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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
D Question by D on Jan 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Thank you for kind reply... I found the answers to your question... Suggest me the way to follow -What is it that I actually want? Happiness, Respect and Peace. - What is it that I am actually good at within the family? Shield - that what I can feel.. though I am not that strong now.. I was when I was young always ready to fight against the wrong. (My father is no more with us, he expired when I was 13). from that point on I take the role of being on guard - to protect- to be their strong façade. -What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships? Still finding. - What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis? I will go with flow... wait for the right time and person to come. So right now I will put a pause on both the topic of marriage and kids. I will live happily with the peoples, relations and kid I have now. If in future to life can be added to my happy circle... i will welcome it with open arms, if not its okay. ( Somebody told me recently Okay to enough sometime you don't need more to be happy). so do you think I am going correct ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that you have managed to spend time on reflection which is where you will find all your answers to challenges in life.
When the time is right for marriage or a relationship, you will know it...until then, just do what makes you happy and keeps you happy and let this not be dependent on someone else or someone else validating you. Just be happy on your own and when you come across someone who you feel can be your life partner, then make a move on that...
Be in your own space and happily in it...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I do follow you from sometime and thought to ask you...NO... share my inner turmoil and get some suggestions.... DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT ? I am 35 year old, unmarried female, I work in small firm, living a good life with my family. I am happy being single and don't have any thought about getting married sooner. Actually that something strange.... is it ? Sometime I wonder if I am going to regret today's decision of being single ? of not having a family of my own? It scare me sometime.... I always say I won't be regretting it because it’s the best what I can do for myself now BUT... Also, recently one of my relative is pregnant - seeing her and think about the child, I feel connected to babies... So, It also come to mind I won't be able to experience it.... Though I am freaking shit scared of the whole thing... but a new born child of your own... it give such a good feeling. I know I can adopt and will if, but it not an easy thing in India ... the procedure are a lot. Also i am not that financial stable, belong to lower middle class family, unmarried, aged.... One more thing that i found strange about me is.... I am never get attracted toward man or woman (LOL) physically or emotionally.... I don’t feel like my body/ heart/mind need it.... That one big reason I never thought of marriage.... I can't ruin a persons life by getting married to him even after knowing... I will never be able to become his wife completely; RIGHT ? I don't feel any thing about physical relationship... not good not bad. It a big part of married life - some thing that MUST. I also sometime wonder may be with time as duty i will accept it, may be like it..... but that a whole experiment thing... I know my personal space it quite bigger... when I actually start thinking about it i found out i never show love or emotions physically to anyone..... like hugging your parents siblings... giving kiss to kids... patting animals... holding friends hand.... anything I don't do it... So I am sure the experiment is going to fail... I may become a good support but never a good partner. Man are different when it come to physical relation, I have read a lot of your posts, It clearing say - It mean a lot to them So, I found my decision of not getting married correct.... Baby I don’t thing I am at a stage to handle it now... but sure love them... I sound like a hypocrite wanting and not wanting...it's so confusing. Is any thing wrong with me.... I am overly emotional too....i carved care and support... but I am not a lonely person, has a very beautiful happy family. There are no questions just if you can say something in reply.... My thoughts confuse me a lot, your view on it may help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How many thoughts do you want to handle at one go?
1. You feel connected to babies but at this stage you can't handle
2. You want to adopt but you worry about procedural difficulties
3. You don't want to get married as you feel that not being attracted will ruin someone's life
4. You don't want a physical relationship
5. Your personal space matters a lot to you
6. You can't show physical affection to anyone
7. You are overly emotional
8. You crave care and support
In all of this, I still want you to think:
- What is it that I actually want?
- What is it that I am actually good at within the family?
- What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships?
- What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis?

Your challenge/issue is that you choose to focus on what you don't want and that keep you in a confused state for long. Instead focus on what you want and what can help you get to that place; this can be the beginning of clearing confusions...So, if your thoughts confuse you, then shift focus to better thinking by answering the above questions...it will be a good place to start...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu... Am 39 and single woman with no income. Not working. Dependent on family. Did my MBA . I don't know what's happening in my life. Donno what to decide and how. Where to start. When to start. What to start. Should I 1st start earning or get married. I lost all my life bcz of my negligence and family issues. Never had a happy n peaceful day in my life. Something or other will be in family n life. Am not strong enough to take bold decisions. And lead my life independently. I want my family to be happy. My mom and dad's is love marriage but they didn't have a best life so even we children never had happy moments. But mentally very much attached to family. Can't live without them. What should I do? Am interested in marriage but alliance have huge demands and now am aged. People think am not good looking so I didn't get any proposal. I don't believe in love eventually I never supported love marriage of my friends and cousins. Ofcourse they are having best life. Now I feel alone.. I want to earn my bread. I want a family. I want to be married and enjoy family life too... Please help...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Life and it's highs and lows are what makes us, breaks us and then makes us back again.
It is okay to be confused BUT it is not okay to wander about without making a decision which only leads to believe that life is hard.
What are the things that you have been wandering about?
- Marriage or being in a relationship
- Becoming financially independent
- Putting your degree to good use
- Stepping beyond home and family to create a life

Now, you have begun to think of it and maybe it frustrates you that it's too late. But better now than never...
Push your boundaries and first do something that can give you a WIN. That will boost you to take on challenges in every area of your life that you have possibly been avoiding.
No life or nothing is created or built without challenges.

The key question for you is: Have I been avoiding failure which is the reason for me to wander and not make a few decisions that would have helped me?
Start somewhere and a WIN in an area that you have control over, is what I suggest you start at...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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Then doctor asked her why she stopped and what I said, my wife said that he is asking for female staff and doctor said “I am a doctor and I am not having female staff and there is nothing male and female in doctor’s consultation” my wife got convinced and told me that we are continuing with this doctor and I also shaked my head as consent sign but not aware with the upcoming surprise and then she open her upper body part and doctor did the check up by pressing or whatever doctor does. And I was not ready for this So, I am still in trauma due to this, but I don’t want her to show her body to any male doctor. That picture comes again and again in my eyes. I don’t want to break my relation with wife, because we married 20 years before and we have 2 daughter and I love her too much. But she has disobeyed me and obeyed that doctor. I am in a trauma. What should I do to come out of this trauma. Please let me know.
Ans: To address your trauma, start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. Express your emotions calmly, without blame, so she can understand the depth of your discomfort and help you work through it. It's also crucial to recognize that trust and mutual respect are fundamental in any relationship. Your wife’s decision was likely driven by her need for medical care, not a desire to hurt or disobey you.

Consider seeking professional help for yourself. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings, work through the trauma, and develop strategies to cope with intrusive thoughts. They can also help you understand the importance of medical privacy and the necessity of certain procedures, which may ease your discomfort over time.

Additionally, you might want to explore couples counseling. This can help both of you navigate this situation together, rebuild trust, and strengthen your relationship. Remember, your goal is to maintain a loving and supportive partnership, and professional guidance can be instrumental in achieving that.

Your love for your wife and your desire to keep the relationship strong is evident. By addressing these feelings head-on and seeking support, you can move towards healing and maintaining the bond you cherish.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7548 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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Money
I'm 35 years old. I want to invest INR 65000 for retirement at 50 years old. My current expenses 65000 per month. Please guide me.
Ans: Retiring at 50 with your current lifestyle requires a carefully crafted investment strategy. Here’s a detailed guide tailored to your goal.

Step 1: Define Retirement Corpus Requirement
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs. 65,000.
Inflation Adjustment: At 6% inflation, your expenses will increase significantly by 50.
Retirement Corpus: The corpus must sustain you for at least 30+ years post-retirement.
Lifestyle Goals: Include travel, medical emergencies, and aspirational expenses in calculations.
Step 2: Asset Allocation Strategy
A balanced mix of equity and debt instruments can help grow your wealth steadily while minimizing risks.

1. Equity Mutual Funds (70% Allocation)
Why Equity? High growth potential to beat inflation over the long term.
Recommended Categories: Flexi-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds.
SIP/Investable Amount: Invest Rs. 45,500 monthly in equity mutual funds.
2. Debt Instruments (30% Allocation)
Why Debt? Stability and regular income during volatile markets.
Recommended Options: PPF, short-term debt mutual funds, or NPS (Tier I).
SIP/Investable Amount: Allocate Rs. 19,500 monthly.
Step 3: Include Inflation Protection
Inflation reduces the value of money significantly over time.
Your retirement corpus should grow faster than the inflation rate.
Equity exposure helps overcome inflation impacts effectively.
Step 4: Ensure Tax Efficiency
1. Equity Mutual Funds
Tax Rules: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
Action Plan: Use annual redemption to manage gains below taxable limits.
2. PPF and NPS
Tax Benefits: Both offer tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
Lock-in Period: Ensure alignment with your retirement timeline.
Step 5: Emergency Fund Creation
Build an emergency fund equivalent to 12 months’ expenses (Rs. 7.8 lakh).
Park it in liquid funds or a high-yield savings account for quick access.
Step 6: Health and Risk Coverage
Health Insurance: Ensure adequate coverage to avoid depleting investments during medical emergencies.
Life Insurance: Use a term plan to secure your dependents until you achieve your retirement goal.
Step 7: Regular Portfolio Reviews
Review your portfolio every six months.
Rebalance based on performance, changing goals, and market conditions.
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for optimized asset allocation.
Step 8: Additional Recommendations
Avoid Real Estate: Illiquid and high transaction costs make it unsuitable for your timeline.
Avoid Direct Investments: Opt for regular plans via mutual fund distributors guided by a CFP.
Diversify Investments: Explore international mutual funds for added growth.
Step 9: Incremental Contributions
Increase your SIP amount annually by 10-15% to align with income growth.
This ensures your corpus grows significantly over time.
Finally
Achieving financial independence by 50 is ambitious but achievable. Consistency in investments, inflation-adjusted growth, and regular reviews are critical. Focus on disciplined execution of the outlined plan for a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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