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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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I am 57 years Old Male, married 28 years back & having two daughters, elder one is pursuing MD ( Final Year) & younger one started Medical Graduation from Govt College. Wife is in Govt Job. I am going through Mental Torture & harassment from my partner for NOT accepting unrealistic thing/ Practically Non viable which are out of Budgets & may put us in troublesome future for family, as we had to marry our daughters too. Having our own MIG flats & managing somehow. I keep on travelling being Sales Job Profile, but rest 60% ~65% days remains at home after office hours. My partner is so harsh on all of us that she will keep on Scolding for small small things & many times quote that I will not live with you all & will be independent. She don't have proper sense what is right/ wrong, good/bad etc. This attitude hurts to all of us. We tried many time to discuss, but she don't listen at all other's small opinion even & take granted to others for her immature/ even stupid decision, as such so arrogant/abusive all time. We tried to convince her that let us consult some Doctor ( Psychiatric ), but she behave so rudely. My side family members are totally ignored by her & she don't keep any talk with them. Her side are in quite regular meeting/ visiting for social gathering/ function etc., but NON of them wish to involve in sorting out our family problems & blames only me why you criticize her. I am going through many sleepless night as worried for my Kid future since I largely compromised in my carrier to stay with family & support, but Not able to make other understand my scarifies. Please advise how to proceed. Regards

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, rule out any medial reasons that can affect the body and mind and cause a person to be very different from who they usually they are.
Having said that,
Beyond a point when a person enjoys this kind of drama, my suggestion is: Let them live in that drama as it keeps them busy doing a lot. Also, others get involved either to express anger OR to prove their side of the story. Either case, the drama is full-blown which is obviously the only way your wife has understood to maintain relationships.
Now, simply ignoring is not going to solve the issue BUT over a period of time, it teaches her to start correcting her behavior and rely on grown-up conversations with others.
Do not yield to any rudeness...and as for her threat of living separately, it's just another drama...
Just do what you would when you raise a child who's being rude; you would correct that behavior of the child; wouldn't you? It's the same just that you act that her harshness does not bother you at all. Be patient and wait this out...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 31, 2023

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Madam, I'm 52 year old, with 20 years of married life. Have one daughter, 18 and one son, 15. I'm well earning government employee. My wife is also post-graduate. However, after marriage, she put half- hearted efforts to get govt job, but didn't succeed. She was never interested to live at different places for the sake of job and also wanted equal rank job. At that time, I didn't realize that she might be comparing with me. Any way, I was fine with any of her decisions. Later she told thatnshe wants to focus on children only. But, after 4-5 years, she started hating my all family members. While they are staying almost 1000 kms away, and except on few occasions, they never asked any help from me. Since last 10 years, she stopped talking to any of them. She doesn't allow my children to visit my native place and meet my family members, even during any marriages or function. My family members or friends aren't welcome at my home. Even after accepting all these nonsense behaviour, she never remains happy. She keeps passing sarcastic comments. She willn't dress nicely. Remains busy in watching movies/webseries on laptop. Many times, our arguments in the past turned to physical also. How long can I tolerate abuse for my family members? All such situations created toxic environment at home. Both of my children were sharp and intelligent, but now they are showing depressive symptoms. I'm not able to focus on my work and affected my personalty and performances. She wants no frills attached to me. In such case, she should have married to any orphan. She neither wants to meet any one for counselling. Now, I also snapped all relations with her family members. But looks, all the doors are also closed for me. I'm feeling suffocated. I neither leave her nor leave the world, as I love my children and my reputations. Kindly suggest the way out.
Ans: Dear Ramesh,
What it seems like to me from what you have shared is: a case of lost identity!
She has been struggling to find her acceptable place in her own eyes for herself.
In simple terms, she is not happy with the decisions that she has made in life and now chooses to complain about it by pushing people away.
Does this happen to others as well? Oh, YES!
When we have the desire to do something and then we suppress it with an excuse of taking care of the family etc, one fine day in the future, it comes back to haunt us.
In all likelihood, your wife might have done the same thing...I can only assume as from what you have shared, there is nothing else that seems to be the matter.

Now, because it has begun to affect the children, you have woken up but this has been going on with her for a while. Support her thoughts but not the behaviour that impacts everyone around. Give her an assurance that is she chooses to do something professionally, you will be there for her!

The key is not to give her solutions (that will bring down her self-esteem even lower) but to nudge her into thinking about doing something other than care for the family. Point her in a direction without being eager for her to take the bait. These things take time and the state of mind that she has now, if you push her, she will only resist. It's almost like teaching a child to walk or write for the first time. You don't walk for them but nudge them and wait for them to pick up at their own pace and praise them when they take those first baby steps. Get the drift, here? All this 'displeasure' with family members is only her way of complaining about her mind struggles.
Also, your children are old enough to support you through this journey as well. So seek their help on this.


Best wishes and it's nice to know that you still care and want to do something for her.

..Read more

Pooja

Pooja Khera  | Answer  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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I’m married for 14 years and have a 12 yr old son, both working. It was love marriage but before marriage explained me that leaving her ex from her college as it was not true love. After these 14 years, I came to know that they were having physical relation as well and the same hurt me very hard and couldn’t focus on anything and difficult to believe that with whom I spent 14 yr and still there is something can be hidden. Thats not all, on domestic issues whenever we have argument on household work/ expenses/ guiding son on studying etc, if she is not able to answer or didn’t like my response couldn’t control her anger, she tried to stangle me, beat me up, slapping, pour water/ hot tea on me, also not to mention abusing me in front of my son. Also many times she threatened to end her life by taking a knife in hand or by closing door to attempt hanging. That’s why bedroom & washroom door locks are broken in my house. Due to all these I left house twice in these years but due to her repeated apology and affection to my son I returned. Now I think all these are unbearable and need to take some step for resolution. Also as my son is old enough to understand all happenings don’t want ruin his life with all these nuisance. Humble request to advice as I’m under tremendous pain.
Ans: Violence in any form is unacceptable and alone th reason to walk out of the relationship. No one should ensure violence , disrespect or manipulation in any relationship and in your case there are all three of them. In my opinion, you should walk out of this marriage given your partner has proven there's no change at her end.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I married 1year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but within 3 months she had medical issues and went to her home for treatment. after informing all her activities now her father is threating me and my family, also making false allegations against me for all her problems. Now he is demanding to go separately from my parents to send her back. if not they will file case against me in the court and make me and my family suffer. Now she was not telling the truth with their parents about her mindset and acting according to their portents guidance that i am the reason for her medical issues and she was not interested in the marriage because i didn't take care of her well. she have depression and anxiety issues from childhood her mother refused to see her face when she was born, as 5th girl child as they expect atleast 1 boy kid she said this to a doctor. she faces refusal and ignorance in her family she said this too the doctor i dont know the truth behind it. she has chronic gastritis also she is under weight (35kgs still at 27years old) and cant increase weight even after trying for 5 years of medication. Doctor suggested for a therapy but she refused to come with because she already had therapy before which we don't know. . even though we lived in same house but she lived in separate room all the days she was with me. Now due to her inability to handle her father she is acting along with them like i was the one who refusing her. Her father even knows about all these matters to hide is fraud he is now threatening me like police case and court. I did nothing wrong in this except married her. what should i do now ?. And I lost hope that she would change here after.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are many cases like yours where men are being trapped with false allegations.
First evaluate:
Do I want this marriage to continue?
If YES, I feel it's time your parents also step in to state your side of the story. It will be an uphill task to bring her back as she clearly had mentioned to you that she was forced into this marriage. Also, how do you plan on working out the home situation given that the condition is that you separate from your parents?

If NO, will you be able to prove all the allegations put on you are false? Hire a good lawyer, because you will surely need one. Tread carefully and make very calculated moves in terms of what you say (even if it's on a text message) as everything can be held against you. Your lawyer will advise you on this.

So, time to think what is the best option...lay all the cards on the table and play this very carefully...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

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