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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pawan Question by Pawan on Apr 11, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello , I m presently in a relation with a girl aged 29 years from 6 years and my age is 37 running , now she is getting married with some one in her cast as said by her parents and she is telling that she can not give trouble to her parents with our relations, so i m now depressed and cant handle the situation , she is confirming me to continue the relation after her marriage , so what to do kindly suggest

Ans: Dear Pawan,
Kindly respect her decision even if it seems to be something that she is doing for her parents. If she was strong enough, she might have told them much earlier but she chose not to.
And for her to suggest continuing the relationship after marriage only suggests that she wants the best of everything. Understand the consequences of this request of hers; being connected with a married woman is to cause a mess in her life and yours as well.
Let her move on with her life and kindly move on to make yours as well. You deserve a shot at being happy, so choose that.
Rebuild your life as she moves on with hers. This will simplify and clarify your life and make you feel more settled:)

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu We are In a relationship for 7 years and in my family they have accepted her as she frequently visits my home and meet my family members .She was trying for the past 2 years to convince her father but now her father is not even listening about our relationship and her mother though likes me doesn’t want to go against her husband . Her father said her that he wont be the part of her marriage and her life if she marries me .As a result my lady doesn’t want to go against her parents and be with me . Though she can’t live without me but she doesn’t want to hurt her parents and for that she is ready to leave me and go as per her parents and marry someone else.she has accepted that , her life will be hell as well as the person she will be marrying .Kindly suggest me what to do coz i cant imagine my life without her .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes the reason for someone not liking you maybe a silly one.
Maybe her father wanted to find a boy for your lady or he wanted time to get to know the person. Try and find out from her what exactly bothers her father about you or the marriage. It can be frustrating to dig into this BUT hey, do what you have to, to make the relationship work, yeah?
A humble attempt in that direction where her father can see you for who you are and understand why his daughter actually loves you might go a long way not in just his acceptance in you but also pave the way for a better connection between him and you.
And oh, ask you lady not to give up...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

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Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Me married from last 5years. But from last 10months me and my wife having disputes. Any reason
Ans: One possibility is communication breakdown. Over time, couples may fall into patterns where they no longer communicate as openly or effectively as they once did. Misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or unspoken feelings can lead to tension and disputes. It’s important to reflect on whether you both are expressing your thoughts and emotions clearly and listening to each other with empathy.

Another potential factor could be unmet needs or changes in individual priorities. As people grow and evolve, their needs, desires, and priorities may shift. If these changes are not acknowledged or discussed, it can create friction. Consider whether you or your wife feel that certain emotional, physical, or practical needs are not being met.

Stress from external factors, such as work, finances, or family issues, can also spill over into the relationship. If either of you is experiencing significant stress, it might contribute to increased irritability or conflict. Identifying these stressors and finding ways to manage them together can be helpful.

Changes in intimacy or connection can also lead to disputes. Emotional or physical intimacy might wane due to various reasons, such as busy schedules, health issues, or unresolved conflicts. It’s important to nurture the bond and find ways to reconnect.

Lastly, unresolved past issues can resurface and cause ongoing disputes. If there are lingering resentments or unresolved conflicts, they might continue to affect the relationship. It’s crucial to address these issues constructively, possibly with the help of a couples counselor if needed.

Reflecting on these areas and having open, honest conversations with your wife can help you both understand the root causes of your disputes. Working together to rebuild communication, connection, and trust can guide you toward a healthier, more harmonious relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Im married from last 3 months and we are from very conservative family. My wife and i never met before marriage and after marriage i asked her she had relationship before marriage but she denied. But after 3 months i received a call from her ex that she had relationship with him he had physical relationship with her atleast for 5 years straight and she had 2 bf before him too what should i do now with this information?
Ans: allow yourself to process your feelings. It's normal to feel a range of emotions—shock, hurt, confusion, or even betrayal. Give yourself the space to sit with these emotions without rushing to any immediate decisions or confrontations.

Consider the source of this information. An ex-partner might have motives that are not aligned with the best interests of your marriage. It's crucial to evaluate the credibility of the information and not act solely on a third-party account.

Open, honest communication with your wife is key. Instead of approaching the conversation with accusations, try to express your feelings and concerns calmly. Let her share her perspective and feelings. This conversation is not just about the past, but about building trust and understanding in your relationship moving forward.

Reflect on the importance of your wife's past in the context of your marriage. Everyone has a history, and it's essential to consider how much weight you want to place on past relationships versus the present and future you are building together. Focus on your current connection, values, and shared goals.

If this information continues to weigh heavily on you, consider seeking professional support. A couples counselor can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and help you both navigate this challenge. Counseling can also strengthen your communication, trust, and emotional intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision on how to move forward lies with you both. Reflect on the foundation of your relationship, your shared values, and your vision for the future. It's about understanding, forgiveness, and whether you both are committed to growing together despite the challenges.

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