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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2024
Relationship

Hello mam I am really having trouble in my family right now I am like studying and also I go to academy and school I am 14 years old my father is forcing me to marry someone and that someone has has a nice job but I will love with someone who is in my academy and when I told my father about him he refused and said that there is no need to go in that Academy and I begged him to not do that and the person I am love with doesn't do a job and also is the same age as me so I told my father so many times that I don't want to marry that person because I am in love with someone else so how can a person marry someone who he doesn't even love I know my parents my father want the best for me but you know what I want to say

Ans: At 14, your focus should be on growing, learning, and discovering yourself. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires emotional maturity, stability, and readiness—things that naturally come with time. It’s okay to tell your father, calmly and firmly, that you’re not ready for marriage yet, regardless of who the person is. Try to express that your education and personal growth are priorities for you now, and marrying too young could prevent you from living the life you want in the future.

When it comes to the person you care about, those feelings are also important, but it’s worth remembering that both of you are still very young. Your emotions are real, but your focus on education and future goals should remain central for both of you right now. If this connection is meaningful, it can grow naturally over time without the rush or stress of marriage.

If speaking directly to your father feels too difficult, is there a trusted adult, family member, teacher, or counselor who can help you communicate your feelings? Sometimes having someone else explain your perspective can make all the difference.

Above all, you deserve to feel heard, respected, and supported in your choices. You’re not alone, and this is not a battle you have to fight by yourself. Take it one step at a time, and remember, your voice and dreams matter.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: It's important to acknowledge the complexity of the situation and the depth of your emotions. In such circumstances, finding a balance between honoring your own feelings and respecting your family's concerns can be incredibly difficult.

First and foremost, your safety and well-being are paramount. Threats of harm, whether directed towards yourself or others, are never acceptable and should be taken seriously. If you ever feel physically or emotionally unsafe, it's crucial to prioritize your own protection and seek support from trusted friends, family, or authorities.

In terms of navigating your relationship with your parents, open communication and understanding can be key. Despite the challenges, expressing your feelings to them in a calm and respectful manner might help them better comprehend your perspective. Sharing your thoughts, desires, and the reasons behind your choice may help bridge the gap between your differing viewpoints.

However, it's essential to approach these conversations with realistic expectations. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and societal expectations is a gradual process, and it's possible that your parents may not immediately come around to your point of view. In such cases, setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being may be necessary. This could involve limiting contact or seeking support from external sources such as counselors or support groups.

Ultimately, the decision to run away or to continue trying to convince your parents depends on your individual circumstances and what you believe is best for your future. Take the time to reflect on your values, priorities, and long-term goals. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who can offer guidance and encouragement as you navigate this challenging situation. Remember, you have the right to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your life, even if it means diverging from traditional expectations.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

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Money
I have 20 lakhs in my account and a house in my name. At present I am not earning. I have taken SBI Life smart wealth builder with installment of 1Lakh, for 12 years and premium payment term of 7 years. Applicable tax rate is 18%. I also invested in MF and taken a health insurance. I am thinking if it would be wise to continue with the SBI life. If I close SBI life and invest that in MF will it be beneficial for me? I have taken a break from my career due to health issues, and planning to continue with my job soon with an expected income of 40-50k. I am 50 years old. I need to take care of my son's (18 years) higher studies and plan for my retirement.
Ans: You are in a transitional phase with important financial goals. Let’s assess your options to make informed decisions.

Assessing SBI Life Smart Wealth Builder Policy
High Cost of Policy: The policy includes administration charges, fund management fees, and taxes of 18%.

Limited Returns: ULIPs often provide lower returns compared to actively managed mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: Your policy locks funds, restricting liquidity for immediate goals.

Surrender Value: Check the surrender value. Early surrender might lead to penalties and reduced returns.

Potential Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, often outperform ULIPs over time.

Flexibility: You can withdraw funds based on your needs, offering better liquidity.

Diversification: Mutual funds provide exposure to different asset classes, reducing risk.

Cost Efficiency: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner minimises hidden charges and optimises returns.

Managing Your Rs. 20 Lakh Corpus
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 5-6 lakhs in liquid funds or fixed deposits for emergencies.

Education Planning: Allocate funds in short-term debt mutual funds or recurring deposits for your son’s higher studies.

Retirement Corpus: Invest the remaining amount in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Adequacy: Review your existing health insurance to ensure sufficient coverage.

Planning Your Income Resumption
Once you resume work, save at least 20-30% of your income.

Prioritise retirement contributions alongside education planning.

Use surplus income to reduce financial dependency on investments.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds provide tax benefits but watch for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh (taxed at 12.5%).

Surrendering ULIP: Check tax implications on surrender proceeds. ULIPs offer tax exemption if premiums don't exceed 10% of the sum assured.

Health Insurance: Claim Section 80D deductions for premiums paid.

Strategic Steps Forward
Review the policy surrender value. If penalties are high, consider continuing till break-even.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed portfolio review.

Set realistic timelines for education and retirement goals.

Maintain separate funds for short-term needs and long-term growth.

Finally
Your proactive approach will create a strong financial foundation. By reallocating your resources wisely, you can secure your son’s education and your retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: Retirement is a significant phase of life, and your financial decisions now will shape your future security and lifestyle. Let’s analyse your situation and investment choices.

Assessing Your Current Position
You have a retirement fund of Rs. 2 crore, which is substantial.

Your pension adequately covers your and your spouse’s living expenses.

Your spouse’s earnings provide an additional safety net.

You own a flat in Delhi and have health insurance coverage.

You have no immediate financial dependency, as your daughter is well-settled.

Should You Invest in Real Estate?
Avoid investing Rs. 2 crore in another flat, even if it is in your building.

Real estate offers low liquidity, making it harder to access funds in emergencies.

Rental income might not justify the high capital investment, considering property management costs and potential downtime.

Real estate lacks diversification compared to other investments, increasing risk.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a secure option offering fixed returns for retirees.

Invest up to the permissible limit for predictable and regular income.

It is a low-risk investment backed by the government.

2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (MIS)
Post Office MIS provides guaranteed monthly income.

It is another safe choice for retirees with capital preservation as a priority.

Returns, though lower, are steady and reliable.

3. Bank Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits (FDs) offer fixed returns and flexible tenures.

Senior citizen FDs provide slightly higher interest rates.

Split the funds across different banks for better safety and liquidity.

4. Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds for moderate growth and stability.

Actively managed funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner can optimise returns.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns while equity offers growth potential.

Avoid direct funds due to their complexity and the need for constant monitoring.

5. Liquid Funds and Emergency Reserve
Allocate a portion to liquid funds for quick access in emergencies.

These funds are more effective than savings accounts for parking surplus money.

Maintain an emergency reserve for at least 24 months of expenses.

6. Inflation-Protected Investments
Some funds and bonds are designed to protect against inflation erosion.

These investments ensure your purchasing power remains intact over time.

Tax Considerations
Plan investments to minimise tax liabilities under your income bracket.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Capital gains from equity investments over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Fixed deposit interest is taxed as per your income slab. Plan withdrawals accordingly.

Succession Planning and Gifting
Consider creating a detailed estate plan to avoid future legal hassles.

Set up nominations and update wills to ensure smooth wealth transfer.

You may gift small amounts to your daughter or grandchildren under tax-free limits.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund wisely ensures peace of mind and financial stability. Opt for a diversified approach balancing safety, liquidity, and moderate growth. Avoid locking all funds into real estate to keep your portfolio flexible. Thoughtful planning now will safeguard your golden years and your family’s financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?
Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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