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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Samrat Question by Samrat on Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Hello ma'am hope you are fine and doing well! My question is regarding with your previous two question-answers. In 1st question a man's wife has confessed to him that she was in contact with another man and in second question a man discovered his wife was in relation with another man as she was feeling emotionally down. So my question is that how can be determined that our partner is cheating as many of us are in contact or talking to our friends from opposite gender. How can we draw boundaries because in both the above cases at first glance it doesn't seems wrong if they were just talking to another men . But still it is cheating. Please clear my doubts

Ans: Hello Samrat,
I am doing well, thank you for asking. hope you are doing well too, coming to your question determining whether a partner is cheating can be a sensitive and complex issue. It's important to recognize that the definition of cheating can vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship. What one person considers acceptable behavior may be seen as a breach of trust by another. Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. Clearly express your expectations, boundaries, and feelings to your partner. Discuss what each of you considers acceptable behavior and what constitutes a breach of trust. Setting boundaries collaboratively helps ensure that both partners are comfortable with the agreed-upon rules. If you have a gut feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. While intuition is not foolproof, it can be a valuable signal that something may need addressing. Trust your instincts but also approach the situation with a level-headed mindset. Cheating is not always about physical involvement. Emotional infidelity, where a partner develops a deep emotional connection with someone else, can be just as damaging to a relationship. Discuss how you both define emotional boundaries A healthy relationship often involves transparency. This doesn't mean constant surveillance, but it does involve being open about friendships, activities, and interactions. Hiding communication or being secretive may raise concerns. Trust is built on respecting boundaries. Make sure you're not excessively invading your partner's privacy without valid reasons. It's important to reflect on your own expectations and ensure they are realistic. While it's reasonable to expect honesty and faithfulness, being overly controlling or possessive can strain a relationship.

Remember, the key is to have open and ongoing communication with your partner. Building and maintaining trust is a continuous process that requires effort from both sides. If you have concerns, addressing them constructively rather than making assumptions is the best way to move forward.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |852 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

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Relationship
First of all, thanks for your answering my previous question. I am still unable to accept that a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage. Let this kind of situation happens with me . How will I proceed when I come to know that my wife is talking and meeting to another man even after my warning for (let say) more than 5 years and saying that she has not committed adultery ? Your answer will be appreciated
Ans: Dear Samrat,
I apologize if I am incorrect. But I seem to notice that you keep asking the same question in different ways. It will help if you actually state what is bothering you.
You not willing ;to accept a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage'? Is this about someone that you know? Or is it something that you want to know out of curiosity? If it is only a healthy debate that you seek, I suggest that there are other platforms that encourage answers and responses as a debate. You may want to ask these questions there.
If it is indeed about you having this problem with your wife, then ask so...also as Gurus, it becomes easy for us to address a person's challenge if they come straight to the point. I hope I am making sense.

Ifs and Buts in life are many...are you suspecting that your wife is in a relationship outside of marriage?
I ask because you have mentioned: How will I proceed when I come to know...does this mean that you know or you are expecting this or you have your doubts?
If you know, simply ask her...she does have the responsibility within the marriage to let you know of this.

If you don't know or are playing on your doubts due to your beliefs of: I am unable to accept that a woman getting involved despite warning...Then know that your lack of trust will kill your marriage...

So, my suggestion...do come to the point and ask your question directly. You will be able to leverage this platform better and find a path to your challenges.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |852 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |852 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Even if your marriage is a lost cause, this lady in question seems pretty unsteady and unsettled in what she wants. Constant drams will only keep you on your toes and more than having any peace of mind, all you will be a part of will be high range emotions most times.
Do you want this kind of drama and pull and push behavior?
Do you want to be in an unsettled state with her being unsure most times?
Do you want to part of her moods where she calls the shots with little or no respect for what you want?

I guess you have all the answers but are willing to compromise it for reasons known best to you. At the end of the day, the decision on this will be yours...decide wisely knowing how it affects you or how it is straining you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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I opened an NPS account in 2022 at the age of 68. Made investment of 50,000 each in the last two years to avail tax benefits. I no more require this tax benefit. Now I have completed 70 years. Can I withdraw the entire amount with accruals and close the account.
Ans: Congratulations on reaching 70! It's great that you opened an NPS account for tax benefits. Let's discuss your situation and withdrawal options:

1. NPS Withdrawal Rules:

Lock-in Period: NPS has a lock-in period until you turn 60 or retire from your regular job (whichever is earlier).

Partial Withdrawal: After 60, you can withdraw 60% as a lump sum and invest the remaining 40% in an annuity that provides regular income.

Full Withdrawal with Conditions: At 70, you can withdraw the entire accumulated corpus (your contributions and earnings) if it's less than Rs. 5 lakh.

2. Understanding Your Situation:

Full Withdrawal Possible: Since your total contribution is Rs. 1 lakh (2 years * Rs. 50,000) and you're 70, you can likely withdraw the entire amount with accrued interest.

Tax Implications: The entire withdrawn amount (including accrued interest) might be taxable as per your income tax slab.

3. Considering Alternatives (Optional):

Annuity for Regular Income: If you need regular income, consider using a portion of the corpus to purchase an annuity. This might provide a steady stream of income post-retirement.
Here's the key takeaway: You can likely withdraw the entire NPS corpus since it's less than Rs. 5 lakh. However, the withdrawal will be taxable. Consider consulting a tax advisor for specific tax implications.

Remember, financial planning is an ongoing process. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you make informed decisions about your retirement income and tax strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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I am 50 years old.I Want invest in sip for 5 to 7 years 20000 pm.which fund is preferable
Ans: Starting a SIP at 50 is a great decision! It shows initiative for your future. However, choosing the right fund depends on your goals and risk tolerance. Let's discuss some key points:

1. Understanding Your Goal:

Shorter Timeframe: A 5-7 year investment horizon is on the shorter side for aggressive wealth creation.

Risk and Return: Generally, higher potential returns come with higher risk. Carefully consider your risk tolerance for this investment.

2. Focus on Asset Allocation:

Asset Allocation is Key: The mix of investments (asset allocation) in your SIP is crucial. This depends on your risk tolerance and goals.

Debt for Stability: Debt Funds can provide stability and liquidity for your investment, especially closer to your investment horizon.

Equity for Growth: Actively managed Equity Funds have the potential for higher growth but also carry market risk.

**3. Considering a Mix (Hypothetically):

Hypothetical Example: A mix of Debt and Equity Funds might be suitable. Let's say 60% in Debt and 40% in Equity (this is just an example, your asset allocation may differ).

Review and Rebalance: It's important to review your portfolio periodically and rebalance if needed to maintain your target asset allocation.

4. Seeking Professional Guidance:

CFP for Personalized Plan: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can analyze your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to suggest a suitable asset allocation and recommend specific fund categories (not specific fund names).
Here's the key takeaway: Starting a SIP is a smart move! Consider a mix of Debt and Equity Funds based on your risk tolerance and goals. Consulting a CFP can help you create a personalized plan for your investment horizon.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. A CFP can guide you towards the right investment path for your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Sir I am working woman but want to invest for meeting my rent of 40 - 50k in future in gated community instead of owning by paying lot of home loan pl suggest STP plan for 25 lacs for 3 to 5 yrs after that I can get swp from it
Ans: That's a very innovative approach to financial planning! Using an STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) to build a corpus for future rent is a creative strategy. Let's discuss how to make it work:

1. Innovative Thinking!

Smart Financial Goal: Planning to invest for future rent instead of a home loan shows smart thinking. This avoids home loan EMIs and future property maintenance costs.

STPs for Goal Achievement: STPs are a good way to invest a lump sum in a Debt Fund and then periodically transfer a fixed amount to an Equity Fund for potentially higher returns.

2. Understanding STPs:

Debt Fund as Base: The lump sum will initially go into a Debt Fund, providing stability and liquidity.

Transfer to Equity: After a set period (say 3-5 years as you mentioned), a fixed amount will be transferred from the Debt Fund to an Equity Fund for growth potential.

3. Planning the STP (Hypothetically):

Target Corpus: To generate a rent of Rs. 40,000-50,000 in the future, you'll need a corpus that provides enough returns to cover that amount. Let's assume you need Rs. 1.5 lakh per month in 10 years (considering inflation).

Hypothetical Calculation: Assuming a 7% return on your Debt Fund and a 12% return on your Equity Fund (past performance is not a guarantee of future results), you might need to invest a larger sum than Rs. 25 lakh to reach your target corpus within 3-5 years.

4. Alternative Strategies:

Increase Investment Amount: Consider increasing the investment amount if possible to reach the target corpus faster.

Extend Investment Horizon: If increasing the amount is difficult, consider extending the STP tenure beyond 3-5 years to allow more time for corpus growth.

Professional Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can analyze your risk tolerance, investment goals, and suggest a suitable STP plan and target corpus based on future rent requirements.

5. SWPs for Income (Later):

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you've built the corpus, you can use an SWP to withdraw a fixed amount regularly (like rent) from the Equity Fund.
Here's the key takeaway: Your strategy is innovative! Consider increasing the investment amount or extending the timeframe. Consulting a CFP can help you determine the ideal corpus amount and create a watertight STP plan.

Remember, market returns are not guaranteed. A CFP can help you create a realistic plan and potentially achieve your goal of living rent-free in a gated community.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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I am 34 years old with no current loan. I am doing 20,000 monthly SIP in 4 MFs since 2018 and 25 lakh lumpsum in 5 MFs in 2021 wherein total value of the combined investement in MFs as of today is worth Rs 58L. I have invested in 10 stocks during COVID worth 97,000 which is now worth 1,98,000. Also i am investing in NPS at 20k per month and getting XIRR of 8% and current value is 13L. Other than this investing 1.5L per annum in PPF and 50,560 per annum in LIC jeevan anand 815. What else do i need to do to get 1 lakh per month at current value after 20 years keeping in mind the inflation for my retirement. I am married with no kids, but planning on having one. Have no loan, 1 vehicle and purchased land for house.
Ans: You're on a great track! Your disciplined SIPs, lumpsum investments, NPS contributions, and PPF investments show a strong foundation for your future. Let's discuss your plan and how to potentially reach your retirement goal:

1. Strong Start, Ambitious Goal!

Disciplined Investor! Regular SIPs, NPS contributions, PPF, and smart use of windfalls (lumpsum investment) show discipline.

Considering Inflation: Targeting an inflation-adjusted Rs. 1 lakh monthly income in 20 years requires a significant corpus due to inflation.

2. Understanding Your Investments:

Diversified Portfolio: Having MFs, stocks, NPS, PPF, and LIC shows some diversification, but the weightage needs review.

Actively Managed Funds: Your MFs are likely actively managed, where fund managers pick stocks to outperform the market. This approach can be beneficial but also carries risk.

3. Projecting the Future (Hypothetically):

Hypothetical Example: Assuming an average return of 12% (past performance is not a guarantee of future results) on your existing investments, you might not reach a corpus that provides an inflation-adjusted Rs. 1 lakh monthly income in 20 years.

Potential Shortfall: There might be a gap between your desired corpus and the potential accumulation. Consider these options:

Increase SIP amounts: If possible, consider increasing your SIP amounts across your Equity Funds to grow the corpus faster.
Extend Investment Horizon: If increasing SIPs is difficult, consider extending your retirement timeline (if possible) to allow more time for compounding.
Review Asset Allocation: A CFP can review your asset allocation (mix of investments) and suggest adjustments to potentially maximize returns.
4. Planning for the Future:

Factor in Child's Education: Having a child will add to your expenses. Plan for education costs alongside your retirement needs.

Review Life Insurance: Review your life insurance coverage (LIC Jeevan Anand) to ensure it meets your family's needs in case of an unfortunate event.
Insurance-cum-investment schemes
Insurance-cum-investment schemes (ULIPs, endowment plans) offer a one-stop solution for insurance and investment needs. However, they might not be the best choice for pure investment due to:
• Lower Potential Returns: Guaranteed returns are usually lower than what MFs can offer through market exposure.
• Higher Costs: Multiple fees in insurance plans (allocation charges, admin fees) can reduce returns compared to the expense ratio of MFs.
• Limited Flexibility: Lock-in periods restrict access to your money, whereas MFs provide more flexibility.
MFs, on the other hand, focus solely on investment and offer:
• Potentially Higher Returns: Investments in stocks and bonds can lead to higher growth compared to guaranteed returns.
• Lower Costs: Expense ratios in MFs are generally lower than the multiple fees in insurance plans.
• Greater Control: You have a wider range of investment options and control over asset allocation to suit your risk appetite.
Consider your goals!
• Need life insurance? Term Insurance plans might be suitable.
• Focus on growing wealth? MFs might be a better option due to their flexibility and return potential.


5. Consulting a CFP:

Personalized Roadmap: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can consider your risk tolerance, financial goals, and future expenses to create a personalized roadmap for your retirement.
Here's the key takeaway: You're making smart moves! Consider increasing SIPs, potentially extending your retirement timeline, consulting a CFP for asset allocation review, and planning for your child's education. A CFP can help you bridge the potential gap and create a roadmap to a secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 year old want to invest in mutual fund sip for 10 years and at the age 51 I want 5 cr
Ans: That's a positive step towards your financial future! Investing in SIPs for the next 10 years is a great approach. Let's discuss your goal and how to approach it:

1. Starting Strong!

Good Decision! Starting a SIP at 40 shows initiative. However, building a Rs. 5 crore corpus in 10 years is ambitious.

Market Performance Matters: Equity investments (like SIPs) can be volatile. Guaranteed returns are difficult to predict due to market fluctuations.

2. Understanding Your Goal:

Ambitious Target: A Rs. 5 crore corpus in 10 years requires a high investment amount or exceptional returns. Both have challenges.

Time Horizon is Key: A longer investment horizon allows for compounding and potentially reaching larger sums.

3. Let's Do the Math (Hypothetically):

Hypothetical Example: Assuming a hypothetical 15% annual return (past performance is not a guarantee of future results), a monthly SIP of Rs. 1,20,000 for 10 years could lead to a corpus of around Rs. 2 crore.

Reaching the Target: The above example shows a gap between your target corpus and the potential accumulation. Consider these options:

Increase SIP amount: If possible, significantly increase your SIP amount to reach your target faster.
Seek Professional Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can analyze your risk tolerance, investment goals, and suggest a personalized strategy to potentially maximize your returns and reach your target corpus.
Remember, reaching your financial goals requires discipline, potentially increasing your investment amount, and a realistic understanding of market returns. Consulting a CFP can help you create a roadmap that considers your risk tolerance and suggests strategies to get you closer to your goals.

Here's the key takeaway: You're on the right track! Consider consulting a CFP for a personalized plan and potentially adjust your target corpus based on a realistic investment approach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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