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45-Year-Old Working Mom Seeks Advice on Navigating Long-Distance Relationship with Widower

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam, I am 45 year old single mother of 19 year old son, I am feeling loneliness and have searched a partner as like I wanted, he is widower having two children, but problem is that we both are working and well settled with our permanent government jobs, my job is not transferring job and he doesn't want to move due to his kids education and his job...we both want to marry with each other, but we are helpless right now...due to this situation I again getting very anxious and tense... what should I do? Please show me a path...

Ans: Stop getting anxious and tense. You should feel nice that you have met someone and you get along. Focus on the job, on your children, on YOURSELF and on each other.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a widow woman, who lost my husband 4 yrs ago. I tokk some time to come out of the past n wanted to resettle. Not because family wants, but I personally wanted a partner a friend who is there for me. I have a friend who is very close to me, he claims that he loves me as a very good friend, we've had a deeper relation also, but he does not want to take it ahead for a commitment. At the same time he says that he never want to leave me n so on. I have expressed my feelings and he is well aware of it. We talk a lot, we know about our families. Pls advise, about how to go ahead with this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am happy that you are in a better mind space now to be able to process your life and what you want from it.

Your friend that you mentioned about seems to be clear on what he wants out of the association with you. Since you seem to have moved on to the feelings part, he either is denying his feelings to himself OR he is clear that he wants a friend in you.
If it is the latter, then respect it...it's great to have a genuine friend in this digital era. Maintain that distance so that he is not scared of your feelings getting in the way where he has to be on guard.
This is going to be difficult for you for sure, BUT know that you will have a friend who will respect and cherish you.

Though, I am not clear on what you meant by, 'we've had a deeper relation also'...If this 'deeper relation' is the one that has caused you to have feelings for him, then talk about it and figure out where things stand for the two of you...At the end of the day, it's about acceptance and respect to maintain precious relationships.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |618 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm a 28, female in a secret relationship with my team manager at a leading MNC in Bangalore. We have been together for 3 years. He's been hinting at marriage, but wants me to quit and move to another city where he is planning a start-up. I have worked really hard to reach this position. I am up for a promotion soon, but I don't want to lose him for choosing my career. Why can't a woman have both?
Ans: Let’s call it out gently but clearly: when someone says they love you and want a future with you, but that future depends entirely on your sacrifice — like quitting your job, leaving your city, and sidelining your aspirations — what they’re offering isn’t an equal partnership. Love doesn’t thrive in ultimatums or secret corridors. It asks for courage, respect, and room for both people to evolve.

The fact that this relationship has been secret for three years also speaks volumes. Silence can often feel safe in the short term, but it becomes heavy in the long run. If marriage is truly on the table, shouldn’t visibility and openness be part of the foundation?

You’re asking, “Why can’t a woman have both?” And the answer is — she absolutely can. But she needs to be with someone who wants her to shine, not someone who only sees her as a companion if she dims her own light. Real love doesn’t demand abandonment of purpose. It makes space for it. It supports it. It celebrates it.

This is the time to pause and ask yourself: What kind of life partner do I truly need? One who walks beside me, or one who expects me to follow quietly? And if your inner voice is full of confusion, know that this is normal. You are not selfish for valuing your career. You are not unloving for needing stability and self-respect.

Your next steps should come from a place of alignment — with who you are now, and who you want to become. If you’d like, I can help you reflect deeper through journaling prompts, or structure a conversation with him that allows you to express your truth clearly and without fear.

You deserve a love that expands you, not a love that asks you to shrink.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9728 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Money
I am 37 yrs old with in-hand salary of 120000 p.m. out of which I put 50k monthly into investment like LIC (40k) and SIP's (10k). Also I have taken a home loan for which 40k around comes up as EMI. Please tell me if I need to rethink about my investments. If yes then what changes should I make as I need to save more so that more investment can be made for my retirement future.
Ans: Your income is strong and disciplined. That’s a great place to start. You currently invest Rs.50k monthly—Rs.40k in LIC and Rs.10k in mutual fund SIP. You also pay around Rs.40k as home loan EMI. Now you want to save more for retirement. Let us assess your financial landscape thoroughly and build a detailed plan.

? Reviewing Your Current Allocation
– In?hand salary is Rs.1,20,000 per month.
– EMI and LIC investment together total Rs.80,000 monthly.
– That leaves only Rs.40,000 for all other expenses and savings.
– Mutual fund SIP is just Rs.10,000 per month.
– LIC investment is heavy and may not support retirement optimally.
– You have limited flexibility for emergencies or future goals.
– Review needed to balance present needs and future goals.

? Identifying Major Concerns
– LIC premiums (investment cum insurance) dominate your outflows.
– Term insurance or pure protection at lower cost would be wiser.
– EMI plus LIC restricts savings flexibility.
– SIP of Rs.10,000 is too low for long?term wealth creation.
– No mention of emergency fund—critical support missing.
– Home loan EMI is fixed and high.
– Insurance cover unknown—need clarity on health and life cover.
– No mention of other savings like PPF or EPF.
– Risk and return profile is skewed—too little equity exposure.

? Rethinking LIC Investment
– LIC policies blur insurance and investment.
– They often offer low returns after charges.
– Better to have separate term life insurance.
– Term plan premium is much lower than LIC’s.
– Release funds from LIC and invest in mutual funds.
– You get better returns and security with this change.
– This frees up cash for retirement savings.

? Establishing Emergency Fund
– You need 3–6 months of expenses saved immediately.
– Estimate your current monthly needs.
– Save at least Rs.1.20–2.40 lakh in a liquid fund.
– You can start with Rs.5,000–10,000 monthly.
– This protects against job loss or health emergencies.
– Building this fund must start now, even while paying EMI.

? Streamlining Insurance Cover
– Confirm you have term life cover via LIC or employer.
– Health insurance is vital for yourself and family.
– Top up coverage to Rs.5–10 lakh minimum.
– Consider riders like critical illness or maternity.
– Keep insurance simple and cost?effective.
– Avoid mixing with investment products.
– Pay regular review of policy renewals annually.

? Home Loan Strategy
– EMI of Rs.40k is significant but manageable with your income.
– Continue paying as planned.
– Extra EMI prepayment can reduce interest but limits funds.
– Consider maintaining liquidity before over?prepaying.
– After renegotiating LIC, you can channel funds to MF and emergency fund.
– Prepay only after securing emergency and investment plans.

? Mutual Fund Investment Enhancement
– You currently invest just Rs.10k monthly in mutual funds.
– That needs a big boost for retirement corpus.
– Suggest increasing to Rs.30k–40k per month post?LIC surrender.
– Use diversified equity funds for long?term growth.
– Avoid index funds—they lack active management and may underperform.
– Choose actively managed equity funds for better returns.
– Add hybrid or balanced funds for stability.
– Ensure funds are in regular plans via CFP and MFD.
– This ensures structured guidance, reviews, and rebalancing.

? Structuring a New SIP Strategy
– With LIC switched, you can reallocate Rs.40k monthly.
– Proposed monthly allocation:

Equity diversified/multi?cap: Rs.15,000

Mid?cap: Rs.8,000

Small?cap: Rs.5,000

Hybrid balanced: Rs.7,000

Debt fund for short goals: Rs.5,000
– This delivers ~60–65% equity, 35–40% debt balance.
– Adjust mix based on risk tolerance and goals.
– Consider long?term SIPs for retirement and short?term for medium?goals.

? Retirement Corpus Planning
– At age 37, you have 23–25 years till retirement (age ~60).
– With disciplined SIPs and market returns, you can build Rs.3–4 crore.
– That is enough to support 15–20 years of post?retirement needs.
– Keep increasing SIPs annually based on salary increments.
– Monitor and adjust allocations with CFP support yearly.

? Tax Efficiency in Investments
– Equity fund LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG at 20%.
– Debt fund gains taxed per your income slab.
– Hybrid funds (held 3+ years) get equity LTCG status.
– Term insurance premiums get Section 80C deduction.
– Separate investments have clearer tax benefits.
– A CFP can help time exits and withdrawals to minimise tax.
– Avoid premature redemption to avoid higher tax or loss of benefit.

? Periodic Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
– Review annually to monitor fund performance and asset allocation.
– Rebalancing realigns your portfolio to target allocation.
– Fund manager changes might need fund switch.
– Life changes (child, career, health) require strategy updates.
– CFP helps prevent drift and maintain goal alignment.
– This ensures funds work efficiently for your future.

? Discipline and Behavioural Control
– Market corrections are common—do not stop SIP.
– Avoid chasing past winners or fad funds.
– Don’t switch funds frequently—trust the process.
– Emotional investing erodes returns.
– CFP provides objective guidance during volatile markets.

? Retirement Income Planning
– Once corpus is built, you will need systematic withdrawal plan (SWP).
– SWP provides regular income while keeping capital invested.
– It is more tax efficient and inflation aware.
– Plan fund allocation between equity and debt at that stage.
– CFP helps design income layering based on needs.

? Child and Other Goal Planning
– If you plan for child marriage, higher education, or travel—create dedicated SIPs.
– Allocate say Rs.5k–Rs.10k monthly per goal.
– This keeps retirement plan separate and secure.
– Helps measure progress clearly for each goal.

? Final Insights
– Your income and discipline give strong foundation.
– But current structure is LIC heavy and lacks diversification.
– You need better cash flow by reviewing LIC and freeing funds.
– Establish emergency fund without delay.
– Increase SIPs to Rs.30k–40k monthly in actively managed mutual funds.
– Balance equity and debt per your age and goals.
– Stay insured via term and adequate health cover.
– Review and rebalance annually with CFP guidance.
– Stick to discipline during market cycles.
– This plan will build a robust retirement corpus and support future goals.
– You will retire financially secure and free of worries.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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