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Anu Krishna |830 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi

Hello, I do follow you from sometime and thought to ask you...NO... share my inner turmoil and get some suggestions.... DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT ? I am 35 year old, unmarried female, I work in small firm, living a good life with my family. I am happy being single and don't have any thought about getting married sooner. Actually that something strange.... is it ? Sometime I wonder if I am going to regret today's decision of being single ? of not having a family of my own? It scare me sometime.... I always say I won't be regretting it because it’s the best what I can do for myself now BUT... Also, recently one of my relative is pregnant - seeing her and think about the child, I feel connected to babies... So, It also come to mind I won't be able to experience it.... Though I am freaking shit scared of the whole thing... but a new born child of your own... it give such a good feeling. I know I can adopt and will if, but it not an easy thing in India ... the procedure are a lot. Also i am not that financial stable, belong to lower middle class family, unmarried, aged.... One more thing that i found strange about me is.... I am never get attracted toward man or woman (LOL) physically or emotionally.... I don’t feel like my body/ heart/mind need it.... That one big reason I never thought of marriage.... I can't ruin a persons life by getting married to him even after knowing... I will never be able to become his wife completely; RIGHT ? I don't feel any thing about physical relationship... not good not bad. It a big part of married life - some thing that MUST. I also sometime wonder may be with time as duty i will accept it, may be like it..... but that a whole experiment thing... I know my personal space it quite bigger... when I actually start thinking about it i found out i never show love or emotions physically to anyone..... like hugging your parents siblings... giving kiss to kids... patting animals... holding friends hand.... anything I don't do it... So I am sure the experiment is going to fail... I may become a good support but never a good partner. Man are different when it come to physical relation, I have read a lot of your posts, It clearing say - It mean a lot to them So, I found my decision of not getting married correct.... Baby I don’t thing I am at a stage to handle it now... but sure love them... I sound like a hypocrite wanting and not wanting...it's so confusing. Is any thing wrong with me.... I am overly emotional too....i carved care and support... but I am not a lonely person, has a very beautiful happy family. There are no questions just if you can say something in reply.... My thoughts confuse me a lot, your view on it may help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How many thoughts do you want to handle at one go?
1. You feel connected to babies but at this stage you can't handle
2. You want to adopt but you worry about procedural difficulties
3. You don't want to get married as you feel that not being attracted will ruin someone's life
4. You don't want a physical relationship
5. Your personal space matters a lot to you
6. You can't show physical affection to anyone
7. You are overly emotional
8. You crave care and support
In all of this, I still want you to think:
- What is it that I actually want?
- What is it that I am actually good at within the family?
- What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships?
- What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis?

Your challenge/issue is that you choose to focus on what you don't want and that keep you in a confused state for long. Instead focus on what you want and what can help you get to that place; this can be the beginning of clearing confusions...So, if your thoughts confuse you, then shift focus to better thinking by answering the above questions...it will be a good place to start...

All the best!

Asked on - Jan 09, 2024 | Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Thank you for kind reply... I found the answers to your question... Suggest me the way to follow -What is it that I actually want? Happiness, Respect and Peace. - What is it that I am actually good at within the family? Shield - that what I can feel.. though I am not that strong now.. I was when I was young always ready to fight against the wrong. (My father is no more with us, he expired when I was 13). from that point on I take the role of being on guard - to protect- to be their strong façade. -What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships? Still finding. - What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis? I will go with flow... wait for the right time and person to come. So right now I will put a pause on both the topic of marriage and kids. I will live happily with the peoples, relations and kid I have now. If in future to life can be added to my happy circle... i will welcome it with open arms, if not its okay. ( Somebody told me recently Okay to enough sometime you don't need more to be happy). so do you think I am going correct ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that you have managed to spend time on reflection which is where you will find all your answers to challenges in life.
When the time is right for marriage or a relationship, you will know it...until then, just do what makes you happy and keeps you happy and let this not be dependent on someone else or someone else validating you. Just be happy on your own and when you come across someone who you feel can be your life partner, then make a move on that...
Be in your own space and happily in it...

All the best!

Asked on - Jan 15, 2024 | Answered on Jan 16, 2024

Thank you :)

Ans: You are most welcome...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |830 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Question by JV - Nov 01, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu I am 30 years old. I have done LLB and was not interested to practice in court so I tried to get a private job but I didn't get any. Then I decided to start preparing for a government job but I missed it. I started to doubt myself. I even had suicidal thoughts this was started when I was very little something happened to me when I was 16 since then I tried to kill myself and also tried to get involved with one of my friends in college. He liked me so much so we started having relationship. When intimacy started I became nervous and afraid. It is like itching. I want to run and hide in a safe place. He was very firm and honest and humble but didn't work out. After that so many proposals came. I declined. Now my family wants me to marry. I don't know if the husband would understand and give me some time to get involved with him. I don’t know what life after marriage would be. I am a girl with absolutely no achievement and am not proud of anything in my life. My parents are disappointed in me but they never show. What should I do? Pls do not disclose this

Ans:

Dear JV,

It’s possibly the incident that happened to you (which I understand that you haven’t shared here) is preventing you from having a fulfilling life.

I can only say that the incident happened in the past, but you are living it even now.

You were a victim in that incident, but to continue to play the victim even now is to give your power away.

How can you be happy by giving your inner power away every day and every moment?

Reclaim your life.

What’s happened can be blurred by moving away from that incident and reminding yourself that you are far away from the past and in the NOW.

Be grateful to what you have in the present
Make a list of your strengths
Write down your goal clearly by stating by when you want to achieve it

Remember bringing your past into the current time robs you of any goodness; professionally or personally.

So, to see something change, change the way you feel about your past.

Step out of the victim mode and become a person who has the power to change things at will.

I am sure you want to see how this pans out for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Step up and bring that newness of thought into your life.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023Hindi

Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.

Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am 40 years old (current allocation is 61% equity and 39% debt+cash in a 2.52 cr portfolio) and used to do SIPs in mutual funds until March 23, 2020 when market crashed. I used to follow someone on YouTube and he was of the opinion that Nifty will touch 6000 and it is better to wait for those levels and then continue investing in direct stocks/MFs. However, that level never came and the market rebounded and since then I've been parking funds in FDs which give around 7% returns pre tax. As on today, I realised Nifty is at all time high now. How can I invest the 70 lakhs parked in FDs in mutual funds now? Should I do lumpsum in HDFC Sensex index fund/Quant smallcap fund/Quant midcap fund since although the market is at all time high, but eventually the money will grow at 12% CAGR (in case of index fund, more in case of active funds like Quant smallcap or Quant midcap) or should I go the SIP route and invest this 70 lakhs in HDFC Sensex index fund/Quant smallcap fund/Quant midcap fund over a period of 3-5 years in equal SIP instalments?

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Since the market is currently at an all-time high, lump-sum investing might seem daunting. However, attempting to time the market based on past predictions can be risky and challenging. Instead, consider a systematic approach to gradually deploy your funds over time.

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What are the best equity funds for lumpsum investment for 10 years?

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi

Mu sge is 47 Ihave 3.6 cr worth of Microsoft shares. 1.1 cr in PF n PPF . 1.3 cr in FDs. My momthly exp are 1.5 lkh . I want to retire soon. Please suggest best way to invest (with low medium risk apetite) to get 1.5 lkh

Ans: Considering your substantial assets and monthly expenses, retiring comfortably is certainly within reach. To maintain your current lifestyle post-retirement and generate a monthly income of 1.5 lakh, you'll need to deploy your assets wisely.

Equity Investments: Given your low to medium risk appetite, consider allocating a portion of your assets to diversified equity mutual funds or index funds. These investments offer the potential for growth over the long term while spreading risk across various sectors and companies.
Debt Investments: Given your risk appetite, you may also consider investing in debt instruments such as high-quality corporate bonds or government securities. These provide stability to your portfolio while generating a steady income stream.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): With a significant portion of your assets in mutual funds and other investments, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) to generate a regular income stream. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount at regular intervals while keeping your investments intact.
Real Estate: Depending on your preferences and market conditions, you may also explore investing a portion of your assets in rental properties or real estate investment trusts (REITs) to generate additional income.
Tax Planning: Optimize your tax liability by considering tax-efficient investment options such as tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), tax-free bonds, and other tax-saving instruments.
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Consult a Financial Advisor: Given the complexity of your financial situation and the importance of retirement planning, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation.
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Question by Tauhid - Mar 20, 2024Hindi

Hello sir , I am investing in below mutual funds through SIP. ICICI balanced Advantage 2K HDFC Balanced Advantage 3K Tata Midcap and Largecap 3K Nippon India Small Cap 2K Motilal Midcap 2K ICICI Prudential Commodities 5K Quant Small Cap 5K Is it good funds for long terms ( Horizon of 8/10 years) ? I want to invest more 10K in SIP then which fund should I chose ? Thanks

Ans: Your selection of mutual funds reflects a diversified approach across different categories, suitable for a long-term horizon of 8 to 10 years. However, let's evaluate each fund's characteristics and consider additional options for your increased investment.

ICICI Balanced Advantage and HDFC Balanced Advantage funds offer dynamic asset allocation, making them suitable for investors seeking a balanced approach to growth and risk management. Tata Midcap and Largecap Fund provides exposure to both mid-cap and large-cap stocks, potentially capturing growth opportunities across market segments.

Nippon India Small Cap and Motilal Oswal Midcap funds focus on smaller companies with growth potential, while ICICI Prudential Commodities Fund offers exposure to commodities, diversifying your portfolio further.

Quant Small Cap Fund targets small-cap stocks, enhancing growth potential but also increasing risk due to volatility associated with smaller companies.

Considering your desire to invest an additional 10k in SIP, you may want to consider adding a fund that complements your existing portfolio. A diversified large-cap fund or a flexi-cap fund could offer stability and growth potential. Alternatively, you could consider an international equity fund to diversify globally.

Before making any decisions, it's essential to assess your risk tolerance, investment objectives, and the suitability of the new fund within your overall portfolio. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance based on your financial situation and goals.

Overall, your current selection of funds appears suitable for long-term wealth creation, and adding a complementary fund can further enhance diversification and growth potential. Keep monitoring your investments regularly and stay informed about market trends to make informed decisions.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Question by pramod - Mar 24, 2024Hindi

Hi sir,I am 40 years old, my goal is retirement with 5 cr. I am investing 25k through SIP in the following Funds. 5k- icici pru bharat 22fof 5k-motilal oswal mid, 5K-Quant large and mid, 5k-Nippon Small cap 5k-Quant small cap, All Direct Funds. Investment Horizon - 20 to 22 Years. Goal -please check my portfolio,Wealth Creation, Risk Appetite- High. Please advise if I should pause or continue with these mutual funds.

Ans: Your investment approach demonstrates a proactive mindset towards achieving your retirement goal. With a high-risk appetite and a long investment horizon of 20 to 22 years, you've chosen funds that align with your objectives.

Your portfolio consists of a mix of funds across various market caps, providing diversification and potential for growth. However, it's essential to periodically review your investments to ensure they remain aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Given your high-risk appetite, the funds you've selected appear suitable for wealth creation over the long term. However, consider monitoring their performance regularly and adjusting allocations if needed. Additionally, stay informed about economic and market trends that could impact your investments.

As you progress towards your retirement goal, you may consider rebalancing your portfolio periodically to maintain an optimal mix of assets. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights and guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

Overall, your proactive approach to investing and commitment to long-term wealth creation are commendable. By staying disciplined and informed, you're on track to achieve your retirement goal of 5 crores. Keep nurturing your investments, and they're likely to flourish over the years ahead.

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