Hi Mam, I would like to remain anonymous.
I'm in a very much stressed stage of my life. I had an arranged marriage in May 2020, I had known the guy only for 3 months.
I had discussed everything before marriage itself. I am an only child and my father is not with us and my mom's health is not very good.
After marriage everything was fine, but after a few days like a month or so, my sister-in-law started calling my mom and asked for gold ornaments, since we got married during the covid pandemic, the wedding was held in a temple.
They wanted us to get gold in that money which was spent from our side.
We were planning to buy a car so that travelling would be easy for me. I was still working in my old company and my husband had agreed to the same.
When we refused to give them the gold. Communication was completely nil, my sister-in-law nor my mother-in-law spoke to me, just a hi bye.
My husband was ok initially, but then later he started supporting his family and said what they demanded was right.
I got pregnant and I didn't want to travel during this situation, my in-laws didn't agree to send me to my mom's place. They wanted me to quit my job. My sister-in-law who was married had come here and was staying with us. She started interfering in our life, I had to consult the doctor of her choice, quit my job and my husband insisted i listen to them.
We had a huge fight and I came to my house. From that day none of them called or even messaged me.
I even went to the doctor with my mom. Then after 45 days we got to know that the pregnancy was not viable and it had to be aborted.
When i conveyed this message to my husband, he started blaming me saying that I did this on purpose and my sister-in-law started blaming me that i had aborted because it was a girl child. I was shocked that such baseless allegations on me, I couldn't digest this. They even threatened that they'll file a police complaint on me and my family. Then they wanted to get me checked with another doctor of their choice. I even went for the check-up. The doctor said that these things are common in first pregnancy and not to worry.
Even after this my sister-in-law was blaming me and my mother told me that we didn't take proper care. Sister-in-law was present at every doctor's check-up.
On the final day of check-up, I was in the hospital for 1.5 hours my husband didn't come. I left thinking he'll not come. But later he called me and started verbally abusing me and my family saying that he'll file a police complaint coz we didn't wait for him at the hospital. I mean I didn't know how to react to this. He used very vulgar language.
I couldn't tolerate this. I told him I will not stay with him any longer.
He then again started vulgarly abusing me, calling me and my family names which is not acceptable.
Now I have filed for divorce and domestic violence. He has filed for restitution of conjugal rights and his sister has filed a defamation case on me coz I said that she has deserted her husband which is true.
He's demanding money which they are claiming to have given for marriage expenses and litigation charges to sign mutual divorce papers. I don't know the total amount he might ask.
Mam I don't know what to do. Kindly help me take a decision. Is my decision right to divorce him?
Ans: Dear AV,
Clearly a lot has happened and is happening which is rather unpleasant for you. This will disturb your peace of mind.
To ask me if your decision is right to divorce him is not a wise thing to do as the decision is yours to make.
You know your situation and you know what’s at stake and you also know what and how much you can take.
Firstly, hire a lawyer who is adept in dealing with cases of dowry demands and verbal abuse.
The correct step will be to narrate the situation to the lawyer as is and also tell him/her what you want to do and what you can derive financially out of the case if the divorce progresses.
Be prepared with what you want from and out of the divorce as every divorce lawyer will ask you this.
Also going prepared will cut down on the initial lawyer consultation fees. So, hire a good lawyer first.
Make sure that the initial wealth; all movable and immovable property given to you by your parents during the marriage that includes cash as well must be demanded back from your husband and his family.
You have a right over this streedhan. So, if you are filing for divorce, bear this in mind.
Secondly, to help you restore your mental health, I suggest that you actually pen the story of your married life down and each painful memory needs a release from your system.
It’s okay to be angry and spiteful towards the people involved but in the end for your own peace of mind, tell yourself that every story has an end and that instead of playing the victim, you will transform into a person who can take charge of her life and give the story a positive end.
Stop mulling over WHY it happened and move to WHAT CAN I DO NEXT.
Easier said than done? But being a problem space for too long will erode your wellbeing, so it’s wise to seek a solution.
Be brave and do the right thing. Never allow anyone to kill your spirit. All the best!
