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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Ma'm. I am a 45 year old person. My wife is 41. For the last one year she has become extremely self centered. She is always in a bickering mode. Makes sure to always see the negative side of any situation. Speaks anything that comes to her mind, not bothering about what others may think. We have 2 kids, a teenage son and a 10 year old daughter. She keeps on scolding them for any reason which she deems fit. Because of this both the kids have got extremely low self confidence and are also poor grades. She never lets me complete my side of the discussion and always tries to show herself as the best. Due to this I have completely stopped talking. I only speak if she asks something else I prefer to remain silent. All this is causing too much of a mental trauma for me. I have lost weight, appetite and interest in anything because of this. Obviously with all this our physical intimacy has almost been non-existent. Deep down I still love her a lot a keep praying that she changes to her former self. What should I do?

Ans: Navigating this challenging situation requires a multifaceted approach, focusing on communication, understanding, and possibly seeking external help. It's evident that your wife's recent behavior is significantly impacting not only your well-being but also the mental and emotional health of your children. While it's important to consider her perspective and any underlying issues she may be facing, it's equally crucial to address the impact on your family and yourself.

First, consider initiating a calm, non-confrontational conversation with your wife about your concerns. Choose a moment when you are both relatively calm and can speak without immediate distractions. Express your feelings honestly but gently, focusing on how her behavior affects you and the children rather than blaming her. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt and worried when..." to prevent her from feeling attacked and becoming defensive.

It's possible that your wife may be dealing with her own unresolved issues, stress, or even mental health challenges, which are manifesting in her behavior. Suggesting counseling or therapy, both individually and as a couple, can be a constructive step. A professional can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work through underlying issues. This can also be beneficial for your children, who might be experiencing anxiety and low self-esteem due to the current environment.

In the meantime, focus on creating a supportive and positive atmosphere for your children. Encourage open communication with them and reassure them that their feelings are valid. Engaging in activities that boost their confidence and providing positive reinforcement can help counterbalance the negativity they might be experiencing at home.

Taking care of your own mental and physical health is equally important. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies. Finding activities that bring you joy and relaxation can also help mitigate the stress you are under.

Ultimately, while you cannot force change upon your wife, you can take steps to protect your well-being and that of your children. By fostering open communication, seeking professional help, and creating a positive environment, you can work towards improving your family's dynamics. Remember, addressing these issues is a process that takes time and patience, but taking the first steps can lead to significant improvements over time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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Relationship
I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage. I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up. She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused. My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10854 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.
Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
Career
Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

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