Hi Anu, I recently came across your self-help series on rediff com and couldn't resist myself from writing to you. I am a 25 year old woman living with her parents and a younger brother. I somehow managed the lockdown in 2020 but since last year, my life has been way more challenging.Things have been really tough since April last year. My mother started her dialysis. Before that, she got hospitalised twice within a month. However she is back home. But due to her dialysis session, her legs ache making her difficult to walk. Her hands have stopped moving due to hypertension so I am taking care of her.My father retired last year. So he's stressed about many things. He is over inspecting my every little action and criticising me for no apparent reason. I haven't got a suitable job despite working in an educational consultancy (They haven't even given my first salary). My boyfriend is encouraging me to work hard for my upcoming competitive exam and earn everything I want. But I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I have lost the zeal. And nowadays he has hardly any time for me.My ex-boyfriend hasn't returned Rs 20,000 he borrowed from me. When I confronted him, he avoided me and told me to back off. Sometimes I feel like taking a loan.Lastly, I have incomplete submissions of diploma course which I couldn't submit on time and I am requesting for extra time but I didn't get any help.Though I feel that things will get better but most of the time, I feel like quitting. Today my father scolded me again, so I went to terrace. I screamed and cried and decided to end my life. I have become so alone. I am wondering when my life will be on track. I am not a bad person. I know I have flaws. But why has life become so tough? I am only getting rejections and failures. I don't know what to do. How do I tackle with all of these? Please help me. I am totally exhausted.
Ans: Dear AB,
Breathe! And breathe again and once more…
Life is filled with all things great and challenging as well. Challenges come to us as a growth path; one that we must walk on to unleash more of our inner power.
Challenges within the family, education related challenges, personal challenges and more are part of anyone’s life.
How we deal with each defines our journey and shapes our mindset as well.
Have you felt like playing the victim in each challenge and hence feel low and dejected and that prevents you from finishing what you have taken up?
I might be wrong here, but what seems to be happening is every activity is left mid-way due to lack of confidence from within. And then the loop continues and you have termed it as a rejection and failure. We receive what we put out there; so why don’t you try something different?
Why don’t you pick something (one at a time) and see it through till the end; it will give you a great sense of achievement and to do this; simply visualize the path from the start to the end and then jumping for joy at your victory.
Request your boyfriend to play the role of an accountability partner, so that he keeps your ups and downs in check.
Commit to him as to what and when you will finish; and to motivate yourself, keep visualizing your victory and success point and the happiness that you will feel from within.
As for your parents scolding you, they only look at your welfare.
Sit them down and tell them that you need their support and that you are embarking on a new journey.
I am sure that they will be rooting for you. Life is beautiful, make it count and you know you can!
Best wishes!