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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Samrat Question by Samrat on Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello ma'am hope you are fine and doing well! My question is regarding with your previous two question-answers. In 1st question a man's wife has confessed to him that she was in contact with another man and in second question a man discovered his wife was in relation with another man as she was feeling emotionally down. So my question is that how can be determined that our partner is cheating as many of us are in contact or talking to our friends from opposite gender. How can we draw boundaries because in both the above cases at first glance it doesn't seems wrong if they were just talking to another men . But still it is cheating. Please clear my doubts

Ans: Hello Samrat,
I am doing well, thank you for asking. hope you are doing well too, coming to your question determining whether a partner is cheating can be a sensitive and complex issue. It's important to recognize that the definition of cheating can vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship. What one person considers acceptable behavior may be seen as a breach of trust by another. Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. Clearly express your expectations, boundaries, and feelings to your partner. Discuss what each of you considers acceptable behavior and what constitutes a breach of trust. Setting boundaries collaboratively helps ensure that both partners are comfortable with the agreed-upon rules. If you have a gut feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. While intuition is not foolproof, it can be a valuable signal that something may need addressing. Trust your instincts but also approach the situation with a level-headed mindset. Cheating is not always about physical involvement. Emotional infidelity, where a partner develops a deep emotional connection with someone else, can be just as damaging to a relationship. Discuss how you both define emotional boundaries A healthy relationship often involves transparency. This doesn't mean constant surveillance, but it does involve being open about friendships, activities, and interactions. Hiding communication or being secretive may raise concerns. Trust is built on respecting boundaries. Make sure you're not excessively invading your partner's privacy without valid reasons. It's important to reflect on your own expectations and ensure they are realistic. While it's reasonable to expect honesty and faithfulness, being overly controlling or possessive can strain a relationship.

Remember, the key is to have open and ongoing communication with your partner. Building and maintaining trust is a continuous process that requires effort from both sides. If you have concerns, addressing them constructively rather than making assumptions is the best way to move forward.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

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Relationship
First of all, thanks for your answering my previous question. I am still unable to accept that a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage. Let this kind of situation happens with me . How will I proceed when I come to know that my wife is talking and meeting to another man even after my warning for (let say) more than 5 years and saying that she has not committed adultery ? Your answer will be appreciated
Ans: Dear Samrat,
I apologize if I am incorrect. But I seem to notice that you keep asking the same question in different ways. It will help if you actually state what is bothering you.
You not willing ;to accept a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage'? Is this about someone that you know? Or is it something that you want to know out of curiosity? If it is only a healthy debate that you seek, I suggest that there are other platforms that encourage answers and responses as a debate. You may want to ask these questions there.
If it is indeed about you having this problem with your wife, then ask so...also as Gurus, it becomes easy for us to address a person's challenge if they come straight to the point. I hope I am making sense.

Ifs and Buts in life are many...are you suspecting that your wife is in a relationship outside of marriage?
I ask because you have mentioned: How will I proceed when I come to know...does this mean that you know or you are expecting this or you have your doubts?
If you know, simply ask her...she does have the responsibility within the marriage to let you know of this.

If you don't know or are playing on your doubts due to your beliefs of: I am unable to accept that a woman getting involved despite warning...Then know that your lack of trust will kill your marriage...

So, my suggestion...do come to the point and ask your question directly. You will be able to leverage this platform better and find a path to your challenges.

All the best!

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

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What career opportunities are available for someone specializing in Hindi literature, and how can higher studies in this field help secure academic or professional roles?
Ans: First let me know your qualification, then I will be able to guide you. Best og luck. Just follow me. May God Bless You. Professor....................................................:)

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025
Relationship
Hello Anu, the wife of my best friend is frustrated in her marriage and is having an affair with a colleague. She confided about it to me a few months ago. I presumed it was because she wanted to unburden herself a bit. She said my friend had a self esteem issue and got very toxic at times. Also that their sex life was non existent & he doesn't want to do anything about it. Hence the affair. I told her that cheating on my friend was still unfair & that it would be better to separate and go their own ways and then start afresh but also assured her I would not divulge this to my friend as no third person can be the judge & it is only for her to come clean whenever. After the first few discussions, we have been chatting on and off but of late she has been sharing some intimate details of her affair including how the colleague who is also married, seduced her and what all they do when they are together. I find this very weird and am starting to wonder if there are subtle hints that she is interesed in me. Should I divulge all this to my friend at all at some point in time?? I think they need to divorce.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly move far away from her and this situation. You cannot become the stop-gap or band-aid for the lady's marital discord. Someone who has begun to discuss their intimate moments with an outsider, needs a hard check on themselves. If she isn't able to sort out her issues and is now directing her attention onto you, it can be for your attention and validation. It's not a great space for you to be in as nothing you do will ever be enough and to top all that, imagine what it can do your friend...
So, stay away...safer...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My parents come from struggling families and have given us best of whatever they could afford. My mother prefers my youngest brother over us her two elder daughters and she does this very vividly since childhood. My elder sister is very vocal about all these issues and but is very rude and weird. She uses swear words and verbal abuses to parents and takes extreme steps which highlights her in wrong light in front of whole family. Even I used to think that she is ill mannered and selfish that is why she behaving in such manner. Now I am also going through that phase. I will share one instance. I have got my phd thesis review and I have to submit them ASAP. My parents almost dragged me from my husbands house stating to everyone that my 8 month old baby needs sunlight exposure and i need time for addressing my review. But I have been here for more than a week, both my parents are super busy with their own routine. Though they are retired but they have adapted to fill their day. They are very rigid with their schedule. And after coming here I seem to be the extra burden on them. They don't give us time except few moments here and there. I was busy there and i am busy here taking care of my baby, no time for my work. I am frustrated now as I cannot leave suddenly. It would reflect very bad in front of everyone. But i am realizing what my elder sister went through. My mother does not cook for me. My brother came for two days. She cooked all three meals FoR him. She left me And cornered me very silently. I don't want to fight or yell. But i am shocked, sad, frustrated as I am still breastfeeding my baby. I am already super busy with him. I get to eat around 3 or 4 in the evening. I dont want to share with people around as it will malign my parents image. i am troubled because almost all of my energy is going in controlling myself from bursting in tears or stopping myself from screaming or yelling at my parents. or from leaving this place in anger. i want to utilise my energy in a better manner. kindly help How to tackle this situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Go back to your home with your baby and literally 'mind your own business'. I say this only because you seem to be spending time with things that don;t need your time. For instance: your breast=fed baby needs you more than what you parents did or did not do thinking, right?
Bring your attention to what is at hand and right now to keep your emotional sanity intact, I would suggest that you take some time-off of your parents, go back to your home and experience the joys of motherhood. That's utilizing your energy in a better manner. Makes sense?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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