Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

39-Year-Old Woman Seeks Advice on Feeling Overwhelmed by Struggles and Heartbreak

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello, I am 39 years old single working woman and stay with my parents. From the year 2022 I have been through lot of struggles, heartbreak and Financial problems till date I am dealing with. there comes a day sometimes where I feel like to leave everyone and run away or to end my life. I always dream of getting married to a better guy and have good life but it didn't happen. i always wanted a secure life but god has some different plan. I never did bad to anyone but people whom I helped always betrayed me and now I have trust issues also. Right now I am going through lot of challenges in life. please help me for the solution as i cant find anything. It seems like all the door has been shut. ..... but y????? Y its always me ??? I always wanted a peace in life ... Happiness with lots of Love from Family and Friends. I am seriously confused what to do ??? Seeing me in such condition my Mom and Dad are always depressed ... Mom always cry for me ... I cant see them in such condition and that also because of me. Please help me or give me some good solution

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Swallow what I am about to tell you with a pinch of salt.
Life isn't a cakewalk for anyone; so learning to accept how things pan out is the only way to deal with disappointments.
So, it's not that only you are struggling in life; I am sure that you will also agree...

The more you indulge in self-pity and the 'Why Me', you are not just suffering, but also people around you who care will struggle and suffer for you. Instead, snap out of it NOW! Either you act like a victim OR play the HERO of your life...this one thought-change will actually make you handle your problems better and objectively. So, what does a HERO do?

They Take Charge, they look at their challenges objectively, move into the solution space and drop down options as to how you can get into a better financial position. Reach out to someone who can help you out in this area and slowly you will get a grasp of how to manage yours struggles and when one area of your life starts to get better, other areas also start to get better.
Be patient, have faith and know that Life is Beautiful and so, live with what it offers you during that roller coaster ride. This is not a pep talk BUT for you to take note and do something intentional to change the course of your Life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I recently came across your self-help series on rediff com and couldn't resist myself from writing to you. I am a 25 year old woman living with her parents and a younger brother. I somehow managed the lockdown in 2020 but since last year, my life has been way more challenging.Things have been really tough since April last year. My mother started her dialysis. Before that, she got hospitalised twice within a month. However she is back home. But due to her dialysis session, her legs ache making her difficult to walk. Her hands have stopped moving due to hypertension so I am taking care of her.My father retired last year. So he's stressed about many things. He is over inspecting my every little action and criticising me for no apparent reason. I haven't got a suitable job despite working in an educational consultancy (They haven't even given my first salary). My boyfriend is encouraging me to work hard for my upcoming competitive exam and earn everything I want. But I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I have lost the zeal. And nowadays he has hardly any time for me.My ex-boyfriend hasn't returned Rs 20,000 he borrowed from me. When I confronted him, he avoided me and told me to back off. Sometimes I feel like taking a loan.Lastly, I have incomplete submissions of diploma course which I couldn't submit on time and I am requesting for extra time but I didn't get any help.Though I feel that things will get better but most of the time, I feel like quitting. Today my father scolded me again, so I went to terrace. I screamed and cried and decided to end my life. I have become so alone. I am wondering when my life will be on track. I am not a bad person. I know I have flaws. But why has life become so tough? I am only getting rejections and failures. I don't know what to do. How do I tackle with all of these? Please help me. I am totally exhausted.
Ans:

Dear AB,

Breathe! And breathe again and once more…

Life is filled with all things great and challenging as well. Challenges come to us as a growth path; one that we must walk on to unleash more of our inner power.

Challenges within the family, education related challenges, personal challenges and more are part of anyone’s life.

How we deal with each defines our journey and shapes our mindset as well.

Have you felt like playing the victim in each challenge and hence feel low and dejected and that prevents you from finishing what you have taken up?

I might be wrong here, but what seems to be happening is every activity is left mid-way due to lack of confidence from within. And then the loop continues and you have termed it as a rejection and failure. We receive what we put out there; so why don’t you try something different?

Why don’t you pick something (one at a time) and see it through till the end; it will give you a great sense of achievement and to do this; simply visualize the path from the start to the end and then jumping for joy at your victory.

Request your boyfriend to play the role of an accountability partner, so that he keeps your ups and downs in check.

Commit to him as to what and when you will finish; and to motivate yourself, keep visualizing your victory and success point and the happiness that you will feel from within.

As for your parents scolding you, they only look at your welfare.

Sit them down and tell them that you need their support and that you are embarking on a new journey.

I am sure that they will be rooting for you. Life is beautiful, make it count and you know you can!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x