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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Nikita Question by Nikita on Apr 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. It is never okay for someone to disrespect you or your values, regardless of their frustration in life. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

It sounds like you have already made the decision to leave the relationship, which is a brave and important step towards taking care of yourself. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision, and to focus on your own values and needs.

If you are still feeling hurt and uncertain about the situation, it may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and provide guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you have the power to make choices that are best for you and your well-being. Trust yourself and prioritize your own needs and happiness.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out
Ans:

Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Relationship
Hello mam!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well
Ans: My Dear Nikita,

It sounds like you have been in a challenging situation for some time, where you have been sacrificing your values and thoughts for your partner, and he has been disrespecting you with his words and behavior. It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect in a relationship.

It's understandable that it hurts to think about leaving the relationship, especially after investing so much time and effort into it. However, you need to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, and it seems like this relationship is not fulfilling that for you.

It's important to have a clear and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that his behavior has been hurtful, and that you cannot accept his condition of not working after marriage. It's important to communicate your boundaries and what you need from the relationship.

If he is not willing to respect your boundaries and make changes to improve the relationship, it may be time to consider ending it. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, valued, and your needs are met. It may be difficult, but prioritizing your own well-being is important for your long-term happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello mam!! I was in a relationship for 7 years and supported my partner in every ways. In starting it was not that good but ya we have the mindset to make this relationship worth it. I don't know i just changed drastically like even I didn't know how. I started to follow each and every instructions of her it's not like he was forcing it's like i was accepting whichni was not even agree before. But things started to change as he was going through lot of struggles in life and i was trying to be with him. But like every interval of time he started disrespecting me in out of his frustration so like lastly i took a stand for me and leave. He also not want to allow me for work after marriage but i want it. But he comes and said this all things is normal in relationship and nothing like self respect exists so don't overreact in this but i am not convinced. I never disrespect him by words or actions never but take everything from him and feeling empty right now.
Ans: Dear Nikita,
Good that you decided to leave the relationship. He comes across as controlling and demanding. Why would you want to lead a life with someone like that? Freedom in every sense is what relationships grow on and when there is someone instructing you in one way or the other; you know he/she is not the right person for you.
When he normalizes his behaviour, he's in his own way making you feel guilty about you moving away. DO NOT give into this as this is toxic behaviour on his part to get what he wants!
When he is ready to break your self-respect, make sure you draw a boundary around you and be glad that you decided to leave. MOVE ON...focus on your life for now and someone who respects you for YOU will come along...till then know that your self-respect is yours to guard!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8615 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Money
Hi sir, My age is 45 years. I am currently investing in SIPs in mutual funds, ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Growth (RS 2500) and Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Growth (Rs 3000), Quant mid cap (RS 3000), Kotak equity emerging (RS 3000) and Parag Parikh flexicap (RS 4000). My risk profile is high and my investment horizon is up to the age of 55 years. I will require approx 1cr for my kid's education after 10 years and for retirement (1 cr) after 10 years. I have stopped SIPs in Axis small Cap fund and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth and their amount of 56000 and 264000 has not yet been redeemed. My total investments in till date is approx 9.85 lakhs. Also I can invest up to Rs 25000/pm in SIPs. I also want to do rebalancing of Axis small Cap and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth fund amounts in small caps and hybrid fund, pls suggest. Is my porfolio suitable as per my goal. Pls suggest.
Ans: Your discipline towards mutual fund investing is admirable. You already have a good head start with your current investments. But let’s assess your portfolio, rebalance it smartly, and align it with your goals clearly.

Here is a complete 360-degree assessment of your mutual fund portfolio.

 

Portfolio Suitability as per Your Goals
You are 45 years now. Your key goals are after 10 years.

 

You want Rs. 1 crore for your child’s education.

 

You also want Rs. 1 crore for your retirement corpus.

 

These goals are achievable. But your portfolio needs alignment.

 

Your SIPs are currently Rs. 15,500. You can go up to Rs. 25,000.

 

This gives you room to restructure and grow your wealth.

 

Your risk profile is high. This supports growth-oriented funds.

 

Your investment horizon of 10 years is very reasonable.

 

So, equity-oriented funds can play a major role here.

 

You also need to reduce overlapping and duplication in categories.

 

Based on your age and goals, a proper category mix is important.

 

Also, monitoring performance is key to long-term success.

 

Evaluation of Current Portfolio
You have invested in large cap, large & mid cap, mid cap and flexicap.

 

This is a good mix across market cap segments.

 

However, some schemes have overlapping exposure.

 

You had SIPs in two good schemes that are now discontinued.

 

The Axis small cap fund has Rs. 56,000 invested.

 

The Mirae Asset emerging bluechip has Rs. 2.64 lakhs invested.

 

These are idle now. They must be rebalanced as per your strategy.

 

Total investment till now is approx Rs. 9.85 lakhs.

 

Your ongoing SIPs are across 5 different categories.

 

Portfolio rebalancing is needed to avoid overexposure.

 

There is no allocation to hybrid or balanced advantage funds.

 

You can add those for stability, especially as you age.

 

You need a mix of growth and risk control over the next 10 years.

 

Recommended SIP Structure
You are willing to invest Rs. 25,000 per month in SIPs.

 

That gives you Rs. 9.5 lakh of new investment in the next 3 years.

 

For proper diversification and balance, follow this structure:

 

Large Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Large & Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Flexicap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Hybrid Aggressive or Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Small Cap Fund – Rs. 2,000 monthly

 

This structure ensures broad diversification and better returns.

 

It also provides smoother journey with balanced allocation.

 

Rebalancing of Existing Idle Investments
Axis Small Cap fund holding is Rs. 56,000.

 

Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund holding is Rs. 2.64 lakhs.

 

These amounts should not lie idle or underperform.

 

You can redeem these and reinvest as follows:

 

Rs. 1.5 lakh to hybrid aggressive fund or balanced advantage fund

 

Rs. 1.2 lakh to a small cap fund of your choice

 

Use STP if you are shifting full amount to equity funds again.

 

Spread the switch over 6 to 9 months to reduce volatility risk.

 

This will bring back discipline and better long-term compounding.

 

It will also bring stability and growth into one basket.

 

How to Align Portfolio with Education and Retirement Goals
Your education and retirement goal both need Rs. 1 crore each.

 

So you need Rs. 2 crore in total after 10 years.

 

You already have Rs. 9.85 lakh invested.

 

You plan to invest Rs. 25,000 per month now.

 

This disciplined investing with proper fund mix will help.

 

Small cap, mid cap and flexicap will deliver long-term growth.

 

Hybrid and large cap will bring portfolio stability.

 

Rebalancing and yearly review will help you stay on track.

 

Avoid reacting to short-term volatility and stay invested.

 

Key Adjustments to Improve Returns
Avoid duplication in similar category schemes.

 

Select only one strong fund from each major category.

 

Shift idle lump sum into hybrid and small caps via STP.

 

Avoid sector funds, thematic funds or international funds now.

 

Increase SIP by 5% every year if income allows.

 

Review SIPs yearly. Drop laggards. Replace only after 3-year review.

 

Stick to 5-6 funds maximum in total.

 

Keep your funds manageable and meaningful.

 

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You should always invest through regular plans via a trusted MFD.

 

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you better.

 

Direct funds may save some cost but give no advisory support.

 

They are for experts who understand the markets deeply.

 

Wrong selection in direct mode leads to poor returns.

 

In regular plans, your MFD with CFP gives continuous support.

 

This is key when markets are volatile or during fund underperformance.

 

Proper advice leads to better overall results than cost savings.

 

SIP Discipline and Risk Management
Continue SIPs without breaks. Markets may fluctuate.

 

But long-term SIPs deliver strong results with compounding.

 

Rebalance every year. Shift part of equity to hybrid over time.

 

In final 2 years before goal, reduce equity to protect capital.

 

Keep emergency fund in liquid mutual fund for peace of mind.

 

Review your portfolio performance every 6 months.

 

Track progress towards Rs. 2 crore goal.

 

Tax Considerations for Mutual Fund Investors
Equity fund long term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

 

Debt and hybrid fund gains taxed as per your income slab.

 

Plan redemptions smartly to reduce tax outgo.

 

Use STP or SWP to manage taxes near goal maturity.

 

Insurance and Emergency Cover
Ensure you have health insurance and term life cover.

 

Keep 6 months’ expense in liquid fund as emergency buffer.

 

Do not mix insurance with investment.

 

No ULIPs, no endowment or money back plans.

 

Your focus must remain on mutual funds only.

 

Final Insights
Your investing habits are strong. You are consistent.

 

Your fund categories are well selected but need tweaking.

 

You must act on idle investments to improve overall returns.

 

Add hybrid and small cap exposure smartly.

 

Avoid over-diversification and direct plans.

 

Keep a long-term view and follow up every year.

 

Increase SIPs when possible and do goal-based planning.

 

You are on the right track. Some rebalancing will take you faster towards your goals.

 

Keep emotions out. Let data and strategy guide your investment path.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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