
– Post graduation (if abroad, very high cost)

This amount should not be mixed with retirement corpus.

If this segregation is not done, early retirement becomes risky.

» Risk in Company Shares

You have Rs 19 lakhs in company shares.

– This is concentration risk.
– Your salary and wealth both depend on same company.

Before retirement, gradually reduce this exposure and diversify into professionally managed mutual funds.

» Term Insurance

You mentioned:

– Rs 50 lakh term cover
– Rs 20 lakh life policy (investment type)

At 40 with dependent child and non-working spouse, Rs 50 lakh term cover is on the lower side.

If you retire early, income stops. But responsibility remains.

You may need to review total risk cover adequacy before retirement decision.

» Retirement Income Sustainability

Today expense Rs 50k.

After loan closure and lifestyle upgrade, assume:

– Rs 70k–80k in near future
– With inflation, it may cross Rs 1.5–2 lakh per month in 20–25 years.

Retirement corpus must survive:

– Market volatility
– Inflation
– Child education withdrawal
– Medical inflation
– 40+ years longevity risk

Early retirement at 43 needs a very large cushion. At present, it appears borderline unless markets perform very strongly.

» What I Would Suggest

– Target retirement at 45 instead of 43.
– Continue Rs 1 lakh SIP strictly.
– Do not prepay loan now.
– Close loan fully at exit using settlement and shares.
– Reduce company stock concentration slowly.
– Separate child education corpus mentally and structurally.
– Review term cover adequacy.
– Keep 2 years expenses in safe instruments before retirement to manage market volatility.

» Important Behavioural Question

Ask yourself:

Do you want complete retirement?
Or financial independence with option to consult, freelance, part-time?

At 45, shifting to lower stress income option may be wiser than full retirement.

That reduces pressure on corpus.

» Final Insights

– You are financially disciplined and ahead of many peers.
– Retirement in 3 years looks risky.
– Retirement in 5 years can be possible if markets support and corpus grows strongly.
– Child education and longevity are the biggest risk factors.
– Loan closure at retirement is a good psychological move.
– Focus on building bigger margin of safety.

Early retirement is possible for you. But it should be done with strength, not stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1856 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, Very fond of your guidance. I`ve invested in ICICI Prudential Guranteed Income Plan with PPT of 10 Years & Policy Term is 11 Years. The Yearly Premium is 5 lakhs with Guaranteed Early Income i.e which started from 2nd year onwards is 1.19 Lacs. After 11th year Guaranteed Yearly Income will be 6.38 Lacs. I started this Policy in 2022. Very soon I realized that this is not worth of investing my money. I decided to stop Premium after 2 years which made my Policy as Paid up status which means all benefits are reduced but Policy is Active. I changed myself as I did mistakes in Past (by taking this policy) and now I read each clause very carefully. Now in this case If i surrender, the Surrender value is calculated based on Guaranteed factor X Total premium paid - Income already Paid. Now currently Surrender value is 2.9 Lacs as GV factor is 50%. This factor will improve Gradually with time and by 9th year it will went to 90%. I want to Surrender but now will incur heavy loss (approx. 4.8 lacs) ( to me while in 9th year at least I`ll get 90% of my Premiums back. So pl. advice what is right approach as when should i think for Surrender. As of now by God grace I`m not in any financial emergency. Further is my understanding correct that SV will rise with time. Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: It is very good that you have started reading your policy papers so closely now. Most people do not take the time to understand the fine print, but you have already taken a big step by identifying that this plan does not match your long-term goals. Your ability to stop the premium early shows you are now in control of your money.

» Understanding your paid-up policy and surrender value

Your understanding of how the Surrender Value (SV) works is mostly right. In these types of plans, the Guaranteed Surrender Value factor does go up as the years pass. However, there is a catch. While the percentage factor increases, the insurance company also deducts the income they have already paid out to you from the final amount. Even if you wait until the 9th year to get 90% of your premiums back, you are losing out on the "time value" of that money. Money sitting in a low-yield environment for nine years loses its buying power because of inflation.

» The math behind surrendering now versus later

If you surrender today, you take a big loss of Rs. 4.8 lakhs. This feels painful. But if you keep the money locked in just to avoid the loss, you are essentially letting the company hold your remaining Rs. 2.9 lakhs for several more years at a very low return. A 360-degree view suggests that if you take the money out now and put it into a productive asset like a diversified portfolio of actively managed mutual funds, that money can work much harder for you. Actively managed funds are great because a professional fund manager chooses the best stocks to beat the market, unlike other options that just follow a fixed list.

» Why regular funds and expert guidance matter

Since you mentioned you want to be careful now, it is better to invest through regular plans with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Many people think direct funds are better because of lower fees, but they often end up making emotional mistakes or picking the wrong funds without a guide. A regular plan gives you access to professional advice and periodic reviews, which ensures you stay on track. This expert support is worth much more than the small cost difference, especially when you are trying to recover from a past investment mistake.

» Opportunity cost and your next steps

Since you do not have a financial emergency, you have a great chance to build wealth. Instead of waiting years just to get your original 5 lakhs back, you can take what is left and start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). Over the next seven to eight years, a well-managed equity fund could potentially grow that small amount into something much larger than what the insurance policy would ever pay. The loss you take today is the "fees" for a valuable lesson, but staying in the plan is a continuous cost.

» Tax rules to keep in mind

When you move your money to equity mutual funds, remember the tax rules. If you hold your investment for more than a year, it is called Long Term Capital Gain (LTCG). Any profit above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. If you sell before one year, the profit is taxed at 20%. This is still very efficient compared to many other products.

» Finally

The best approach is usually to exit such low-yield insurance-cum-investment plans as soon as possible. Since your policy is already paid-up, it is not eating new money, but it is wasting your old money. Surrendering now and moving the funds into actively managed mutual funds through a regular plan will likely put you in a much stronger position by the 11th year compared to waiting for the policy to mature.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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