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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |551 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2024
Relationship

Hello mam I am really having trouble in my family right now I am like studying and also I go to academy and school I am 14 years old my father is forcing me to marry someone and that someone has has a nice job but I will love with someone who is in my academy and when I told my father about him he refused and said that there is no need to go in that Academy and I begged him to not do that and the person I am love with doesn't do a job and also is the same age as me so I told my father so many times that I don't want to marry that person because I am in love with someone else so how can a person marry someone who he doesn't even love I know my parents my father want the best for me but you know what I want to say

Ans: At 14, your focus should be on growing, learning, and discovering yourself. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires emotional maturity, stability, and readiness—things that naturally come with time. It’s okay to tell your father, calmly and firmly, that you’re not ready for marriage yet, regardless of who the person is. Try to express that your education and personal growth are priorities for you now, and marrying too young could prevent you from living the life you want in the future.

When it comes to the person you care about, those feelings are also important, but it’s worth remembering that both of you are still very young. Your emotions are real, but your focus on education and future goals should remain central for both of you right now. If this connection is meaningful, it can grow naturally over time without the rush or stress of marriage.

If speaking directly to your father feels too difficult, is there a trusted adult, family member, teacher, or counselor who can help you communicate your feelings? Sometimes having someone else explain your perspective can make all the difference.

Above all, you deserve to feel heard, respected, and supported in your choices. You’re not alone, and this is not a battle you have to fight by yourself. Take it one step at a time, and remember, your voice and dreams matter.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 nd he is 28 we wanna marry eachother and we love eachother alot maam he comes from a hindu family and i come from a christian family in my family there are 16 members who have had love marriages nd are happy in their respective lives but when it comes to me my parents and my family always force me to get married to a guy of their choice i have been dealing with all this since 1 year i took help of my relatives also who have had love marriages but no body is ready to listen to me and they r threatening to kill my boyfriend im not at all happy with all this situations maam im getting panic attacks nd not able to sleep peacefully at night my family r calling my bf nd threatening to kill him im crying begging pleading but no body is supporting me or listening to my words nd my entire family r brainwashing me to leave my bf and get married to a christian guy my mom always let my family get interfere in my personal and professional life and seperate me from my career nd my bf they did it maam now my mom and my family r not letting me focus on my career and my mom forcefully bought me to my native place nd took my mobile also nd not letting me see my bf meet him or talk to him and not letting me work and my parents nd my family are mentally harassing me everyday to leave my bf maam what should i do plz help
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What can you do? Your family is still living under the rock. Your phone has been taken as well! There is no way for you to even consult with your boyfriend and sort the issue out, I guess.
The only thing I can think of is your safety and his at this point in time. You really need to think of what your family is doing; what are these threats? Are they for real?
If there's a way to communicate with your boyfriend, tell him to lay low for a while and you do the same. At times, giving slight rest to a problem can allow people around to become a bit calmer after which you can possibly talk to them and then come to a decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |792 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Career
I've joined offline PW coaching this year and having no guidance at all i didn't knew the ground reality of coachings and stem subjects. I've already spent 1 lakh for 2 year course and now coaching is just draining and managing it with school where coaching is not helping at all even tho they're tied up with the school which is resulting in backlogs. I'm unable to manage self study time to actually focus because if my basics aren't clear then how am I supposed to do the advanced ones. I'm thinking to leave the coaching, there's also a lot of pressure and demotivation from parents as they think I'm the one causing the problems but if I had known about it then I wouldn't have chosen coaching at all, I don't have any issues with the subjects I chose for me as I do I want know and learn them but not this way with issues where even the teachers are not supportive
Ans: Assess the Value: Reflect on whether the coaching sessions are enhancing your understanding of subjects or if they're contributing to confusion and backlogs. If the latter is true, it may be worth reconsidering your enrollment.

Discuss with Stakeholders: Communicate your concerns with your parents and, if possible, the coaching administration. They might offer solutions such as adjusted schedules or additional support.

You can do self study with the help of online material. PW and khan academy have free online martials. In my opinion self study is the best way of learning. On an average you have study 8 to 10 hours per day.

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