Hi Team, I am 40 years old with 9 year old son, divorced an year back. Separated from my husband 4 year's back....I am Senior software engineer, well settled in life with supporting family.. My mom wants me to get married, i have gone through a bad rough phase in my previous marriage..I also need a partner in life but worried about the kind of person who might come in life and not sure will the person be good and will be give intense love to me and my son.. For me my son is my world and he is my lifeline...I am Regular follow of your advises, i have seen many people approaching you people and they are looking for partners in life.. I don't want to register in matrimonial sites as maximum are fake profiles... What is your advise???

Ans:

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away. 

 

Ans: Hello Srinithi, it's understandable that your feelings and priorities can change over time. If you're considering marriage again for companionship and emotional fulfillment, here are some suggestions to navigate this process:

Reflect on Your Needs:

Take some time to reflect on what you're looking for in a partner and in a marriage. Consider your values, priorities, and the qualities you find important in a potential spouse.
Communicate with Your Child:

If you haven't already, have an open and honest conversation with your 9-year-old daughter about your feelings and intentions. Ensure she feels comfortable and secure with the idea of you entering into a new relationship.
Build a Support System:

Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate the process of seeking a new relationship.
Take It Slow:

When you feel ready to explore the possibility of a new relationship, take things at a comfortable pace. Get to know potential partners gradually and allow relationships to develop naturally.
Be Honest About Your Past:

When entering into a new relationship, be open and honest about your past, including your divorce. Clear communication is crucial for building trust and understanding.
Consider Professional Support:

If you find it challenging to navigate these emotions on your own, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist who can help you explore your feelings and guide you through the process.
Set Boundaries:

Clearly define your boundaries and priorities in a new relationship. Understand what you're looking for and what you're willing to compromise on. This will help you make decisions that align with your values.
Stay True to Yourself:

Remember to stay true to your own needs and desires. Don't feel pressured to enter into a new relationship unless it feels right for you.
It's important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your child as you consider a new chapter in your life. Taking things step by step, being open in communication, and seeking support can help you navigate this journey more smoothly.

Ans: Dear Anil,

There could be an N number of reasons why you might not be getting the perfect match. For starters, your idea of perfect probably does not align with your son's idea of perfect. It is also possible that you are only looking at the match's biodata instead of looking into the person. You can ask your son to handle his own profile so that he might choose a person of his liking, instead of yours, because ultimately, he'll be the one marrying her and committing to live the rest of their lives together.

Best Wishes!

Ans: So there are 2 concerns as I read (1) you are on the chubbier side (2) men being introduced to you don't match your education requirement and those who do are not taking it ahead for reason #1. Well you are the owner of your life - (1) can you look at correcting your weight if the increase is not due to medical reason. COrrect it not to marry but to feel healthy and fit (2) Look out for partners yourself vs completely relying on others to introduce you to. Look at attending single meetups. Google for them. And its ok to be choosy - after all its a life decision that you are making.