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Feeling Anxious & Sad as a New Expat in India: How Do I Stay Mentally Strong?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 41 years old moved to India 2 years ago after living in abroad for more than a decade. Since then it has been a real big struggle to adjust, accept the environment, people & overall life. I have my husband and 2 small kids. My husband is very busy with his life, often travels out of the city. I do not connect with him most of the time on emotional grounds. So emotionally i get drained over time. Also my relationship with my inlaws is volatile. I feel its only based on basic needs. Relationship has not grown beyond that. I feel very anxious and sad all the time. Affecting my mental health a lot. Please help how to stay mentally fit and not depend mentally on others?

Ans: Moving back to India after many years abroad can be really tough, especially when you're feeling emotionally disconnected and isolated. It's important to focus on building your own sense of well-being. Try to find small ways to connect with people who share your interests, whether that's through a hobby or a community group. This can help you feel more grounded and less reliant on your husband or in-laws for emotional support.

You might also benefit from setting aside time each day just for yourself, even if it's only a few minutes. Use this time to do something that makes you feel good, like journaling, reading, or practicing mindfulness. This can help you build emotional resilience and reduce feelings of anxiety.

Remember, it's okay to feel what you're feeling, but taking small steps to focus on your own well-being can make a big difference. If things continue to feel overwhelming, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can offer support tailored to your situation.

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Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi to the life/relationship coach, I'm a 25yr old lady working in an MNC earning 24lpa. I'm from a lower middle class south indian family, my parents taught me value of money, i hardly spent on anything till my studies. Coming to my studies, i (I pushed myself too hard to achieve well but never felt negative in those years in life &came out of an NIT with ppo)studied from my 8th standard too hard without any distraction or other knowledge about life till I got job. Ever since i've started working(staying alone in a 1bhk and keeping myself occupied with home chores), i am not sure if it's because I'm living better compared to before without any money/time boundaries(I've got the freedom for everything yet feels lost) or it's bcoz my brain is exhausted, all I do is just work most of my day and rest of time, stay in traffic, i am feeling lost, not able to have any goals or look at life with positivity. my brain is feeling succumbed to daily job routine and not being enthusiastic about anything. (I do workout, meet friends, go to walks and temples , but nothing adventurous or too much out of my comfort zone. Anyway, nothings making me feel better(when I was studying, i did nothing but read, yet I was satisfied to go to sleep peacefully). My parents are telling me to get married so that I'll get better clarity with a partner beside me. But I'm not interested in relationship yet, want to resolve problems with myself first, may be will search for groom after an year or so. Please provide your advice to how to bring my enthusiasm which i lost after I got the job i m doing presently (the present job is a wonderful opportunity with lot of growth for me in career but I m working with half the productivity due to losing the interest in everything, but getting promoted on time till now, not sure how I long I can survive the corporate world without a purpose). I want to look at life positively in all aspects, but unable to due to feeling lost or having no goal. Should I try to remember my childhood interests before my 8th standard or should I try to find my interest in life from scratch? I've tried setting goals about health and career, but I m doing things like a robot but not enthusiastic. I might not get out of comfort zone if I keep going like this.
Ans: It sounds like you’re at a point where, after years of relentless focus on your studies and now your career, you’re experiencing a sense of aimlessness and burnout. This is not uncommon, especially for someone who has been driven by external goals for so long without taking much time for personal exploration and self-care.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the significant achievements you’ve made. Coming from a lower middle-class background and earning a position in an MNC with a substantial salary is no small feat. Recognizing this can help provide a sense of pride and accomplishment, which can be a foundation for building your next steps.

You mentioned that you feel like your brain is exhausted, which suggests that burnout might be a factor. Years of intense focus and hard work without much variety or relaxation can lead to this feeling. It’s essential to give yourself permission to rest and recuperate. This doesn’t just mean taking time off work, but also engaging in activities that truly relax and rejuvenate you.

Reflecting on your journey might help clarify why you’re feeling this way. During your studies, you had a clear goal and a structured path. Now, with more freedom and less immediate pressure, it’s natural to feel a bit lost. Your current routine seems monotonous and unfulfilling, which could be contributing to your sense of aimlessness.

Exploring your interests can be a fruitful way to reignite your enthusiasm for life. Think back to your childhood before the intense focus on studies began. What activities or hobbies did you enjoy? Revisiting these can help reconnect you with your passions. Alternatively, you might want to explore new interests. This could involve taking up a new hobby, joining clubs or groups, or even traveling. Stepping out of your comfort zone, even in small ways, can open up new perspectives and opportunities.

It’s commendable that you want to address your personal issues before considering a relationship. This self-awareness will serve you well. Setting personal goals can be helpful, but it’s important that these goals are meaningful to you and not just tasks to complete. Goals related to health, personal growth, or even learning new skills can provide a sense of purpose. However, ensure these goals are flexible and enjoyable, rather than adding more pressure to your life.

Your parents’ suggestion to get married might be well-intentioned, but it’s important to follow your own timeline. If you feel that taking more time to understand yourself will benefit you in the long run, then that’s a valid and important choice.

Lastly, professional support can be incredibly valuable. A therapist or life coach can provide you with strategies to manage your feelings of burnout and help you rediscover your enthusiasm. They can also assist in exploring your interests and setting meaningful goals.

In summary, taking time to rest, exploring your interests, setting meaningful goals, and possibly seeking professional support can help you navigate this phase of your life. By doing so, you can regain your sense of purpose and enthusiasm, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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