I'm 38 and my life is falling apart – how do I fix it?

Hi Mam, I would like to remain anonymous.I'm in a very much stressed stage of my life. I had an arranged marriage in May 2020, I had known the guy only for 3 months. I had discussed everything before marriage itself. I am an only child and my father is not with us and my mom's health is not very good. After marriage everything was fine, but after a few days like a month or so, my sister-in-law started calling my mom and asked for gold ornaments, since we got married during the covid pandemic, the wedding was held in a temple. They wanted us to get gold in that money which was spent from our side. We were planning to buy a car so that travelling would be easy for me. I was still working in my old company and my husband had agreed to the same. When we refused to give them the gold. Communication was completely nil, my sister-in-law nor my mother-in-law spoke to me, just a hi bye. My husband was ok initially, but then later he started supporting his family and said what they demanded was right. I got pregnant and I didn't want to travel during this situation, my in-laws didn't agree to send me to my mom's place. They wanted me to quit my job. My sister-in-law who was married had come here and was staying with us. She started interfering in our life, I had to consult the doctor of her choice, quit my job and my husband insisted i listen to them.We had a huge fight and I came to my house. From that day none of them called or even messaged me. I even went to the doctor with my mom. Then after 45 days we got to know that the pregnancy was not viable and it had to be aborted. When i conveyed this message to my husband, he started blaming me saying that I did this on purpose and my sister-in-law started blaming me that i had aborted because it was a girl child. I was shocked that such baseless allegations on me, I couldn't digest this. They even threatened that they'll file a police complaint on me and my family. Then they wanted to get me checked with another doctor of their choice. I even went for the check-up. The doctor said that these things are common in first pregnancy and not to worry. Even after this my sister-in-law was blaming me and my mother told me that we didn't take proper care. Sister-in-law was present at every doctor's check-up. On the final day of check-up, I was in the hospital for 1.5 hours my husband didn't come. I left thinking he'll not come. But later he called me and started verbally abusing me and my family saying that he'll file a police complaint coz we didn't wait for him at the hospital. I mean I didn't know how to react to this. He used very vulgar language. I couldn't tolerate this. I told him I will not stay with him any longer. He then again started vulgarly abusing me, calling me and my family names which is not acceptable. Now I have filed for divorce and domestic violence. He has filed for restitution of conjugal rights and his sister has filed a defamation case on me coz I said that she has deserted her husband which is true. He's demanding money which they are claiming to have given for marriage expenses and litigation charges to sign mutual divorce papers. I don't know the total amount he might ask. Mam I don't know what to do. Kindly help me take a decision. Is my decision right to divorce him?

Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.

My marriage was arranged in our comminity about 20 years ago. However i found that my wife was too lazy and lacked common sense and basic IQ probably due to the upbringing by her parents. She required a lot of push to go to even a partime school to keep herself busy. She couldnt get along well with my parents either . I still adjusted with her although she knew nothing about bonding and it appeared a clearcut onesided relationship with me putting in all efforts to bond However in 2007 after we had a child, she ubknowingly started neglecting me all the more and it was evident that i was just married to b a breadwinner although i went out of my way to provide them all the comforts. I has expressed this to my inlaws and they appeared apologetic initially She neglected the daughter as well and i found that my daughter had been faring v poorly in exams and failing while my wife gav her access to mobile at age of 11 and she started encouraging her to build relationship with guys Now that she has moved with her parents along with the child in her custody, she and my inlaws are demanding money from me although i have paid her far more than she earned. They assume that i have to keep paying them money Need your advice to handle this

Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up