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Should I leave my criticizing husband?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam, we are a middle aged couple, him 57 and myswlf 52. We have a good relationship, however he criticises me almost daybreak till midnight. Earlier I used to ignore, but thesedays I suspect he means them. Both of us are working. He is dependent on me for daily tasks, and neither of us like to stay apart even for a day. I am not able to solve this puzzle, but I dont want to listen to my criticism everyday for my remaining life. How can I make this relationship less toxic to me. How can I save both the relationship and my mental health.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The value and worth of a spouse/partner is not known until they spend time away from one another. Being stuck to one another is not love, but being able to give each other space and respecting each other's differences is love.
Take a vacation from each other; this will make you realize your own worth and also will give him a chance to miss you.
Then all these criticisms will stop and he will learn to appreciate you for who you are. It will also teach you to value him for what he he is...
Your marriage just needs a little tweaking and you are good to go...give yourselves a little break from one another and see the magic...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

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Relationship
Anu Mam, in your video you mentioned about healthy communication. I have tried many times to initiate communication with my husband but he is very biased. He shuts me down immediately in front of his parents and friends. It’s very embarrassing when he does that in front of people we know. He likes to dominate and make fun of me which everyone else seems to enjoy but I don’t. If I tell him that he feels I am being a spoilsport. He says I have put on weight and look fat after marriage and I don’t have a job that’s why I am getting all these negative thoughts. My mother in law also never supports me. She doesn’t tell if her son does something wrong. If I make one mistake she will blow it out of proportion and discuss in front of everyone. That becomes another topic for argument. All this is making me very annoyed and affecting our marriage now. We don’t have a child yet but we are already fighting every day. Please help. I just want to start a happy relationship. But I don’t know how to do it.
Ans: Dear SK, commenting on your body image honestly is no one’s business and by no one I also mean your husband.

He absolutely has no right to body shame you and make it a topic of jest.

The nest time, he calls you a spoilsport, please feel free to comment on his looks, his accent, his performance behind close doors and watch what his reaction is.

Sadly, his male ego will be hurt; at least it will give him an idea as to what he has been you through.

Communication as I mention must be firm and assertive; it must convey exactly what you want rather than what you don’t want.

And as far as it goes for you in-laws, ignore their childish behaviour towards you…honestly you cannot control anyone’s thoughts or actions and they are free to do as they please. But what gives them fuel is that you are provoked and hurt.

Is it possible to be unaffected by what people say of you and about you?

Yes, when you own your body image and are unapologetic about it!

Your body, your way…as simple as that and anyone has a problem with that, then it’s their problem!

Be at a lot of peace and act wisely!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu I am 52 , I am in a relationship with a man of 54 years who loves me & I too love him . I am in this relationship for companionship & for emotion. My story : We have been in relationship for 6 years now . Everything was fine till the time I obeyed him emotionally and financially. Stood by him in most of the travels took care of everything . The moment I started taking care of my finance and invested the funds thru his friend he labelled me betrayal lady as his friends put some words against me and thus goes the relationship. In another episode with nothing to think wrong he has cooked a story in his mind and abuses me and accuses me . It’s been 2 years that I am crucified for this each day . So these are the misunderstandings against me and when I clear it to him he DOES not believe me . he thinks I am lying and every time he ask the answer is the same He believes his people more than me . I was always with him emotionally and helped him financially to the extend for lakhs and lakhs . The moment he assassinated my character I told him to give back all the money , but is been 2 years and more that even a penny is not returned but I still get abused and accused each day. due to the misunderstanding the relationship has turned toxic ( I feel) . He keeps blaming me and yes he does not TRUST me . But at the same time he shows love and after few days he goes into his cell of abusing my character . Where nothing wrong has happened …. He just overthinks and spoils the beautiful relationship. Kindly advice Warm regards Gouri Dey
Ans: Dear Gouri,
So, are you waiting for him to doubt you more, control you more?
What makes you still put yourself through all of this? It's characteristic behavior of a control freak to get his/her way by demanding, complaining and the loving to gain control of their partner. You are in a toxic relationship lady and if you haven't already noticed, your physical and mental health would have deteriorated over the past 2 years!
Trust, understanding and respect are what any relationship stands on. What does this relationship have?
You are pulling on possibly because:
1. You feel some sort of an obligation towards him
2. You feel guilt of not taking care of him when he nags and complains
3. You feel responsible for helping him emotionally and financially

What would you tell a friend if she was in one such relationship?
Learn to love and respect yourself first. He's has gotten used to using you for his own safety net. Stop allowing this NOW by drawing a boundary. That should bring out his true colors much quicker than a chameleon changing colors.
Your red flag was waving out loud to you when he behaved immaturely at your decision of investing your money. Abuse need not just be physical; emotional one is huge violation as well! Take charge of your life NOW...Do the right thing for yourself...

All the best!

..Read more

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Janak

Janak Patel  |8 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, i am 52years old, wanted to retire early, following are my investments, MF - INR 65L, Equity - INR 22L, 3 houses, one is self-occupied, other 2 houses valued at INR 90 L and INR 32L respectively, i have home loan outstanding of INR 12L, FD of INR 36L , PF INR 32L, monthly expenses requirement is INR 1 L, kindly help me to plan my early retirement. Thank you in advance for your reply on my question.
Ans: Hi,

As there are many things to consider for an early retirement, one of the first is to start thinking about it in a more realistic manner. An early retirement is not necessarily stop working life, but think of it as a more comfortable schedule that provides you opportunities to relax and pursue your passion and interests and live life on your own terms. You may or may not undertake an activity which can be monetized, meaning which provides you some sort of income - not necessarily to cover your living expenses in whole/part. So do give it some thought of how you intend to keep yourself occupied once you retire from your "current schedule". Will you generate any source of income or will you incur/require more expense.

At current age of 52, an early retirement even if we consider at 55 years of age, it a still a long life ahead. I will make a lot of assumptions in my response as these are not known from your query - such as life expectancy of another 30 years, average return of 8% on all investments for future etc. Are the 2 real estate properties earning any kind of rent that can be considered as income.
There are too many variables that go into the calculations for retirement which are specific to each individual and their circle of life.

Generic solution - You have a currently accumulated investments valued at INR 2.65 Cr (all investments less loan).

Current monthly expenses is INR 1 Lac, over which inflation needs to be applied each year (depends on lifestyle and composition of items of expenses).

So if your cumulative investments appreciate at average 8% annually, and your monthly expense increases at 6% annual inflation, your current accumulated investments are just about enough to manage expenses for next 30yrs (excluding tax implications - refer below).

Points to consider -
1. Inflation in real world is more than 6% (depends on the individual)
2. Liquidation of investments e.g. Real estate attract expenses/fees and tax on capital gains as it will be lumpsum
3. PF post retirement will earn interest only for 3 years, so you need to plan to re-invest the amount
4. Interest income on FD attracts tax at slab rate
5. Withdrawal of amount for monthly expense from your investments will attract tax on capital gains (MF and Equity)

I strongly recommend you connect with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance and prepare a plan that will take into consideration your risk profile and overall investment management towards the retirement. Benefits will include a more tax efficient plan which will consider your requirements and ensure retirement goals are achieved and if there is a shortfall - what alternatives you need to consider.

Hope this is helpful and all the best for the future.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Health Science and Pharmaceutical Careers Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Career
Sir I am preparing for mbbs, but I'm not able to crack that. I'm a middle class student. Can I pursue mbbs in abroad under 8 lakhs in a best college for mbbs?After that can I able to be a doctor in India?
Ans: Hi Lagna,

It seems you haven’t provided the details clearly on this platform. If you could share more information, I’m sure you will receive helpful input.

Based on your message, I understand that you are considering pursuing a career in medicine. If you intend to enroll in a medical program either in India or abroad and plan to practice in India after completion, here are some important guidelines according to the National Medical Commission (NMC):

You must appear for the NEET exam, as it is a mandatory requirement for anyone wishing to pursue graduate medical education in India or elsewhere while intending to return and practice in India. According to the NMC eligibility criteria: “No student shall be eligible to pursue graduate medical education either in India or elsewhere (if they want to return and practice in India), except by scoring the minimum eligible score at the NEET UG exam. The UGMEB will announce the list of eligible students periodically.”

Therefore, I recommend preparing for the NEET exam and trying to secure admission in India itself. If you choose to pursue medical education abroad, you can still practice in India, but you will need to pass exit exams as well.

Regarding your question about pursuing MBBS abroad for under 8 lakhs, are you asking if this is per year or for the entire course? Studying abroad at that cost per year is possible. However, when you take into account the total expenses, which include course fees, accommodation, food, travel, visa, and other costs, it might be more feasible to complete your MBBS in India.

I hope this clarifies your queries!

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Patrick

Patrick Dsouza  |879 Answers  |Ask -

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

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Career
Hi Sir, I am 41 years old. I've 15 years of experience in Finance (FP&A) domain. In last 2.5 years I have changed 3 companies due to lay off, Cultural misfit and latest one due to Personal and family issue. I quit my last job in Sept'24 (from Apr;24 to Sept'24). Due to some family issues, Lay offs, Challenges faced on the job I am feeling very low. I don't have any confidence left as a result don't want to return to work out of fear and anxiety. However, I also want to upskill myself and thinking of pursuing US CMA. But I am in dilemna that with around 15 years of work experience would it open any gates for growth opportunities going forward. Another dilemna that I am constantly fighting is to whether think of making a switch from Finance domain to Learning & Development domain. I have good communication & interpersonal skills and have always had a liking towards L&D domain. Now myself on a Career break I am not sure how to proceed further - Whether to pursue my Career in Finance and look for jobs in Finance domain and then gradually look to switch to L&D domain or Look for the opportunities only in L&D domain. I have an emergency fund that can take care of my expenses for next 6-8 months. Looking forward to your guidance that can help me bounce back in my career as I am feeling lost, depressed and Lack of Confidence at present in life. Thanks.
Ans: Learning is a continuous process. So doing a course in Finance should not be a problem. As far as getting into LnD domain, start with being a faculty in one of the colleges or can start with taking private tuitions. See if it suits you. If it does, then you can decide to make the switch.

...Read more

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