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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My marriage was arranged in our comminity about 20 years ago. However i found that my wife was too lazy and lacked common sense and basic IQ probably due to the upbringing by her parents. She required a lot of push to go to even a partime school to keep herself busy. She couldnt get along well with my parents either . I still adjusted with her although she knew nothing about bonding and it appeared a clearcut onesided relationship with me putting in all efforts to bond However in 2007 after we had a child, she ubknowingly started neglecting me all the more and it was evident that i was just married to b a breadwinner although i went out of my way to provide them all the comforts. I has expressed this to my inlaws and they appeared apologetic initially She neglected the daughter as well and i found that my daughter had been faring v poorly in exams and failing while my wife gav her access to mobile at age of 11 and she started encouraging her to build relationship with guys Now that she has moved with her parents along with the child in her custody, she and my inlaws are demanding money from me although i have paid her far more than she earned. They assume that i have to keep paying them money Need your advice to handle this

Ans: You need to consult a lawyer who can handle this. I'm a dating coach.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Please keep it anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I hope things are better for you now. I have answered your question on July 22 itself...You may copy paste the link below on your browser to view the answer:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/keep-anonymous-married-12-daughter-marriage-lost-father-70-mother/5142258

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Please keep this anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are sharing your story which is indeed sad tells me that you know what must be done but are hesitating to do it.
When there is no respect in a marriage and for the spouse and his needs and the issue has become money and to attain that money at all costs, that is not a marriage anymore. It only speaks of selfishness.
You are right in protecting your interests and that of your daughter. So, time to toughen up and say NO to your wife and her family. It may seem harsh to them at first, but be very assertive. You have the right to plan your finances especially when family around you have begun to act like predators.
So taking a loan is only going to bleed your finances more and if you are convinced you don't want to do that, then please don't.
Yes, there will be arguments and big fights, but do what is right by you and for you. It may seem selfish but it is only self-care and self-love. This should also help you become fitter physically and emotionally to lead a better quality life.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2023

Relationship
Please keep my question anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your wife and in-laws. It's clear that you have been through a lot, including battling cancer and overcoming financial challenges to support your family. It's important to remember that you deserve support and understanding from your spouse and in-laws during these trying times.

Here are some suggestions on how to handle this ongoing financial commitment and the issues you're facing:

Open communication: Have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your financial situation, your concerns, and the importance of working together as a team. Explain the financial constraints you are facing due to your health issues and medical expenses. Ensure that she understands the importance of planning for your daughter's education and future.
Seek professional advice: If necessary, consult with a financial advisor or a family counselor to mediate the discussions and help find a resolution. A neutral third party might be able to provide insights and suggestions to manage the financial matters more effectively.
Legal consultation: Since there are disputes over property and ownership, it might be wise to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options related to your father's property. They can help you navigate the legal aspects and protect your interests.
Support from extended family: Reach out to your brother and sister for support and understanding during these challenging times. They may be able to provide emotional and even financial support to help you and your mother.
Set boundaries: Clearly communicate with your wife and in-laws about your expectations and boundaries. Make it clear that you won't tolerate harassment or demands that are unfair or unreasonable.
Financial planning: If possible, create a financial plan for your daughter's education and future needs. Discuss with your wife how you can contribute together to achieve these goals, considering your current financial constraints.
Seek support for yourself: Going through so much stress can be emotionally draining. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you cope with the situation and manage your emotions.
Stay strong and assertive: Remember that you have been through a lot and have worked hard to provide for your family. Stay assertive in protecting your interests while maintaining respect and empathy.
Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your daughter's well-being and future. Ensure that the decisions made are fair and in the best interest of all involved parties. If the situation becomes too overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek legal advice to protect your rights and assets. Remember, it's okay to seek help and support when dealing with challenging circumstances like this.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am 38 years old. I have been living abroad since I was 21 years old. I have been focused on my career since then. I got married in 2021 in India and just after 4 months living in India, we again moved abroad. This country was new for me and my my wife, but my brother was already settled in this country with his family. As I was living away from my family for many years, me and my wife decided to live in a joint family with my brother’s family. However, I was quite busy adjusting to my new job, my wife couldn’t adjust well to my side of the family, my brother, his wife and my mother. After living together with everyone for a year, me and my wife decided to live separately from my side of the family. Now after 5 months my wife became pregnant and we both wanted to have a child. So even though my family was quite close and could have supported us during this time. I decided to sponsor my in laws on a visa so that my wife could feel supportive during this time. We had a girl child and I have avoided to communicate to my family during this one year so that my wife doesn’t get any stress or anything from my family. However as soon as we had a child, I have invited my mother and my brother family to visit my daughter. Now my in laws have started quarreling with me once in a while. And they convinced my wife to go to India with them. My wife has been living in India since last 6 months, they would never let me see my daughter over the phone call, and whenever I called them they would ask me for the money/gifts. Let me add to that when I went abroad, my wife was not working initially and I used to give her 30% of my salary and I used to bear all the expenses. When my in laws started living with us, I over heard them talking if I continued having relationship with my side of the family, she would buy her a home in India and take my daughter away from me. Now recently I came to India to get everything sorted, I do not think my wife would be willing to come with me without my in laws. How could I convince her to start over and repair our relationship for us and our beautiful daughter.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure you see a pattern in your wife's actions. At the risk of sounding judgemental, I will say: She does like to get her way in most things.
How else do you explain that when she is stressed keep them away and when she needs, she wants them back?
How can you expect to have support from your side of the family when you two decided to alienate them?
How does it work when she decided to stay back with her family with absolutely no regard that you as father will want to be close to your daughter?
How do you explain that they secretly conspire to take your daughter away from you if you involve your family?

Do you not see the immaturity of how they have very systematically alienated you from your family and your daughter?

To be able to put things together, your wife really needs to get away from her parents. They seem to hold the strings and have no qualms about spoiling their daughter's life...Bring her out of that family and move to a location that is not easily accessible to them; as in maybe back abroad, so they are not in and out of your home. Start building your relationship with your wife by being a hands-on father and that may also give her an idea as to the person that you are. You must be appreciated for the person that you are...Give this a shot!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10895 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
Dear rediffGuru, I am 48 year having private job, I have started MF investment from 2017 and currently monthly SIP 50K as below. I want to have corpus of 2.5 Cr at the age of 58. Please advice me if any changes/increase need in below SIP. 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3.ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Your discipline since 2017 deserves real appreciation.
You stayed invested for many years.
You already think long term.
This habit creates wealth over time.

» Your Goal Clarity
– You want Rs.2.5 Crores by age fifty-eight.
– You have ten years left.
– Time is still supportive.
– Regular investing helps greatly.
– Clarity itself improves outcomes.

» Present Investment Effort
– Monthly SIP is Rs.50,000.
– Investments are fully market linked.
– Exposure is mainly equity oriented.
– Risk appetite looks high.
– Commitment level is good.

» Portfolio Structure Observation
– Too many funds exist.
– Categories are repeating often.
– Small companies exposure is heavy.
– Sector exposure is present.
– Portfolio looks cluttered.

» Small Company Funds Concentration
– Many funds invest in smaller businesses.
– These funds give high returns sometimes.
– They also fall sharply during stress.
– Volatility increases with age.
– This needs careful control.

» Mid and Large Company Exposure
– Mid company exposure is moderate.
– Large company exposure looks limited.
– Large companies provide stability.
– Stability matters nearing retirement.
– Balance is essential now.

» Sector Focus Risks
– Sector funds depend on one theme.
– Performance cycles are unpredictable.
– Long underperformance periods happen.
– SIP discipline becomes difficult.
– Allocation should be limited.

» Dynamic Allocation Exposure
– Asset allocation funds manage equity levels.
– They help reduce downside risk.
– They suit late career investors.
– Allocation size matters.
– One such fund is enough.

» Over Diversification Concern
– Many funds dilute impact.
– Monitoring becomes difficult.
– Overlap increases silently.
– Returns may disappoint.
– Simplicity improves control.

» Suitability for Ten Year Horizon
– Ten years is medium term.
– Aggressive risk needs moderation.
– Capital protection gains importance.
– Drawdowns hurt goals.
– Adjustments are timely now.

» Expected Corpus Reality Check
– Rs.50,000 SIP alone may fall short.
– Market returns are uncertain.
– Inflation eats purchasing power.
– Increasing SIP helps.
– Step-up becomes very important.

» Importance of SIP Increase
– Income generally rises with age.
– SIP should rise yearly.
– Even small increases help.
– This supports target achievement.
– Discipline matters more than returns.

» Asset Allocation Improvement
– Equity should remain primary.
– Debt exposure should slowly increase.
– Stability increases closer to goal.
– This reduces panic risk.
– Allocation needs yearly review.

» Why Active Management Matters
– Actively managed funds adjust portfolios.
– Fund managers handle valuation risks.
– They exit overheated stocks.
– Index funds fall fully with markets.
– Passive funds offer no protection.

» Disadvantages of Index Investing
– No downside control exists.
– Full market falls are painful.
– Retirement timing risk increases.
– Investor emotions suffer.
– Active funds suit your stage better.

» Why Regular Plans Help
– Guidance improves behaviour.
– Rebalancing happens on time.
– Panic decisions reduce.
– Long term discipline strengthens.
– Cost difference is justified.

» Monitoring and Review Discipline
– Annual review is essential.
– Performance alone is insufficient.
– Risk alignment must be checked.
– Goal progress should be tracked.
– Reviews avoid surprises later.

» Tax Awareness During Accumulation
– Equity gains face capital gains tax.
– Long-term gains have exemptions.
– Short-term gains cost more.
– Holding period matters.
– Churning should be avoided.

» Emergency and Protection Planning
– Emergency fund is important.
– Job risk always exists.
– Insurance coverage should be adequate.
– Medical costs rise fast.
– Protection safeguards investments.

» Retirement Age Shift Possibility
– Retirement may shift slightly.
– Working longer reduces pressure.
– Even two extra years help.
– Flexibility increases success.
– Keep this option open.

» Behavioural Discipline Importance
– Market falls test patience.
– SIP continuity builds wealth.
– Stopping SIP hurts goals.
– Emotions damage returns.
– Discipline protects outcomes.

» Key Portfolio Refinement Direction
– Reduce fund count gradually.
– Avoid repeated category exposure.
– Increase large company allocation.
– Limit sector exposure.
– Maintain one dynamic allocation option.

» SIP Amount Enhancement Guidance
– Increase SIP annually.
– Use bonuses wisely.
– Direct increments into SIPs.
– This bridges corpus gap.
– Consistency beats timing.

» Goal Tracking Approach
– Review goal progress yearly.
– Adjust SIP if needed.
– Markets change yearly.
– Plans must adapt.
– Static plans fail often.

» Role of a Certified Financial Planner
– Helps align risk with age.
– Simplifies portfolio structure.
– Ensures tax efficiency.
– Supports emotional discipline.
– Improves goal probability.

» Final Insights
– Your investing habit is strong.
– Goal clarity is impressive.
– Portfolio needs simplification.
– Risk needs gradual control.
– SIP increase is necessary.
– Active funds suit your stage.
– Discipline will decide success.
– Time is still on your side.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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