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Should I reconcile with my financially incompatible girlfriend?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello maam , I am 23 year old male . I met a girl online , instantly our vibe matched, we got attached and went into relationship. I broke up with her because I was not sure is this girl right for me or not. She is not much spritual, she is not much aspirational,I don't know I like her but there are things which are preventing me to take further steps. I think she will not be able to adjust with my family as we are from village area and she is from urban city and wealthy family and I am financially struggling now . I am a sole earner and have many responsibilities. Not sure what to do in this case. I broke up with her on February but I still misses her , she also misses me and she called me yesterday saying come again please. What should I do? I am confused

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I appreciate you for being so selfless and thinking about others. It was a wise and mature decision. If you think your family and her would not be a good match, and if you have to remain in a joint family setting after marriage, it's best not to pursue the relationship. It would be unfair to both you and her. I understand that you both miss each other now. While you will move on from this breakup, both of you will have to adjust forever if there are compatibility issues. She might find your step cruel and hurtful, but you should know you did it for the betterment of everyone else, despite how much it hurts you. It makes you a great man.

Best Wishes.

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am 23 year old male. I met a girl online , we talked attached and went into relationship. I met her thrice . I broke up with her because I am not sure whether she is right fit for me or not like our vibe matches , I enjoys her company but when I think about other things like will she be able to adjust with my family (my family is kinda orthodox) and she is from wealthy family. I am the sole earner in my family and not financially well in life right now. I am worried about future whether I can make it to marriage or not . I am not sure whether I have taken right decision of breakup or not. I broke up with her on February but I still misses her and she called me again after 6 months and telling me to come again . what to do , please anybody who can advise me . I will be so grateful to you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All these things should have been thought of before you broke up with her. Why now? This should have been discussed with her at that time...nothing has changed and she is still the same. So is the financial situation and the family situations...

So, what has to change is your mindset on all of this and you both need to be willing to work around all these challenges. If not, the relationship that you are going to pursue is going to be a stressful one...
If the two of you are serious on it, please sit down and talk about all the differences between both families, the differences between the two of you, what you agree and disagree on and how you are going to resolve all of this...Build your future and NOT worry about it...Have this honest chat and see where it all leads to!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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I'm 23old now I was in a 2yr relationship,she was from caste and we know each other since school time once we started our relationship it went well we were committed to each other but when shifted to her native place things got rough she started ignoring me and given reason of college. once her uncle found out about our relationship and told her father about us her father warned her not to talk with anyone then she refused to continue our relationship citing of not having future together now it's been three years now she moved on and I still don't what was her actual reason why she left me ....after one year of break up she contacted me and I assured her of getting government job and talk to her parents but she said she didn't have much time her father liked his friend son but she hasn't talk to him I don't know what to do I can't stop thinking about her everyday should I try again... please help me
Ans: Dear Saurav,

I understand the appeal of trying once again, starting over. The relationship you shared with her was comfortable and familiar. We are all drawn to comfort and familiarity. But, are you sure she is still the person you fell in love with? It's been some time since you two have been together. People grow, and change. If you do want to give it another try, I suggest meeting up in person or spending enough time together to understand if you two are still compatible. Next, she has left you once for her family; while we understand the pressure, the reality is still the reality- she chose her family over you. You should discuss the matter before getting into the relationship once more. Even if you successfully start over, it would be naive to expect things to be just as they were before- some things will be better and some different. Go ahead only after you acknowledge all of these.

Best Wishes.

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Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
A bit long story I'm 21 student preparing for medical competative entrance exam for past 3 years (21-24).2 year ago this phase I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a girl I met in my class .But it didn't last long due to the problems created due to distance as she couldn't understand myself and I couldn't understand herself.so there was a misunderstanding and I couldn't hold on as I was in heavy pressure by exams and financial problems.so I couldn't handle and I felt like too early and broke up with her by losing my mind.she was completely disappointed as I didn't speak to her for more than an year due to one more year preparation.i missed her very much but I didnt tell her.I missed govt seat in border mark and the same year she got into a relationship with another guy in her class.i don't blame her. But I feel like my entire life is shattered and I couldn't move on from that girl till now.I couldn't concentrate on my career too.im kind of person who is always confident in all aspects but I have totally lost my mind .I can see that in an danger situation as age is running and family pressure, everyone of my classmates are far ahead of me I couldn't withstand this situation and couldn't make proper decision in any aspect. Mam please help me out.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |682 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I am 40yrs old. Having monthly takehome salary of 1.1 lakh and rental income of 36000. My investment are 2 flats worth of 1cr. 4 plots in Bhubaneswar worth of 2crs. EPF balance 50 lakh, LIC policies worth of 16 lakhs, NPS worth of 10 lakhs. My monthly saving commitments are - EPF (employee+employer) 28000 NPS 15000 MF 7500 Gold scheme 5000 Financial burden - HL emi of 24000 Monthly expanses 50000 I would like to retire at 50. Please advise for retirement plan with life expectancy of 80yrs.
Ans: Hello;

The value of your investments after 10 years;

A. EPF Corpus+Contribution: 1.6 Cr
B. NPS Corpus+Contribution: 53 L
C. MF(sip) + Gold(sip): 25 L
D. Real estate (land): 3.26 Cr

So sum of A, C & D gives us a corpus of 5.11 Cr

Since you will withdraw NPS before 60 age 80% of corpus will go into annuity while 20% will be available to you.

So you may expect monthly income of around 21 K from annuity(42.4 L).

Balance 10.6 L get added to 5.11L taking your total corpus to ~ 5.2 Cr.

If you invest 5 Cr in a conservative hybrid debt fund and do a SWP at the rate of 3%, you may expect a monthly income of around 1.1 L(post-tax).

Add your monthly rental income of 36 K(No growth factored) and annuity income of 21 K to this and you have total monthly income of 1.67 L after 10 years.

Your current monthly expenses of 50 K after 10 years would be around 90 K and 1.6 L after 20 years.

Considering return of around 7-7.5% from the conservative hybrid debt fund you will still generate inflation adjusted return at 3% SWP after 80 years of age.

Assumptions:
Inflation rate-6%
Return from EPF-8%
Return from NPS-9%
Return from MF-10%
Return from gold-7%
Return from Land-5%
Annuity rate-6%

The spare flat is not considered in this because it will continue to yield you rental income in retirement.

Since real estate(land) returns may fluctuate over 10 years suggest to increase MF sip(6X) as a back-up, also in this case you may decide to retain & invest in NPS upto 60 age.

Of course MF returns are also not assured but you are improving the odds by backing two appreciable assets(RE & equity) over long-term.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Money
My age 62, male, getting rental income Rs. 90k nett. Already subscribing 12.5k in PPF for the past 2 1/2 years. No other investments. My target is 5 crores in 10 years. I already have Mediclaim Rs.50 lakhs for me & wife . Please advice me what to do.
Ans: Your current financial foundation is strong and shows promise:

A rental income of Rs. 90,000 per month provides consistent and predictable cash flow. This stability can serve as the backbone for your investment strategy.

PPF contributions of Rs. 12,500 per month for 2.5 years reflect disciplined saving. However, its returns may be insufficient to achieve a high-growth target like Rs. 5 crores in 10 years.

A robust Mediclaim policy of Rs. 50 lakhs for you and your wife ensures adequate health coverage. This safeguard allows you to focus on wealth-building without worrying about medical emergencies.

Despite these positive factors, achieving Rs. 5 crores in 10 years requires a carefully crafted and growth-oriented strategy.

Defining and Prioritising Your Financial Goals
Achieving Rs. 5 crores is ambitious yet achievable with a focused approach:

Define this target as your primary financial goal over the next decade.

Break it into manageable milestones: for example, Rs. 50 lakhs every 1-2 years in cumulative investments and growth.

Prioritise high-return investments that align with your risk tolerance and financial capacity.

Optimising Existing PPF Contributions
While PPF is a secure investment, its growth potential is limited:

Returns: PPF currently offers an interest rate of approximately 7-7.5%, which barely outpaces inflation.

Contribution Review: Consider capping your PPF contributions at Rs. 1.5 lakh annually (to utilise the Section 80C benefit). This ensures that excess funds are redirected to higher-return investments.

PPF can serve as a low-risk component of your portfolio but should not dominate your investment strategy.

Building a Diversified Investment Portfolio
A diversified portfolio will provide a balance of risk and reward. Include the following components:

1. Equity Mutual Funds for Growth
Equity mutual funds are essential for achieving high returns over the long term:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in established companies and offer stability with moderate growth. They are ideal for a portion of your portfolio to reduce risk.

Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Funds: These provide exposure to companies of all sizes, offering growth and diversification.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds: Avoid these unless you have a high risk tolerance and understand market dynamics.

ELSS Funds: These not only provide tax savings under Section 80C but also deliver market-linked returns.

Why Avoid Index Funds?

Index funds may offer simplicity and lower expense ratios, but they lack flexibility. They cannot adapt to market conditions or capitalise on outperforming sectors. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the potential to outperform the market, especially in a developing economy like India.

Start with a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in selected funds to build wealth steadily.

2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability
Debt funds add stability to your portfolio and reduce overall risk:

Choose funds with low credit risk and moderate duration to ensure safety and predictable returns.

Debt funds are suitable for short- to medium-term goals or as a fallback during market corrections.

Taxation Note: Both LTCG and STCG on debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. This should be factored into your planning.

3. Balanced Advantage Funds
Balanced advantage funds (BAFs) dynamically allocate assets between equity and debt. They:

Provide exposure to equity while minimising downside risk.

Offer a suitable option for someone nearing retirement but seeking growth.

4. Gold Investments for Diversification
Allocate a small portion (5-10%) of your portfolio to gold:

Gold serves as a hedge against inflation and currency depreciation.

Choose gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds for ease of liquidity and better returns.

Emergency Fund Creation
Having an emergency fund is non-negotiable:

Maintain at least 6-12 months of expenses in liquid investments like liquid mutual funds or high-interest savings accounts.

This ensures liquidity for unforeseen events without disturbing your long-term investments.

Focus on Retirement Planning
At 62, balancing growth and safety becomes critical:

Estimate your monthly retirement expenses, considering inflation over the next 10-15 years.

Your target of Rs. 5 crores should primarily serve as your retirement corpus.

Allocate assets thoughtfully:

60-70% in equity funds for growth.
30-40% in debt funds for stability.
Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain this allocation.

Strategic Tax Planning
Tax efficiency can significantly impact your returns:

Continue using Section 80C to its full potential, including ELSS funds and PPF.

Consider the National Pension System (NPS) for an additional Rs. 50,000 deduction under Section 80CCD(1B).

Be mindful of the new taxation rules for mutual funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%; STCG at 20%.
Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimise your tax strategy.

Regular Portfolio Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investing is not a one-time activity:

Review your portfolio every six months or annually to track performance.

Rebalance your asset allocation periodically to align with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Stay committed to SIPs even during market downturns, as this ensures cost-averaging.

Additional Suggestions
Avoid Over-Reliance on PPF
While PPF is safe, it is not sufficient for wealth creation. Shift excess contributions to equity-based investments for better returns.

Avoid Direct Stocks
Direct equity investing requires time, expertise, and constant monitoring. It carries higher risk and may lead to losses without proper research. Instead, rely on equity mutual funds managed by professionals.

Avoid Mixing Insurance and Investments
Do not invest in ULIPs or endowment plans, as they offer suboptimal returns. Stick to pure insurance products for protection and mutual funds for growth.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner
To achieve Rs. 5 crores, a well-crafted financial plan is essential. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can:

Analyse your current investments and recommend improvements.

Design a customised strategy tailored to your income, expenses, and goals.

Provide periodic reviews to ensure you stay on track.

Finally
Achieving Rs. 5 crores in 10 years is a realistic goal if you adopt a disciplined and diversified approach.

Optimise your PPF contributions and channel excess funds into higher-growth investments.

Build a diversified portfolio with equity and debt mutual funds.

Include a small allocation to gold and maintain an emergency fund.

Stay consistent with your SIPs and review your investments regularly.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalised roadmap.

By following these steps, you can secure your financial future and meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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