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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Nikita Question by Nikita on Apr 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well

Ans: My Dear Nikita,

It sounds like you have been in a challenging situation for some time, where you have been sacrificing your values and thoughts for your partner, and he has been disrespecting you with his words and behavior. It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect in a relationship.

It's understandable that it hurts to think about leaving the relationship, especially after investing so much time and effort into it. However, you need to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, and it seems like this relationship is not fulfilling that for you.

It's important to have a clear and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that his behavior has been hurtful, and that you cannot accept his condition of not working after marriage. It's important to communicate your boundaries and what you need from the relationship.

If he is not willing to respect your boundaries and make changes to improve the relationship, it may be time to consider ending it. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, valued, and your needs are met. It may be difficult, but prioritizing your own well-being is important for your long-term happiness.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Relationship
Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out
Ans:

Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

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Relationship
Hello sir!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. It is never okay for someone to disrespect you or your values, regardless of their frustration in life. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

It sounds like you have already made the decision to leave the relationship, which is a brave and important step towards taking care of yourself. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision, and to focus on your own values and needs.

If you are still feeling hurt and uncertain about the situation, it may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and provide guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you have the power to make choices that are best for you and your well-being. Trust yourself and prioritize your own needs and happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello mam!! I was in a relationship for 7 years and supported my partner in every ways. In starting it was not that good but ya we have the mindset to make this relationship worth it. I don't know i just changed drastically like even I didn't know how. I started to follow each and every instructions of her it's not like he was forcing it's like i was accepting whichni was not even agree before. But things started to change as he was going through lot of struggles in life and i was trying to be with him. But like every interval of time he started disrespecting me in out of his frustration so like lastly i took a stand for me and leave. He also not want to allow me for work after marriage but i want it. But he comes and said this all things is normal in relationship and nothing like self respect exists so don't overreact in this but i am not convinced. I never disrespect him by words or actions never but take everything from him and feeling empty right now.
Ans: Dear Nikita,
Good that you decided to leave the relationship. He comes across as controlling and demanding. Why would you want to lead a life with someone like that? Freedom in every sense is what relationships grow on and when there is someone instructing you in one way or the other; you know he/she is not the right person for you.
When he normalizes his behaviour, he's in his own way making you feel guilty about you moving away. DO NOT give into this as this is toxic behaviour on his part to get what he wants!
When he is ready to break your self-respect, make sure you draw a boundary around you and be glad that you decided to leave. MOVE ON...focus on your life for now and someone who respects you for YOU will come along...till then know that your self-respect is yours to guard!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |694 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My family is pressurising me to get married to a girl I am not interested in. I am 36 and the girl is 28. I am traditional, old school and she looks younger, the partying, late night kinds. She is very active on social media. In fact, she was very judgemental about my clothes and totally non-committed about relationships when we spoke in our first meeting. I can say with confidence that our vibes don't match but my parents don't seem to understand my expectations. There was no formal engagement but my parents are proceeding with the marriage formalities because our parents are business partners. They feel I am overthinking and overreacting. I feel like no one is listening to me, what I want, including my grandparents. What should I do? I want to run away from all this drama.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concern and how difficult it is sometimes to convince family members about our feelings. Please have one on one conversations with your parents. Instead of sitting with both parents, speak to them individually. Ask them direct questions based on realistic examples, like, “She enjoys partying and I don’t. What if that leads to a huge fight and in the end, divorce?” “What if we never love each other and stay in an unhappy marriage?” This might help them imagine the situation a little better. Next, speak to the girl. Ask her what she feels about this marriage, if she would be able to adjust and eventually love you. Ask her if she is okay with a lifetime of adjustment and compromise. Have an honest conversation; don’t try to convince her to break the marriage, rather have a clear discussion and see how she feels about this honestly. I am sure this will help you in the situation.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |514 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2026Hindi
Money
Hello, I have been investing in mutual funds using regular plans. Recently couple of my friends have been pushing me to stop SIPs and investments for Regular plans and go in with Direct plans. While I understand that the commissions that I pay to the financial advisor is considerable, I want to understand typically what how much am I losing by not investing in Direct plans. I read in a Sample report of an RIA that I will be losing around 15% due to regular plans. Is it a real thing? any thoughts about it? The inputs provided by my mutual fund distributor are good, but I do feel that I can also invest in flexi funds and achieve the same results. Kindly share your inputs.
Ans: Hi,

Yes there is a difference between regular and direct plans.
Direct plans are for people who have a very good understanding and can manage their portfolio. But even those people need an advisor at some point once their portfolio grows into lakhs and crores.
Hence it is always better to go for regular plans from the start as an early guidance helps you achieve your goals in a more planned way.

Choosing a wrong direct plan can adversely affect the portfolio and instead of saving 1% on commissions, one may end up losing upto 10% on an yearly basis.
Also choosing some random plans such as flexicap along with your regular portfolio is not a good idea. An advisor critically measures your profile and work accordingly.
It is always better to listen to your advisor.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |514 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2026Hindi
Money
I am 41 yrs old working as a Senior Manager in PSB, living with my wife and no children. Due to work pressure, Stress, Transfer posting , etc. i am planning for semi-retirement at the middle of this year. Kindly advice is it too risky or fine to retire with my Asset & Liabilities as below ASSETS 1. NPS: 32.00 lakhs 2.Mutual Fund & Stock: 25.00 lakhs 3. FD: 16 Lakhs 4. Land: 40.00 lakhs 5. PPF: 3.5 lakhs LIABILITIES Car loan: 3.5 lakhs,EMI:7000/- After retirement I am planning for Banking & Financial consultancy business and DSA with Bank (Earning: Unpredictable). My current monthly expanses is Rs.50000/- per month. Living in Urban area.
Ans: Hi,

Your current assets are not sufficient for you to leave your job currently.
However, setup the business along with your job and then check the status after 6 months. If you are able to earn more than your expenses, you can consider getting retirement.
But make sure to have enough savings for other financial goals such as travel , health, other major liabilities etc.

You need atleast assets worth 1.1 crores in mutual funds for you to retire to fund your retirement forever (assuming xirr 11% pa.)

Hence try setting up a business side by side. And increase your investments in mutual funds substantially with help of a professional to get it aligned with your plans.

Consider consulting a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |514 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2026

Money
Hi Guru, I'm 43 Yrs old and investing in SIPs since last 4 years in the following - 1. SBI Small Cap Regular plan Growth - 5,000 2. ICICI Prudential Value Fund - 10,000 3. Motilal Oswal mid Cap fund - 5,000 4. Kotak Flexicap fund Regular Plan growth - 10,000 I also have the following policies - 1. ICICI Prudential Smartlife RP (ULIP) - 10,000 Per Month 2. Kotak Assured Savings Plan - 13,433 Per Month. Please check and let me know if everything is ok or else help me with any other SIPs or Policies. Many Thanks in Advance ..! Suresh G
Ans: Hi Suresh,

It is good that you have built a discipline for investing over the past 4 years.

The SIP funds you mentioned are good for long term, but selection can be improved more to generate better returns in alignment to your long term goals. You can try including large cap fund and make changes accordignly. Or choose to connect with a professional who will help you in improving fund selection.

The policies mentioned are not recommended to continue. Policies like this have a cagd of 5-6% annually when calculated accurately which is even less than FD. Hence you may choose to surrender and close these and redirect the investments into mutual funds for better returns and performance.

Hence do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10998 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2026

Money
Considering current and future economic and situations, between fixed or floating home loan, which is better ? I'm going to take home loan from HDFC Bank for around 40 to 45 lakhs for 15 yrs. Pls suggest me also tell me what terms needs to be checked in loan agreement before signing
Ans: Appreciate your intent to choose the right loan structure with clear thinking. Choosing between fixed and floating rate for a home loan of around Rs 40–45 lakhs for 15 years is a big financial decision. It can impact your monthly cash flow, overall cost, and peace of mind.

» Difference between fixed and floating interest rates
– Fixed rate means your interest rate stays the same throughout the chosen fixed period. Your monthly EMI does not change during that period.
– Floating rate means the interest can go up or down with market benchmarks like the repo rate or bank’s internal benchmarks. Your EMI or loan tenure may adjust when rates change.

» What current and future economic conditions mean
– Interest rates globally and domestically have seen rises due to inflationary pressure, central bank policy tightening, and costlier funds for banks.
– In a rising rate scenario, fixed rates protect you from future rate hikes.
– In a falling or stable rate scenario, floating rates may cost less over time.

» Why floating rate usually works well for 15-year loans
– Floating rate typically starts lower than fixed rate, giving you initial cost advantage.
– Over long horizons, banks may adjust rates downward when economic pressure eases.
– You retain flexibility to prepay or refinance when rates soften.
– Many borrowers pay lower total interest with floating when rates stabilise.

» When fixed rate can be appropriate
– If you prioritise certainty of EMI and peace of mind even if rates rise in future.
– If you are not comfortable with EMI changes in your monthly budgeting.
– If your income is tight and you prefer predictable cash flows.

» Practical view for your case
– With a 15-year term and current rate cycle, floating rate is generally more suitable.
– It gives you lower initial cost and flexibility to refinance or prepay when rates soften.
– Fixed rate may feel secure but often costs more in long term if rates do not rise significantly.

» Key terms to check in loan agreement before signing
– Interest rate type and reset clause – How often the floating rate can change and by what benchmark.
– Processing fees and other charges – Upfront cost that adds to your total cost of borrowing.
– Prepayment and part-prepayment terms – Whether prepayment is allowed without penalty and how often you can prepay.
– Conversion options – Whether you can switch from floating to fixed (or vice versa) and at what cost.
– Penal interest – Charges if you delay EMI payments and how they are calculated.
– Loan disbursement schedule – Especially for under-construction properties, how and when funds are released.
– Foreclosure charges – Fees if you fully close the loan before term ends.
– Interest computation method – Whether interest is calculated on a reducing balance basis.

» How to structure your loan for comfort and cost efficiency
– Choose floating rate with a short initial lock-in if you prefer lower cost.
– Keep prepayment and part-payment flexibility open so you can reduce outstanding principal with surplus funds.
– Monitor rate environment annually to decide if converting to fixed or refinancing makes sense.
– Keep an emergency buffer so you are not pressured if floating rates tick up temporarily.

» Final Insights
– Floating rate home loan typically suits you better over 15 years in current economic context.
– Fixed rate gives peace but often costs more if rates do not rise sharply.
– Focus on key loan terms before signing so no surprises later.
– With careful planning and periodic review, your housing finance cost can be controlled well.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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