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Should I reconcile with my financially incompatible girlfriend?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello maam , I am 23 year old male . I met a girl online , instantly our vibe matched, we got attached and went into relationship. I broke up with her because I was not sure is this girl right for me or not. She is not much spritual, she is not much aspirational,I don't know I like her but there are things which are preventing me to take further steps. I think she will not be able to adjust with my family as we are from village area and she is from urban city and wealthy family and I am financially struggling now . I am a sole earner and have many responsibilities. Not sure what to do in this case. I broke up with her on February but I still misses her , she also misses me and she called me yesterday saying come again please. What should I do? I am confused

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I appreciate you for being so selfless and thinking about others. It was a wise and mature decision. If you think your family and her would not be a good match, and if you have to remain in a joint family setting after marriage, it's best not to pursue the relationship. It would be unfair to both you and her. I understand that you both miss each other now. While you will move on from this breakup, both of you will have to adjust forever if there are compatibility issues. She might find your step cruel and hurtful, but you should know you did it for the betterment of everyone else, despite how much it hurts you. It makes you a great man.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. 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My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 26 years old. Doing job in an Mnc, earning decent enough for me and my family. I had a breakup in my early 20s with my long term girlfriend from my school days, since then I am single. Last year I met a girl at the office gym, she works in a different department. We both speak the same language so she approached me and my friend and gave her number. Then we became good friends, used to hangout everything. Even though she had a boyfriend she used to get jealous seeing me with other female friends. 3 months back, her bf married to some other girl of his cast and dumped her. She had physical relationship with her bf as she told but i never had physical with anyone. She used to come and cry in front of me and asked me once as well whether i loved her or not. I ignored as i knew she is just seeing me as an option. Nowadays she is avoiding me a lot giving excuses like she is busy and all and I feel she went into a relationship and just breadcrumbing me because of attention. I also stopped giving her free attention and barely call. But my heart still miss her. I know I don't love her and don't wanna be with her in future as she is very manipulative but being very lonely myself with no friends she used to fill a void in my life. I want her presence, attention, and maybe want to do physical with her casually as she is that type of girl who can get laid easily with someone she likes. What shall I do? I am unable to move on from this and it is affecting my career. Also I want a stable relationship with whom I can have a good future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

The answer to your question is right there in the question. You do not want her; you want her attention which will feed your ego. It's not love and you know it. If you pursue a casual or serious relationship, chances are one or both of you will get hurt. Now, you mentioned that you want a stable relationship. You should start by focusing on that.

One more thing- it is not up to us to judge someone and call them names like "that type of girl." Wanting to hook up with her casually because you think she'll let you should then make you "that type of boy." These are baseless labels and it's best not to hurl these insults at people. Focus on yourself. Find a date- you can ask your friends to set you up, or family, or you can try out a dating app. Mention that you want a serious relationship; it can increase your chances of finding the right match.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am 23 year old male. I met a girl online , we talked attached and went into relationship. I met her thrice . I broke up with her because I am not sure whether she is right fit for me or not like our vibe matches , I enjoys her company but when I think about other things like will she be able to adjust with my family (my family is kinda orthodox) and she is from wealthy family. I am the sole earner in my family and not financially well in life right now. I am worried about future whether I can make it to marriage or not . I am not sure whether I have taken right decision of breakup or not. I broke up with her on February but I still misses her and she called me again after 6 months and telling me to come again . what to do , please anybody who can advise me . I will be so grateful to you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All these things should have been thought of before you broke up with her. Why now? This should have been discussed with her at that time...nothing has changed and she is still the same. So is the financial situation and the family situations...

So, what has to change is your mindset on all of this and you both need to be willing to work around all these challenges. If not, the relationship that you are going to pursue is going to be a stressful one...
If the two of you are serious on it, please sit down and talk about all the differences between both families, the differences between the two of you, what you agree and disagree on and how you are going to resolve all of this...Build your future and NOT worry about it...Have this honest chat and see where it all leads to!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 16, 2024

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Hii sir ! This is ritika and I love a boy and we are in relationship since 7 years but there are some behavior of him he always have doubt on me that I am dating another boy he always says that start you screenshare in WhatsApp I even do because I don't want to lose him and he saw all of things of my phone yesterday he again asking for that and I do and there was a tab of instagram which was belongs to my roommate it was her I'd open in my chrome browser where she only wants to delete the I'd which she did from my phone these instagram thing happened approx one year ago but when he saw this I told him that was not mine but he continuously said I am cheater I cheated with him again he was like I know you have two mobile phones and you cheated with me. I love him soo much but he cannot try to accept that . Even I don't talk to my male classmate because he didn't want ki main kisi boy se baat karu Is it fair , am I cheater ? I love him unconditionally I support him in all his career or decision but again he was like I cheated with him we are in long distance relationship but I can't cheat him . Literally I am feeling depressed ????
Ans: Dear Ritika,

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. Why would you even question yourself? You know you never cheated. It's his issue that he cannot trust. Yes, in a relationship we all try to comfort our partners but that too should be to a certain extent. And, in that process, if your mental health is being compromised, I don't see how it's a healthy relationship.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would reassure you that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You don't need to prove yourself anymore. And I can also assure you that no matter what you do, he will still manage to find some flaws and doubt you. It's a typical behavior we see in some partners. You deserve peace, love, and above all, to be trusted.

Best Wishes.

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