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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
GV Question by GV on Nov 01, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam, I have come to know about you through an article I read online. I am mailing you regarding my problem. Please make it anonymous.
I'm married for 10 years. I have a son who is 6 years old.
After my delivery, my husband distanced me. Since then, we use to fight a lot. Both of us are abusive and there is no physical relation between us.
I told the same to my parents, and they suggested that I adjust keeping in mind the society and asked me to try for a job to deviate my mind.

Once I checked my husband phone and there was a history of homosexual p**n videos. When I asked him the same, he refused.
There is no happiness and only fights. I have even made suicidal attempts and was admitted to the hospital for taking expired pills.
I’m an old traditioned woman, unable to move out of marriage as I can’t handle being alone.
At the same time, I am unable to understand my husband’s behaviour.
He is saying he will be like that only, If you want you can stay or leave.
He will not tell me anything about his family – when his father passed away due to covid, he left home without telling me. I knew about it from other relatives.

Ans:

Dear GV,

Thank you for reading my content. Hope it helps.

I can only imagine the trap that you are in. So, why are you choosing to be trapped even further?

  • Do you see any scope in your husband changing?
  • Do you know anything about his sexual orientation?
  • Do you feel that the two of you can rebuild your marriage?

If the answer to the above is NO, then time to break out of your so-called traditional mindset.

Do you really want to live in this set-up and have your son grow up unstable?

I am sure that as a mother you do want to provide him with a stable and loving environment.

Then, you need to think differently about your old beliefs and see if they are worth holding onto.

The older generation might have held onto marriages even if they were abusive. But things have changed.

Even if you are not financially independent, there are venues to change that. You only need to change the way you think.

Check with yourself if continuing this way is going to give you anything great in return or is it going to steal your spirit away.

The choice is yours but do know that you have a son to take care of as well.

Start by gaining a good circle of supporters that includes your parents and close friends who can help you through this massive change to enable you take charge of your life.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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Relationship
I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir/Madam I'm going through a rough time of my life and want some help from you I am a professional and 48 years old and I have 2 grown up children My problem is that I had a love marriage with my husband22 years back and his family didn't accept me whole heartidly since we belong to different castes and culture .they wanted to take advantage of me financially My husband has strained his relationship with my mom n only sister after my father's death in 2008 over money matters Me, my husband and children live in a house provided by my parents in a different city from my inlaws They always create differences between us still Now another problem has cropped up in our relationship I spied on my my husband's mobile n discovered tha that he has sex chats with other women and is involved in mastrubating sessions with them over phone I am completely broken from inside n not able to decide what to do coz when i confronted him , he flatly refused n fought with me and started putting false allegations on me .I am quite disturbed as i dont want to end my marriage eventhough he behaves very bad with me at times Kindly advice me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you know that you want this marriage still, then the best way to not be hurt and strained around him, is to:
Either:
- Ignore what's happening and what he's doing and he leads his life and you lead yours (This is not easy, let me warn you!)
OR
- Live separately; you are financially independent and have your home to live in; he can go live with his parents and see if this works

Sadly, you married someone who has not learned to appreciate his partner and is perhaps playing to his own insecurities. It's totally on him and why I say that you are not to blame is: the fact that you still want to continue in this marriage, you may have to face more of this humiliation and hurt. If this is your decision, you really need a very steely interior and a facade that can face it all.
Yes, counseling is an option for him and the two of you as couple, BUT I don't see that in him as yet...Instead of addressing his wife's hurt and pain, he has refused to acknowledge what he's been up to. It doesn't say a lot about him to me.
So, strengthen yourself into your decision and check the two choices above and see what works best for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025
Relationship
Hi sir I don't know from where to start but it happened in this way ,I was from a reserved family with orthodox thinking.so I did love marriage in other caste (we were classes friends)after 17 years I am realising that my husband wants to dominate me ,he talk to me in bad way,he shouts on me ,he let me work but he ask money whenever he needs n pay me nothing. He trigger me in small thing, give me taunt n his mother n sister supports me .I am living in my mother in law house n I have two sons .This mental harassment is increasing day-by-day. He never paid for any of my expense.I m scared what to do to leave him n live my life or to live with him n ignore .what society will say .what to do I don't know. Feeling trapped pl suggest me what to do?
Ans: it's important to recognize that your well-being and safety, both emotional and physical, are paramount. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect or to live in an environment where they feel demeaned or controlled. The constant shouting, taunting, and lack of financial support are serious issues that should not be ignored, as they can significantly impact your mental health and sense of self-worth.

Your feelings of being trapped are compounded by societal expectations and the fear of judgment. However, it’s crucial to remember that society’s opinions should not dictate your happiness or well-being. Living in a situation where you’re constantly subjected to mental harassment can have long-term detrimental effects on your mental health and overall quality of life. It’s natural to fear what others might say, but your peace of mind and the well-being of your children should take precedence.

The support of your mother-in-law and sister-in-law is a positive aspect, but it seems that your husband’s behavior continues to be a source of distress. It’s essential to have a candid conversation with them about your feelings and explore whether they can help mediate or influence change in his behavior. However, if his actions persist and there’s no willingness on his part to change or seek help, you might need to seriously consider your options.

If you’re contemplating leaving, it’s important to plan carefully. This might include seeking legal advice to understand your rights, especially concerning your children and financial support. You could also consider reaching out to a counselor or support group for emotional guidance, as they can provide you with the strength and clarity to make decisions that are best for you and your sons.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave is deeply personal and should be made based on what you believe will bring you the most peace and stability. It’s not an easy choice, and it requires a lot of courage and self-reflection. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and creating a healthy environment for yourself and your children is not selfish—it’s necessary. Whatever path you choose, know that you have the right to seek happiness and to live a life free from harassment and control.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Money
Hello I am 51 years old with 14 years old Son and my spouse is not working. I am working with a Pvt Publishing company with salary 90000/ month but job is not stable. In my 28 years working , I couldn't saved much with other liabilities and circumstances . Now my son is in class 8 and I am still in rented house . I am afraid of coming future since I am not able to save anything. My overall monthly income exceeded to 80000 including my son's education, School fees , House Rent and other house hold expenses. Kindly suggest me how to save more and secure my future
Ans: You have shown great responsibility in raising your family on a single income.

At 51 years, your focus now should be financial security and your son's future.

Your son's education and your retirement both need careful planning from here.

Let us understand how to plan your future with limited income but strong commitment.

Your Current Financial Snapshot
You are 51 years old, with a 14-year-old son.

Your spouse is not working, so you are the only earner.

Your job is in the private sector and not stable.

Monthly income is around Rs. 90,000.

Monthly expenses are touching Rs. 80,000.

You are staying in a rented house.

You are unable to save due to high expenses.

Let us address each concern in a simple, practical way.

Step 1: Create a Small Monthly Surplus
Without surplus, saving is not possible.

First identify all your fixed expenses.

Note down your rent, fees, bills, groceries, transport etc.

Then write all variable or non-essential expenses.

These include outings, subscriptions, online shopping etc.

Keep these expenses under control.

Aim to reduce total monthly spending by Rs. 5,000.

If needed, shift to a slightly cheaper rented house.

This is not about sacrifice, it is about safety.

Step 2: Start a Basic Emergency Fund
Your job is not secure.

Emergency fund is your safety cover.

Save 3 to 6 months of household expenses.

This money must be separate and easy to access.

Keep it in a separate savings account or liquid fund.

Don’t touch this for regular spending.

Build this fund slowly over 6 to 12 months.

Even Rs. 3,000 a month is fine to start.

Step 3: Secure Your Family First
Life insurance is very important at this stage.

You must have a pure term plan.

It should cover at least 10 times your annual income.

If you already have expensive LIC or ULIP policies, stop them.

Surrender those plans and reinvest in mutual funds.

Your family must get protection if anything happens to you.

Do not depend on employer insurance alone.

Also take basic health insurance for you and family.

Step 4: Start Small but Regular Investments
Don’t wait for big savings to start investing.

Start SIP with even Rs. 2,000 per month.

Use actively managed mutual funds through a CFP.

Avoid direct funds, they give no guidance.

Regular plans through Certified Financial Planner give support and review.

Don't invest in index funds.

Index funds just follow the market, even when it crashes.

Actively managed funds adjust better in ups and downs.

Step 5: Focus on Retirement Planning
Retirement may come earlier due to job risk.

You must create your own pension system.

Start SIPs in long-term growth mutual funds.

Don’t wait till son's college is over.

You cannot borrow for retirement.

But you can borrow or get scholarships for education.

Secure your retirement with discipline.

Any salary increase should go into SIPs.

Step 6: Prepare for Son’s Education Wisely
Your son is in Class 8 now.

You have 4 years to plan his higher education.

Create a goal for his college needs.

Don't aim for high-expense private colleges if unaffordable.

Explore central universities, state quota, scholarships etc.

Education loan is a better option than using retirement money.

Guide your son on skill-based courses and cost-effective education.

Talk openly with him about money limitations.

Step 7: Review Your House Decision
At this stage, buying a house is not urgent.

Don’t take a big loan for a home now.

Focus should be on savings, not EMI.

Rent is temporary. Savings are permanent.

You may buy a house later when situation is better.

Don’t consider house as investment.

It locks money, gives low return and creates liability.

Step 8: Create an Annual Financial Calendar
Every month, set one small financial task.

Example: January – review expenses.

February – update term insurance.

March – increase SIP amount.

April – track son’s education cost.

May – recheck emergency fund.

Follow this rhythm each year.

This brings control and confidence.

Step 9: Upskill or Create Secondary Income
Try to learn new skills related to your publishing work.

See if you can do freelance editing or writing.

Try to earn small extra income from hobby or skill.

Even Rs. 3,000 to Rs. 5,000 extra helps monthly.

Encourage your spouse to try small work from home.

Every extra rupee saved or earned gives strength.

Step 10: Stay Away From Risky Options
Don’t invest in crypto or ponzi schemes.

Avoid chit funds and quick return ideas.

Never buy insurance plans with investment.

Focus only on safe and proven mutual fund SIPs.

Avoid direct funds, they mislead investors with no support.

Stick with regular funds guided by CFP.

You will get personal tracking and adjustment advice.

What You Must Not Do
Don’t feel late or regret the past.

Don’t stop children’s education for savings.

Don’t mix insurance and investments.

Don’t ignore retirement while saving for son.

Don’t depend on children for your old age.

Don’t compare your life with others.

What You Must Do Regularly
Track your monthly spending.

Save before you spend.

Review insurance and investment once a year.

Increase SIP every year.

Protect your health and peace of mind.

Finally
You have taken care of your family all these years.

That itself is a huge achievement.

From now, take one step at a time.

Cut small unnecessary spends.

Start saving even small amounts.

Secure your family with right insurance.

Begin SIPs in regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Don't fear the future.

Plan it, step by step, from today.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Money
Do Bengaluru Real Estate reduce the cost of a house/apartments in future ? I'm really surprise to see that People are keep on buying/investing on houses even though their earnings are less. What's the miracles behind these situations? Is this due to AI ? is there any regulatory on these real estate communities ?
Ans: Your question is very important and timely.

Let us examine it from different angles in a simple and detailed way.

You asked:

Will Bangalore real estate prices fall in future?

Why are people still buying homes even with low income?

Is Artificial Intelligence (AI) causing this?

Are there any rules to control builders and developers?

Let us evaluate these step by step and provide you with a 360-degree view.

Real Estate Prices in Bangalore – Will They Fall in Future?
Real estate does not move like stocks or mutual funds.

Property price changes are slow and unpredictable.

In Bangalore, price fall is rare but price stagnation happens.

Builders usually hold prices even if demand drops.

They prefer giving discounts or free items, not price cuts.

Bangalore is a tech city. Demand comes from many IT hubs.

Migrants and job seekers keep entering the city.

This creates long-term demand in selected areas.

But oversupply can create flat price growth in some zones.

Far-off areas with fewer buyers may see some drop.

But centre areas or prime suburbs stay stable or go up.

Real estate in Bangalore is influenced by job market and IT sector.

AI may change jobs, but not immediately reduce housing need.

Will Bangalore Prices Go Down Due to AI?
AI may reduce some jobs in the long term.

But new tech also creates new jobs.

People will still migrate to Bangalore for jobs.

Housing demand continues if employment exists.

AI doesn’t directly reduce house prices.

Cost of land and materials remains same or increases.

Builders won’t reduce price due to AI speculation.

So no, AI is not pushing prices down.

AI adoption may reduce certain roles, but housing need stays.

Why Are People Still Buying Houses Even with Low Incomes?
Some people buy from peer pressure.

Others buy due to social or family expectations.

Many believe rent is a waste of money.

Some buyers assume real estate will double in few years.

Some fear future prices may go higher.

Some people get help from parents or inherit money.

Builders also give many offers and small EMIs.

People don’t always calculate full cost of ownership.

Many ignore loan interest, taxes, maintenance, etc.

Some buyers use home loan EMIs to reduce tax outflow.

All these reasons create emotional decisions, not rational ones.

Are These Decisions Wise for Everyone?
Not really.

Without cash flow stability, buying a house creates risk.

Some people stretch beyond safe EMI levels.

They skip protection like insurance or emergency fund.

Job loss, medical emergency, or loan hike can cause problems.

It is risky to buy only for tax benefit.

Without proper planning, house buying leads to debt trap.

Is There Any Regulation on Real Estate Developers?
Yes.

There is a law called RERA – Real Estate Regulation Act.

It aims to protect buyers from builder fraud.

Builders must register projects under RERA.

They must declare timelines, approvals and costs.

Delay in possession can lead to penalty.

But enforcement is still weak in some cases.

Some small builders skip RERA or delay registration.

Buyers must verify RERA number and approvals.

Property papers must be verified by legal expert.

RERA helps, but buyer must still be alert.

What Should You Do Before Buying Any House?
First check your job security.

Next check your income stability.

Keep 3–6 months emergency fund ready.

Ensure no other major loans running.

Home loan EMI must not exceed 35% of income.

Add future expenses also like school or medical cost.

Don’t buy just because others are buying.

Buying without planning causes stress.

Buying House is Emotional – Make It Financially Smart
Everyone wants to own their own home.

It gives security and pride.

But emotional decision must match financial reality.

Your house should not create money problems.

It must not kill your savings or investments.

If you can’t afford now, wait.

Rushing into house buying leads to regret.

Why Real Estate is Not an Investment Option
Real estate has poor liquidity.

You cannot sell it quickly in need.

Cost of holding is very high.

You pay maintenance, tax, loan interest.

There is no regular income unless rented.

Rental income is only 2–3% of cost.

Real estate also has legal and paperwork risks.

Good areas are costly and low margin.

Average or low areas have risk of non-appreciation.

Mutual funds and SIPs are better for wealth building.

What Happens if Job Market Weakens in Bangalore?
Real estate may become unsold or under-occupied.

Builders may reduce new launches.

Resale flats may flood the market.

Rental rates may soften.

But prime areas still stay in demand.

So choose location wisely, not just price.

Steps Before Buying Any Property
Check RERA registration of project.

Ask builder for all documents.

Compare prices in nearby projects.

Don’t believe only advertisements.

Visit actual site during working hours.

Talk to residents if resale property.

Check age of construction and resale history.

If You Still Wish to Buy – Do This
Don’t use all your savings for down payment.

Keep some cash for emergency.

Take property loan only after financial health check.

Consult Certified Financial Planner for proper budgeting.

Plan your insurance, cash flow and future savings.

Don’t Delay Mutual Fund Investing
Many people delay investing due to property buying.

But investment must run in parallel.

Mutual funds grow money faster than property.

SIPs create discipline and wealth.

Avoid direct funds.

Direct funds give no guidance or support.

Regular plans via MFD and CFP are better.

You get long-term hand-holding.

Also, active funds outperform index funds.

Index funds don’t manage downside.

They copy the market, including all losses.

In tough times, actively managed funds adjust better.

You get better return and less stress.

Final Insights
Bangalore real estate is unlikely to crash.

But price appreciation is not guaranteed.

Don’t buy emotionally or blindly follow others.

Every house buyer must check cash flow first.

Don’t compare your decision with neighbours.

Most people stretch loans without future planning.

Artificial Intelligence is not the main reason.

It’s lifestyle pressure and FOMO – fear of missing out.

RERA provides regulation, but buyer must stay cautious.

Never invest fully in property, keep diversification.

Mutual funds with CFP guidance create real wealth.

Property is shelter. It is not an investment.

Take your time. Think in all directions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2025
Money
Have EPF Amount of 14 Lakhs. Is withdrawing a good Idea for clearing of my current loan amount of 18 Lakhs (Land Loan (13.5L) + Vechicle Loan(3.5)) approx. and Zero Cash in Hand and looking for a house to buy. Buying a 2nd Hand House is good or should go for 1st Hand House in Bangalore?
Ans: Let us assess your situation in a complete and structured way.

You have:

EPF of Rs. 14 Lakhs

Loan of Rs. 18 Lakhs (Land Loan Rs. 13.5L + Vehicle Loan Rs. 3.5L)

Zero cash in hand

Planning to buy a house in Bangalore

Let us review this in multiple aspects to give you a 360-degree perspective.

Understanding the Role of EPF
EPF is your retirement backup.

It grows with compounding over long term.

Interest earned is tax-free.

Withdrawals reduce your retirement strength.

Once you withdraw, building back is tough.

You lose long-term compounding power.

Use EPF only when there is a real need.

It is not ideal to treat EPF like an emergency fund.

It gives security when regular income stops.

Analysing Your Current Debt Position
Your total loan is Rs. 18 Lakhs.

Land loan of Rs. 13.5L is not tax-benefit eligible.

Vehicle loan of Rs. 3.5L is high interest and no tax benefit.

Carrying both loans with zero savings is risky.

Loan EMIs strain your monthly cash flow.

Risk increases if job or health issues arise.

Emergency fund is totally missing.

Clearing loan can give mental and financial peace.

Should You Use EPF for Loan Closure?
Withdrawing EPF reduces future security.

But having high debt and no cash is worse.

Compare risk of debt stress vs. EPF withdrawal loss.

If interest rate on loans is high, paying them off helps.

But EPF is not enough to clear Rs. 18 Lakhs fully.

You will still have a Rs. 4 Lakhs gap after withdrawal.

That again pushes you into zero buffer stage.

Instead, partial payment of high-cost loan is better.

What is the Better Loan to Close First?
Vehicle loan is not productive.

It depreciates and has no future value.

Clearing vehicle loan first is a smart step.

Land loan stays as asset, though not income-generating.

Use part of EPF to pay off vehicle loan.

The EMI of vehicle loan can then be saved monthly.

Create emergency buffer from that saving.

Importance of Cash Buffer
Zero cash is dangerous in personal finance.

Even Rs. 50,000 – 1 Lakh emergency fund helps.

It protects you from taking credit card or personal loan.

After using EPF, you again become zero in cash.

So don't use entire EPF to clear full loan.

Use some EPF, some cash flow discipline to reduce EMI burden.

Your Plan to Buy a House – Assessment
You already have land.

Now planning to buy a second-hand or new house.

Let us compare both options carefully.

Buying a Second-Hand House – Things to Know
Lower cost than new homes in same location.

Faster availability for possession.

Less GST or zero GST cost impact.

Old construction may need repair, repainting.

Legal verification is very important.

Check if property papers are clean.

Check for water, drainage, occupancy clearance.

Confirm no pending dues or litigations.

Location may be central or premium in some cases.

Buying a First-Hand House – Things to Consider
High cost due to premium and GST.

Builder reputation matters a lot.

Construction delays are common in new flats.

Possession may take 2–3 years.

Some builders overpromise and underdeliver.

New house means new fittings, less maintenance.

May come with warranty period.

Which is Better? First-Hand or Second-Hand?
If location and documents are clear, second-hand home is better.

You save GST and possession is quick.

Prices are more negotiable with second-hand homes.

Buying from builder has higher tax and premium.

Check age of house. Not more than 10–12 years is better.

Ensure society is well-maintained.

Budgeting Before You Buy the House
You already have Rs. 18 Lakhs loan.

Don't stretch loan again without repaying current one.

Buying house before clearing debt creates risk.

EMI-to-income ratio must be below 40%.

Home loan EMI with current loan EMI becomes too much.

Use current land loan equity before buying house.

Sell or part-mortgage land only if papers are clean.

Property Buying Tips in Bangalore
Check if the area has metro, school, hospital access.

Avoid outskirts if you plan to stay soon.

Compare price per sq.ft. with similar areas.

Visit in day and night to judge locality.

Prefer ready-to-move homes with proper documents.

Emotional vs Financial Decision
Buying house is emotional, but must be rational.

Don't buy house just to ‘own something’.

First make cash flow and debt stable.

Keep at least 3–6 months of expenses in cash.

Only then plan big commitments like home.

Do You Have Health Insurance?
Loans are risky without health protection.

Any health issue can derail finances.

Ensure you and dependents are covered.

Don’t skip term life insurance either.

Mutual Fund Planning – Once Loans are Controlled
After clearing high-cost loan, begin investing.

Start SIPs even if it is Rs. 2,000 per month.

Avoid direct mutual funds.

Direct funds have no support, no goal tracking.

Mistakes in fund selection cost more than savings.

Invest through Certified Financial Planner and MFD.

Regular plans give expert rebalancing.

You get behavioural support in market corrections.

Also get fund changes done as per performance.

Avoid Index Funds in Your Case
Index funds don’t beat market returns.

They carry full downside during fall.

No downside protection or fund manager control.

Actively managed funds adapt better in volatility.

You need good alpha for wealth building.

Protect Your Financial Future
EPF is long-term. Use with caution.

Make a step-by-step roadmap for loan clearing.

Track your monthly surplus and control expenses.

Once you are cash positive, plan house.

Never mix emotional wish with current affordability.

Build wealth gradually, not urgently.

Seek support from Certified Financial Planner always.

Finally
Do not use full EPF for loan.

Use part of it to reduce pressure.

Keep emergency fund aside.

Clear vehicle loan first to reduce risk.

Delay home purchase till loans are under control.

Second-hand home is a good option if papers are clean.

Maintain 360-degree view of finances.

Don’t rush. Stay disciplined.

Keep savings, debt and protection balanced.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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