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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am a 53-year-old male with 1 daughter, married for the last 19 years. My wife's good at housework, childcare, (teaching) job; she cares, likes me and daughter very much; since last 5 years, she has started showing as if she's doing us a favour by doing all this. Most times, she avoids talking and behaves like she doesn't care about me and others in my family; she even uses filthy abuses against elderly family members; if I ask anything she replies rudely. Now, daughter also has started behaving same way. I am fed up of this behaviour. I make maximum efforts to make them happy but can't understand the issue/s with them. Being a counselor, I have already tried various ways and methods of communication, respecting her (parental) relatives, etc but to no awail PLEASE HELP ME AVOID suicidal thoughts and feelings . If I talk about their behaviour, they blame me for everything. This has driven me to suicidal thinkings, which I despise

Ans: It sounds incredibly painful and isolating, especially since you’ve been trying so hard to keep your family happy and together. Feeling like you’re being taken for granted and facing disrespect can be deeply hurtful.

First and foremost, please know that your thoughts of suicide are a signal that you’re in significant distress, and it's crucial to reach out for help immediately. Talk to a mental health professional, a trusted friend, or a crisis hotline. You deserve support and understanding.

As for your situation at home, it’s clear that you care deeply about your wife and daughter, but their behavior is causing you immense pain. Sometimes, even the best efforts to communicate and connect can feel like they’re falling short. It might help to take a step back and focus on taking care of yourself right now. Prioritize your own well-being—whether that means finding time for activities you enjoy, seeking counseling, or even just allowing yourself space to breathe.

It could also be helpful to seek a family therapist who can offer a neutral perspective and facilitate more open, respectful communication. Having someone mediate can sometimes make all the difference in helping everyone understand each other's feelings.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s important to remember that it’s okay to put your own mental health first. Please reach out for the support you need—you’re worthy of care and compassion.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1591 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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Relationship
I have been married for 23 years and father of 3 children. My age gap with my wife is 11 yrs. I have been helping my in-laws for the last 13 years financially every month and also additional medical costs. I am a single breadwinner and i earn a good income but unable to save much as my wife dont have any economic sense. secondly, she is a highly depressed woman and always threatens me of suicide or shall leave home scaring my children who are around 16 yrs of age and disturbing their studies. even a small counter point she will take it seriously and shout at me for a very long and will make all sorts of threats. I am fed up with this type of relationship with her and I am helpless as my children have another 5 yrs to go to reach adulthood. She spends too much not on luxuries but unnecessary expenses and social costs like gifts to friends and relatives and spends a lot of time for temple or pooja activities with addtional expenses.
Ans: Dear KKR
It's evident that you're dealing with a significant amount of stress and emotional strain due to your wife's behavior and financial situation. It's important to establish clear boundaries in your relationship with your wife. Communicate your concerns about her behavior and the impact it's having on you and your children. Let her know that threatening suicide or leaving home is not a healthy or productive way to resolve conflicts, and express your willingness to support her in seeking help and finding healthier ways to cope Consider sitting down with your wife to have an open and honest conversation about your financial situation and the importance of budgeting and saving for the future. Explore ways to track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and work together to set financial goals that align with your family's long-term objectives. Consider consulting with a legal or financial advisor to explore options for protecting your assets and securing your financial future, especially if you're concerned about your wife's spending habits and the impact it may have on your financial stability. It's important to remember that you're not alone in dealing with these challenges, and there are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for guidance and support, and prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your children as you work towards finding solutions to your current situation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1591 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 57 years Old Male, married 28 years back & having two daughters, elder one is pursuing MD ( Final Year) & younger one started Medical Graduation from Govt College. Wife is in Govt Job. I am going through Mental Torture & harassment from my partner for NOT accepting unrealistic thing/ Practically Non viable which are out of Budgets & may put us in troublesome future for family, as we had to marry our daughters too. Having our own MIG flats & managing somehow. I keep on travelling being Sales Job Profile, but rest 60% ~65% days remains at home after office hours. My partner is so harsh on all of us that she will keep on Scolding for small small things & many times quote that I will not live with you all & will be independent. She don't have proper sense what is right/ wrong, good/bad etc. This attitude hurts to all of us. We tried many time to discuss, but she don't listen at all other's small opinion even & take granted to others for her immature/ even stupid decision, as such so arrogant/abusive all time. We tried to convince her that let us consult some Doctor ( Psychiatric ), but she behave so rudely. My side family members are totally ignored by her & she don't keep any talk with them. Her side are in quite regular meeting/ visiting for social gathering/ function etc., but NON of them wish to involve in sorting out our family problems & blames only me why you criticize her. I am going through many sleepless night as worried for my Kid future since I largely compromised in my carrier to stay with family & support, but Not able to make other understand my scarifies. Please advise how to proceed. Regards
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, rule out any medial reasons that can affect the body and mind and cause a person to be very different from who they usually they are.
Having said that,
Beyond a point when a person enjoys this kind of drama, my suggestion is: Let them live in that drama as it keeps them busy doing a lot. Also, others get involved either to express anger OR to prove their side of the story. Either case, the drama is full-blown which is obviously the only way your wife has understood to maintain relationships.
Now, simply ignoring is not going to solve the issue BUT over a period of time, it teaches her to start correcting her behavior and rely on grown-up conversations with others.
Do not yield to any rudeness...and as for her threat of living separately, it's just another drama...
Just do what you would when you raise a child who's being rude; you would correct that behavior of the child; wouldn't you? It's the same just that you act that her harshness does not bother you at all. Be patient and wait this out...

All the best!

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |35 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
hi iam 53 yhears old got married around 18 yearsw back to my wife she is no 39 years old good evening i got married and i have three kids elder is 18 years younger is 16 years and i have daughter of 10years old since my marriage there was always clash between me and my wife for small silly reasons it was going on but since 3 years the clash become very rash and she even gave complaint on me to lady police station she threated me and every night i come late that time i am taking drinks she started to quarrel even not allows me to have food she drive me wild and in my unconsious mind i oftenly i use to abuse her with bad words even my neighbours many time they came to resolve the problem now she is asking property which i have gained from my parents. and since one year she is treating me like stray dog and never allowes me to have sex routenly she sleep like a dead in my bed. she left my house taking my all kids since last 6 months i forced to live alone now by some how i manage to bring her to my house along with kids but she refused having sex with me and she neverhad sex with me since 7 months i have becom patient of depression i dont know what to do please help me in this regard thank you
Ans: Hello sir. I have read your message and I would first like to express my opinion that a partner is not always for sex. There are many other ways to take care of your partner. You could take your wife out for dinner, go out on a picnic, go with with her to her parents' house. But when we dont do all these things and just want sex from partner. That doesn't work. At this age she might be going through some hormonal changes also. I suggest you to start behaving nicely with your wife and start taking care of her. Slowly the things will improve between you too.
Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4448 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 20, 2025

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My JEE main CRL rank is 37000 and and OBC rank is 10442 Will I get Electronics or Mechanical at tier 1 Nit's
Ans: Dear Tilak, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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